False Floss

PITT TO THE BIG 10

2010-01-30T05:07:00.003-05:00

There are rampant rumors of Pitt to the Big 10. While the Big 10 tough core may not believe it, it's going to happen with a school outside of Notre Lame. When the ACC raided(illegally I might add) the Big East, it set a precedent that possibly will ruin college sports. The ACC gets mad respect in football somehow even though every computer has consistently ranked them behind the Big East for years now.

Amazingly, the Big East has somehow survived...and went 3-3 in BCS games since. The ACC is 1-5, no joke. I shit you not. The Big East has survived, but it has the worst public perception of any conference ever. Clown asses from the MWC and the WAC(k) have been hating since the beginning of the NEW Big East. While the Big East has succeded, it will never get the respect it deserves.

The B10 is at a crossroads. How can they make their conference stronger? If they didn't have a bunch of midwestern cow-fuckers(minus OSU and the whole state of Ohio) they would see that Pitt is the best choice, aside from Notre Lame. Notre Lame will join a conference on a full membership the same time Michael Jordan admits his push off on Byron Russell in Game 6 of the 1998 NBA Finals. It won't happen. So the B10 is down to Cuse, Pitt, and Missouri. Some outsiders like Buttgers and Uconn have a shot, but not really. Cuse has a good coach in place some say, but Greg Robinson was also a good coach at one point. Geographically they make 0 sense, thank god they are pretty strong academically. They also somehow lock up more TV revenue, but it should be a moot point to add Indiana North to the B10.

Missouri has a good fan base coupled with a pretty central location. They will bring in more TV dollars than Pitt, not more than Cuse. However, academically, it is a school that is basically Tier 3 except for very few programs at the school. If anyone from Missouri wants to argue this, I would tell you to look at the US News rankings from about 7 years ago at worst. It's a very average school. Plus athletically, why wouldn't the B10 wouldn't want to add a perennial 5-9 football school and a 7-11 basketball school? Anytime you can add a school like that it makes sense right?

Now the case for Pitt. A top 50 public University that would be in the top half academically in the B10. A school that has one of the highest research endowments of any school in the country, if you believe in the B10's fake ass missions. A school that...in 5 years the Floss guaran-damn-tees will be in the top 3 schools of the B10. It is what it is, and Pitt is ultimately it. Athletically, Pitt to the B11 brings a basketball school that puts the conference next to the ACC every year for the strongest league. It's a fact, not a statement. Football wise, Pitt plays B11 style football already, how hard would it be to finish 4th or better every year...not very. Even with the bias nationally that it is tOSU and Meetchicken every year, Pitt finishes top 6 every year in the league...another fact not a statement. Would Pitt have to steal recruits from tOSU, Meetchicken, and Gay State...yes. We would do it gladly. The recruits might enjoy going to school in a major city versus a cow pasture or whatever they call campus in that fake ass conference.

I talked about this with a very close friend(not you TBrush). His dad is a very very big Nitter who blindly believes in the B10 and all it offers. He also loves every g-d thing that Gay State offers. I asked him about what his dad thought of Pitt to the B10, his exact response, "my dad says Pitt would be a decent fit, but they don't take enough PRIDE in their Olympic sports". You could honestly look for a bigger pussy answer anywhere and you wouldn't find one. Does Pitt give a fuck about Men's Gymnastics or Womens Volleyball....FUCK NO. However, does said father know that Pitt has about 45-50 million(depending on how much John and Gertrude Peterson can shell out) on brand new Olympic facilities? He probably doesn't cause he's too busy looking at the Penn St. hoops schedule looking for that first B10 win(NIT Champs baby!!!!!). Not too mention that Penn St. is a wrestling powerhouse. A really really solid school. Do you know who they wrastled with to a draw this year? PITT. So honestly, if this is a reason for the Nitters, I hope you are happy I just ruined your argument. And if you cite our Olympic sports when you pick Mizzou or Cuse, I will honestly laugh in your face.

A Nitter is probably sitting there sayin', if you are hating on the B10 so much, why do you want the conference this bad? To that I say...because you get respect because of history. While you may never truly ACCEPT the Panthers whoopin' your ass year in and year out, the public will. I want the B10 because I KNOW the Panthers will FUCKIN' DOMINATE YOU.

Since I know the B10 wants another diaper soft squad like Indiana, I'm not getting my hopes up. However, if the B10 and YOU want a challenge, fuckin' bring it. It's on. GAMETIME.

BRO HUNT

2009-12-13T01:00:00.003-05:00

Well, the Floss has had many reality TV show ideas in his day, this one is his new favorite. The Floss has done some serious serious bro-ing out with Dr. Of lately. Like more bro-ing out than when he slept approximately 12 feet from me for 9 months (no homo). Now that Floss has made a serious switch to Bar Floss, life has become more interesting and much much more expensive in this new World. "Bro Hunt" is sort of a spin-off on the popular MTV show "Bromance" however less Hollywood, way way more yinzer. The idea came to me while watching Dr. Of attempt to make friends with anyone and everyone at any bar. Let me break it down for you:

--The show would be set around Pittsburgh, hence the yinzer aspect.

--The main character would be Dr. Of. He would be the focus of the show, however, he would have wing-men/sidekicks/narrarators.

--Bar Floss' recent posse has been that of Dr. Of, Dub Nick, and Blues Traveler. I don't recall Blues Traveler having a nickname, but it plays on his Worldly exploits. He will now be BT from now on.

--The show would be unlike other shows because the cast wouldn't be completely random. The cast would be formed by Dr.Of on nights out around town. He would go into the bar and need to make a choice within an hour. Dr. Of wouldn't be able to interact with them much. Just maybe an informal greeting and a high five. He could make the choice with or without advice from his trusty entourage(Floss, 55, and BT).

--We would pick different styles of bars. Dr. Of's Favorite: "yous know, 'dem local bars witout all da hip and trendy people". We would force him to go hip and trendy, local, yinzer, really yinzer, etc.

--Dr. Of would go to 5 different bars and pick one bro from each location. This would all be done while filming with a hidden camera. Once Dr. Of picks his 5 bro's, the real fun would begin from there.

--Each week would be filmed from a "normal" night of Dr. Of. The new bro would start at the very onset of Dr. Of's drinking day. Lately it has been 3:30ish on a Saturday. They'd start with the first part of any drinking afternoon, the liquor store. This is when Dr. Of begins his judging process. If Bro 1-5 picks out a bottle of gin, he will be dropped like a pass to Limas Sweed. Next would be the buying of the "schma glibs". If Bro 1-5 picks out plain chips, he might be a little to Floss for Dr. Of. Next trip would be the gas station. If Bro 1-5 picks out Marlboro Menthol Lights, Dr.Of would give said bro ZERO respect. Camel Lights, the most bro of all cigarettes would gain instant respect. A side order of some Skoal Mint Pouches would be big tymin' for said bro.

--Next would see Dr. Of at a bar with the bro candidate. The bro candidate would need to adapt quickly to the sitch(situation). An empty bar is prime judging ground for Mr. Of. He can figure out if the bro can figure out if he can make friends in a light environment. Floss has learned one too many times that it is tough to make friends with people in a low social environment. (Just leaked chew spit on myself...GROSS)

--Can this new "bro" slap skin? An absolute necessity for any friend of Dr. Of. Dr. Of needs some sound with his high fives. Dr. Of is the only one able to judge this.

--Can the new "bro" hang with the crew? Dr. Of can drink more than anyone I know(including you COF). The Floss has been bourbon drinkin' and CLite smokin' tough just to be in the presence of Dr. Of.

--Can the new "bro" chill wit da boyz? As gay as that last sentence was, it makes sense. Dr. Of has picked this mantourage of Floss, 55, and BT selectively. If you aren't down with his posse than FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU.

--Can the new "bro" pick up sluts? Floss can't do this. 55 has pretty decent game and can serve up some layups to Dr. Of, BT has little to no game(No offense BT). If the new "bro" has the lady pickin up skill it might be really really valuable in the mantourage. Only he can judge.

Basically, Dr. Of is callin the shots. Can any new "bro" be brought to the mantourage, no one knows(except Dr. Of), but we will find out.

Bro Hunt is coming to a town near you.

I'M NOT SORE.....I KEEPS STRETCHIN

2009-12-11T04:02:00.002-05:00

Never has the Floss called someone out like he's about to. However, I want to call someone out. It's YOU Mike Tomlin. Now the Floss ain't no ordinary Yinzer. The Floss idolizes Coach T. He was my favorite coach in Pittsburgh. Sorry T, but Disco Dan beat you. He watched the Pens struggle and bounced them back quick with 5 of 6. He knows how to manage crisis. You don't. Is the Floss done with you? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Are you the right coach for the Steelers? ABSOLUTELY. The Floss LOVES what you bring this team normally. However, you let them get complacent. It happens. If I'm in your position, I let the vets manage themselves too. You took a baseball approach. Plus you have Bruce Arians. I know he's the favorite scapegoat even when the defense loses games, but honestly can you blame us? The man has never called an efficient gameplan. Literally NEVER. The Floss has no Skoal right now. Everything is more emotional than normal. TCP(The Climax Pool), aka Pitt traitor, brought up to me that Tomlin should bring in HIS Tampa 2 next year. I completely agree. Let Tomlin coach. The Rooney's have LOOSELY, I emphasize LOOSELY, micro managed my man Coach T so far. Coach T had our squad ready to WIN a title last year. You know why? It was cause he knew the expectations. They are HIGH. He should take us places. Coach Tomlin is Ma Dude. Bench Ben the rest of this year. The Steelers are an organization with ZERO moral victories. We want a draft pick. We want to trade up for NKadkadoajomamajamajma Suh. Look for that. Why Tomlin can't get complacent? How many ELITE level QB's happen every decade? About 3, this decade...5 for some unGodly reason....Eli, Brady, Manning, Ben, Brees(no win yet). Rivers, get to a conference title game, you can join. This decade is different. But back to the issue at hand...Tomlin CAN'T LOSE...He CAN'T. The Steelers have a peak Ben for 5 more years IMO. 27 to 32. 5 YEARS. If Tomlin can't win next year, unload the bank. We need a Coach that can get Ben another title. If you don't believe this, you are naive. I hope it is Coach T, dat's ma dude, but if he leads us to a first round exit next year, unload the bank. Honestly, unload the bank. Bring back Dungy or Cowher for a year. It's so ridiculous, make it work. We aren't building something here...IT IS FUCKING HERE. With Ben it is WIN FUCKING NOW.

Editor's Note: I just re-read this. The Floss' first re-read of a post EVER. It made more sense than anything ever.

Please, Please, Please leave comments. I would love to hear any comments on this entry or the Curtain.

THE STRETCH

2009-12-09T14:19:00.002-05:00

Well Saturday was 100% the worst loss I've ever experienced. I don't want to say you could feel it coming, but deep down the Floss didn't see the Panthers making moves when Cinci made the 2 and tied it at 38. However, Pitt drove the field and scored a TD. The failed PAT hurt big time, but in reality the defense needs to make a stop there. I really thought we would get a sack and kill the drive. The Floss knew special teams was an issue going in and boy was it ever. But "The Stretch" which will now be how I refer to the past 5 days, with potential to continue.

THE STRETCH

Friday: The Floss paid 5 dollars to attend Pitt hoops versus New Hampshire. Pitt set a record for fewest points in a half in the shot clock era. We also only scored 47 points vs. New Hampshire. Geeze.

Saturday: Cinci. Plus watched the Pens tie the game in Peter's Pub only to rip my heart out in OT.

Sunday: The Steelers lose to the Raiders by giving up 21 points to Bruce Fucking Gradkowski (Seton LaSalle QB's ruined my life 2 days in a row, think about the odds of that) in 8 and a HALF MINUTES. The final drive had a dropped INT that put the white from Joe Burnett's numbers on the football, a jump ball pass caught by Lew Murphy around 11 Steeler defenders, an unexplicably bad penalty by Ryan Mundy for hitting a defenseless receiver, and another touchdown throw up pass to Mr. Lew Murphy. Lew Murphy, a guy who probably can't crack many teams top 4.

Monday: The Pens throw away a game to a terrible Carolina team at Mellon Arena. Just piling on at this point.

Tuesday: When the Floss really needed the Panthers to step up, they burrowed back underneath the ground. Their offense is absolutely pathetic right now. No point guard, only 2 guys who can create their own shot. We also lost to a team that won 1 game in the B10 last year and that lost to Boston U at home this year.

I swear if the Steelers lose to the Browns Thursday, "The Stretch" might continue. If they lose to the Browns this Thursday, the Floss may never recover.

Meineke Car Care Bowl

Fortunately for the Floss, the Car Care Bowl, while a shitty game, is one that they Floss can and is attending. Very happy to make the drive to Charlotte the night of Christmas. I think this bowl game will be a really fun matchup. I love playing UNC there because they will bring fans and make the stadium very full. We are staying in downtown Charlotte which is a city the Floss has never been to. While it is no Bourbon Street, the Floss is taking a glass half full approach to Charlotte. Any LFOF who have been to Charlotte, suggestions for fun are welcomed. The Floss will be there Saturday and Sunday night.

STEEL COMEBACK

While the Steelers certainly haven't began to unleash hell in December like Coach T wanted, they still have a punchers chance. Their final 4 are certainly all winnable(at Cleveland, Ravens, Packers, at Miami) with their two toughest being at home. Miami should be out of the race in week 17, so I will not expect their best team to show up. The Steelers need either Denver or Jacksonville to lose 2 of their final 4. Denver looks most probable IMHO. They play at Indy this week, where Indy is still looking for the top spot in the AFC, so no backups yet, plus they are still unbeaten. Week 16 they play at Philly, who always comes on strong at the end of the year and will be playing for a playoff spot. Jacksonville is still not that good of a team IMHO. They have a -48 point differential and are 7-5. They actually could lose out and it wouldn't surprise the Floss. They have Miami at home this week, who will be fighting for their playoff lives. Next week Indy comes to town, they hopefully will still be playing for 16-0. Week 16 at NE, definitely a loseable game. Week 17 at Cleveland. Never trust Jack Del Rio or David Garrard in a big spot, unless Ben is tossing 4 picks. The only wild card is the Jets winning out and out tiebreaking us. Their schedule is winnable, @Tampa(minus Sanchise), Atlanta, @Indy(might be over for them), Cincinnati(playing for nothing I'm sure). If the Steelers can win out, they will carry momentum into the post season similar to the '06 season. Even if we don't head back to the Super Bowl, the Floss would love a first round matchup at Cinci. Could you imagine ruining their season again? Well that's what I'm living for now.

BIG EAST CHAMPIONSHIP

2009-12-02T15:35:00.003-05:00

The Big East Champion will be decided around 3:30 PM EST this Saturday Dec. 5th. The last time Pitt won the Big East it was in 2004 with a backdoor tiebreaker. Then Pitt got rolled in the Fiesta Bowl, and axed Walt Harr(ithhhs). This time around it is completely different. We have built a team destined for success in the short term and long term. Pitt can turn their biggest corner with a Championship Saturday. They will be facing a very very good opponent. A beatable opponent, but a legit top 5 team nonetheless. Some questions you may be wondering:

Floss, what happened to your beloved Panthers in the Brawl?

Well, it was a rivalry game. Rivalry games are close a lot of the time especially when they are played at the "team with nothing really relevant to play for's" house. WVU is a very good team, don't let their few close losses fool you. Pitt is better and wins that game at WVU 7 out of the next 10, bank it, but not that day. Fucking Tyler Bittancourt going 4 for 4 and booting them in from every hash was a sight to see. No sour grapes, cause our season still has Championship potential. Adam Gunn said it best when he said, not direct quote, "Coach gives us 24 hours to mourn a loss or 24 hours to celebrate a win".

What about 2nd place?

If we finish in 2nd or 3rd, really I don't care. We are too good of a team to care about a moral victory 2nd or 3rd.

What area are you most concerned about going into the Cinci game?

Special teams. The Floss has 100% confidence in his man Danny "Clutch"ins booting field goals. I am nervous about our lack of punt returning, since Wanny just loves watching Aaron Smith catch the ball rather than take a risk with Killa Cam, but Wanny loves the safe play. I'm more concerned about Mardy Gilyard returning kicks and punts. Our kickoff coverage has been good all year. Wanny loves his directional kicks, but I hate that style. Honestly, doesn't every fan? Who hates watching your team either squib or short kick just to watch the other team start at the 40? I see directional kicking being a part of this game. I don't want Mardy to beat us with a long return, but I also don't want Pike to have a 60 yard field every time our offense scores. Our punt coverage has been suspect, but directional punts are fine. I hope Hutch, who has punted pretty solid all year, can do a few nice 45 yard net out of bounds guys.

What about the scary Cinci passing offense?

I'm not scared if we tackle. We cannot let guys run all over the field on us. We let up a shit ton of yards to ND's WR's, but only 14 points. That is the key. Points. Hold to field goals. It's more about getting to Pike in timely downs. Forcing long 3rd downs and getting off the field on them.

What about Bill Stull's struggles in the Backyard Brawl?

I will not comment on Bill Stull struggling much since he is a big a reason as anyone why the Panthers are 9-2. I will say that the lack of creative playcalling was shocking. Coach Cignetti didn't run screens or draws even with WVU bringing the heat. It will be interesting to see how he adapts to going against a 3-4 alignment.

How many points will the Panthers need?

30+. I truly don't see Cinci scoring less than 28. Their offense is really that good. I know their defense is allowing a measly 19 points a game, but the Panthers offense is averaging over 30. We aren't slouchy Panthers on offense.

Flossin' Prediction?

Well the Panthers will win the TO battle 2-1 with a pick by Aaron Berry and a strip sack by Mick Williams. Dion will have a big 20 carry 140 yard performance. Billy will lead the offense to 37 minutes of possession. Cinci will attempt a late rally capped by a failed onside kick attempt. The Panther crowd will then start the "BCS" chant as Floss drinks Andre under the Victory Lights all night long.

PITT 34
CINCI 29

Look forward to another blog this week hopefully, but never trust promises from a blogger.

GET MONNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY

2009-11-11T11:50:00.005-05:00

For the LFOF that aren't huge Pitt fans like the Floss is, that would be Ced Money. Ced Money was created for Pitt WR Cedric McGee. He is a 5th year senior, a program guy, who scored his first EVER touchdown this past week on a 29 yard WR reverse. He also had a HUGE 2 Point Conversion catch against Uconn to tie the game at 21 in the 4th quarter. Ced Money has been showing up all year and FOF and PnR decided to honor him by creating Ced Money. He is a nephew of Michael Irvin. Career Numbers: 49 catches, 428 yards. 3 carries for 51 yards rushing. 1 TD. Now he has a Floss post in his NAME!!

HIPPIES TERRIBLE MOVES OF THE WEEK

Hippies are constantly being bashed on the Floss and for good reason. Lately they have been protesting to free Islam. They also love to stand outside the front door of classrooms and other establishments smoking cigarettes right as you walk past them. It's so damn annoying. It makes me want to spit chew in their eyes. They also play ultimate frisbee and hack-e-sack. They might as well tongue eachothers balls instead. I hate hippies.

DRINKING GAMES

The Floss loves lists. So here comes a list of his favorite drinking games. Most will be of the outdoor variety because it's still tailgate season plus outside drinking is way better than inside drinking (cave men knew this). So here goes it:

5. Frisbee--For the non hippies out there, frisbee is a fun game with beer drinking involved. It should be played without running or much movement. I don't know if many of you have seen the game Kan Jam. I saw it in Buffalo when tailgating there. It involves trying to hit a small garbage can like thing. It also has a slot to get extra points. I hope that this game takes off. Frisbee or any drinking game for that matter should never be played while running. Kan Jam

4. Flip Cup--While girly, it can be a fun game if girls are involved. It can be played outside. It can also sneakily get you pretty messed up. Don't hate on flip cup like I know many of you will.

3. Beer Pong--Anyone who calls it Beirut isn't American. Possibly the lamest name for a game ever you hippie. Beer Pong would be higher, but outside it's nearly impossible with the wind factored in. Pong also brings out the competition amongst all men. Being good at beer pong earns so much street cred.

2. Ladder Golf/Horse Balls--I'm sure all of you have seen this game. The only problem with this game is that not everyone has it. It's actually rare to see. The rules can vary from player to player, but it's still a very exciting game. Playing this game is really a treat for the Floss. This may be a little too high, but well it sits at #2 for a reason.

1. Corn Hole--The ultimate tailgating/grilling game. It is only played outdoors mainly which makes it pretty boss. The whole set up rules. It involves some awesome creativity with the decorating of the bags and the boards. Pitt or Steeler boards are fantastic looking. It also involves a ton of standing which is great for beer drinking.

NOTRE LAME AT PITT

As Paul Zeise pointed out in the PG today, the biggest game for Pitt this weekend is Friday's showdown at Nippert Stadium between WVU and Cinci. The one game BE championship on Dec. 5th is all that really matters in the grand scheme of things. If Pitt beats ND and fails to land in a BCS game, it really won't make the sting of not playing a BCS game any better. A win over ND would however provide a strong case for the BE as a conference (although with half of your conference in the top 25) you don't need much else. Where Uncle Dave has the Pitt program right now versus where Fat Charlie has his program is much different. Uncle Dave built his program from the beginning for the long term. He rebuilt the lines, changed Pitt's identity, and learned how to compete in the conference. He is 18-5 since the '07 Backyard Brawl. Fat Charlie went to two BCS games early in his tenure, but he has lost all grasps of coaching. He has lost to Navy twice in 3 years and the worst Syracuse team in their entire history ALL at Notre Dame Stadium. Weis said when he got to ND that he would no longer lose to the Pitt's and Purdue's of the College Football World. I hope his players quit on him and Pitt drops a half a hundred on them Saturday. The Flossin' prediction for this game is:

PITT 45
ND 27

PITT/PSU SERIES

I hate to comment much on this series cause it's probably not happening for a long long time. This season could be a small wake up call for the Nitters. A 10-2 season with their best win currently over #58(Sagarin Ranking) Minnesota. Although they do play #51 Michigan St. in their rivalry game to end the year! The scary thing is that they still may get a BCS game. If they finish in the top 14 of the BCS they have a great chance to go. It is because they have a VERY large and passionate fan base and will draw revenue for the game, bowl city, tv, etc. So really, if Penn St. wants a BCS bowl game every year (they do) then WHY would they schedule Pitt? This just gets into the problem with college football seeing as they can still get a BCS game when they clearly aren't deserving. I'm pretty sure any team in the country could lose to their top 2 opponents at HOME if they wanted to. They won't beat anyone this year, but they still will be rewarded. It's not Penn State's fault the schools don't play as much as it's college footballs. There are other great rivalries that aren't made by the conference (Georgia-GT, ND-USC, Florida-Florida St., Clemson-South Carolina, etc.). It would be a dogfight every year, one that would dominate the local and national market. Everyone considers PA a top 5 state as far as high school football, so ESPN would eat up the "these kids played each other in high school now in college" angle. It would help keep top WPIAL and state talent in state. Maybe not in the interim, but if the game played for a long series, kids would be forced to pick sides. They would then have more of an affiliation with whichever school they picked (PSU or Pitt). Another issue is PSU needing 7 home games. They can easily fill 7 home games every year even with playing at Pitt every other year. If this was such a huge issue then maybe arrange a series where it is 4-4 over 10 or 11 years with off years to fill the extra home games. The reason the series must be more than a 1-1 is due strictly to what would happen after a 1-1. Hypothetically, if PSU goes 2-0 against Pitt in those 2 games, they would never play us again because they got what they wanted. All they want from it is some bragging rights. If it goes 1-1, the fans will clamor for more leading to the need for a series extension. If Pitt went 2-0 in the series, Penn St. would never play us again because they wouldn't be able to handle the smack talk coming from Pitt fans. They would want it to be forgotten and stick to playing the cupcakes they currently are playing. But in a year when Penn St. will have no solid win to latch onto, wouldn't they love to have a win over Pitt to at least take something from the 2009 season?

WINNERS AND HOPEFULLY FEW LOSERS

2009-10-30T14:05:00.003-04:00

After the 3-7 miserable week last week, the Floss is preparing for a near perfect weekend. This week I'll give explanations for my picks since I want to keep the readers happy and I'm having writer's block.

College

USF (+3) OVER WVU

This could be my favorite pick of the week. USF is not nearly as bad as they played versus Pitt. They were hanging with Cinci through halftime. One big play killed the game for them. West Virginia really hasn't been tested outside of last week's weird (considering the circumstances) win over a less prepared UConn. South Florida isn't losing 3 in a row.

Rutgers (+7) OVER UConn

RU is actually a pretty good football team. They have a defense that is pretty stout plus a legit playmaker in Mohamed Sanu. Both teams attempt to control the ball. I never like betting on a team I don't think will win with a low spread like 7, but I just feel a 17-14 game here. Take the points.

Indiana (+17.5) OVER Iowa

Iowa hasn't blown a team out all year except Iowa St. They just lost Adam Robinson for the year. While Brandon Wegher is a beast, I don't know if he can carry the offense for Iowa. Iowa's last two road B10 games were 3 and 1 point losses. Research.

USC (-3) OVER Oregon

Probably my least confident game. Or at least 2nd to the next game. Pete Carroll has turned around the Trojan Horse. Plus all I keep hearing is about Autzen stadium being the hardest in the country to play in. Everyone and their mother loves the Ducks this weekend. The Floss isn't everyone or your mother.

Georgia (+14.5) OVER Florida

Just too many points in a rivalry game. Georgia is pretty bad though. This was just a pick to get to 5 college games. Clearly a winner if I'm not this confident.

Pro

Packers (-3) OVER The Favres

If you believe in a higher being or at least the sports gods, you know what I'm saying here. The people of Green Bay treated Favre like a God for years, now this. The sports gods will win out.

Panthers (+10) OVER Cardinals

The Cards are riding high after last week. Jake Delhomme can do it baby. Never back Jake Delhomme should be a slogan. Hopefully last years playoff thrashing will keep the Panthers focused.

Falcons (+10.5) OVER Saints

The Saints won't beat the Falcons by this many. The Saints are due for a let down game. This is a winner. A winner.

Bills (+3.5) OVER Texans

The Floss still doesn't buy into the Texans. The Bills actually are putting together a decent season. Call it a gut feeling. I like home dogs when they aren't one of the 8 worst teams in the league (Titans, Browns, Lions, Raiders, Skins, Tampa, Chiefs, Rams).

Dolphins (+3.5) OVER Jets

The Floss absolutely loves the Wildcat. I also love Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams. I don't buy into Franchez or whatever his new name is. Mark Sanchez screams Tony Romo to me. He will be an average QB for his entire career, get way too much hype, and never win a big game.

THEY'RE COMING, THE ALIENS...THEY'RE COMING

2009-10-28T11:36:00.002-04:00

In case you haven't heard, they are coming. Do you know where the aliens are coming from? Not Dr. Of's backyard. They are coming from the NBA. The NBA? Yep. The new power couple in America: KhLodom. Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom will produce a child at some point. The only question is, will it be an alien? The Floss doesn't believe in paranormal life at all, but really if it exists it will come from these two. The alien spawn will be conceived and birthed at Staples Center, which ironically looks like a UFO. The best part about this baby is that Ron Artest and Kim Kardashian could be the god parents. Like this script was written by a Hollywood director right?

Apology on the 3-7

The Floss picks didn't hit this weekend. However, the Floss did end up switching the Cardinals and Eagles and won some money. Sorry to anyone who legitimately backed the Floss picks. They will be back on Friday of this week. There are some ones that I like a good bit.

Baseball

Phillies in 7. Call it a hunch. I'm strongly backing the Yankees, but I just see a choke job for some reason.

Underrated Lunch of the Day

2 Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches, pack of cheese crackers, and a glass of ginger ale. If I had oreo's this day would rule.

Halloween

Since this weekend is Halloween, the Floss needs a costume. I would love suggestions from any of the LFOF. Little list to close it out. Top 5 Candies to collect door to door (obviously sizes can't be taken into question, cause full size anything was the bomb):

5. Tootsie Rolls--Probably the only time I would eat them all year.
4. Ring Pops--They were awesome. Everyone loves ring pops.
3. Kit Kat Bars--Just Cause.
2. Caramello--Such an underrated candy bar. A Floss fav.
1. Reese's Cups--The best chocolate bar in the entire world.

HOMECOMING

2009-10-22T14:43:00.003-04:00

First off, thanks for the patience. The Floss just finished a 6 page paper on Japanese economy in the late 19th century. Adjusting my writing style for school work was difficult, but when you've ate 2 Little Joe's, anything is POSSSSSSSSIBBBBLLLLLEEEEE(KG reference). Now onto some chatter....

HOMECOMING THOUGHTS

The Floss is 1-2 in Homecoming games in his student career here. SIDENOTE: This is also the ugliest crop of Queen candidates ever. Seriously, there are colleges with less than 1000 students who could string 8 prettier girls together. 2006 and 2008 were crap the bed vs. Rutgers games. 2007 was the upset against Cincinnati. This years game is bigger than the Floss can even make it. It's finally getting to the point in the Wanny era where every game is a HUGE game. We aren't playing for moral victories any more. Pitt is about to join the big boys. Some of the B11 readers out there might laugh at the fact that Pitt considered road wins at Louisville and Rutgers quality wins. However, the road is always tough in college football. See Seattle and West Lafayette. Not too mention, Pitt lost to an embarassingly bad NC St. team in Raleigh this year. It is hard to win on the road. Pitt is back in the top 20, ranked 19th and 20th. If they can win against USF(a quality, but very beatable opponent), the Floss calculates Pitt has a Greg Romeus (91%) chance at remaining in the top 20 until Nov. 14th when the Irish come to town. Pitt could even be in the top 15 by then. ND should win out until that date, which could lead to GAMEDAY in Pittsburgh. Being in the top 25 keeps your team on the bottom line all week, sways recruits, yada yada. This WIN is a MUST. This WIN WILL HAPPEN.

STEEL CITY DRINKING TEAM

Jeff Reed's latest incident is an embarassment, blah blah blah. Only in Pittsburgh is this really a big deal. So what, he got in a cops face. He deserves to be bigger than the law in Pittsburgh, it's rules. I'm more worried about the loss he brought us in Chicago. Matt Spaeth, peeing in public in the North Shore, I'm on board. If Heath wasn't having a career year, you'd be my favorite Steeler. You are at least ahead of David Johnson. On the real though, expect a big statement this week by the Steel Curtain. Minnesota is begging to lose football games at this point. Bret Favre is making way way too many plays. AD is banged up. Parker and Mendenhall are both running well. Ben looks real nice right now. Steelers in a rout this week: 34-14.

GAMBLING

After the Floss hit his CFB GOY last week with Cincinnati, he missed a big play on the Bolts Monday. So play what you want, fade what you want. I'll throw 5 CFB games (mostly top 25 and TV games) and 5 NFL games (always SNF and MNF) per week. Never the Steelers or Panthers. Confidence Levels next to them, scale of 1 to 10.

COLLEGE

Fla St. (+2.5) OVER at North Carolina 5
Wash (+10) OVER Oregon 8
Iowa (Pick) OVER at Mich St. 7
Notre Dame (-7.5) OVER BC 8
Kansas (+7.5) OVER Oklahoma 6

NFL

Giants (-7) OVER Cardinals 7
Redskins (+7) OVER Eagles 3
Colts (-13.5) OVER at Rams 5
Raiders (+6.5) OVER Jets 5
Dolphins (+6.5) OVER Saints 9

THE AFTERMATH

2009-10-14T12:23:00.002-04:00

The Floss learned a lot about hangovers in the aftermath of the battle vs. the Big Joe burgers...FOOD HANGOVERS. I have had some drinking ones in my day and a few of the Food Hangovers, so here are some of the levels of food hangovers, now promptly referred to as FANGOVERS.

CHINESE BUFFET

The Floss loves himself some chinese buffets. The fact that I'm never ballsy enough to get out of the control of the powerful General Tso or his favorite side dish beef lo mein makes buffets great. You can learn all about pepper steak, sweet and sour chicken, and spring rolls. The problem is that you just eat soooooo much. Normally topped off with some varying ridiculous chinese dessert(see Chinese doughnuts). The aftermath of the Chinese Fangover is not fun because your stomach doesn't really hurt too too bad. Probably because all of the food is a fake fill. A fake fill describes how you can eat so much, but still be hungry in t minus 2 hours. However, the porcelain god feels the aftermath of this Fangover. <4>4 you're at the Golden Palace in Oakland.

COLLEGE BUFFET

Everyone has been to a college buffet. The rumor is that they put laxative in all of the food so you get rid of it the natural way before you vomit it up like a shot of warm Black Velvet on a kitchen counter. The Floss doesn't believe in the laxative myth, but last night I had a different reaction to the college buffet. I ate a pretty decent amount of food, but nothing out of the ordinary. When I got home it was literally straight to bed. I just passed out for 2.5 hours from 8:45 to 11:15 PM. It was so weird. The symptoms of the college buffet Fangover are pretty hit or miss. Who knows what your getting (kind of like the Steelers in the 4th quarter)?

STEAKHOUSE

The steakhouse fangover is a stomach sickness that no one should feel. If you're doin it the right way, you are going to Texas Roadhouse. The Floss loves himself some TRH. You start by waiting with about 1 LB of peanuts, then move onto about 4 to 17 rolls with Ben Godlisberger's duck butter on it (yeah I said it). Then usually a bowl of chili followed by a 12 to 16 oz steak with the bacon and cheese topping plus a sweet potato. Literally, I have been incapacitated and unable to drive home from the Roadhouse. The stomach takes a while to come back to Earth after a steakhouse trip.

BIG JOE FANGOVER

This was an unprecedented hangover for the Floss. Literally, moving became way more difficult than after any amount of alcohol. After couching it for about 4 hours, I finally had to make some bathroom trips. It was a lot of bathroom trips for one day. Describing the amount of weight in my stomach is literally impossible. It was unlike any feeling I've ever felt.

Live Update: 12:43, OA(Oakland Arsonist) is watching Aladdin and asked the Floss what he would wish for?

11-1 and the Sugar Bowl.

Hail

DAVID VS. GOLIATH

2009-10-09T14:40:00.001-04:00

Thanks to FOF for transcribing today's events...

Well, this is the event we have all been waiting for…

David vs. Goliath, Floss vs. 2 lb. burgers and an order of fries

The burgers are enormous, much bigger than I had anticpated. The competition will start at 2:03 PM and Floss will have until 2:43 to finish.

2:00 Floss is pacing back and forth across his living room

2:01 Floss takes a pre-meal pee

2:03 and we are off, Floss goes right into it, almost like he’s done this before in his dreams. He decided to attack the first burger head on, ignoring the fries. I like this strategy for Floss, he’s getting the mountains of meat out of the way right off the bat.

2:05 I’m not sure if Floss realizes he has 40 minutes, he is taking it to the burger right now. At this point in the contest, It doesn’t look like the burgers stand a chance. This man is focused, he’s on a mission to do the unthinkable.

2:06 Floss goes after his first French fry. ONE BURGER DOWN. Wow, this could get ugly for the 2^nd burger.

2:07 The preparation of the 2^nd burger begins (with addition of BBQ sauce) while he takes on a few more fries.

2:08 2^nd burger is underway. This looks like it could be and Ohio State BCS game performance for the burgers.

2:09 The great preparation and game planning by Floss seems to be paying dividends here in the first quarter (first 10 minutes) of this contest.

2:10 Floss is slowing down a bit, almost as if he knows he has this game won. He is now complaining about the cooking of Big Joe on the 2^nd burger; it is too well-done for Floss.

2:11 Floss goes after more fries, the 2^nd burger is 1/3 complete. Half of the fries have been downed by the big man.

2:12 Floss takes apart the 2^nd burger and is eating it in sections. He seems to be taking a page of the Joey Chestnut playbook here folks, we’ll see how this strategy pays off for him.

2:13 An admission from Floss that he is beginning to feel the effects of mountain of meat.

2:14 Another complaint that the burger is burned, more on this later but it looks as if Floss is preparing a potential excuse if he doesn’t pull through and finish.

2:15 Heavy breathing from Floss and a few coughs.

2:16 A solid break from the action here, Floss is drinking some water and taking in some TV

2:17 He claims he isn’t that full, but he believes his major stumbling block moving forward is that he feels fatigued; there has been a lot of action for this man’s jaw today folks.

2:18 “I’m just thinking about the can of Skoal at the end of the tunnel.” – Ryan Floss. I’m pretty sure he just won over the entire American population with that quote, or at least he won me over.

2:19 A few more fries are gone. This contest has approached a slow crawl at this point. There is a quarter of the final burger remaining and about 20 fries.

2:20 More fries for Floss, that seems to be his strategy here in the 2^nd quarter.

2:21 A little burger action, every bite counts at this stage of the game.

2:22 There isn’t much left for Floss to take in at this point, but he seems content taking his time.

2:23 It is halftime folks. There is only a few bites left and Floss is upbeat.

2:25 Floss is back at it after what seemed to be his halftime break of a minute.

2:27 Not a lot of focus in this room, Floss is engaging in conversation and doesn’t seem to be too interested in the limited amount of food left in front of him.

2:28 A couple more bites from Floss

2:29 “This is so frustrating” – Ryan Floss. Maybe the food is getting to him. He is beginning to psych himself out. I can’t say that I am surprised by this, this is classic Floss.

2:30 Some slow bites from Floss, there is only 5 bites total (burger and fries) left.

2:31 Another break for Floss.

2:32 A solid burp, and he is back at it. A couple more fries down. 3 bites left.

2:33 3^rd quarter is over, 3 bites still remain. 10 minutes left.

2:34 The 2^nd burger is finished! 2 fries remain.

2:35 Floss takes down the last 2 fries at once to finish off this epic battle between Floss and the Mountain of Meat.

It took 32 minutes, and Floss came out victorious. Stay tuned for post-game comments from the Champ himself.

15.50 out of COF's bank account. FUCK YES.

IT'S ON

2009-10-08T12:56:00.002-04:00

The Floss is ready. The eating challenge will occur. If any of you are questioning what the Floss has been eating this week in preparation, it is none other than burgers. Since I had 4 1/3LB burgers at my disposal, the Floss ate 4 over the past three days. No way the Floss will get burger-ed out. Tonight's dinner is going to be a chicken breast and some leftover Mac N' Cheese. Not exactly fasting. Focus is really the only thing that could get in the Floss' way tomorrow.

The Details

2 PM approx start time, TV could get into the way, so maybe like 2:08
2 1LB Little Joe Burgers w/tomatoes, onions, and BBQ sauce
1 Order of French Fries
Unlimited Beverages
Unlimited Condiments (Ketchup, BBQ, Hot Sauce)
40 Min Time Limit

The time limit was comprised of some easy math:
Steelers Points(38) + Dorin Dickerson(2)
John Malecki(74) - Ray Graham(34)
13 Tyler Palko's(3*13) + Larry Fitzgerald (1)
1/2 Nate Byham(1/2 * 80)
Dan Mason(40)

Really it is just a great number.

TRIVIA QUESTION

This is a new segment. I will try to make a question that is pretty difficult and related to the week's Floss. I know all of you are smart readers, and I trust your Googling skills, so please just guesstimate. The winner each week can ask a question to the Floss that he will answer provided that it is a question that can be answered in less than 5 or 6 sentences.

How many more calories are in a McDonald's Big Mac than in one serving of a piece of KFC Grilled Chicken?

WHAT UP PITTSBURGH!

2009-04-23T09:54:00.007-04:00

Before I embark on my comeback Floss, I would just like to say I am happy with all of the fan support wanting the return. That being said, please do not comment negatively about how long its been. Don't live in the past people. Here we go...please read all of the post cause the Floss knows everyone will enjoy the last part.

WHAT I'M FEELIN'
Biwwie(Billy) da kid Stull. 5th in the nation in passer efficiency. There isn't a person around who saw this coming. Not even Biwwie himself probably expected 11 TD's to 1 INT, plus a rushing TD. Coming in at 52 and 53 on the list Terrelle Pryor and Daryll Clark respectively. Who's the real Heisman contender?

WHAT I'M NOT FEELIN'
This disgusting cold the Floss has. Really it sucks because I'm not sick enough to justify skipping class and going to Student Health. I mainly avoid Student Health at all costs cause it's no fun to be overweight, chew 3 cans a week, and drink 4 nights a week most weeks. No one likes that let down. Just let the Floss get the fuckin' swine baby.

WHAT I'M FEELIN'
Big Joe's Pizzeria and Deli. None of yinz or y'all know much about this gem of an establishment that has been in Oakland since only July. A brief rundown, they sell 1 pound burgers, 24 inch hoagies, and the Panther Pie(Pepperoni, Sausage, Ham, Capicolla, Bacon, Salami, Mozzerella, Provolone). Talk about schmeaty and cheesy. Not too mention I met Big Joe, he truly is a Big Joe. Anybody with a menu as stacked as his should be a fat guy. ALWAYS trust a fat guy serving your food.

WHAT I'M NOT FEELIN'
Hippies. The G-20 really brought some terrible people into da Burgh da Burgh da Burgh and also to Oakland. Really, hippies are the worst people no doubt. Forget race, ethnicity, gender, religion, etc. I don't care, hippies are the worst. They wear old, tattered clothes. They smell like grundle mix with porta potty. They have long, grimy, sometimes braided hair. They act like they are poor and the economy is screwing them, yet they have 96 piercings and are covered in tattoos. All things that cost money. Worst people.

WHAT I'M FEELIN'
Ben Roethlisberger. He looks good this year, like really good. He won't win the MVP or probably go to the Pro Bowl, but expecting another ring is not out of the question. Plus last night, he became a member of Degeneration X. No quarterback holds that record.

WHAT I'M NOT FEELIN'
My North Carolina suit. A distant cousin of the yinzer suit, the Carolina suit the
Floss wore while visiting COF in Greensboro consisted of jeans, a tucked in white t, and a Jim Beam baseball hat. Little did I know, we went to legitimate bars where most people were in the college aged crowd and were not hicks at all. Epic Fail.

WHAT I'M FEELIN'--QUICK HITTERS
-Southern Hospitality
-Rashard Mendenhall and Mike Wallace
-Strippers
-Everything about football season
-The 2 A's I got back yesterday
-The breast cancer awareness hats in the NFL
-A return Floss

WHAT I'M NOT FEELIN'--QUICK HITTERS
-Bret Favre's success, disgusting
-Limas Sweed
-The SEC bias
-Jon Gruden as a MNF analyst minus the Pitt plug

*********EATING CHALLENGE

The Floss has scheduled an eating challenge for himself this Friday at approx. 1PM. Back to Big Joe's and his Little Joe burger. I ate one this past Friday with an order of fries. It is a legit 1 LB burger, literally no fat runs off. It was unbelievably great tasting. This Friday the Floss will be embarking on a mission to eat 2 of them. The burgers will contain cheese, onions, tomatoes, and BBQ sauce. Before anyone asks for a change of time or date, let me just say that this time was specifically chosen to keep the Floss from drinking on Thursday(money's tight) and keeping Friday open as a drinking evening, since the burgers should digest by about 7 or 8. I would love any LFOF(Loyal Followers of the Floss) who reside in Oakland to attempt to attend the event. Some potential rule items, how many minutes? Right now I'm between 32(number of oz of meat) and 60 minutes(even hour) for time. Should the Floss be forced to eat an order of fries as well? Unlimited drinks during or restricted amount of water? Look for a Friday afternoon post to summarize the event. Leave comments. Thank You.

ENDING IT RIGHT NOW

2009-04-16T23:31:00.003-04:00

When the Floss started this blog it was a mere effort to rival the TruthBrush blog run by two of the Floss' favorite people, JahBanni(Truth Brush) or whatever he is known to you and Aimin' for Failure. It was set up to poke fun at them as well as the Floss. The FalseFloss was created for an orginal core group of LFOF(Loyal Followers of the Floss). As the Floss has grown, as has the number of LFOF. Many of the new LFOF(Mr. Shenanigans and Jesus Stanecsworth in particular, also Dub Nick) are great people who provide great commentary and insightful comments about whatever topics were addressed in the Floss.

This is the 99th post in the history of the FalseFloss. The comments section on the FalseFloss started out with about an average of maybe 2 to 3 comments per blog. Nowadays, we hit 10+ with most posts. I used to be happy about reaching 10+ comments, but it has gotten out of control. Every post has turned into a pissing match between the MC(Mad Commenter) and his weekly target(s). Truthfully, you have had about 4 funny jokes EVER. Calling you out probably will only add fuel to your fire, but I don't care because this is just getting out of hand.

Honestly, the FalseFloss is done with your bullshit. It's fucking over you piece of shit Internet tough guy. I used to be worried that the MC was a LFOF in disguise, but after the last comment in "Beard Season" I realized that you couldn't possibly be a LFOF. No one that the Floss converses with will EVER challenge the meaning of sports in today's society.

Am I a sad person because in the morning instead of watching any local or national news in the morning, I tune into Mike and Mike and listen about sports? No I'm not. Is it sad that the 3rd and 4th websites I visit each day are Pantherlair.com and Pantherdigest.com? Actually that might be sad, but it's because that DOES matter to me more than all of the other bullshit in this country. Seriously, am I supposed to wake up and care about the current political issues? Try and make a compelling argument that any of that matters more than sports. So what if I care about what 30 college players the Steelers bring to their SouthSide facilities more than who wins a local state representative election. Do I take sports to seriously? ABSOLUTELY. I will be the first to admit that sports for me turn emotional way too much when they are meant to be entertainment. However, they do mean a HELL of a lot to me. When the Steelers won the SuperBowl did it change my life in any significant way? Probably not, but I will always remember the day we took home number 6. The same way Mr. Shenanigans will remember seeing his first title in Philly's history. Not too mention these are happy moments that we will remember throughout our lives. Sports are the good memories people remember, sadly they can be cloudied by some of the sadder things that will be remembered like the shooting of the 3 Pittsburgh Police Officers. I want to tell my kids some day about Larry Fitzgerald almost ruining the Super Bowl for me, but Ben Roethlisberger leading one of the best drives EVER to win the game. Just like Mr. S will tell his kids about seeing Brad Lidge strikeout the last batter for the DRays(sure he knows the name) and the legendary call from Harry Kalas. These are the things that last on forever and ever. The way it should be.

After saying all of this, I don't even care what comments you can make. The Floss has just discovered that since the blog is essentially mine that I have all rights to delete comments made by anyone for any reason. So I would just like to let you know that your comments will not be had on the Floss any more. As the FalseFloss carries itself into and beyond the Century Mark post, we will be doing it without the MC to provide his miserable and awful commentary.

Thank You LFOF for all of your commentary over the 99 posts. Please make comments about what you would like to see in the 100th post.

WV: DoucheBag

I am glad the False Floss will continue without the comments of the MC, boy was he a DOUCHEBAG.

P.S. Not actually my Word V

BEARD SEASON

2009-04-14T20:29:00.004-04:00

Quietly the Floss has been following the Pens this year. No love in the blog since many fans prefer the non sports posts, and the Pitt Panthers basketball run deserved all of the sports talk. Now after the best postseason(NCAA tourney), we get the second best post season, the hockey playoffs. Reasons I like the hockey playoffs more than any other playoffs:
--Number of games. With 7 game series, you are guaranteed to get to see your favorite team in at least 4 games.
--Playoff Beards. I love playoff beards in any sport.
--Short Layoffs. In the NBA, they have 3 day layoffs a lot which makes you forget about the games. It also loses the emotional connection. A day between games leads to that emotional hatred you get for the opponents.
--Hockey. It's nearly impossible to follow the hockey season due to lack of national coverage. During the playoffs, you can actually get into the playoffs. For the Floss watching other hockey teams play only once a year is pretty special.

ON TO THE FLYERS...

The hatred for the Flyers hasn't left anyone on this team or anyone in the city of Pittsburgh. This series is different than last years series in many ways. The Flyers are coming in struggling this year versus last year when they were on fire. The Pens come in this year with experience, but maybe a less talented team. The Floss was pissed when Malone left town this offseason, but has Chris Kunitz replaced him? I actually think he might be better than Malone. He is faster on skates than Malone, and he also attacks the net as much as Malone did. Kunitz has replaced him. Bill Guerin is no Marian Hossa, but he has been playing well. Plus since he wasn't really trying hard playing for the worst team in hockey, his legs should be fresh for the playoffs. I can't tell you if this year or last year's Crosby is better, but he is still Sidney Crosby. Malkin IS better than last year and he has 2 years of playoff experience under his belt which will help. Plus his line this year is probably better with Fedotenko over either Malone or Talbot last year. The Pens are also deeper this year lines 1-4. Jordan Staal had his best season and also will be in his 3rd year of playoff hockey. The same can be said for Tyler Kennedy playing his best year. The 4th line has Talbot and Dupuis on it, who were both top 2 line guys for playoff games last year. Everything looks stronger this year. On defense, we have a fresh Gonchar who hasn't played the full grind due to his injury. Kris Letang will also be playing this year, and he has also had a great year.

I think just like last year that the Pens are the only team that can beat themselves in the Eastern Conference. The only thing that scares the Floss is the lack of home ice. As for a prediction...PENS IN 5

HOOTERS

2009-04-10T16:09:00.002-04:00

CINC had the idea for this blog today and it literally caught me as a fun topic. Does the Floss like Hooters, you may ask? Heck Yes. However, you truly can overdue Hooters. Some rules for Hooters:

1. Always and I stress always tip >20%. The Hooters tip scale starts at 20% and can only go up.

2. Don't go more than once a month. If you become a regular at a Hooters, it isn't a good thing.

3. Don't go during an important sporting event or one that could potentially become stressful. I watched the end of the 2OT loss for the Pitt hoops team to Oklahoma St. about 4 years ago in a Hooters. Straight miserable cause everyone else there is having a good time, hooting and hollering just enjoying life while your trying not to kill someone.

One of the great things about Hooters is that it literally changed a clothing outfit. No girl will ever wear short orange shorts and a white tank top together because of the perception. It's just a cool thing, kinda like the McDonalds arches. The outfit also makes a great Halloween costume for women. It also puts all of the waitresses on a completely level playing field. Sometimes girls can look hotter by using slutty gear to decieve men. However, with the standard outfits you can pick out which girl is the hottest. It's also a complete necessity that every time you go to Hooters that you pick your favorite waitress and least favorite.

What about the food at Hooters? Really it's not that good. The wings are breaded way too much. However, I know for a fact that CINC likes to order them naked which still produces a pretty good chuckle from a still very immature Floss. The sandwiches don't come with fries so you need to pay extra although they do have Waffle fries. Rule of thumb, things shaped like waffles are always good. The food at Hooters is about a 5 out of 10, but obviously the atmosphere makes up for it.

Eating at Hooters also makes for a lot of great chuckles due to the awkwardness of having the Hooters girl flirt with you the whole time. The Floss' favorite instance was when a dining companion of his pointed out to the Hooters waitress that sometimes "it's hard to get the white stuff out" when trying to open his cup of ranch dressing.

Celebrities? Please one time in Altoona, my Hooters waitress was Sean Burnett's girlfriend. Yeah that Sean Burnett, a lefty specialist in the Majors. Yeah that's right.

Kids? Yes kids are definitely allowed in Hooters. I actually think a responsible father takes their son to Hooters in or around their 13th birthday with no Mom in sight. Actually scratch that, maybe this is a job for a cool uncle. UD will definitely be my choice of uncle to take my son to Hooters. I am fully convinced that this is the reason that DDP(L) is the man he is today.

Would I let my daughter work there? Yes. One of every man's worst nightmares is having a daughter. The crazy thing is that I would let mine work at Hooters. I bet they make 40,000+ a year with no education. That would be the stipulation, my daughter would have to not made it into college or dropped out.

I think this about covers every angle that you could take at Hooters. As always I appreciate your comments.

-Floss

SEASONS OF SLUT

2009-04-01T23:33:00.005-04:00

Can't believe the reviews the last blog got. Honestly one of my favorite blogs of all time. One reader who didn't comment did send a TM(text message for our older readers) saying it was his favorite as well. Someone asking whats going on in the watermelon dome of mine, well that's where the "Seasons of Slut" comes in. I pryed through the all the annoying knowledge I have in my brain, all the bullshit statistics swirling around, and all of the dreams of Denny's Beer Barrel Pub and the Tour de Court(saw that Lance might be out for the real Tour de France, reminded me about how the real tour should happen around the same time, plus the summer opens up free time) to come up with the "Seasons of Slut".

I came up with the "Seasons of Slut" because of the Floss' icon Bill Simmons bringing up halter top day, which occurs in April around the start of spring. Since no one in the Floss' age bracket actually uses the word halter top I thought I would put into plain English or Floss-isms the "Seasons of Slut". There are 4 seasons in a year, but 6 "Seasons of Slut".

PRIME SEASON: Prime season is the summer months June through August. June through August rule. Anywhere in the continental US you can catch girls in bikinis and outfits that barely cover themselves. In prime season, there is really nothing to complain about.

NORTHFACE SEASON: Once the NorthFace Jackets start coming out, it gets scary. You know that Prime Season is over. The Floss still likes NorthFace season. It has been said before that sweatpants and Uggz boots are a great look for girls which is why NorthFace season is still okay. It's scary that during this season, all you can really look at are girls butts in jeans. Since the Floss is a big fan of the "booty", this isn't all that bad, but still it eventually gets old looking at girls in jeans and hoodies/jackets. Falling perfectly in the middle of NorthFace Season is Halloween which could have been a season all in itself.

HIBERNATION SEASON: Living in a college town for almost 3 years now, I learned that, Yes good looking girls do indeed go away for the winter. In winter, you just pray for the semi warm(30-35 degrees) days when girls look mildly attractive. Literally, if Christmas wasn't in the middle of Hibernation Season men all over would have nothing to look forward too.

STEELER SEASON: Steeler Season obviously overlaps all of the seasons, but it generally falls in January and February when the Steeler playoff runs are occuring. The Floss wants proclaimed that girls in Steeler jerseys are an automatic add of 3 points on the 1-10 hotness scale (which for the Floss runs to about 14). The Floss will be amending this rule very very soon. We are going to start factoring in the players that the girl is wearing for the point addiction. Any girl can wear a Ben, Troy, Jerome, or Hines jersey, they are one pointers. A Santonio Holmes, James Harrison, Farrior, Willie Parker, or Heath Miller, they are two pointers. Ike Taylor is 2.4 points cause you know da bitch got swag. Rashard Mendenhall, Woodley, Timmons, and any other current Steeler are 3 pointers. Tommy Maddox is (Negative 1,000,000). The Steeler jerseys help fill in some awful time towards the end of Hibernation Season.

MYSTERY SEASON: Let's face it late February to the near end of March is a mystery. You seriously have no clue what you could possibly get. Literally you can get some really nice days where girls can go all out, but you can get days where girls might get scared and will go back into hibernation. Truthfully you can't link Mystery Season with any other season due to the crazy weather patterns. However, mid March is tourney time so you don't leave your house. March Madness. Think about it.

WELCOME BACK SEASON: Welcome Back Season is just that. It's time to welcome back those who left us in the winter. Welcome Back Season is from about April to May. Depending on the weather Welcome Back Season can start later or end early. Welcome Back Season is all about the Sluts finding their look so they can be in tip top shape for prime season. Kind of like spring training and the early months in baseball. Just getting ready for the summer months when the real season begins. The bad weather days do bring out the awful look of rain boots and umbrellas. Umbrellas make girls ten times uglier, it's just a fact.

So, LFOF(Loyal Followers of Floss), prepare yourself to Welcome Back the Sluts.

BAD TASTE IN MY MOUTH

2009-03-31T13:53:00.003-04:00

After waking up on Monday morning and watching Scottie Reynolds dribble drive layup against the Pitt Panthers literally 4 times in less than an hour. This doesn't seem that amazing except none of these views were on YouTube. This weekend left me with a bad taste in my mouth much like some of the great sports losses the Floss has suffered through the years. When reading this remember that the Floss' sports life hasn't been all that bad. I have seen two Super Bowl victories which is the ultimate championship, not too mention the Pens and some other cool wins throughout including but not limited to the Franklin Regional Football State Championship season in 2005 or the MOS Eagles GCYO Championship in 2006. Some assumptions you must consider while reading:

-Sports fanhood started in '95-96 with that first Super Bowl loss when the Floss was 7, anything prior to 7 years old is not remembered.
-Pecking order of teams ages 7 through 16: 1. Steelers, 2. Steelers, 3. Steelers, 4. Pitt Hoops, 5. Pitt Football, 6. Pirates, 7. Penguins
-The point of this is to show that a lot more emotion rode with the Steelers back in the day. The Pens were really never high on the Floss' radar.
-Pecking order of teams age 16--Present: 1. Pitt Football, 2. Steelers, 3. Pitt Basketball, 4. Penguins, 5. Pirates
-Hard to keep Pitt hoops at 3 after this awesome season, but it is the truth. Pitt football rides very high nowadays.
-The Pirates will not appear on this list once due to the fact that in my fan lifetime they haven't had a meaningful loss.

Onto the Losses:

Honorable Mention: Yancey Thigpen Gives Packers Gift: This game is kind of interesting and maybe none of you remember it, but the Floss has distinct memories of it. With 11 seconds left on Christmas Eve in 1995, Yancey Thigpen blatantly drops a touchdown pass on 4th and goal. The Floss watched this game at his grandparents house. The waterworks started shortly after the game and continued for 45 minutes on the trek to church on Christmas Eve all the while being berated by the UFO(Uncle of Floss, sounds cooler than UOF). While researching the game, I found out that the Steelers had clinched a bye and the AFC Central Division title already and that the game meant jack shit.

Honorable Mention 2: 2006 Big East Championship Loss to Syracuse: Gerry McNamara is one of the Floss' least favorite Big East players ever. He single handedly took Cuse to the Big East Championship game that year. Then he laid an egg against Pitt in the title game, but Pitt couldn't muscle through. Black Magic and Aaron Gray couldn't bring this one home. This game led the Floss to punch a hole in the wall along the stairs leading down to his basement. A bloody hand and a screaming Mother of Floss (more on MOF later) put the exclamation point on this loss. Funny that the Floss covered the hole up with an autographed picture of Carl Krauser he bought off eBay. O the irony.

10. Miami--Pitt 2003: I don't know why the Floss went into this game with such high hopes, but he did. This was to go to the Orange Bowl. Why the Floss trusted in that years Pitt team is beyond me? They had a loss to Toledo on the resume plus a 52-31 shellacking to West Virginia in the teams previous game. It was Larry Fitz's last game at Heinz Field. It just had a magical atmosphere. I remember walking up the rotunda with the loudest "Let's Go Pitt" chants the Floss has ever heard to this day. That game was probably the game that should have taught me that Pitt football will always let you down.

9. Game 6, Pens--Wings 2008: This game would probably be a lot higher if hockey had meant more to me growing up. Last year it did take over from about April through that last playoff game. Game 6 hurt so much because of the unbelievable comeback in Game 5 with Petr Syk's called goal in the third OT. If the Pens pull off the Game 6 upset, everyone knows that anything can happen in Game 7. Some losses make you a better fan. Game 6 qualifies under that category for the Floss.

8. 04 AFC Title Game: The only AFC title game the Floss has attended in his lifetime. The Steelers were the 1 seed, but the Pats were real hot and 3 point favorites. The game was never really close. Big Ben was a rookie and completely gagged in this game. However, what Ben has done since then has clearly made up for his performance this game. This game just stung because it seemed like a magical year and the loss killed the chance at an all Pennsylvania Super Bowl.

7. Super Bowl XXX--O'Donnel: This game would have been much higher had the Floss really understood sports at this time. The Steelers definitely should go down in history as 2 best plays going into halftime and coming out of halftime. James Harrison's INT for 6 this year, NORM! Johnson's surprise onside to start the 2nd half of Super Bowl XXX. This game also sent the Floss up to his room crying when the Steelers couldn't pull the 2nd half comeback. This game also coupled with the fact that there were a bunch of bandwagon Cowboys fans littering the halls of Heritage Elementary School. What awful parenting. Larry Fucking Brown. You fucking suck.

6. Sun Bowl: Most people consider this game meaningless, not I said the Floss. As a diehard Pitt football fan, this game meant 10 wins and an exclamation point on a solid season. It was also the final time as a fan to watch Shady McCoy with the PITT across his chest. He didn't even have a good game due to the quarterbacking or lackthere of by Billy Stull. This game epitomized the Dave Wannstedt era: no offensive adjustments, attempting a 57 yard field goal with 2 min left in the game and a 4th and 7(not 27, which would have still been unacceptable), Wanny calling a run play on the play before to set up a 57 yarder btw, Wanny putting in the backup quarterback when it is too late only to watch Bostick and Dorin Dickerson(another player Wanny ruined) connect over the middle like a vintage Trent Green and Tony Gonzalez. To boot, the play by play announcer for the game: Verne Lundqvist. The same man who called everyone of Pitt's NCAA tourney games this year. Kiss of FUCKING death. He should join Billy Packer in the World of Old Men Who Fucking Suck head manned by Joe Paterno.

5. Khalid El Amin: The worst collapse in Pitt history. A chance to beat the number 1 team in the nation for the first time in school history(ironically happened with the Floss in attendance again this year against UConn, uncanny) ruined. MOF(Mother of Floss) took the Floss and CINC to this game for some reason. I still don't know what possessed MOF to take the Floss to this game. She pretty much deserves credit for all of my sports blowups for subjecting me to shit like this(For Christmas one year she bought me tickets to go see Pitt vs. Bucknell at the Pete, still the only non conference loss at the Pete, one of only 10 there total). Isaac Hawkins makes the worst inbounds pass in the history of basketball and then Khalid El Amin goes down and hits a floater in the lane to beat Pitt(the god damn irony). However, not all bad as this was one of a handful of times that the Floss got to see the Pitt men in action at the Fitzgerald Field House.

4. 2002 AFC Divisional Playoffs v. Tennessee: For those of you who don't remember this one, it was the Dewayne Washington running into the kicker game. This game was set up by, still the most unbelievable sporting event the Floss had ever been at, the Wild Card game at home against the Browns. That game made you believe. That game made you think that this team could be a team of destiny. Tommy Gun Auto Maddox could pass all over the field this year. He would have been the best quarterback in the league if Rich Gannon wasn't being "the original Tom Brady" for a two year period. What sucked was that if Joe Nedney doesn't flop on Dewayne Washington's still boneheaded play and the Steelers got the ball, they were scoring. No doubt we score and head to the AFC Championship Game. Sidenote: This was probably the most dejected the Floss can remember Dr. Of being after a game.

3. 2003 Notre Dame at Pitt: Julius Jones sets a school record in this game, 262 yards rushing against the Pitt Panthers. ND wins the game 20-14, and Pitt couldn't even unleash Larry Fitzgerald against them because the defense was so bad. This year took a toll on the Floss' belief in Pitt football. We lost to Toledo, Notre Dame, West Virginia, Miami, and Virginia. This game prompted one of the most ridiculous outbursts in the Floss' history. Only 3 of the Floss' friends were on hand to witness, but the Floss himself remembers the breakdown. It started with a simple shouting of "My team, my school, my life" after this horrible game was over. A phrase that if you ask some friends of the Floss, especially Mother Earth(not a reader) he will re hash this meltdown so well. After the shouting of "My team, my school, my life", the Floss started a walk around the neighboorhood in socks. Halfway through, I Hulk Hoganed the shirt off, still an amazing move to this day. Then I started punching stop signs. Needless to say the Floss arrived home in black socks, a shirt ripped straight down the middle, and with a grossly bloody knuckle. MOF was not pleased, but again still her fault.

2. Scottie Reynolds: This game is still hurting my feelings especially after watching Penn State still play basketball while I know Levance Fields is somewhere crying in Mercedes Walker's arms with a few double cheeseburgers. Pitt had the game, then they didn't have it, then they might get overtime, then BOOM, it's over. All of it is over. This loss hurts because this was the year for the Final 4. A complete blue ball feeling to get bounced in the Elite 8. Not too mention Pitt is losing 4 of 5 starters presuming Blair leaves, which no doubt he's out. Cupboard bare and 2 points from a Final 4. This one still stings, plus the fact that we will get to see this shot for years to come doesn't feel good.

1. 2001 AFC Title Game: 11 Point Favorites and playing at Heinz Field. This game was a lock right. We got the gift the week before when the Raiders lost against the Pats right? No, we were subject to the teams special teams problems all year leading to a punt return touchdown by Troy Brown. Then we injure Tommy Terrific, we are set right, no Drew Bledsoe "Armed and Dangerous" throws for a touchdown as soon as he enters. The Steelers fight back diligently to get within 7 and have the ball. Then Kordell Stewart throws his 3rd pick of the day. This game hurt the most because this was when Steeler Fandom was at an all time high. We deserved the Super Bowl that year. It was ours. It hurt the Floss especially since I was always a quiet supporter of Kordell Stewart. I thought he could do it. I thought that was our year. That game made me feel that we would never get to the Super Bowl, but look where we sit 8 years later, 2 Rings Deep. The loss to Nova made me feel that we would never get to the Final Four. Let's see where we sit in 8 years? Hail to Pitt.

WHO'S GOING TO THE SWEET 16?

2009-03-21T09:17:00.003-04:00

After a pretty pedestrian 24 of 32 in the first round, the Floss is semi embarrassed to see Wake Forest go down in the first round. Wake was the only loss the Floss had going anywhere, sadly they were going to the Elite 8. Talking about the Pitt game will just dampen my already dampened mood. Remember all of these picks are made with the CURRENT teams.

MIDWEST

Louisville OVER Siena: The Floss gives Siena mad mad respect for beatin tOSU in Dayton. Louisville will be too tough for Siena though. Confidence: 80%

Arizona OVER Cleveland St.: Air Bud looked like a P.I.M.P last night in the win over Utah. The big gripe here is still Utah was a 5 seed? 3 12's beat 5's. Cleveland St. crushed the Floss' bracket for now, so eff them and the Browns. Confidence: 60%

Kansas OVER Dayton: Kansas did a good job holding off Ben Woodside of North Dakota St. Dayton beat WVU on the back of a career day from super soph Chris Wright. Kansas could easily have a let down, but the Floss doesn't think so. Confidence: 70%

USC OVER Michigan St.: Michigan St. has been overrated for a while now. USC looked great yesterday. Daniel Hackett, Taj Gibson, and Demarr DeRozan are a fine big 3 for me. Upset Alert. Confidence: 55%

WEST

Connecticut OVER Texas A&M: The Floss thinks UConn can easily get the win today, but hearing the analysts give them so much credit for having a huge day and tearing up Chattanooga. Honestly, against 16 seeds you either look normal or bad. Sadly Pitt looked bad, but UConn's win taught me nothing either. If Pitt plays ETSU 9 more times, we win all 9 and probably one by 40. Point made. Confidence: 75%

Purdue OVER Washington: Purdue will be the farthest B10 team in the tourney in the Floss' opinion. Chris Kramer is one of the many man crushes the Floss has. Sadly no one outside of Washington and Mississippi got to see the Huskies first round game. I don't buy into Washington's guard play. Confidence: 75%

Mizzoura OVER Marquette: The Floss would love for Marquette to pull off this upset for Dominic James and Buzz Williams, but it probably doesn't happen. Missouri still confuses me, but I think they get it done. Confidence: 70%

Memphis OVER Maryland: Nice start for the ACC, ha ha ha. Coach K really thinks that Clemson and Wake can play with the top 4 in the BE: Louisville, UConn, Pitt, and Nov? Memphis is way too solid inside to lose to this over achieving Terp squad. Confidence: 80%

EAST

PITT OVER Oklahoma St.: After the debacle that was yesterday, expect a very very pissed off Pitt team to come out on Sunday. Would Fields win an eating contest against Byron Eaton? Bounceback win for Pitt Sunday. The letdown won't happen til the Sweet 16 if it happens(Hint: It won't). Confidence: 100%

Wisconsin OVER Xavier: Wisky has been the Floss' upset team for a while. Great win last night. Love Bo Ryan and his Soulja boi dance antics. Confidence: 75%

UCLA OVER Villanova: I'm taking Ben Howland's boys now. Nova has the pressure of Philly in their minds. Shipp and Collison have a ton of experience. Just a hunch here. Confidence: 55%

Duke OVER Texas: Bash Coach K one sec, now I'll praise him. Texas is really good, but I'll take Coach K over Rick Barnes every day. This game could be close. Duke wins it tough. Confidence: 60%

SOUTH

LSU OVER North Carolina: Upset, Upset, Upset. LSU is long and athletic and has players to stop Cryler Hansbrough. Lawson might not play and if he does, won't be 100%. That's the ACC player of the year not playing. The Floss doesn't see having the horses to beat LSU. Confidence: 65%

Gonzaga OVER Western Kentucky: Gonzaga is a Floss favorite. Western Kentucky's ride is over. Confidence: 90%

Arizona St. OVER Syracuse: James Hardin rules. Glasser, Kuksis, and Pendergraft, O my. The Floss loves Arizona St. as a team as previously stated. Cuse is overrated again and will bow out early. Confidence: 75%

Oklahoma OVER Michigan: Blake Griffin is going to the Final 4. Michigan maxed out their season. Before the year, if you told their fans that they would win a tournament game, they would be ecstatic. Anything else now would be gravy. Very little shot here for the Wolverines. Confidence: 85%

UD...It's coming.

PICKIN' WINNA'S

2009-03-17T21:55:00.005-04:00

For today, just the first round picks, then look for the 2nd round picks on Saturday morning. Here are the Floss' first round picks with confidence numbers as well. As always, you should bet against these.

MIDWEST

Louisville OVER Morehead St.: No analysis needed. Confidence: 100%

OSU OVER Sienna: The Big 11 sucks in the regular season, but come tourney time they do well. Plus OSU gets a home game in Dayton. Confidence: 75%

Arizona OVER Utah: Arizona is supremely talented. Scared about Russ Pennel's first NCAA tourney appearance. However, on the heels of Air Bud, AZ wins. Confidence: 55%

Wake OVER Cleveland St.: A former number 1 team in the country, the Floss loves the Deacs. In the Floss' Elite 8. Cleveland St. is a really good team and they could beat a lot of teams, just not Wake. Confidence: 85%

WVU OVER Dayton: WVU is really really good. The Floss has said this all year not after they outplayed the Panthers on Thursday at MSG. Dayton's PG is hurt. Gimme game for the Eeers. Confidence: 80%

Kansas OVER North Dakota St.: Kansas is in the Floss' Final 4. Sadly Ben Woodside won't get a win for NDSU. NDSU is the Floss' favorite story of the tourney outside of Sam Young's 200 point tourney that he is about to embark on. Confidence: 90%

BC OVER USC: USC got hot in the Pac 10 tourney although the Pac wasn't strong this year, SC did look impressive. Tyreese Rice should have a big game in him, maybe 2? Confidence: 55%

MSU OVER Robert Morris: God would the Floss love this upset for the Colonials. The Floss is still pissed Bobby Mo didn't get the 14 I was hoping for. At least they got a B10 team with no real over powering star. Confidence: 90%

WEST

Connecticut OVER Chattanooga: The Mocs have one of the coolest nicknames in the field, but have no chance. Confidence: 100%

Texas AM OVER BYU: Actually a coin flipper here. Literally no insight. Bad luck usually follows the Floss. Confidence: 45%

Purdue OVER Northern Iowa: Watched a lot of the MVC championship game, this is easily the worst MVC team to make the tourney in at least 5 years. Purdue is HOTT right now. Confidence: 90%

Washington OVER Mississippi St.: Remember Georgia last year, Miss. St. is the same, maybe a tad better. Washington is pretty underrated and Romar is a good coach who won't let Wash lose to a team that is mismatched this much. Confidence: 85%

Utah St. OVER Marquette: Utah St. has 30 wins and a 26 year old center. Plus Marquette is as cold as Brighton Yourdayup was. Confidence: 60%

Missouri OVER Cornell: This game could be close for 30 minutes if Cornell can slow down Missouri and they hit their shots. Cornell was probably good enough for a 13 seed. Mizzoura still takes this one. Confidence: 80%

Cal OVER Maryland: Maryland won some nice games and deserved a berth in the tournament, but they aren't that impressive. Jerome Randle is one of the PAC 10's coolest players. Really strong pick here. Confidence: 75%

Memphis OVER CS Northridge: Memphis LOVES playing bad teams. This is the same as playing Houston for them. Confidence: 100%

EAST

PITT OVER ETSU: No explanation necessary. Confidence: 110%

Oklahoma St. OVER Tennessee: This pick was based solely on conference strength. Tennessee probably hasn't played a team as good as Oklahoma St. in conference play. Confidence: 60%

Wisconsin OVER Florida St.: FSU is way to overhyped. They really aren't that good. Wisconsin plays solid defense and the B10 always wins in the tourney for some stupid reason. Confidence: 55%

Xavier OVER Portland St.: No analysis. Probably watched Xavier once and never seen Portland St. Going with the higher seed. Confidence: 75%

VCU OVER UCLA: Eric Maynor and Larry Sanders are both NBA players. Maynor might even be lottery. VCU beat Duke two years ago and took Pitt to OT. They won't be afraid of Howland's gang, who is traveling 2500 miles across the country for this game. Confidence: 60%

Villanova OVER American: The Floss doesn't think Nova is very solid, however they get HOME games for two rounds. This is as bullshit as when Pitt got to play at Mellon Arena a while back. A huge disadvantage to Pitt is in a bracket with two teams who have home games in the first two rounds. Confidence: 95%

Texas OVER Minnesota: Texas is a really strong team that really underachieved. If Rick Barnes can get them to play up to their potential, they might be able to pull off the upset over Duke. Tubby is already looking for his next job. Confidence: 75%

Duke OVER Binghamton: Tony Kornheiser would prefer otherwise, but the Binghamton Bears have ZERO chance at the upset. Confidence: 100%

SOUTH

UNC OVER Radford: Amir Johnson gets his 2nd mention in one week on the Floss. Hopefully they can pull off the first 16 OVER 1 considering Ty Lawson won't be playing. Confidence: 97%

Butler OVER LSU: Butler is one of the Floss' favorite teams. Plus it would also be awesome if the SEC didn't have one team win a game in the tournament. Matt Howard is the coolest white big on the planet. Confidence: 60%

Western Kentucky OVER Illinois: The injury to Chester Frazier will hurt the Illini. Western Kentucky is a pretty damn good team. Take the Hilltoppers. Confidence: 65%

Gonzaga OVER Akron: Steve McNees is another WPIAL stud who probably has no chance. Gonzaga is in the Floss' Elite 8. If you watched the Gonzaga UConn game earlier this season, you would know what this team is capable of. Big fan of the Zags. Confidence: 90%

Arizona St. OVER Temple: James Hardin rules. He is one of my favorite players in the tourney. His 2nd favorite school was Pitt therefore he gets Floss lovin. Fuck Temple for knocking out Duquesne in the A10 tourney. Confidence: 75%

Syracuse OVER Stephen F. Austin: The Floss HATES Syracuse. Probably more than West Virginia. How can you possibly root for that piece of trash Eric Devendorf? They are one and done. Confidence: 85%

Michigan OVER Clemson: In case you haven't noticed, the Floss is believing in the B10 in the tourney. Clemson sucks. Bad coaching, undisciplined, just nothing that bodes well for a tourney game. Confidence: 65%

Oklahoma OVER Morgan St.: Oklahoma is in the Floss' final 4. The Floss believes in Blake Griffin. Truthfully, Oklahoma is flying way way under the radar. They went from possible overall number 1, to the 2nd ranked 2 seed. They still have talent and Blake is only getting healthier. Confidence: 100%

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY

2009-03-17T17:45:00.002-04:00

No the Floss will not be celebrating St. Patrick's day tonight. A quiz tomorrow is taking precedent. However, if the Floss could go to the bars without going to the hospital, St. Patrick might prevail. It has been a way way too long ride as a sub-legal adult, where drinking tonight would be relatively alone. Would the Floss really be celebrating if he was with <5 people? Floss no think so.

BEST ROL OF THE SEASON

Usually toward the end of the ROL Season, the episodes start to heat up. This past Sunday was no different as we got to meet the X's of all the hoes. Unless you are Beverly and your X-Husband didn't "respect you enough to show up". Honestly, I feel for this man. He knocked her up when she was 18 and semi hot. His family pressures him into marriage. They have a kid, they love the kid which gets him through the first 5 years of marriage. The other 2 kids they have get him for a few more years. By the 9th year they were together, he called his mom and said "suicide or divorce?". So he gets the divorce and now realizes how much he loves life. He has custody of their three kids, but he STILL loves life way way more. It wouldn't surprise me if he makes every possible effort to not see her. However, his not showing up somehow got her into the Final 4. Bret has never fucked up with a girl more than he has with her. Then Brittanya's boyfriend was the fan favorite, Royal T. Royal T was a straight up G, but his lying to Ambre and Heather got Brittanya into the fight which led to her demise. It also could have been that Brittanya couldn't hold a conversation for longer than twelve seconds. James was another one of the best X's to show up. His "nobody pulls my pussy" line was too good which led to the little segment where Bret is shown playing the guitar and literally pulling his pussy. The three occupations that came to mind when seeing James were Mexican mob boss, bouncer at a strip club, and Mexican mob boss. Still he looks like a perfect fit for Ashley in this strange world we live in. His arrival got her sent home as well. Now we have a Final 4 of Mindy, Taya, Jamie, and Beverly. This would be the equivalent of the NCAA final 4 of Pitt(Mindy, a favorite), Michigan St.(Taya, once was on top of the mountain, now is attempting to stay close to the top), Mississippi St.(Jamie, A team that came on strong at the end of the season), and Radford(Beverly, probably the most unlikely scenario ever). Amir Johnson at Radford and the Floss both know that Radford making the final 4 would be less of a surprise than Beverly making it this far. Right now the odds to get into the winner's circle:

Mindy--85%. The hottest left, plus the least crazy. Lock to the final 2.

Taya--11%. Bret finds a digital camera with a bunch of pictures of her doing things with PentHouse stuff on, more obvious plugs for the magazine. Bret gets pissed.

Jamie--3.99%. "I just feel bad because if you were here from the beginning and I had more time to get to know you, things might be different right now". Yep that's how she's going out.

Beverly--.01%. Seriously, could he really pick the ugliest girl on the show. Not too mention the bitchiest left. Not too mention 3 kids and an X Husband. Not too mention an alcoholic.

GO PENS, BEAT THE THRASHERS. HERE'S TO A PHILLY--PITTSBURGH FIRST ROUND PLAYOFF MATCHUP.

HICCUP

2009-02-28T04:05:00.003-05:00

Well, Dr. Of and the Floss are in Cincinnati right now. In the Sigma Chi house in their computer room. Easily nicer than anything in my home, his home, or any home on the east coast. The place is a frat castle. The Floss was told tonight that the "Steelers Suck" multiple times. Multiple times. Seriously multiple times. Dr. Of is a fan of multiple times. We shoulder surfed some brothers to get into this room. Dr. Of completely stole this password from one of our Cinci bretheren. "I should get a joint and toast this room up"--Dr. Of. "That would be the worst thing ever"--Floss. Sadly, no climax to this story that we actually aren't smoking right now. We are actually combined 68 beers deep, rough estimate. A light estimate. The Floss put down a half a handle of Old Crow on the way out and in another car Dr. Of put down a half of Heaven Hill. To call us the kings of bourbon/whiskey wouldn't do us justice. The whole place here is unbeleivable, Lil Wayne for president, like the song says. We don't know where to sleep. Under computer desks? I don't know. Are servers warm? They feel it from my tootsies. The Floss has no clue how much ridiculous is being spewed right now. Other than this is post number 91. 91. Hiccup. 91. Hiccup. 91. Honestly, the Floss has felt nervous as to how the last (hiccup) few posts would go up (hiccup) til 100. 100 is a milestone. Milestones (hiccup) are hard to come by. You don't hit one every day...unless you are Jamie Dixon, aka the new Coach K. JD (hiccup) (hiccup) is the best coach in college ball right now (hiccup). I know (hiccup) CINC loves (hiccup) Elliot Williams, but he couldn't hold Nas (hiccup) Robinson's jock if he (hiccup) the same (hiccup) (hiccup) minutes. (cough) The best team in the country (hiccup) resides in Oakland (hiccup) motha fuckers, the Pitt Mother (hiccup) Fucking Panthers. Basically (hiccup) the whole point of this (hiccup) blog was to tell you about the (hiccup) Pitt Panthers. It might have (hiccup) steered (hiccup) off the beaten path a bit (hiccup), but we know who number (hiccup) 1 is!!!!!!!

SATURDAY MORN RUNDOWN

2009-02-21T10:13:00.002-05:00

**LeBron, 55 last night. Get some kid. The Floss was asked if he would be the one athlete I could spend a day with. My response: Cam Saddler. Thank you very much.

**Just saw on Sportscenter that a woman is competing in the Bass Masters Classic. How many problems does the Floss have with this? A million point five. FISHING IS A SPOBBY FOR MEN ONLY. Men can't play woman's basketball. Same thing. Women have no right to participate in fishing. I guess they should start calling it Men's Fishing, but because of Title 9 they will probably have to add another shitty woman's sport.

**Last night on the Pitt bus at around 10:15 PM EST, a bunch of Penn St. students started "We Are"...Huge Gays chants, except they used their Penn St. lingo. They fit every stereotype of Penn St. faggots, loud, guido, obnoxious, etc. Then they started a "Steelers Suck" chant, then I realized that they were the worst kind of Penn St. fans, Philly ones.

**Speaking of the awful city to our west, big game on the ice today against the Fly guys. A win today would be ginormous. Believe in Bylsma. Copyright FalseFloss Inc.

**The Floss really likes Texas tonight, so if you have any money you should play Oklahoma. Also like Davidson with Curry going for 40.

Happy Saturday.

Floss

TOUR DE COURT

2009-02-18T15:06:00.002-05:00

The Floss gathered this past weekend with Dr. Of, CINC, TAFKATB(The Artist Formerly Known As TruthBrush), and CED(Coach Ed) at a local establishment. The meeting wasn't meant to discuss the Floss' new eating challenge, but when I brought it up, the table got pretty excited. The challenge wasn't nicknamed at the time but "Tour De Court" is now the official name. Hopefully the Floss can work out a sponsor for this event, but as of now we aren't selling out to GEICO. The challenge is such: The Floss will attempt to eat a "meal or appropriate serving" of an item from all restaurants in the Monroeville Mall Food Court within a specified time limit(2 hours seems right). As Dr. Of told me, you never know if you are being scouted by Travel Channel or Food Network. Some other ideas thrown around were wearing a T-Shirt with all of the restaurants on it with empty open boxes on it. Compare this to a LOI day T-Shirt or sign made. Some things the Floss would need are financial backers, which everyone at the table Saturday already basically volunteered to cover one of the restaurants. The Floss would need runners to go get the food as to not get distracted or call up some dinosaurs. Obviously as the Loyal Followers of Floss, I can't wait to hear your opinions. The Monroeville Mall has 11 eateries from which to eat, so it will be a tough challenge. Scouting the competition(ranked on a scale of 1 to 10, and not in a sequential order):

DAIRY QUEEN- The Floss argues that this shouldn't be a part of the challenge, but everyone else agreed that it should. The item would be a small Blizzard. The Floss would probably get Reese cups with chocolate ice cream. This could be a big problem. I would probably attempt to eat this later in the process due to having a fear of what milk might do to the insides.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 7 OUT OF 10

MRS. FIELDS- The only thing to eat here would be a delicious Mrs. Fields cookie. The cookie is dense, but it is also the smallest of all the items. Basically Mrs. Fields is the stat builder of the bunch. The cherry picking layup if you will.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 1 OUT OF 10

THE POTATO SHACK- This place might not even be called the Potato Shack anymore. The name may have actually changed, but the item here would be a regular order of cheese fries. This could be considered a stat builder at all, but cheese fries can be very very filling. Also, fries are apart of 2 other places. One of the places, the Floss is least excited to tackle.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 8 OUT OF 10

THE CHINESE PLACE- It used to be called Manchu Wok, but the name has since changed. Nonetheless, it is a plate of General Tso's and some rice. One of the best eats on the menu in the Floss' eyes. Plus Far East food tends to take up no room in the stomach. Is this a reason that all non Asian basketball players are short? Maybe.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 4 OUT OF 10

UNCLE CHARLEY'S GRILLED SUBS- Never ate here. Basically a crapshoot here. We all guess that they will have some sort of a 6 inch Cheesesteak to go at. So that's what the Floss expects, but really it might taste like poo. A serious threat on the tour.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 11 OUT OF 10 (Uncle Charley's is as hard to read as Gil Brown)

THE CAJUN CAFE- A very underrated meal in the food court. They also have the most aggressive sample ladies around. The meal here is the one meat one side combo. It is the number 1 there I believe. They have a mean bourbon chicken that I plan to grub up. The side dish will probably be rice since rice is light and airy.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 3 OUT OF 10

SBARRO- Pizza is something tough in the grand scheme of things because of the carbs. The one large slice of pizza with pepperoni will be a tough out in the Tour. It isn't the largest meal out there, but the Floss thinks Sbarro is highly overrated. This might get put out of the way first.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 8 OUT OF 10

SAKKIO- The Floss' favorite place in the mall hands down. The last two times I've been there, the triple meat has been ordered. No veggies here for the Floss cause their veggies suck ass. Yes extra extra sauce on this one.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 1 OUT OF 10

CHICK-FIL-A- The Floss can eat a chicken sandwich and waffle fries at any point of the day really. Plus they have really solid barbecue sauce for the sandwich.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 2 OUT OF 10

SUBWAY- Subway just doesn't remind me of a food court style meal. I don't know why, maybe because it is fairly healthy. The meal here is a 6 inch hoagie. No clue which one to go with. Early favorites are probably roast beef and meat ball. Subway has really thick bread which could make this a very costly trip on the tour.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 7 OUT OF 10

FLAMERS- Another food court establishment the Floss has never tried. They seem to have nice specials all the time. The food looks good and it is the only burger on the menu for the day. The portion size will be a concern, but one cheeseburger never hurt nobody. The fries here better taste good or the third serving of fries could hurt.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 5 OUT OF 10

OVERALL DIFFICULTY: 9 OUT OF 10

As Big Ben and KG say..."ANYTHING IS POSSIBLLLLLEEEEEEEEEE"

-Floss

SHOWDOWN IN STORR'S

2009-02-16T15:58:00.002-05:00

This is the first ever blog on location. Currently the Floss is watching the Pens 3rd period at FOF's apartment along with PnR. Now before we get into the day's blog topics, the Floss would like to give a shoutout to all the fans. The fans are currently participating in a way that makes blogging worth every second of time. Julie, you have officially been granted the Floss nickname of FFFOF(First Female Fan of Floss). Never thought we would get past FOF and FFOF, but it's a great day. I have no idea who you are and the Floss really wants to know. PnR, FOF, and the Floss all are worried that you may possibly be a serial killer, nevertheless thanks for being the first female fan. Also, I hope you take all of my negative, sexist remarks about females with a grain of salt. Another thing to get excited about is that this is currently post 88 on the FalseFloss. Taking suggestions for ideas for the Century Post. WhildCratch I also would love to know who you are and if you are a serial killer, but no big deal either way. As for what tattoo the Floss would get, it was decided a long time ago what tat the Floss would get. First the Floss would need to go to the gym and get his back really really jacked, then the back would get Naired. The tattoo would be the skyline of Pittsburgh covering the whole upper back.

ROL UPDATE

I think we have 9 people left on ROL. We have 7 of the Original Hoes and the 2 new bitches. No summary of last night really needed, the Mud Bowl III happened and that ruled. These power rankings are once again the Floss' views not FOF, PnR's, Bret's or Big John's. The Floss' rankings:

2,173,809. Beverly- She sucks more than anyone left. Complete agreement from the room on this stupid cunt. Bev is a dyke, still not hot, and provides nothing. Zero for the show. FOF, "She went from being boring and not being fun, to bitching about people being fun". PnR, "And she has broader shoulders than James Harrison". A good defensive cooridnator in Mud Bowl III would have lined her up as a 3-4 rush end.

8. Jamie "Brooklyn"- Embarassing that we had to look her name up and she is in the top 10. She is the tall, skinny broad who looks like she does a ton of blow. Can't believe Marcia went home for her.

7. Kami- There was no need for comments from PnR and FOF on Jamie. FOF was able to point out that Kami had the bigger tits of the two which got her ranked 7th. An absolute shame that she is here over Marcia.

6. Farrah- A consensus pick for the number 6 pick. FOF thinks she should be grouped into the grouping with the others as does PnR. The Floss thinks she deserves a little more credit due to her partying ways and big boobs. She still sucks. Farrah might single handily ruin the show next week if she indeed engages in lesbian contact with Kelsey. If Farrah gets Kelsey the boot, she would move way way behind Beverly. FOF and PnR share the same sentiments on Farrah if she ruins Kelsey's ride. Farrah has been a lesbian from day one. Her and Ashley definitely have double clicked eachother's mouses a few times on the love bus.

5. Taya- "For posing nudey in magazines, Taya isn't doin it for me"-PnR. FOF appreciates her classiness and not getting into the chippiness(hockey mode) amongst the bus. "Since she posed nude plus is classy she fits the rap lyric, lady in streets, freak in the streets"(paraphrase)--FOF. Great insight from my linemates(hockey mode, again). FOF probably thinks she should be higher, but the Floss says no dice. One of the weirdest faces left, just not cute or sexy. Taya really doesn't do it for the Floss.

4. Ashley- Actually all agreement here. Ashley got the dick first, which is pretty cool. She is such a bitch that it's starting to get on the Floss' nerves. It used to be funny that she would party all day long and hated on bitches, but it just got old. FOF and PnR think that she is too dumb. I guess they think the others are Rhodes scholars. "She thought she should have won MVP of the Mud Bowl III from the losing team, not how sports work lady"-PnR. Not too mention I think if you look at the tapes, I think her knee was down when she picked up the ball.

3. Brittanya- The Floss loves her name. The Floss loves her dimple rings. The Floss loves her sleeve tat. The Floss loves her boobs. Really if she could speak the English language or produce a thought, she would be number one. Brittanya can't be classified as dumb because she doesn't say anything. Brittanya would be that stripper that can't even talk dirty. She would get the initial lap dance, but couldn't keep you begging for more. "She's that dirty, sexy girl that you could never bring home to mom cause she has tattoos all over her body, that shit on her cheeks, but you still wanna have sex with her so bad. You could never have a relationship with her"-(Paraphrase) FOF. "I'm going the other way, she's the perfect wife. You get to fuck her, but she would never talk to you"--PnR. Interesting.

2. Mindy- "Not sure how I feel about her accent"-FOF. The Floss hates it. I hate, hate, hate, hate her accent. Something has to be said for how she has brought it the past couple weeks. Clearly the MVP yesterday in Mud Bowl III. The leopard print worked for the Floss. The room all liked her at number 2. Not many comments. No one thinks she looks like a gopher in this room.

1. Kelsey- She has never wavered from the number one spot. I'm not even going to write about her. She is gorgeous. We are worried with her lack of one on one time with Bret.

The Pens just lost. FUCK FUCK FUCK. At least they got one point.

SHOWDOWN IN STORR'S

In order to prepare for tonight's fucking awesome matchup between the number 4 ranked (number one in your hearts) Pitt Panthers and the number 1 team UConn Huskies, FOF, PnR, and I have decided to watch the 2003 Big East Tournament Championship Game between the Pitt Panthers and the UConn Huskies OnDemand. A great afternoon is in store. No breaking down of matchups for tonight, just some important thoughts:

**Blair must stay out of foul trouble. Every basketball fan knows this. The Floss is worried about Blair staying smart with his fouls tonight. On his IPod should be a Jamie Dixon, Tom Herrion, and Brandin Knight recording saying "Play Smart, Don't Reach, Play Smart, Don't Reach, Double Quarter Pounder".

**2003 Panther Starting Lineup, PG Brandin Knight, SG Julius Page, SF Jaron Brown, PF Donatas Zavackas, and C The Big O Ontario Lett. Compared to today, they don't even compare.

**Fields is way too slow to guard AJ Price, so Jermaine Dixon has a huge assignment tonight. Fields will get Craig Austrie instead of the now injured Jermaine Dyson.

**Sam Young must show up. The Floss sees a posterizing dunk on Hasheem Thabeet tonight. Like one my kids will talk about.

**20. The number of points the Floss believes the bench needs to put up tonight or any night. Wannamaker, 9. Gil, 6. Ash, 6. Gary, 2. 23 off the bench in that scenario.

**0. The number of turnovers the General Levance Fields will have tonight.

**"Could see a Brandin Knight 2003 BE Champ performance by Fields tonight. I like to think Fields and Knight hang out every night and watch old games like this"--FOF. I like to think that too.

**Jeff Adrien needs to be controlled tonight. He can't get a 15 and 15 night on us. Biggs has to play good D on him.

**Look for some 2-3 Zone out of the Panthers tonight, especially when Thabeet is out. It will keep us out of foul trouble, plus make their guards hit shots. I will take Kemba Walker jacking threes on us.

**I hope Pitt doesn't double the post tonight. Thabeet is too tall to double. He can make passes in the post too.

**The Floss really wants to watch this 03 title game more, so here comes the prediction:

PITT 72
UCONN 63

PI-MOTHA FUCKIN-TT

WEEKEND'S HERE

2009-02-12T14:45:00.004-05:00

PENS

The Pens showed they aren't going down without a fight again last night with a gritty 2-1 SO win over the San Jose Sharks. The Floss only got to see the Sidney Crosby game winner, but a win like that just shows the Pens aren't dead. The biggest win might be that Sergei Gonchar is CLEARED TO PLAY. This is HUGE for the Pens. If he can be ready for the last month of the season, that certainly puts us into the playoffs. The letdown this year should have been seen when the Pens lost Ryan Malone and Marian Hossa. Not too mention Sergei Gonchar hasn't been able to play. If we can get hot at the right time, we could make a run in the playoffs. Let's just get there and see what happens.

HOSPITAL

The only other things that shall be mentioned about the hospital are things I said upon awakening at 4AM.

-Nurse, "Do you know where you are?"
-Floss, "Sweet Chin Music" (This happened again)

-Floss, "You know baby, short hair usually doesn't do it for me, but baby you're doin it"
-Nurse, (apalled)

H-O-R-S-E

First of all the fact that this competition sold it's soul to Geico is the worst thing ever. Do you think any of the players will be like you got a GE, no they will say you got a HO, yeah nigga yeah, or something like that. I love the participants of the contest although many people disagree with them. We have an old vet taking on two young bucks. Durant is playing the best basketball of his life right now. OJ Mayo was a good pick because it will get him some pub, same can be said for Durant cause neither are on TV or will make the playoffs. The winner will be Joe Johnson because of his old man tricks. Let's just hope no competitor just shoots like 3 pointers and not crazy trick shots. This could be a huge flop with no trick shots.

VALENTINE'S DAY

This holiday really makes no sense. I got a lot of money in the mail from relatives so the Floss ain't complaining. Any Hallmark holiday that rewards poor drunk college kids is good in my book. The Floss has no Valentine this year and no female readers, so no reason to bother asking.

REALITY TV

Obviously the biggest fad of the new millenium. The Floss also watches the grossly underrated show Tool Academy on VH1. It has 3 episodes left and each one will be better than the last. The premise of the show was just so good. Have girlfriends set up their faggot boyfriends by telling them they made a reality show called Mr. Awesome. These girlfriends are seeing change in these guys, bull effin shit. Wait til they get off the show and people start recognizing them. Fights will be picked and it will just expose tools all over America. The most tool thing they did was get the TATTOO of the Tool Academy logo. And their girlfriends liked it. When the Floss saw this he realized the women are just as fucked up as their dudes.

The Floss has thought about going on the Real World before, but I think I would be a terrible housemate. Although this season would be a great one for me to be on. This season is ridiculous. No hookups yet. So dry. Literally they had to bring in a HE/SHE to make it interesting. You watch Mr. Northeast Ab Man use his looks to bring back hideous black chicks. It just doesn't make sense. Then you have a gay black man. Then a dude who hasn't realized he's a flaming homo(Chet). The Floss would last about 3.5 days before he would get thrown out for being racist, sexist, something offensive. Truth.

A great reality show that was added was Man V. Food. That dude basically lives the damn dream. Go eat in cool cities around the country. Not too mention eat in food challenges. The Floss also thought Bromance was a great show. Reality shows are all over the place for what they need to be successful. Some aspects:

1. Hot Chicks that appear on every episode.
2. Not too many people, things like American Idol have too many.
3. A guy that makes you say, "wow, he rules" every week, Bret and BrodMan had this, you can't root for a woman because they suck.
4. DRAMA(throwing hands in the air), no homo but you need some drama

Other solid aspects would be sports and food references.

WORD V

No reason to make people think the Floss is writing about that awful state that we shit on everyday. The Word Verifications have been hilarious. Huge, huge idea by Dr. Of who may have had the funniest line when he said he uses oregano three times a day. That should have been changed to three times before 2. Please use the Word V's when commenting. While the Floss is browsing the comments to answer your questions this was his Word V: Ulacreep

Just imagine Floss at a large party with a lot of ladies. The Floss is grinding on some ho, then it goes like this.

Floss: What's your name? (Hears "Ulacreep")

Floss continues grinding.

HIGH PRESSURE WINDS

Happy Birthday to the B Man who has quit reading the Floss. Is it any coincidence that we have had hurricane force winds the past few days? I think not.

STOP NOT POSTING YOUR ID YOU FUCKS

Someone asked 4 questions in succession, but didn't leave their name, but here goes even though I hate them:

1. No update on Wentzgate.

2. Would the floss prefer a trip to the Big East Championship or Cancun over Spring Break?

Had this conversation before with a friend from the State Penn. This year the Floss takes Cancun due to him being roughly 11 years old, but next year when the Floss is a big boy, he's going to NYC. The only problem is that next year, the squad might not be as tough.

3. When is too early to start talking about the spring game?

It's never too early to start talking about the Pitt Panther's and the spring game. The Floss won't put it into blogs until about a week before spring practice, which will fall right around the first round of the NCAA hoops tourney.

4. What does the floss think of Mr. Shenanigans sleeping in the third floor laundry room at Bates Hill?

Par for the course for friends of Floss. It doesn't top hospitals or jails which have both happened within the past two months. Nor does it top an elevator.

DANICA PATRICK

First off, Danica Patrick and other female athletes posing in magazines is awesome because it makes us laugh more at the term "female athlete". She works on cars and does butchy stuff like that. She has no cans. Looks fresh out of a trailer park. This works for Gretchen Wilson, but not Danica.

DOUBLE NICKEL

Huge fan of the name change. You also win the word verification contest although you did get one served up on a silver platter. You are an idiot because Dr. Of's Oregano is just that Oregano. Duh.

WHILDCRATCH

Thanks for being a fan of the Floss. I truly don't believe that you are just a fan cause I don't know how one would begin to find this gem of a blog. The Floss welcomes your support, but would also enjoy to find out how you found the FalseFloss.

GAMBLING

Thanks to DDP(L) for giving me a reason to run down the All Star weekend picks. Some of these the Floss won't actually play, but just which way he's leaning.

SOPH(-5.5) OVER ROOKIES

EAST(NL) OVER WEST. LeBron and AI will win it.

NOVA(+4.5) OVER WEST VIRGINIA.

UNDER(138) NOVA/WEST VIRGINIA. STRONG STRONG PICK

PROPS I LIKE

RUDY FERNANDEZ AT +500 in the Dunk Contest. You are getting no value in taking Dwight Howard at -150 plus Rudy is the most unknown. Nate Wash is a fad. If that goofy ass Fernandez throws one good early dunk, the crowd and judges will get on his nuts.

ROGER MASON AT +550 in the Three Point Contest. Another good value. Jason Kopono is favored at +150. Danny Granger has no chance, same with Rashard Lewis, and Daequan Cook. Bibby, Kopono, and Mason are the top 3 here.

MERRY WEEKEND

FANS

2009-02-10T15:36:00.004-05:00

Yo fans, I know you have all been checking in lately and commenting much more than usual. For this I thank you. I will be blogging later today so throw me a mailbag esque question. I will look back to previous comment sections and I know the Pens will be addressed along with Valentine's day. Also, would you prefer a late post today or a post when the Floss awakes tomorrow? I know the working folk enjoy their morning Floss.

KICKIN' IT OLD SCHOOL

2009-02-09T14:50:00.002-05:00

The Floss needed to be updated, and we are going old school with mini updates rather than going into a full on Floss on one topic. A Floss was needed today after his morning started with him clogging the shitter, 40 minutes before class started. It led to a great job of plunging by yours truly. I have unclogged this shitter twice now, plumbing could officially go on the Floss' resume. So without any further adoo, from the desk of the Floss' with the Skoal in the lip...

PITT WVU

The Queers are coming into the Zoo tonight. The Panthers are 8 point favorites, this could be too much in a rivalry game. However, the Panthers are shooting lights out right now, especially at home. Keep Blair on the court, don't let WV go on any runs and it's game over. Expect Pitt to make it 4 wins in a row against the Eers in sports that matter(football and basketball). Should win by about the number, definitely would lay off.

ROL

A shocking episode by Bret Michaels last night. He invites 3 new girls onto the bus, only 1.5 of them are even remotely close to good enough looking for the tour. A Miracle(one of top 5 greatest sport movies) reference here. Do you remember when the team is 2 weeks from Lake Placid and Herb Brooks brings in University of Minnesota scoring phenom Tim Haar to attempt to get a roster spot? Then Mike Eruzione gives the passionate speech outside the bus that Haar didn't deserve to be a part of the team. Brooks knew he wasn't going to put Timmy on the squad, it still was a great motivational move. The parallels are definitely there. Next week when he drops their asses from the bus, remember the Floss. While this move may have been scripted, the Floss loved the move. Bret made the elimination everyone saw coming when he kicked off the black girl. Everyone knows Bret ain't down with the brown.

FAG BAGS

The Floss got a good laugh when his unbelievably nerdy Operations Management Professor walked in sporting a fanny pack for the last week. I believe the CINC once called them "Fag Bags" and the name has always stuck with me. A little background on this woman, she is a spatial engineer who always brings up her cats. She isn't married and could be anywhere between 28 and 50. A great woman right there. Back to the Fag Bags, are they one of the most useless inventions ever? Possibly. The only use I have ever heard for them was to avoid pickpocketing in foreign countries. What could this woman possibly keep in her FAG BAG? She also carries a purse, computer bag on wheels, cooler size lunch box. She might fall over one of these days, we can only hope. This got me to thinking about bags in general. One of the actual great inventions as far as bags go are the liquor/gym bag. Mr. Shenanigans is always flossin one of these. They are the small strap bags that perfectly can carry a handle of Vlad and 2 liter of your favorite mixer. Plus if you get drunk and forget them, they are like 2 dollars or free at career fairs. It's a great alternative to leaving your bookbag somewhere.

A ROD AND ROIDS

Yawn. Yawn. Yawn. Baseball is dying so fast.

SANDWICHES

The Floss made a trip up to the State Penn this past weekend and consumed a Fat Bitch sandwich. Seriously what is better than a sandwich with cheesesteak, chicken fingers, mozzy sticks, french fries and ketchup? Last week the Floss made his own fat sandwich with ingredients found in his house. It was a 1/2 lb frozen burger with a slice of American cheese, then a ham steak with mozzerela cheese on that, all squashed between some toasted rye bread. How bad does the Floss want his own sandwich? So bad.

SIXBURGH

2009-02-02T12:28:00.002-05:00

**O-H motha fuckin I-O. Dat dude. I can't even begin to imagine the blunt that him and Ben smoked last night. It was probably unbelievable.

**If you don't LOVE Hines Ward, you aren't American.

**Best Super Bowl in history. The 4th quarter was scary unreal with the ups and downs and points.

**The Floss' least favorite story line all week was Ben wanting to get his rep back after XL. I think the last drive did times 100. Clutchest dude ever.

**Still not sober, currently should be sitting in Intermediate Financial Reporting 2. My body just feels very messed up.

**My apartment still smelled like smoke this morning due to the bonfire literally two steps from my apartment.

**Bonfire outside the Cathedral last night was crazy. Bunch of dudes burning their clothes and standing there in boxers. The Floss just wanted to help the cause so stripped down right then and there and gave them my undershirt. Some girls may have puked, but at least some of Steeler Nation got to see the sweater vest.

**Hit both prop bets yesterday: Carey Davis over .5 yards from scrimmage and Mewelde Moore's longest rush under 6.5 yards. His one run seriously was like 6.4 yards. Word to ya motha.

**Why did Dan Rooney thank Barack Obama? Didn't see that one coming.

**Mike Tomlin's "Steeler Football is 60 minutes" rant was priceless.

**Larry Fitz got to have an unreal Super Bowl and lose. Dream scenario for the Floss. Honestly, if Ben throws a pick on that last drive, I have no idea how I would feel about him. Our relationship would never have been the same.

**Tone's LeBron mimic touchdown dance was great. However, Steeler Nation knows that it was actually him pouring ketchup.

**Swaggin'. Love it.

**Weird thing to think about if Freddy Francisco doesn't slip on Tone's long catch on the final drive that got down to the 6, the Steelers may have been content with a FG opportunity. He would have got to about the 28 yard line with either one or zero timeouts and 50 seconds.

**James Harrison's INT return was the most absurd return you have ever seen.

**If Ben doesn't lead that drive, how long would you have had to not watch ESPN? A week, a month, forever?

**The final drive honestly makes such a difference from a historical standpoint.

**SIXBURGH, great great name.

**Bruce Springsteen is old and not cool. Why does the NFL market to 55 year old men?

**The Floss wants to see Danica Patrick's tits so much more after yesterday. Skip Bayless and Jemele Hill just said that it tarnished her image. No it made her that much more watchable.

**The E-Trade baby commercials were fan fucking tastic.

**Tone just said that it was a LeBron knockoff on ESPN First Take.

**Overall the greatest day in a long time for the Floss. Words still do last night no justice.

WEEK TIL SIGNING DAY SPECIAL

2009-01-27T20:40:00.004-05:00

This year was a year where recruiting was on the back burner due to Pitt winning 9 games. However, the Floss has been following. The Floss will rank the Pitt recruits in order of importance/skill/coolness. Then the Floss will predict who will become a Pitt Panther in the final week of the 2009 recruiting season.

2009 PANTHERS

19. JASON HENDRICKS**, CB, JERSEY CITY, NJ

A recent commit to the Panthers. He projects as a corner at the college level even though he was listed as a running back. This was a confusing prospect to say the least. The positives are that he is a fast, tall(er) corner, and might open some more doors in New Jersey. The negatives are that when you take lower ranked recruits from out of state, they have a high transfer ratio if they don't get into the depth chart. The Floss doesn't see much from this kid, hopefully he opens some doors in Jersey for the future.

18. ED TINKER**, WR, PITTSBURGH, PA

The former Brashear standout was always on the Panthers radar even after committing to Colorado as a senior in high school. He went to prep school in North Carolina with Greg Blair, brother of Grizzly Blair. A lot of Pitt fans are high on him. I see grade issues possibly coming back. He never seemed like a high end talent in high school. If he can come out of prep school and be as good as Aundre Wright, that would be a plus.

17. DEVIN STREET**, WR, BETHLEHEM, PA

A camp offer from the Panthers who pulled the trigger early in the process. He is a tall WR who can run. He might be able to play defense. The Floss saw him win a state title. He wasn't even close to as good as Liberty's QB Gonzalez, who already has early offers from Penn St. and Pitt. That kid looks like a really solid football player. Street might be able to bring him here, which would probably be his best contribution.

16. JASON DOUGLAS***, RB, WESTON, FL

5'6 running backs are always interesting players to take a gamble on. He actually could be much higher on the Floss' list if he wasn't the third RB in this class. You can't teach Florida speed, and he had a few low level SEC and B12 offers. This kid actually might turn into a good one. J Doug as he is more formally known could impress.

15. KEVIN ADAMS**, LB, MONTVALE, NJ

Another Jeff Hafley Jersey Boy. He got rave reviews as the season went on. He was another camp standout. The Floss likes RB's turning into LB's after the Greg Williams experiment. He is also a reported stud in the classroom. Gotta make them grades baby, just ask Moelicious about that.

14. CORY KING***, OL, STONEBORO, PA

Cory King looks like a fat, lazy, slob. He did well at camp, however, his body leaves much to be desired(see Beverly from ROL3). He didn't have many offers. He is another camp guy. He loves the Panthers. I hate kids from schools that normally don't produce D1 talent. I could see Cory suffering from the small fish in a big pond syndrome once he gets down to Oakland. He just looks like a softy. Actually he would be my 3rd choice to not make it 4 years just ahead of Hendricks and Tinker.

13. WILL CLARKE**, DE, PITTSBURGH, PA

Will is definitely a project recruit at DE. He currently stands 6'6, 250. That is huge. He also runs around a 4.8, 4.7 forty. He screams Greg Romeus. He is actually bigger than GRom was coming in as a freshmen(weight). Gattuso is one of the best D-Line coaches in the country and I expect BIG things from Clarke. He is also mentored by former Pitt stud hoopster and NFLer Sam Clancy.

12. FERNANDO DIAZ**, C, BRONX, NY

Not many recruits come out of the Bronx, at least for football. Fernando Diaz is another reported solid student, which is important if you are coming out of the Bronx. He also looks like a physical specimen, which is more important than technique in the Floss' eyes, especially with projects. Fernando will redshirt next year and will battle Jared Martin and Greg Gaskins for the C position in 2010. Hopefully he lives up to the Floss' hype.

11. CARL FLEMING***, S, REISTERTOWN, MD

A confusing offer when he jumped onto the Panther train early on in the process. He actually had one of the best years of all the Pitt recruits. He was a beast on both sides of the football. He actually got a star bump from Rivals, which was nice for Carl. The Floss is a huge fan of Fleming. He also starred in the Crab Bowl, which is the Maryland all star game.

10. DION LEWIS***, RB, BLAIRSTOWN, NJ

Dion is already enrolled at the great University of Pittsburgh. He is a 5'7 RB, who has a fucking awesome highlight video. Lewis looks like an absolute stud. He may only be 5'7, but he is a built kid. The Floss could see him not even redshirting next year if he impresses in spring ball. He will be one of the players to watch for in the Spring Game on April 11th. He plays a position where it is wide open going into next year, but if you aren't a junior or senior, Wanny usually doesn't like you. Lewis also enrolled early, which should be an advantage in the classroom as long as he doesn't Ronald Hobby himself out of here.

9. JUANTEZ HOLLINS***, OL/DL, ALIQUIPPA, PA

Just another Quip, another Panther. Pitt has had much success with Quips in the Floss' lifetime. Josh Lay, Darrelle Revis, Jonathan Baldwin, and Brandon Lindsey. Tommie Campbell was an aberration when it comes to Quips. A big, physical, quick lineman who could play either way is always a valuable asset. A redshirt will benefit him. He will probably play by his 3rd year at Pitt. The Floss expects a 2 or 3 year starter out of Juantez. Great pickup for the Panthers.

8. BROCK DECICCO***, TE, JEFFERSON HILLS, PA

Another Cherpak kid coming to the Panthers. Brock DeCicco could easily be higher on this list, but since TE is just another lineman in Cav's system, the Floss doesn't see a huge need. When I watched Brock DeCicco, the Floss came away very very impressed. He is a big kid that goes up and gets the ball. He isn't on the level of first team all BE TE Nate Byham, but he should have a very solid career for the Panthers.

7. KOLBY GRAY***, QB, HOUSTON, TX

Easily the most talked about player in the 2009 Panther class due to the GLARING hole at the QB position. He won't come in and be able to make an immediate impact however. He might actually never get a chance until his senior year, that would be awesome. It would mean that Tino Sunseri is the one. He adds some much needed competition to the QB spot. Also, if Matt Cavanaugh gets the ax any time soon, Wanny may hire an OC who believes in the spread offense. Kolby could really succeed in a spread offense. Who doesn't love this Texas gunslinger? The sad truth, not much of the B12.

6. BERNARDO NUNEZ***, DE, HOBOKEN, NJ

Jeff Hafley and the Oakland campus worked hard for Mr. Nunez. He had some big offers early. Penn St. was definitely involved at one point. He actually might come in and make an impact as early as his RS FR year. He sadly is playing the most competitive postion on the team. Romeus and Sheard both have 2 years left. Hale has 4, Tucker has 3. He might not get a chance til later, but he will be a great player for the blue and gold.

5. JACK LIPPERT****, DE, HARRISBURG, PA

A kid whose recruitment I never got. He put up numbers, always stayed highly ranked, tore up some camps, but never got his PSU offer. No shame in admitting that this kid would have been a Cryin Lion had the offer came. The Floss still believes in Jack Lippert. I see a RS in his future, to put on weight. I think with Lippert's 6'4 frame, he can carry about 280 lbs. I see him contributing in the middle of the Panther's D-Line. He should be a great player, and I hope Penn St. hates themself for Mr. Lippert.

4. TODD THOMAS****, WR, BEAVER FALLS, PA

Todd Thomas is a WPIAL star who could make an impact early. He will probably RS, but he might be good enough to play. The Floss had bigger hopes for Thomas. The Floss thought he might get close to Terrelle Pryor level in recruitment. Another terrible thing about Thomas is his character. He also couldn't play RB on his team, which is weird and scary. He makes plays though. I really don't know what to expect from Todd Thomas. He could honestly be an All American or he could be off the team in less than two years. Weird kid, but definitely tons and tons of talent.

3. TYRONE EZELL***, DL, MUNHALL, PA

6'5, 255. Ezell is a big kid. Physically he is very intimidating. His ranking would be 4 stars and much higher had he not been hurt much of his senior season. The Floss could see him playing either way for the Panthers, but I think his future is on the D-Line. I could see him starting as a RS FR alongside Myles Caregein. He will definitely be in the 4 man DL rotation by his sophomore year. He was one of my favorite players in the class, as seen by his 3rd ranking.

2. RAYMOND GRAHAM****, RB, ELIZABETH, NJ

Probably one of the few people excited about Shady leaving. His highlight tape is off the chains. Ray Ray as he shall now be known could play next year. If Wanny lets the best players, and youngest players play, Graham could play next year. The only way he redshirts is if Dion Lewis is a stud. I think the staff believes in Shariff Harris and Kevin Collier, but they are really pumped about Ray Ray. Ray Ray should get some touches next year in the Floss' eyes, again, unless Dion Lewis is an absolute stud.

1. DAN MASON****, MLB, PENN HILLS, PA

Pitt hasn't really pulled a Penn Hills kid in a while. Probably because Neil Gordon hid their letters or something. He is kind of undersized, but that shouldn't matter seeing as HB Blades was very undersized as well. Mason probably won't be allowed to come in and play as a true frosh, but he might. Mason might not see time next year, but he will definitely be a name Pitt fans remember, just like Scott McKiller, HB, and Gerald Hayes. Hail to Pitt.

WHO MIGHT STILL BE COMING?

SHANE GORDON***, LB, WESTON, FL

The high school teammate of Jason Douglas. Pitt has been on him for some time now. The Floss really likes Gordon because of Florida speed. The only real competition here is South Florida if he wants to stay closer to home. He would be a great player for the Panthers at OLB. He would be about number 6 on the Floss' list if he was committed. The Floss puts our chances at 74.5%.

MALCOM BUSH***, TE, HACKENSACK, NJ

A weird recruitment to say the least. He committed early to Slutgers, but he realized that they blow balls. Now he is down to UNC and Pitt. UNC has something like 29 committments. Bush is a big TE that would be a great player alongside Brock. Pitt is really thin after next year at TE and they use a lot of double tight sets. Bush would look great in a Panther Uni. The Floss puts our chances at 89.6%.

ISAAC HOLMES****, DL, HOBOKEN, NJ

He is an absolute beast. The amount of linemen being stockpiled is getting ridiculous, but their is definitely room for the big guy. He is actually the scariest looking big man ever. He could definitely have a future as a bouncer at Peters Pub. He could also be a valuable addition to any rap group's entourage. The only real player here might be Maryland. He took a hometown visit to Rutgers, but he's tryna leave the Dirty Jerz, IMO. The Floss puts our chances at 66.6666666%.

JOSH EVANS****, S, IRVINGTON, NJ

The number one player on any true Pitt fan's radar. Josh Evans would be number one on the list if he committed. He had a great time in Gainesville last weekend. If Pitt can just get him to come on his visit this weekend(crossing fingers), we have a punchers chance. He is a huge safety that runs like a WR. Evans is such a freak. Literally, he could start alongside Dom DeCicco next year and it wouldn't surprise me. This is the first time in my memory that a recruitment is coming down to the wire that Pitt is legitimately FIGHTING the NATIONAL FUCKING CHAMPIONS for a recruit. Not too mention it's Florida. Hot chicks, hot chicks, warm weather, Tim Tebow, and hot chicks. Right now it is a stunning 26 degrees and it is ice storming outside on top of a few inches of snow. This seems like a very uphill battle. If Jeff Hafley lands Evans, Nunez, Holmes, Bush, Graham, and all the other Jersey guys, he is my official favorite coach ever. I also would never count out the Recruitinator Dave Wannstedt. Let's just hope he makes it to the Burgh. Either way the Floss will watch this kid become a STUD. The Floss puts our chances at 34.3%.

Either way this should be a really fun week leading up til Signing Day. Another tragedy, the floss has a test on Signing Day and the day after. Therefore no drinking again on signing day. Damn shame. Did I mention that the Super Bowl is Sunday?

HERE COME DA BUS

2009-01-26T18:45:00.003-05:00

My editors decided to give the Floss a week off to fully recover from the "scalp contusion" suffered in the early hours of Monday, January 19th, 2009. However, the Floss is back and ready to roll down the road. Now most people probably think that the "Here Come Da Bus" title refers to James "Potsie" Farrior's claim right before Bettis' legendary fumble in the 2005 AFC Divisional Playoff Game against Indy. A fumble that led to dry heaving into the mulch(completely sober, btw) from CINC, one of the all time best stories relating to devotion to a team. If you puke because of something that happens to your sports team, you've made it my friend. CINC, you've made it. Back to the issue at hand, the Elite 8. No I'm not talking about where Pitt better get this year, the Floss is talking the Elite 8 of Season 3 of ROL. Now that we have hit the final 8, the Floss figured he could do his normal power rankings segment. The Floss hasn't been able to analyze Bret's feelings on the girls that much, so these rankings are based on the Floss' impressions not Mr. Michaels.

8. BEVERLY

The Floss just had so much trouble spelling her stupid name. She is the ugly one that gets to stay on the show. Sure she likes the music and might be the only one who can sing a song, but she is an effin dog. Literally, she might be a lesbo. No girl on Bret Michaels show should force the Floss to say, wow I would probably need drinks in me to touch her. Well congrats, you did it Bev. And Bev is one of the stupidest shortenings of a name. Think of a hot Beverly that you have ever came across. BIG FAT ZERO HERE.

7. NATASHA

The lone African American even selected for the show. She isn't bad looking, too much make up. She is loud and obnoxious(hold the puns). Basically just not going to win. 5,6,7 really don't mean much. None of them have any spot in the Floss' heart. Basically a coin toss decided their order.

6. FARRAH

Farrah has a few LB's placed around her waist that the Floss ain't digging. She is also a legitimate 35 years old. When comparing her to girls that don't touch 28 or so, the 35 year old better be real hot. I like her big knock knocks but that's about it.

5. MINDY

She has decent looks actually. She also is probably closing in on mid 30's, but she is much better looking than Farrah. She would be higher if not her terrible, awful, miserable disposition. Not too mention she has an accent that makes her sound dumber than a bag of fucking rocks.

4. ASHLEY

Ashley might be the hottest one left. The Floss is a real big fan of this sexy sexy slut. She has the big fake boobs that everyone loves to hate. However, she is a bitch and a slut. Hard to win when you are a bitch and a slut. I would have no problem putting her on top(pun intended) of my list.

3. BRITTANYA

She has that Bret Michael's look about her. The sleeve arm tat. The dimple-rings. Truthfully I've never seen dimple piercings. She rocks them with the best of them. Last year the lip ring brought about the debates from the loyal followers of Floss. The dimple-rings do not have a ringing endorsement, but they might have also put her up to number three. She also keeps her mouth shut which makes her hotter than some of the girls. The 3 spot would have been Marcia's if Bret didn't axe her last night. How couldn't he love a girl that was that drunk ALL THE TIME. She was the drunkest person ever, plus great tits and basically couldn't speak English. If I'm a millionaire within the next five years, I might hire her for something around my estate. I don't know what job(s) she could perform. I see her as a jester. She could just get blackout drunk all day and make jokes for me. She would do all of this naked. Dreams people, we all got em. DDP(L) would fight me over her because he fell head over heels in love with her.

2. Taya

It was a crafty move by VH1 to put a Penthouse Pet in with the other girls. She is probably the hottest by most standards, but not in my eyes. She has a lot going for her, but she is kind of a C-Word. No one likes a C-Word.

1. Kelsey

The girl next door. However, she has big tits and is kind of slutty. So she is just..the perfect girl next door. Literally how awesome would it be to grow up next door to a hot, slutty drunk. It would be like winning the housing lottery(kind of like Boquet Gardens). She is by far the Floss' favorite. Her top spot won't be taken unless Bret takes it from her. She is only 23 or 24, so she has no chance of winning because of the 20+ year age difference, but O well.

Stay tuned this week for...

Wednesday: One Week til Signing Day Special

Friday: SB XLIII Preview

IIIIIIIIIIIIII GOT A FEELIN'

2009-01-19T11:09:00.002-05:00

Well we are headed to the Super Bowl, albeit it took a 3 hour hospital stay for the Floss last night, no joke, bad decisions were made. It hasn't been easy, but it was predicted by yours truly. Coach Tomlin certainly has grown up fast(so has Coach Wiz in AZ). Now we get the NFC West in the Super Bowl again. Kurt Warner clinched the HOF yesterday in the Floss' eyes. 2 MVP's a Super Bowl MVP and he has been to 3 Super Bowls now. Congrats to Kurt. Ben might be playing for something bigger however. If he wins number 2 in 2 weeks, he will be that much closer to the best QB of all time. Everyone and their mother knows how the Floss feels about his boy Ben. Ben rules. He played fanfuckingtastic yesterday. To think, yinzer nation was all, "Buuuuuyyyyyyron has dat hot hand, Ben is huuuuurt, play da hotttt hand". Well yinzer nation, Ben just took you to his second Super Bowl, are you happy? Queerdell never took us to one on his own. We had that crapdick O'Donnel back there in '95. I still can't believe that we are going to number 7. In Pittsburgh, we truly are blessed with one of the best sports franchises of all time!

POST UL THOUGHTS

2009-01-18T13:47:00.002-05:00

Well yesterday the Floss was quick to blame Ed Fucking Hightower and his absolutely absurd officiating yesterday, but today I realize that you can't control the officials. You can control near 20 turnovers. You can control 8 for 18 from the charity stripe. However, to say the officials had no bearing on the outcome of that game is absurd. Their tight whistles are the reason that Blair and Sam were on the bench. The only call I have a real problem with was the completely FUCKING BULLSHIT offensive foul call on Fields with under 2 left. No way you can make that call. That is an official attempting to be a big shot. Officials are egotistical fucks and love to try and make any attempt to take control of the game. It is expected as they are underpaid and working a thankless job. They work in billion dollar industries and still work other jobs. There is so much wrong with not hiring full time officials. No reason they shouldn't be compensated on a full year scale, just like teachers. If teachers get paid on a yearly basis so should officials. However, the Floss would also raise the minimum salary of a ref to the same as the minimum for a player(NFL) and for college sports, maybe use a median coaching salary or something. Just something around 150 to 200,000 dollars. I digress, back to the game:

**Fields struggled, but wouldn't you turn the ball over if you were gettin ridden on your back up the floor every DAMN possession.

**Sam needs to start giving us a full 40. He can't look like a first round pick for a few possessions and then like sophomore Sam the next.

**Dejuan needs to learn to avoid shitty fouls. He simply can't reach around people. His fouls need to occur when banging inside, not when he's gambling for steals.

**Gil Brown is by far the most confusing player on the court in Pitt history. You literally have no idea what you are getting. Trying to read Gil Brown is like trying to read Chinese.

**Brad Wannamaker grew up a lot yesterday. He did have some turnovers, but that was a tough responsibility for him yesterday. His play yesterday will help us down the road against aggressive, pressing, trap type teams.

**Ashton Gibbs needs more minutes and needs to fire when out there, but only from 3. I hated both times when he went for floaters. Antonio Graves loved floaters, for which he was always in the Floss' doghouse. The floater is reserved for Fields.

**Gary McGhee proved worthless again. It's starting to make the Floss happy as sick as that is. When he plays bad, I just think about us somehow getting rid of him by persuading him to peace out. He also will eventually start to lose minutes. It's funny because on the message boards, people defend him saying that UL was a quick, athletic team that he couldn't play against. Well when can he play? He gives us nothing. He sucks. I hate him. He's so much worse than Aaron Gray.

**Nas Robinson is perfect for this team. Just watching him develop into a more athletic Jaron Brown brings a tear to my eye. He is much more productive out there than Gary Retard.

**The Floss looks forward to blowing the roof off the Pete tomorrow in our big matchup versus Cuse. The Floss looks for a win by 10+.

HERE WE GO STEELERS

WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, FUCKING BLOCKBUSTER?

2009-01-15T14:53:00.002-05:00

So, the Floss just had a weird fucking moment. I'm sitting in my room, nursing a hangover, with DDP(L) and SJ(Slack JAW), and our landlord comes in. We figure he is just checking the heat or whatever, but instead he comes into my room and asks who's room it is. Well it is the Floss'. He tells me that he borrowed 2 of my DVD's that were laying in my room. I'm pretty sure the whole room was flabbergasted at the fact that this 70 year old burn out, piece of shit, dick sucking faggot of a landlord decided to borrow 2 of my DVD's. Who the fuck does this? Should this be considered stealing? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm too shocked to be this angry. The movies he borrowed, my 3 pack of American Pie and Ferris Buellers Day off. So technically he took 4 fucking movies. One of the kickers, that he didn't bring Ferris with him. So my landlord stole from me. This is my day, fucking hungover, and my landlord stole my fucking movies. When he gave back the American Pie pack, it prompted SJ to remark, "There is probably so much semen on that". Great. My DVD, my own personal property. He's probably wacking it to Matthew Broderick right now. FUCK. I'm looking for a new apartment.

MID WEEK REPORT

2009-01-14T14:30:00.002-05:00

The Floss figured it out. I know why no blog ideas have came into my head. It's because...SPORTS RIGHT NOW ARE A FUCKING DREAM(SANS SHADY). Really there has been nothing to complain about which hurts the Floss' blog game. So here come some happy, positive thoughts, and of course some not so happy:

**When the Steelers were 5-1, the Floss said that all players better step up because this was a wide open AFC race. Well we are here. A home AFC Title game. Coach T deserves much credit for having this team so ready. Sunday at 6:30 will be a WAR. I know it is cliche, but it is true. However, with the long layoff for *cough* Super Bowl XLIII *cough*, the Steelers better lay it all out on the field. There is nothing to suggest they won't. The Floss isn't going to predict this one because well who cares what I say.

**The Floss also received tickets for the next two Pitt basketball home games. Tonight versus South Florida where the Floss will probably be drunkest in attendance. Pause

Just poured a 7UP and Three Olives Cherry drink. No bullshit here. Tonight should be a fairly easy win. The Floss predicts that Pitt covers the 21 that they are laying. South Florida is the last game before a normal BE stretch of @Louisville, Syracuse, @WVU, @Villanova, Notre Dame. Those are a huge 5 games. I don't think Pitt necessarily needs to prove anything with those three games. I think 3-2 would be respectable, 4-1 would be very impressive, and 5-0 would be fanfuckingtastic.

**The Floss is again going to apologize to Coach K and his Devils. The Floss was very very wrong about them. They are a solid team, and I think Coach K is having one of his best seasons as a coach, IMO. Singler is probably a top 10 to 15 player in the country, but outside of him they really don't have many superstars. Hendo, Nolan Smith, and Jon Scheyer are all about top 15 at their positions, but still not superstars. This team is really buying into what Coach K is selling. They also are benefiting from not having major impacts from freshmen because they can't be trusted night in and night out.

**Another thing, seeding around tourney time better take note to the ACC and Big East's superiority as far as conferences go. The ACC has 4 in the top 10, while the BE has 8 in the top 25, not to mention numero uno. I was sick of listening about the B12 and SEC dominance in football. The selection and seeding committee better reward both of these conferences.

**Shady McCoy. While I don't agree with his decision at all, I still love what he did for this university. Shady McCoy was the only reason Pitt football was watchable last year(07). He basically won us the game on 12-1-07 against the Mountainqueers, which is still my most exciting day as a student. He led us to our first bowl game in 4 years/DROF's college career. I think coming back for one more year would have put him in the top 15 as a lock. I also know that family pressure is the reason he declared. No doubt in my mind that he wanted to come back, but his mom and brother wanted the money now. I can't argue with listening to your momma, but I think she didn't look ahead on this one. Some tricky dealings with agents definitely forced this. O well.

PITT FOOTBALL SEASON END RECAP

2009-01-03T16:18:00.005-05:00

POST SEASON PITT FOOTBALL REVIEW(LONNNNNNNNNNNNG)

QUARTERBACK: Well the one position that never fully developed was the quarterback position. Bill Stull never ended up getting it done. The Big problem with this, he will most likely be the starter next year. We burned Pat Bostick's redshirt season albeit legit because of the concussed Billy Stull. All Pat Bostick did again was win. If you actually go back to the ND game, you will see that Pat Bostick actually threw the ball solidly in that game. Sure he had a couple of bad throws, but he also didn't play much before that. If Pat Bostick started all year, Pitt would be a better team heading into '09. Now we are pretty stuck with an average 5th year senior that probably won't take us anywhere next year. The Floss has a solution here, play Tino. Cut your losses and give a kid 4 years to play. It will help your future. College football is a weird game, you need to be prepared for the future. Tino will let us be prepared. The Floss also wouldn't be against giving Bostick a 2 year window since he has previous experience going into next year, unlike Stully going into this year. Bill Stull is not the answer.

RUNNING BACK: This position is still loaded. Wanny recruits D-Line then RB. Hence why this position is loaded even if Shady doesn't return. The Floss still believes the chances of Shady returning are 60-40, possibly better. Sidenote: This was when I started writing this. Now the Floss believes the chances are 20-80. Honestly, Shady would take us to the BE title next year, IMO. If Shady doesn't come back, the Floss expects a solid 3 RB system for maybe 3 games. Chris Burns will then take over and be a 3 to 4 year starter. Don't sleep on Kevin Collier, the Floss still hasn't given up hope.

WIDE RECEIVER: The position that never improved. The quarterback position regressed, the WR's just never seperated themselves from one another. Jonathan Baldwin never improved. He still will be a starter heading into '09. JB probably will still be a stud. OD actually had a really solid year minus the first few games. He probably would be my starting WR alongside JB next year. His blocking is very solid, which might separate him. TJ and Ced Money are both also ready for another solid year in '09. None of the current freshmen will do anything next year IMO. This position will be solid but not spectacular again in '09.

TIGHT END: This positon doesn't really need talked about. We have 3 SR's coming back for next year, including first team all conference TE Nate Byham. I just wish we had a QB that could utilize them.

O-LEEZY: The Floss loves trying to analyze the O-Line even though he doesn't really know what to look for in a lineman. It is also nice that 4 of the starters are locked in for next year. C-Houser, RG-Malecki, RT-Joe Thomas, LT-Jason Pinkston. However, the LG spot is very up for grabs. You ask or wonder what the Floss would do with this spot? Well, he would move Joe Thomas to LG. Joe likes the left side of the line and guard is a better spot for him. Then you can judge where to play Pinky and Luke Nix. Personally the Floss would let Luke take his lumps at LT and let him become the stud LT that he is destined to be.

D-LEEZY: The strongest position on the team for sure. The D-Ends are absolute freaks. Romeus(6'6, 270), Sheard (6'4, 260), Hale (6'4, 260), Tucker (6'4, 245). They are all nasty. Probably at least 2 will play on Sundays. The ends will be fun to watch. The interior is pretty solid. The starters will probably be Gus and Mick Will, but the Floss isn't sure about Mick playing the more traditional Nose Guard position. The Floss could see Mick Will starting alongside Myles Caregein. Myles was good this year and will only develop to get better. The 4th DT spot is interesting. Tommie Duhart is one bad grade or missed practice from getting the boot from this team. If he turns his life around, he gets this spot no doubt. Other interior possibilities are really Ty Tkach(probably the favorite), Scott Corson(same situation as Tommie Du), Mike Cruz(still hate him), or a recruit. Not exactly as exciting as the QB or RB battles, but stay tuned!!!!!

OLB'S: Fighting for a spot in the Floss' top 5 favorite Panthers is Greg Williams. He actually was the Rivals.com BE Defensive freshmen of the year. This was his RS FR season fellas. He could be a really really good one. He needs to put on some weight. A lot of the other things will come with time. Joe Tumpkin should be able to develop his Florida boy G Will. Shane Murray will be back from injury to take back his other starting spot. He was real good at the end of the 2007 season especially against WVU. Who would want to meet Shane Murray in a dark alley? No one. The backups are currently Mad Max Gruder, who probably will be moved inside, Nate Nix, and Tristan Roberts. Nix and Roberts are definitely solid backups for outside and the inside is thin, so please Davey: MOVE MAX.

MLB: This position is a damn crapshoot. Right now it is between 5th year SR Steve Dell and Brandon Lindsey. Lindsey was a really highly recruited player. He has NO experience unlike Gruder, but he has upside. Whoever takes over this position will not be half the player Scott McKiller was. McKiller always credited Blades for teaching him. Steve Dell was taught by Blades AND McKiller. He should be the best right? No, he would probably be in my top half of players to go because of recruiting. MEMO TO DAN MASON: The position is THIIIIIN HOMIE.

CB'S: Pitt will start 2 SR's at CB next year. Aaron Berry and JoMoney Chappel will definitely start. No chance Wanny gives one of the young bucks even a chance at the spot. They actually both played decent minus a game or two. Soooooo much hope with some of the young guys though even with Ronald Hobby getting kicked off for forgetting to realize that 2 star CB's don't get preferential academic star treatment. Buddy Jackson, Antuan Reed, and Jarred Holley all have very bright futures. Holley is one of the Floss' 5 non-skill position players to watch next year. SIDENOTE: The other 4 are, Dom DeCicco, Max Gruder, Myles Caregein, and Luke Nix.

S: Probably the most exciting position for WPIAL football fans. Dom DeCicco actually made the most strides of any defensive player minus Greg Williams. He led the team in INT's. He also got much better with his angles and tackling. The Floss still remembers how incredibly AWFUL he played against BG and Buff. Now he is a clear cut starter next year at one of the safety spots. He never lost his celeb status. Eric Thatcher has finally graduated. The Floss was just never feelin' E Thatch. Back to WPIAL players, the other S spot will be decided between two WPIAL boys, Elijah 'Scoot' Fields and Andrew Tags. Scoot would be a 4 to 1 favorite for this position if the Floss believed he would be back. He was out of the doghouse early on last year, but still stayed in the yard, never made it into the real house, and then he ended the season back in the doghouse. Drugs and grades will probably kill this one time WPIAL great. Other possibilities would be to move Jovani Chappel to safety if Wanny believes in one of the young corners. Greg Cross also moved to safety apparently, jesus. Irvan Brown is a 5th year guy who might need to be brought back. The Floss hates 5th years who have never done anything early in their career. It's like plugging a leak with a piece of gum, sure it will hold up for a little, but eventually it will fail, just ask Clark Griswold. Bill Stull=piece of gum.

COACHING: The Floss isn't going to bash the coaches. 9-4 is a step in the right direction. Depending on what happens with Shady and the QB position next year will let me evaluate Wanny fairly. If he gets Shady back and puts Stull in at QB, and Wanny doesn't get to 10+ wins, I will know that Pitt will never get over the hump with him here. I also wouldn't mind seeing Cav go just to bring in a spread guy. The Floss wants a spread offense really bad or something creative. No one should be forced to watch an offense like we did in the Sun Bowl. This is actually something that we all should see coming. Billy and Pat are pro styles, but the other 2 real QB's on our roster are spread guys. Tino and Kolby Gray are both quick, undersized guys, who need to make plays on the run. Pro offenses are gonzo. Spread 'em wide.

RECRUITS: The Floss isn't going to get into a long winded talk about recruiting. I'm just going to talk about some of the guys who might make an impact. The sad thing is, most of these guys aren't even committed. Tyrone Ezell from Munhall might get a chance at an interior DLine spot if he is as good as the Floss believes. Isaac Holmes if he comes here most likely gets a spot in that rotation. Raymond Graham will also get some looks at RB if Shady goes. Dan Mason could come compete immediately at MLB, probably land on the 2 deep. Finally, my favorite recruit left, Josh Evans, S, Irvington HS in New Jersey, Youtube him, would get in on defense. This kid is a man. A freak. He could actually snag a starting spot if Fields is gone. Now we just need to convince him to pick Pitt over Florida and Oklahoma, wish I was kidding.

A JOKE: I saw this joke on a message board, thought I'd pass it along:

"I saw Bill Stull at the O today. He threw his money to the woman behind the counter only his doller went too high and left splashing into the fryers and giving her third degree burns. Coach Cav blamed the wind"

Absolutely beautiful joke.

CAN BAR FLOSS GO 2 FOR 2?

2008-12-12T13:18:00.002-05:00

FUCK YEAH HE CAN. That's right, 2 nights in a row, Uncle Pete's let in the Floss. Don't have much time to write, going to drop off toys with Toys for Tots. Some highlights:

**Starting RG John Malecki telling me "I fuckin hate football". He said that it was the biggest snub ever that he didn't make first or second team all Big East. My response, "At least Scott(roomate McKskillet) won defensive player of the year". That didn't make the situation any better.

**Greg Romeus blackout drunk introducing me to hot white girls. I think this one explains itself.

**Mr. Shenanigans being there, talking to him and getting a text from him, "Why didn't you go to Peter's last night?"

**Only spending 14 dollars in 2+ hours. So now the average for 2 nights is like 32.50. Bar Floss will take that any fuckin day of the week.

**ULTIMATE HIGHLIGHT:

The Floss meets a female at a pregame party, who he gets Malecki to sneak in for her. Her name you ask, Brighton. It sounds like (bright-EN). She's says guess what my last name is? It makes sense. The Floss' Vlad induced coma response "Yourdayup", except very slowly. It sounded like she had the longest last name. This girl and her friend were appalled at this response. She was like, no it's "early". So Ms. Brighton Early, fuck you from the Floss, have a merry Christmas.

THE RETURN OF BAR FLOSS

2008-12-11T09:45:00.002-05:00

Bar Floss made an appearance last night. Yes, the Floss went to Peters. And since he's done with finals, he didn't hold back. The Floss needs to talk to DROF about his behavior, but pretty sure I was a gem last night at the bar. Some highlights last night:

* Spent in the upper 50's as far as scrilla goes, but shit finals are over.
* Called B Man with the manager. Little did he know that the Floss is 20. Ha.
* Bought DROF a shot of bourbon. Hail bourbon.
* Got a drink bought for me by a Pitt football player(Justin Hargrove)
* Won my bet on the Zags last night

The real highlight came early, pre super drunk Floss. It was country night at Pete's as you most know, so naturally there was a lot of singing along coming from the Floss' mouth. Taylor Swift's beautiful song Love Story came on. The Floss belted some notes, and then a girl noticed. She was an asian girl, but loved the enthusiasm of the Floss' singing style. She joined along. Since the Floss is a man, he naturally loves asians. She was no different, until she started whoring herself out for a drink. She kept trying to *whisper to her friend about not having a drink. You could see the desperation behind those slant eyes. She sucked. The Floss watched her keep attempting to get men to buy her a drink. She eventually won, but not against this guy.

DESHEA TOWNSEND

Since the Floss has been busy with finals and not blogging, he hasn't got to weigh in on the 10-3 Steelers. They rule. No matter if they win ugly, they still win baby. The Floss has been adament about the AFC title going through Pittsburgh in a proverbial sense, but now it might be literal. If the Steelers can win out(projected by all at Floss industries) and Tennesee OVERRATEDS lose at Indy, the conference goes through da Burgh. In light of the best Pitt football season since Larry FitzHeisman played, the Floss still can't stop thinking about winning a Super Bowl.

TEBOW

As you know, the Floss LOVES Timmy T. Today I just want to show you his girlfriend. Dear Lord. The Floss hates swimming, but would go with Lucy Pinder.

QUICK PICKS

2008-12-06T09:50:00.003-05:00

This post is allotted around 9 minutes, so enjoy whatever you read. The Floss is pickin' championship Saturday games, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO:

PITT AT UCONN 12 PM

The Floss all week was nervous, but today I've come to grips with it...The Panthers are for real. The Floss doesn't expect a close game, thinking around 34-17 for the Panthers. Bill Stull needs to do something to make me not give him a C in his end of the year report card.

FLORIDA VS. ALABAMA 4:05

TEBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW. Is there a better man crush in all the land than Tim Tebow? Seriously, next week, after finals, the Floss will create a man crush blog. Tebow wins. Lay the points with Florida. He doesn't even need Percy. The Floss seriously LOVES Timmy T. People might not remember, but on the Hoover High TV show on MTV, both of the QB's in the SEC championship game made an appearance. Tebow actually dazzled for Nease High against Hoover in a losing effort. JPW or John Parker Wilson as his mommy calls him was the older brother of the starting QB on Hoover. Interesting.

MIZZOURA VS. OKLAHOMA

Sam Bradford is the most Mexican looking non Mexican ever. Not too mention the Griffin twins have a ridiculous set of parents. It's uncanny. The Floss is rootin on Mizzoura because of Colt McCoy and Jordan Shipley at Texas, but OK rolls. OK will fail miserably in the NC game because Stoops and bowl games get along like DickRod and Michigan.

MONEY IN THE BANK LOCK OF THE DAY...

CINCI -7.5 AT HAWAII

2 HELPINGS OF RANT--THANKSGIVING EDITION

2008-11-25T09:42:00.002-05:00

Holiday issues coupled with the lackluster computer in the home of the Floss, there will probably be no updates until around next Monday. The Floss says sorry for that. Here are 2 rants courtesy of the Floss, both relating to Turkey Day:

"HAPPY T-GIVING TO U AND UR FAMILY"

What's this you ask? O, u all no, it's a tm wishing u a happy holiday. I hate the mass texts that swirl around on holidays. If you are going to waste time to send a text, personalize the damn thing. The mass text on holidays is like the "hey, we haven't talked in between 6 and 12 months, but just so you know I care enough about you to check the box next to your contact info, take care". Seriously, the mass texts on holidays are sooooooooooo wizzzzeeak. The Floss bets if you all think about it, you can think already about the people who will send you one. However, there are always those people that you definitely didn't expect probably because they are the ones with a send all button. Not too mention, it is almost guaranteed that on one of the MMTH(Major Mass Text Holidays), you will receive a MTM(Mass Text Message) from a number you don't even have. The Floss sees 2 possible solutions to this MTM problem:

1. Prank Mass Texts. Get a list of all the people that you were going to send a TM to on an MMTH and change what you were going to say to something funny like, "balls on your chin". Not only will this confuse people, but they will just know to not MTM you ever again.

2. Change the MMTH around. Stop on the important holidays. The Floss thinks if you really want to wish someone a happy holiday, you might as well personalize the text. Let's just change the MMTH around to some more fun times. Some examples, Cinco de Mayo, MLK Day, any anniversary of a Steelers' Super Bowl, etc. Can you imagine a MTM for MLK Day, "Hey all, just wanted to say Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Sip some juice. Love ya, Floss". Yes We Can.

LIONS AND COWBOYS

Fuck the Lions and Cowboys. There is no reason that they should both be playing every year on Turkey Day. The Lions haven't had a meaningful week 13 game in probably 10 years. Although you could argue the Lions haven't had a meaningful game in 10 years, sans ones where they are playing for draft picks. The Cowboys are America's team, so what? Give everyone else a shot damnit. Another thing, the NFL should not allow the NFL Network to show the primetime game. Seriously, your the most successful sport in terms of popularity and revenue, stop selling your soul every fuckin' year. At least if your going to take the only decent game of the day away from the fans, pay the refs a competitive salary. This year ESPN bit them though by putting no. 2 Texas on TV at the same time. To hell with the NFL Network.

101st EDITION OF THE BACKYARD BRAWL

-No real preview of the game, last game still pisses me off.
-At least we can stop the run.
-This is the last time Pat White will play Pitt, thank god, he was one of my favorite qu'eers to watch.
-Probably Shady's last home game. It's awesome that Pitt's 2 best players in my lifetime were both prep school products. Thanks.
-The game will be a sell out, might actually have an atmosphere.
-FLOSSY PREDICTION:
PITT 24
QUEERS 14

To go back to something from yesterday, Pitt can still win 10 games this year. Do you know the last time Pitt won 10 games, 1981. The Floss wasn't even thought about in 1981. The computer wasn't even real in 1981. Do you know how many times Pitt has won 9 games since 1981, 2 FUCKING TIMES. And one of those times was 1982. In the Floss' tenure on this Earth, 1988 going forward, Pitt has won 9 games once. It was the glorious 2001-2002 season where Larry Fitz torched the Oregon St. Beavs in the Insight Bowl. Get a grip people, this is going to be the most successful year in almost 30 FUCKING years. Stop your bitching.

CINCI HANGOVER

2008-11-24T15:57:00.003-05:00

"I'll remember this trip forever, but not because of the football game"--PnR

The trip to Cinci this weekend was very interesting to say the least. As Vinnie Vaughn says in Wedding Crashers, "I don't want to talk about it because it will just make me mad". So let's just focus on the football related thoughts:

-Seriously, I hate the negativity that Pitt fans have as a whole. Seriously, Pitt hasn't won 7 games in 3 years, now we finally do and people bitch. We lost to Bowling Green and Rutgers, both at home, going into the Cincinnati game. The fans acted like Pitt was god-damn-invincible. Fans already writing this season off are god damn insane. Pitt can still win 10 GAMES. Honestly, before the year I would have been elated with 10 wins. Not too mention a 2-1 finish gets us 9 wins, another above average season. I don't know why Pitt fans feel that we are USC and anything less than 10 wins is absurd. The only way the Floss will take this blog straight to negative town is a 0-3 finish. The Floss has had it up to here with these stupid fans. This has been the best year to be a Pitt fan since the Fiesta Bowl season. Be happy for once.

-Cincinnati has about 3,000 real fans. Everyone we met in Cicinnati cared way way more about tOSU than they did about Cinci. They all assumed that we would be rooting for PSU against MSU because they thought we were PSU fans because we were from PA. It was a weird thing. Way less school pride than Pitt which means nothing when they go to the Orange Bowl. Overall, the Floss is still proud to be PITT AND IT. By this I mean, Pitt and that's fucking it. IT. The Floss still likes other teams, but there is no questioning where my fanhood rests.

-The campus of Cincinnati is weird. It has some nicer parts than Pitt, primarily some grass and a football stadium(even though it is a concrete mess with bleachers) that serves beer. Their ghetto is worse than the Hill. It was an interesting town though and had more of a college feel I guess.

-One brightspot this weekend was learning that you can get TRIPLE meat on a Subway hoagie. The Floss watched Mr. Shenanigans order a TRIPLE MEAT TRIPLE CHEESE Chicken Bacon Ranch at a Subway on the way home from Cinci. It had 12 Subway boats of chicken strips, 12 pieces of bacon, 12 triangles of cheese. It was an amazing feat although still a ripoff for 14 dollars.

-New basketball rankings are out and the Panthers somehow jumped UCLA AND Duke. A little shocked the Panthers jumped Duke, but obviously the Floss agrees with the move. Any question which conference will dominate college basketball this year. The Big East has the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 8th, 15th, 16th, and 22nd ranked teams. By votes they also have the 31st and 33rd ranked teams. Also watch out for the 'Cuse, no. 33, to take out Florida tonight in the CBE classic. The Floss usually thinks 'Cuse is overrated, but not this year. Johnny Flynn, Devendorf, Onuaku, Paul Harris, Andy Rautins, Scoop Jardine, Rick Jackson, and Kristof Ongenaet. These are all players who have played legitimate minutes for the Orange before in their career. They also lost a cancer with Donte Green. I don't know why the Floss felt the need to slurp on the Orange, but just watch out for them.

-The Floss also wants to comment on "Joshua". He is someone who just randomly commented on the Floss' Pitt--Cinci preview. We're moving in the right direction. The Floss knows 0 Joshua's. The fan count has easily topped double digits.

PITT PREVIEW

2008-11-21T00:14:00.004-05:00

Well the Floss nearly hit his Steeler's projected score from tonight, he doesn't claim to be a genius, but damn close. Before we get to the Pitt preview, the Floss wants to give credit to Duke staying tough and blowing out SIU. It was truly a nice win. Also, great win for John Beilein over Ben Howland's UCLA team. I hadn't seen UCLA yet, but for that team to be ranked over Pitt is crazy. Darren Collison is not as good as Levance Fields, no bullshit. Fields can score better, lead better, and dish just as well. Defensively might be where DC is better. The rest of their starting lineup is STUD freshman Jrue Holiday. He is good, but not near the freshmen that we have seen the past two years used. Then Josh Shipp, a role player who will be solid all year. James Keefe, really? Alfred Aboya, he is a good rebounder and a decent defender. UCLA was confused by a marginal Michigan team's 1-3-1 D. They were very confused. I will give a ton of credit to Michigan and Beilein, but UCLA was vastly overrated. At best they are the 15th best team in the nation. Sorry. Now onto the biggest game in OHIO this weekend, sorry CINC...

PITT OFFENSE VS. CINCI DEFENSE

The Cinci D has one hell of a secondary, but really does a secondary come into play that much against a team that doesn't throw downfield? That is the biggest question. Cinci also has a pretty solid front 4. However, the Pitt O-Line has gotten much better as the weeks have passed. If they can get down and block solidly, which the Floss thinks they will, I like their matchup against the Cinci LB's. The Cinci LB corp is solid, but nothing I'm writing home to MOF about. If Robby Armstrong, Franklin Regional's 2nd best RB of my lifetime(Soup Campbell), is starting at SAM LB, the Floss will be grinning ear to ear. LeSean "Shady" McCoy will be grinning the same as he is going one on one versus LB's all night. If this happens, Shady could go real tough on them. Against the Pitt passing game, I expect Brian Kelly, the best coach in the BE, to jam cover the WR's all day. I think this could actually backfire in his eye if Coach Cav(Skoal Wintergreen) decides to go up top early to JB. If we can get JB to make a big play early, their corners won't be able to be as aggressive. Many people clamor for the pass over the middle to TE's, but I think keeping the ball away from the middle will keep us from turnovers. We should also focus on hitting all of these screens that we have been hitting. A simple offensive gameplan is all the Panthers need. Shady should rush for 150 on about 30 carries.

PITT DEFENSE VS. CINCI OFFENSE

The Cinci offense doesn't scare the Floss one bit. They don't have a solid running back. They have 2 that have barely got over 1000 yards, and that is in one more game than Pitt's LeSean Mccoy has played. Tony Pike and Dustin Grutza are both marginal at best. Cinci runs a spread offense with less fire power than the USF offense that Pitt faced(I know USF has crapped the bed since). The point is, Pitt can stop a spread offense. Phil Bennett has been scheming defense's up for 2 weeks for this game. Pitt can probably get away with just playing their base 4-3, but you know Pitt can mix in some of the bandit defense that has been so successful. The Floss is worried that Pitt won't be able to get a turnover. I think the Panther's defense needs to force just one singular turnover for us to get a win this weekend. I think G-Rom or Ball can get a sack forced fumble off the edges. The Floss doesn't see any problems with the Pitt D this week, unless Mike Teel comes out for Cinci.

PITT SPECIAL TEAMS

-7 Blocked Kicks
-Conor Lee
-Aundre Wright, LaRod
-TJ's African Army

Pitt's special teams are better than 90% of team's in the country. I like their matchup any day. The wind in Cinci could hurt both teams though.

FLOSSY PREDICTION

PITT 31
CINCI 20

FIGHT ON FOR DEAR OLD PITTSBURGH, AND FOR THE GLORY OF THE GAME, SHOW OUR WORTHY FOE, THE PANTHERS ON THE GO, PITT MUST WIN TODAY, RAH, RAH, RAH, CHEER LOYAL SONS OF PITTSBURGH, CHEER ON TO VICTORY AND FAME, FOR THE BLUE AND GOLD WILL CONQUER AS OF OLD SO FIGHT, PITT, FIGHT!!!!!!!!

STEELERS AND BASKETBALL

2008-11-19T22:58:00.004-05:00

The squad better come out ready today. The Bungholes are playing better right now, probably playing for Marvin the Martian's job. Sidenote: Hopefully Marvin Lewis is their coach for 2 more years, then takes over for a retiring Dick LeBeau and our 2/3 black coaching staff would dominate. The Bengals did play 5 quarters for a tie against the slumping Eagles, but they are a fiesty bunch. The Floss is honestly worried about the game. Without a quick start the Steelers could be playing from behind which with our O-Line, the Bengals could get lots of pressure on Ben if he needs to throw. That being said, if we get an early lead, always write off a 1-8-1 team. The Bengholes love playing tough against us mainly cause they HATE Hines Ward cause he torches them like Santonio Holmes torches blunts. I saw something today that said James Harrison is the 2nd best defensive player in the NFL. Well the Floss is here to say that he is number 1. The way he takes over a game is unbelievable. He reeks havoc on all O-Linemen. He forces fumbles, now he makes INT's. Shit, that n*gga can play. Plus a healthy Troy Polamalu helps that defense a bit, huh? I don't care what anyone says, the Steelers are still the Floss' pick to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl. Keep Ben healthy, get Willie healthy, and don't get as fucked as we've been with injuries. The Steelers are for real.

FLOSSY PREDICTION
STEELERS 27
BUNGHOLES 14

EARLY HOOPS THOUGHTS

-Duke is overrated again. I can't believe that team is ranked 5th. I know it was one early season game, but the Floss is here to say that Duke will be a 7 seed in the tourney. Seriously, does Jon Scheyer scare anyone? Singler? Hendo? This isn't JWill, Booz, and Dunleavy. Sorry Dukies. Remember CINC, I'm a Duke fan second.

-The Floss also says don't take too much from the whole transitive property of winning thing. Pitt killing Miami OH was impressive especially with Big Ben in attendance, but because Howland's boys only beat them by 4 doesn't make us unstoppable. The real problem with this Pitt team will finding a solid rotation. Once Gil gets back who's minutes will get taken. Pitt also lacks another solid ball handler. Tre Woodall and Ash are decent, but if Fields goes down or gets in foul trouble, this could hurt real bad. Brad Wannamaker probably won't work out here.

-For Christmas, CINC can take the 2 hour trek to Davidson and pick me up a Steph Curry jersey. 2XL

-Tubby Smith definitely deserved to get fired, huh? Good job Gillespie, you fraud.

-If any of you saw the Arizona--UAB highlights, you must ponder how the Arizona players were that unaware of the score. Seriously, one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. Way worst than C-Webb's timeout.

HAIL TO PITT!

MAILBAGGERY(ADD)

2008-11-19T12:11:00.003-05:00

Since the Floss only checked questions from the one post, he missed this gem of a question.

I think its time for a Floss mailbag.....

2 questions

1. What steps has Floss made in his everyday life to become more mature to his eventual (yet still too far away) transformation into Bar Floss?

2. The Floss has to choose one Pittsburgh team to watch for the rest of his life (Pens, Pitt football, Steelers, or Pitt basketball), or he can give up chew and choose to watch 2 Pittsburgh sports teams for the rest of his life. What choice does he make and why?

-Pnr

Truthfully, Bar Floss is still a long way away. However, the one trip to Peter's this year when Bar Floss had to come out was a success. The reason was probably that the Floss was scared to make bad moves. Bar Floss got shot down by a girl, but comparing that to sleeping in an elevator is nothing. The Floss needs to avoid such liquor heavy pregames. If he does that before the bar, Bar Floss won't be allowed into bars. Maybe if the Floss had better bar role models in his life, this wouldn't be such an issue. I see the way y'all come back from Peters. Maybe last year's Bar Floss was just trying to follow suit.

This question is tough and it sucks. The part of the question that I don't get is, do I get to watch the rest of the league too? I'm going to assume no, but I'm going to allot myself an hour of SportsCenter each day. The Floss would definitely give up on chew in order to watch 2 of these teams. First, the Pens are crossed off. Since hockey could die in America before the end of my lifetime, they wouldn't be a safe bet. Plus they have only been a part of my life for a short time. This question is hard cause college football is getting hot, while basketball is just warm. While this decision definitely limits the amount of games(total) the Floss could watch, the Floss chooses both football teams. The Steelers are probably my least FAVORITE of the teams to watch(excluding Pens), but they are consistent. The chances of down years with the Steelers are the least. Pitt football takes up way too much of my life to give it up. The Floss loves Pitt football. Honestly though, passing on Pitt basketball was tough. No chance this ever happens, why I hate hypotheticals.

MAKE SURE TO READ THE BLOG UNDER THIS ONE FOR THE FULL MAILBAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MAILBAGGERY

2008-11-18T22:51:00.002-05:00

The Floss' second ever mailbag. First I would like to thank everyone that asked questions. Let's get the ball rollin'...

Are you excited to eat my meat?
--One of Five Guys Now Living in Murrysville

Quite frankly, NO. What kind of lame name is that? For a dumb question and name like that, the Floss is sentencing you to 5 minutes in a cage with James Harrison and Lamar Woodley.

Hey it's D. Dix, just wondering who the Floss views as the 'Best Dixon In Pittsburgh' these days?
--Assuming this is Dorin

Sorry Dorin and Dennis, but the realest Dixon in this town is the least black and athletic. Jamie Dixon is getting mad props from pundits around the country. Can this be the year Pitt gets past the Sweet Sixteen?

Floss, we getting past the Sweet Sixteen nigga! Sorry for almost running you over every morning in my yellow Hummer.
--Dejuan Blair

One of the Floss' biggest fans seems to think so.

If the Floss was the last person on earth what 5 things would he make sure he had at his disposal? -fof

This was an interesting question. I'm going to leave this to non-humans because if humans got involved this question would be harder than you can even think. The 5 Things:

1. Case of Dos Equis(assuming I'm on an island)
2. Handle of Jim Beam(great shot liquor)
3. Log of Skoal Mint
4. A Denny's Beer Barrel Pub 15 pound hamburger
5. Loaded Gun

I figure if the other 4 things don't kill me, I will still have a gun. The Floss ain't living as the last person on Earth, sorry. So the Floss would enjoy the beer, beam, chew, and burger, then put the gun to his head and say sianara. The Floss would also attempt to blog the whole event in the sand, however, the booze and laziness would set in as usual.

Although after discussing this question with fof he thought this question could bring a full floss in itself i will ask anyways. What are your top 3 drunk stories? B MAN

This could definitely be a full blog. Most of the Floss' drunk stories are too hazy to really write down. The best one is the Elevator story that was already blogged about. I will just give one more that the Floss has heard enough about that he can fully tell the tale with success...

The first Steeler game of the 2006-2007 season was against the Miami Dolphins. It was a Thursday night game where the Steelers were getting annointed as the defending Super Bowl Champs. Naturally the tailgating gang(RIP) got together and CINC threw down a seafood tailgate in honor of the Dolphins. The Floss pregamed the tailgate with DROF, then went down to the game. The shot of the day was Jose Cuervo, which the Floss has drank approximately 4 times in his life, and is currently batting .000 with good old Jose, which is ironic because of the popularity of baseball in Latin America, but I digress. There was also a bottle of Captain Morgan, which the Floss also remembers fooling around with on that day. The last thing I remember from the tailgate was eating shrimp that may or may not have fallen on the ground(hazy part of story). Then the Floss went into the game. Sidenote: The next parts of this story were told to Floss by others. DROF and CINC had sold their tickets so the Floss had no baby sitter while in the stadium. Apparently Jerome Bettis drove a school bus onto the field something I don't remember. The best part was actually the next week at the game when I returned to my seats, taking a ton of shit from everyone around me. The guy next to me wants to show me a picturefrom the week before...UH OH. It is a picture of his 2 HOT TWIN DAUGHTERS posed on both sides of the Floss with french fries that they stuck in my nose and ears. I wish this wasn't true.

What does The Floss, realllllly want to be when he grows up? And if you say a fucking accountant ill beat the shit out of you. -CINC

Not a logistics coordinator in a small southern city. The Floss has always wanted to be a sports agent, however, law school scares the shit out of the Floss. I figure crunch some numbers til I'm 30 and have money. Go to law school, work at a sports agency, then become an independent agent by the time I'm 40. Then I make loot cause naturally I'm illegally giving funds to all of the Pitt football players fresh off Wanny's 12th National Title. They go as top 40 picks. Then we marry a hot 27 year old, make some babies. I work til I'm 60, retire, and have the rest of my life to gamble in Vegas, sit on the beaches in Cali, and go to all Pitt and Steeler athletic events that I can. 2nd Choice would probably be a mime because I could never see myself have a job where I have to stay quiet all day.

What are the chances the Floss experiences one of his hangovers on the way to cincy? What are the expectations of the floss this weekend? What are the odds for each person in the car on who will be arrested? I'm giving Shenanigans (3 to 2) Foss (12 to 1) The Floss (6 to 1) Nasty Nate (2 to 1) -Shenanigans

The hangover actually has a near zero percent chance as the Floss plans on watching your Shenanigans and being prepared and ready to drive if necessary. The Floss will not be staying up all night Friday, he might not even have a drink. The Floss really cares about 3 things all weekend, everything else is a bonus:
1. We get to Cinci without a hitch and get the tickets as well
2. Pitt beats Cinci
3. No arrests

I don't care if we sleep in the car. I don't care if nothing is going on Saturday night cause PussyCat fans are masturbating in their own tears. The Floss just wants to get there, watch Pitt, and not get arrested. This does not mean the Floss will not be drinking. The Floss will be drinking a lot. A lot a lot.

As for your arrest percentages, they are all way too high. They look something like this to me:
Shenanigans (10 to 1)
Foss (15 to 1)
PnR (25 to 1)
Floss (50 to 1)
Foss is a dark horse due to his love of the blackout and he has no sense of responsibility. PnR can drink so much that he should be fine. Myself, I'm just worried about not fighting. You, Shenanigans, ball's in your court.

What does the Floss think needs to be done to correct the refs in the NFL? Way to many blow calls this year. Are the NFL refs taking pointers from the NBA? FFOF

First of all, the NFL really needs to somehow figure out how to clean the Steeler game mess up. Honestly, 66 more million dollars on the Steelers, and thats just legal money. They call 2 penalties on SD and 13 on Pittsburgh. They got away with the Troy TD because not that many fans really understood the gambling aspect. The NBA is probably easier to fix. I think with the penalty calls, they might have been taking some pointers from the NBA. The real problem with referees is their lack of pay. They work very hard and are considered part time employees. They all carry other jobs. Honestly, they put too much time and effort into a very underpaid job. Think of all the money made on football. You can't tell me we can't hire NFL refs for between 250,000 and 500,000 dollars. Give them a strong union like the players get. BTW, who are you FFOF?
If the Floss could reproduce with any celebrity, who would it be and why?
--Anonymous

Naturally the Floss would want a good mother as well. Britney Spears is not in the running. Sadly, neither is the Floss' favorite celebrity Kim Kardasian because of the Ray Jay video. Neither is Vanessa Hudgens(yummy) because of her boobs being on the Internet. Megan Fox's tattoos set her back. Sophia Bush(Brooke, One Tree Hill) is up there. The winner here though is Taylor Swift. She really has no flaws. The only negative is if we had a boy, he could grow up to be a singer and maybe a gay. However, the Floss is still the big winner since he gets to nail Taylor Swift.

Now my mailbags are the 2nd best on the Internet. :(
--Bill Simmons

Word.

MAIL TIME

2008-11-17T16:32:00.002-05:00

PnR had a great idea for another Floss Mailbag. You should go back and read the other mailbag. The twist with this mailbag is that not only will celebrities make an appearance, but you the actual readers, will pose questions. So if you could please pose some questions in the comments section, I will answer any and all questions to the Flossiest of my ability.

HURTIN AND HUNGOVER

2008-11-14T13:55:00.002-05:00

The Floss caught one of those mid day hangovers where you can't decide where the hangover will take you. So I figured I will rank the hangovers in order from worst to least:

ALL DAY NO BOOZE FOR ME

This is naturally the worst. For this kind of hangover, you need to have puked the night before. Because if you wake up drunk it doesn't classify in this category. You can't move all day. Food doesn't stand a chance. You dry heave throughout the day, and no sort of meds can cure your headache. You attempt to sleep, but all you can get are 15 to 30 minute nap sessions with vomiting in between. Trying to do things is impossible. These are by far the worst. SideStory: This summer the Floss stayed in Oakland on a Wednesday, drank with the B Man, PnR, and FOF. Next morning woke up for work an hour late. Then the Floss went into work, still a little drunk. I backed my car into a pole in the parking lot, no damage to the whip. Then went into work and proceeded to puke some gross orange or pink or whatever the hell color, not once, not twice, but 8 great times. The Floss just decided to leave at lunch, call it a day, pack it in. Even to this day MOF still has no clue. SOF(sister of Floss) said it would be a much better idea to not tell her. Mad props to SOF after this great day.

DRUNKEN CRASH

Not the worst because you get to wake up drunk in the morning, but eventually you crash harder than Kashav Bansal running into the bleachers in 4th grade schoolyard football(to this day one of the best scenes of my life). Your day pretty much is ruined. The pipes are hot which makes drinking the next night really hard. You kind of have to drink past this kind of hangover, but it's tough because at least for the Floss, the next day turns into the vomiting no sleep days. These hangovers can be fully beaten, but barely. Your chances of beating this kind of hangover are about 15%.

MID DAY MYSTERY

The current state of the Floss. You wake up with nothing, no drunk, no headache, just ready to go. Today for example the Floss was up and at the FedEx station sending his check for tickets to Pitt-Cinci next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then the Floss went to Ace Athletic and got a white t for the rave tonight. Then I went and printed out my basketball ticket for the Final 4 Panthers first game of the season versus FDU. So all in all, the Floss was rockin and rollin. Now as I sit here and type this, my head aches and my tummy does equally. I think with the big night ahead that I can cure this by getting back at the dog that bit me. I think a RockStar and Vodka can cure this guy, especially with the excitement of Ashton Gibbs and Jermaine Dixon. However, sometimes these kind of hangovers can kill all motivation to continue drinking. These are mind games, you can easily go .500 in these types of hangovers if you're dedicated to the sauce.

2 HOUR NAP AND GOOD TO GO

Easily the favorite hangover of the Floss. You can put in a 2 hour nap, and all your troubles go away. I enjoy the nap and it cures my problems. Really not much more to say, but awesome.

NO HANGOVER

The gods of booze look out for you on these days. Probably only 5% of all drinking nights end in no hangover. These hangovers are scary because you never can trust not getting a hangover. You just worry about the next drinking night.

SATURDAY SATURDAY SSSSATURDAY

2008-11-08T01:55:00.002-05:00

I don't know if y'all know the song but it sounds like the title. The Floss is hammered and going fast.

SUPERCUTS

Today I got my hair cut by a local Oakland barber, Joe Bellisari. He has had a barber shop in Oakland for 45 years. That is 45 years longer than I will probably live. He cut my hair today way too short. I told him a buzz cut with a 2. It might be a .5 at best. So now I will rant on SuperCuts. Girls that cut your hair at SuperCuts, exactly like BSV's. Except they are nice.... They are slutty. They have big titties. They can't hold a conversation. My big beef with these hair cutting hoes, they can't hold a convo. If they could have a legit convo, they would get bigger tips. I will tip a waitress thats a 6 that can fake flirt with me over a 10 that won't be girls that talk to me. The SuperCuts girls are the closest to wifes that you have in the servicing sector. They can most definitely be girls you take home to Mommy, but they need to lose the tats first. What???

P-I-T-T

The Floss wasn't going to go to the Pitt game vs. Louisville until he realized that only 6 times year he can watch them in person. FOF pointed this out to me. It is way to smart of a comment. The Floss puts in an hour a day or more on Pitt football. To not go to a BE conference game would be cheating on the Panthers. The Floss can't do that to the team he loves. Next question: Will the Panthers let us down at Heinz again? FUCK NO. This team has heard it enough now. No let down tomorrow. I think this Louisville team is 5000% better than the team that lost to Cuse last week. They actually have a pretty sweet stable of running backs plus a prototypical NFL QB. However, they might have the worst coach in college football. No matter if it is Pat Bostick(silent favorite of the Floss) or Billy the kid, Pitt will be more than okay tomorrow. The Floss is actually seeing a big winner for the Panthers tomorrow. The Floss sees the 8 thousand students having a great singing voice for Sweet Caroline. So sweet that Dr. Neil Diamond himself would be proud. Shady will go off again, no surprise. The Panthers dominate.

Flossy Prediction

PITT 34
CARDS 14

STRAIGHT SPORTS

2008-10-29T10:59:00.003-04:00

Rollercoaster. That is the best term for the Pitt Panthers season. They win tough games and lose easy ones. How does a team go on the road and win three straight, then come back home on Homecoming no less and lose to a team with one team over an FBS opponent? I don't even know. I was nervous all week for a Pitt let down game last week. They delivered.

I wrote that last Friday when I thought I would get back to a pre-ND blog. Oops. I stopped writing it, but honestly, rollercoaster. This team loves to do stuff like this. Quit Playing Games With My Heart is the Pitt theme song during this Wanny era. I just can't even describe the emotion I felt after the 4 OT thrilling win at Fat Charlie's house. I know ND isn't exactly a top 25 team, but a great road win none the less. Some thoughts:

-Pat Bostick won't be confused for Danny Ma any time soon, but he also didn't look like last year Pat Bostick. I went to the Notre Dame website and re-watched the 3rd and 4th quarters. He made some very solid throws. Most came on 3rd down with our backs against the wall. He looked more mobile in the pocket and his footwork was much improved. I think Pat may still have a bright future with this team. Great job by the backup quarterback.

-Shady. Wow. Please come back. Honestly back to the Backstreet Boys hit, how can Pitt's two best players in the last 25 years only be forced to play here for 2 years. Just unbelievable. I think he still has a more than 60% chance to come back to this fine institution.

-Jon Baldwin. I like him a lot. He struggled a bit, but made the big catch. I can't even begin to dream of where his ceiling is at.

-The O-Line. I love them. Only one sack that I remember given up by Joey T, but he still is much improved this year. I love John Malecki. Kid is a warrior. How about CJ Davis stepping into his role at center? Dom Williams came to play in his first start in 3 years.

-Scott McKillop. He better be at worst a 3rd round pick. He probably won't run a 4.4, but he makes so many tackles.

-Andrew Taglianetti. His dad probably hates that he doesn't play hockey, but he is one hell of a football player. It's crazy that he wasn't supposed to be here until January. Then Shane Brooks got booted and Tags stepped in. I hate to be cliche and say he is just a football player, but that's what he is. He is a menace on special teams. 2 blocked punts this year. He is in on a ton of special teams tackles, plus his one tackle on the screen pass this week was awesome. I love him.

-Looking ahead to the L. Pitt is only a 6.5 favorite against a team that just lost to Syracuse and is battling injuries. This is another typical Pitt letdown game. They can throw the rock so naturally the Floss is nervous. Please, just once can Pitt get a blowout. Honestly, the Floss is frightened by a shitty shitty team. Just like RU.

STEEL CURTAIN

For some reason I really see a rebound game for the men in black and gold tonight. Maybe it's because we get back 2 huge playmakers in Santonio and Willie. Maybe it's because the Steelers love playing on Monday night. The Skins only have 10 sacks through 8 games, so the Steelers should be able to protect Big Ben. When he has time we don't lose. Plus the strength of the Skins is Clinton Portis. When has a running back actually beat the Steelers, minus like Fred Taylor in 2001? The most one running back has had against the players this season was LeRon McClain with 63. Plus James Harrison and Woodley were shutout last week. They will not go quietly tonight. Expect a big game from the Steelers tonight.

Flossy Prediction:

STEELERS 24
SKINS 13

STEPPING BACK FROM THE LEDGE

2008-10-27T18:42:00.003-04:00

The Floss cannot speak about what happened at Heinz Field this weekend. The Bay of Pigs went more smoothly than what happened on the North Shore this weekend. Not too mention, today in class I listened to Phillies fans talk about popping champagne and rioting in Oakland when the Phils win. Personally, I hope cops arrest everyone of them, well actually I hope Hamels breaks his leg then Ryan Howard cracks his head open running for a fly ball. Then the Rays win in 7 and all of those awful Phillies fans suffer minus that 10%. Notice that J-Rol and Utley didn't get hurt, that's cause they are cool. Now onto a fun blog...

FIT OR QUIT?

Well this blog was thought of by former DROF while he was not low. It was also based on a comment made about the Floss being able to fit into a fridge. Normal fridge, not one of those skinny tall guys. We talkin' bout a fat, short fridge. The Floss can clearly fit into something that size.

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL DESK

I think the Floss could sit, but couldn't get out without injury. Like a hip pointer would probably be a common injury here. Maybe scraped knee after hitting the floor. I hate those desks that clearly make the fat kids feel fat. America is getting bigger people, effin deal with it.

UNDER A BED

You have to use your imagination here for the size of a bed, but imagine a normal size one that you could easily fit under at age 11. Since the Floss has gotten larger since age 11, I don't know about this one either. I'm sayin I could still do it. The Floss could probably still get out unscathed too. It would take some time and wouldn't be fun, but you gotta believe.

ROCKET SHIP

Most of you probably thought the Floss was referring to a ride at Kennywood or something, but no, I mean a real space ship. The Floss doesn't feel like he could do well in space. The inside of a rocket ship would be too close. Then the Floss would hit his head off all the little panels and things. I know, I know that you wear space helmets, but I would probably break mine. Then a bunch of space chemicals would get into my head and I would die. No question about it, the Floss wouldn't go to space. So I can't slice a 6 iron off the face of the moon. Plus you gotta worry about Lance Bass gettin all homo up there. I heard that space juice is what made him gay. I'm serious. Don't go to space.

Remember to give your thoughts on how the Floss would fare in all of these places. Give your thoughts on space and what not. Tomorrow will be the aftermath blog. Not the Steelers because they rebound. We don't know what will happen with the Pitt Panthers, well everyone except the Floss.

ALL OVER THE PLACE

2008-10-23T12:08:00.002-04:00

TOM BRADY HAS A SETBACK

Just heard on ESPN that bad things are happening with Tom Brady's knee. The Floss man crushes hard on Tommy B, so he feels for the man. With Peyton fading, Brady down, is Ben now the IT QB in the AFC? O yeah ladies and gents, Ben Flosslisberger is the best QB in the AFC now.

PRESIDENTIAL THOUGHTS AGAIN

I thought about what could honestly bring more people out to the polls...including some major sports topics. Seriously...I would love to vote for a candidate who promises Pete Rose, Mark McGwire, and Barry Bonds get to go to the baseball hall of Fame. One candidate could talk about putting a playoff in college football or at least a plus one system. They could stop sports for one night and have a presidential sports debate. This could work. I'm 100% convinced.

THAT'S A BAD RUM AND COKE

I hope everyone saw Larry Johnson spit a drink in a woman's face 3 times in a row. Good person he is. This is about 4 months after he hit a woman in the face. I hate public apologies from guys like this. You can't eff up like 6 times, hold a presser and be clean. We are...convicts. People need to remember Santonio Holmes when he got a public drunkenness right before his rookie season. He talked to Rooney and has been a great teammate and person since. He is also the best WR on the Steelers. Believe dat.

WV-AUB

I don't know who to root for in this game tonight. It will eventually be who the Floss bets on, but really no money involved, I would have to go WVU. The Big East has looked bad all year. USF over Kansas and Pitt over Iowa are decent wins for the conference, but no one else has won a thing. Auburn has Pitt's former D-Coordinator Paul Rhoades. He was a solid DC and I hope he becomes a head coach soon.

ARIZONA

Lute Olsen is stepping down at Arizona due to health reasons. Anyone else worried? I am very worried about Coach Dixon going to Arizona. I hope they stick with retired porn star Kevin O'Neill, but I doubt it since I could have coached that team to the Sweet 16 last year. Arizona will most certainly come calling to Coach Dixon. They will be throwin money his way. I pray he doesn't take the bait. They were just in a mini recruiting scandal plus their team is just getting worse. Jamie could be taking over a tainted program. On the flip side, he can stay here and get the court at the Pete named after him. What should he choose?

GUINOS

The Pens got a huge shootout win Monday with Sid the Kid battling flu symptoms plus they had Dany Sabourin in net. Although Sabu played unreal. He was really standin on his head out there. Tonight is a nice matchup with a pretty average team in Carolina. Pens must win since they have a tough road game with the red hot Rangers Saturday, then move to a 3 game Western Conference road trip. The biggest plus so far this season has been the play of Miroslav Satan. He is much better around the net than I ever thought he would be. Tonight will be a 4-2 win Pens. Satan nets another. Go Pens.

PEOPLE I HATE IN COLLEGE

2008-10-21T20:09:00.002-04:00

This blog is prompted by the Floss being a college student. Everyday the Floss sees groups of people that he accurately stereotypes. In this blog the Floss will give the reasons he hates these groups of people.

FAKE HIPPIES, HIPPIES, ANYONE ASSOCIATED WITH THEM

You all know these people, the ones who wear tie-dyed shirts for no reason. Some have dreadlocks, girls too. You look like a piece of shit. Honestly, if I was their parents I would be on suicide watch. They wear their Bob Marley t-shirts and listen to old 70's music and use words like "vintage". The girls don't care if they look ugly. Just a bad bad group of people.

HAND RAISERS

These are the slack jawwed faggots who raise their hand in classes to ask questions they know the answer to. The professor starts explaining the answer, and the hand raiser says, "O that's what I thought". These hand raisers are also really really eager to tell personal tales in class. I don't care what you learned in your high school English class. The hand raiser group is comprised mostly of dudes. They probably don't even watch sports.

4-SQUARE OR ANY OTHER CLUB THAT WAS LAST COOL IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

This group was prompted by the Floss having to walk through a common area of sorts where this group was blasting loud music and playing a game that was created in 4th grade. One of the kickballs actually rolled in the Floss' path. I picked it up and threw it back, but don't think I didn't want to Daniel Sepulveda that thing over the Cathedral. Other clubs that fall in this category: Magic Cards, Anime, etc.

GIRLS IN SWEATPANTS WITH UGG BOOTS

Just kidding. The best cold weather look for girls in the World. Even a not so hot chick with a decent butt can pull this look off. It's really a trend that should stick around for generations. You have to pray they wear a Northface coat with this look or you can't get a full view of the bum, and that's just not going to cut it.

THE PARANOID

These are the POS's that think they did bad on every test when they get an A every time. They call you up to check answers on homework worth .000005% of your grade. However, these kind of people aren't actually all that awful.

PHILLY FANS(only 90%)

You know who you are. The kids that come to the University of Pittsburgh and proceed to talk shit on our city. The start their E-A-G-L-E-S chants for no reason. They look like pricks. Not too mention that 75% of the wigger population at Pitt is from Philly(look it up). Go to Temple you angry, awful humans.

There are way way way more types of people to stereotype and hate. The Floss could really only think of this many for now. Greek's on TV and some bloggers have priorities. As always comments about who you love to hate and stereotype is welcomed with open arms.

ELECTION '08

2008-10-19T03:10:00.004-04:00

I don't know who made the comment in the last comment section about who the Floss supports in the upcoming presidential election, but it was a very good question. However, this person clearly did not read the New Years Resolutions blog posted to start the new year. The Floss said he was going to try and not discuss the election once throughout the year. The Floss has kept up his promise until now because for the people the Floss will do it. Also, breaking promises is something the Floss loves doing.

WHO?

The Floss supports no one. Honestly, voting is something I might do just because this is the first presidential election of which I'm legal age. The Floss doesn't focus on the issues. When there's Pitt football and politics, there's really only Pitt football.

RANT

Really why should we all care so much about the election. Does the president really have much of a say in your everyday life? Most of us have to say no. Both presidents will believe in taxes. They are virtually the same person. Plus Congress makes all decisions anyways. People that get wrapped up in stuff like the election are MAC people. This was discussed yesterday amongst the readers of the Floss. MAC people are essentially hippies. They "go green". They eat organic foods. They eat Indian food. The MAC people all support Obama(this should give you a clue who the Floss semi-supports).

SARAH PALIN

Well when the Floss heard John McCain picked a woman running mate, he knew there had to be a reason. His reason, she's hot. I'm glad he decided not to focus on picking a qualified candidate, but picking great tits instead. Seriously, coolest election fact, t-minus 9 months til Sarah Palin is a GILF(granny I'd like to Floss). Honestly, the Floss couldn't pick Joe Biden out of a lineup, but he had to be more qualified than Palin. Palin was the governor of Alaska. Alaska and Hawaii are the fakest things ever. The US president(don't even know him) who added those 2 as States just decided that the flag looked dumb at 48 stars. I'm with him. Alaska is not real. It is just a piece of Canada. Hawaii hasn't given the US anything except Samoan football players. It also gave Colt Brennan a lot of weed.

THE CAROLINER

2008-10-17T11:26:00.002-04:00

The Floss is unleashing his creative side in this blog. Today I sat at a 2 hour presentation on the new International Financial Reporting Standards. Yawn I know. I came up with 5 sandwiches while sitting there bored out of my mind. Here goes it:

START ME UP

The "Start Me Up" is a sandwich designed for the non egg liking folk like the Floss, but it could also be prepared with egg as well. First we start with 2 McDonald's McGriddle cakes because they are the best. However, for this sandwich we need to double the size of the cake. Working from the bottom up, we start out with a nice piece of canadian bacon or ham depending on your preference. Then we add a piece of American Cheese. Next up is a sausage patty. Cheese. Then we add a hash brown. Cheese. Top it off with some bacon. Syrup dipping sauce is optional. This could definitely be prepared at home or by a chain.

BCT

The BCT is actually not a sandwich but a taquito. It would be prepared by putting buffalo chicken dip on a taquito shell. We would also fire it up a bit with some diced jalepenos. Then bake that baby to a crisp. Queso and salsa for dipping. Perfect game time snack.

THE SOLUTION

Maybe this was just a problem for the Floss, but it doesn't change this dominant sandwich. The problem for the Floss was when tailgating I couldn't choose between kielbasa and grilled italian sausage. For this sandwich, we need a nice hoagie bun. You place the italian sausage right in the middle of the bun. Then you cut the kielbasa down the center. Then you take the kielbasa and form a little "kielbasa tent" over top of the sausage. Every bite will have both tastes. Other fixins for this would be optional. For me it would be raw onion and a shitload of ketchup. This is a great tailgating option. We could name this sandwich, "The Return of Pitt Football". Just a thought.

EASTER MONDAY

This sandwich was thought of because the Floss' love for ham. Everyone loves the leftover turkey sandwiches on the Friday after Thanksgiving. This year you can enjoy them while watching the Pitt Panthers take their second consecutive shit on the state of West Virginia. But back to the Easter Monday. We need a soft Kaiser bun for this. You top with some ham. Then you need a key ingredient, which is some sweet potatoes, preferably some mashed ones for sandwiching purposes. Then you add some grilled pineapple slices. No veggies needed on this bad boy. You could also add some BBQ sauce to increase the sweetness of this sandwich. Mmmmmm...

THE CAROLINER

The title of the blog. This was my favorite creation. Named in memory of CINC. It is a sandwich that he truly would love. First off you need a fork to eat this bad boy, which normally turns the Floss and others off, but not once you hear about this one. We need a biscuit to start this. Not a small biscuit. We need one 2.5 to 3 times the size of normal biscuits. We need some roided biscuits for this guy. Then we add a country fried steak to the bottom. Then a heaping scoop of mashed potatoes. Then another country fried steak on top of it. Sprinkle a half pound of shredded cheeses(cheddar and colby jack), then top it all off with some chicken gravy. This one is the Floss' favorite. Comments please. I'd like the readers to rank these in their favorite order.

HOW DRUNK WAS THE FLOSS LAST NIGHT?

Well he was drunk enough to borrow DROF's ID and get into Peter's Pub last night thanks to Pitt's own Dom Williams playing "guard" for Peter's Pub as well. Good to know he has a future as a guard at some level. Unlike previous Peter's experiences the Floss was virtually all alone. I entered with a friend, but not someone who the Floss really trusts. As we all know, the Floss' bar etiquette isn't exactly polished, but last night he was okay. Bought 2 pitchers for our table as a nice gesture. The Floss had a stacked wallet with 80 bones, but I didn't buy one shot. When I was sitting at my table, the Floss saw a girl that he was friends with. A very very hott girl. Once the Floss tried to serenade her with the great American classic, "The Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani. So the Floss went to talk to her. After the hello's and how you doin's, she goes, "your not 21 at all are you?". What a cunt. Not exactly something to say to the Floss. But then I came back with, "you aren't either". We agreed. So the Floss with his little bar etiquette offered to buy said female a shot. Her reply, "I have an exam at 8 AM tomorrow" and she peaced the convo. What a cunt. After that experience, and the fact that the bar was wall to wall, the Floss decided to go home and drink his patented Vlad and lemonade. Morale of the story: Not every night I go to the bar has to end in an elevator, only the good ones.

APOLOGEEZY

2008-10-16T20:02:00.004-04:00

I debated an apology, but my thought was it would not go over well since the Floss just did apologize. Honestly every day that went by without an update hurt the Floss more than it did the fans. Many people would argue that the Floss is a blogger first and a student second, however that's not how MOF(mother of Floss) views it. The worst thing we can do is dwell on the past here(ask Dave Wannstedt). We need to focus on the future. Suggestions for blogs are always welcomed and encouraged. A couple late Thursday tidbits:

TODD THOMAS

Todd Thomas has joined the Pittsburgh Panthers family. He is the 13th player to commit in the '09 class. He is listed as a WR, but the Floss sees big things for him at safety. He will be a RS FR when Elijah Fields and the Dominator are SR's. Most people will say he has an offensive mentality, and it will be hard for him to move to defense. I disagree. Elijah Fields and Dom Decicco were both offensive studs in high school that have found their niche on defense.

GOLI GOLI GOLI

Alex Goligoski just scored his 2nd NHL goal right in front of my eyes. It was a Power Play goal just like his only other NHL goal. It wasn't pretty, but it is always nice to see players put the puck on net. As the saying goes, "you put the puck on net, good things happen".

FUCK RYAN FITZPATRICK

IN THE NAVY

2008-10-16T10:24:00.002-04:00

Honestly, on Oct. 2nd at 11PM, I said I was angry we had a 16 day break. Honestly, it felt like the whole offseason all over again. Scary thing about that is...well we all know what happened our first game back. So with no further adoo...

WHY PITT WILL BEAT NAVY BY 14+...

-Shady McCoy. He torched them last year and he will do it again. Shady just needs to hold onto the rock against Navy. He's sooooo hot right now too. Feelin' 2 Bills outta Shady Saturday.

-Billy the Kid. Pat Bostick threw all over this team last year. There is no doubt Bill can pass on Navy when we need him too Saturday. It will also help Billy that Shady will set up play action and short distance passing downs. All QB's are better in short yardage downs.

-Jonathan Baldwin. I have compared him to Larry Legend ever since he chose the Panthers. Larry had a big game in week 2 against A&M, but then didn't really break out until around game 5. JB had his coming out party last week, and he will now turn into a ridiculous talent. Navy's starting corners are 5'7 and 6'0 tall. JB is 6'6. (giggling)

-Scott McKillop. People are giving him the respect he deserves finally. All he ever does is step up in big games. People are saying 15+ tackles. I see it too.

-Corners. Jovani Chappel and AB are both very very solid tacklers. This is huge when playing a team like Navy. They should be able to contain the outside sweeps of Navy.

-Revenge. Don't think this team forgot about last years embarassing nationally televised loss to Navy. This might actually be the biggest factor.

WHY NAVY MIGHT HANG CLOSE FOR A WHILE...

-Homecoming. Homecoming fires up everyone. Navy has a very passionate fan base. The game will be a sell out of 34,000 fans. However, people are projecting near 8,000 Pitt fans. 8,000 Pitt fans would be unreal. Can't wait to hear Let's Go Pitt chants.

-Defensive Ends. The DE's are excellent pass rushers, but they do have trouble keeping contain on the ends. They need to play at home. Hopefully the 2 weeks has also given our players a chance to get used to cut blocking.

-Kaipo. Kaipo owned us last year. He is a scary player to think about. He can run that offense to perfection.

-Wanny. If Wanny doesn't know how to stop their offense in year 2, he better take a long hard look in the mirror. He brought up stopping the Oklahoma teams back in the day. How couldn't he stop this Navy O? The spread is way harder to defend than the triple option, but Wanny seems to have a decent grasp of the spread. Example No. 133351324245 of why Dave Wannstedt doesn't make sense.

FLOSSIN' PREDICTION

P-I-T-T 35

NAVY 17

HAIL TO PITT

SORRY

2008-10-09T19:07:00.003-04:00

The Floss is in a good mood and wants to start drinking, so sorry for the lack of update. Here's a YouTube gem by someone with way too much time on his hand. The man who put this together is a great American, and he should be commended. Probably not work safe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LjF3MfXRFo&feature=related

RANT RANT RANT

2008-10-08T15:29:00.002-04:00

Hello? Where are the fans? Weak participation by the fans since the Floss' illustrious return to the free World. The fans are what get me to this computer in the morning to come help make your day a little more enjoyable. Daily Flossin' is good for everyone, but some much needed love this way is in order. Come on people. The Floss did receive a text today from a new reader(Mr. Shenanigans) stating "I'm reading the floss and it is the greatest thing I have ever seen. Already bookmarked it on my favorites". The fans were going to get a ton of heat today, until that text came in this morning.

CARPE DIEM

Seize the Day(or season). If you haven't looked at the current make-up of the AFC, look again. The Steelers aren't showing the sense of urgency that they need to considering the circumstances. The AFC is as ripe as Hannah Montana for the Steelers' taking. Honestly, the Titans are 5-0. Their QB is Kerry Collins. Kerry Collins, we can beat him. Collins isn't exactly Tom Terrific or Peyton. Next in the list of AFC contenders are the Buffalo Thrills. While they are a nice story, Coach T and the boys can't be shaking in their boots about playin' Trent Edwards or J.P. Losman. The Denver Broncos have absolutely 0 defense. Peyton isn't healthy. Jacksonville is struggling, San Diego sucks. Matt Cassel ain't beatin us, neither is Joey Flacco(maybe in a few year). The AFC is yours Ben. Just fuckin' take it. Grab the AFC by the balls and win this thing. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't mind a trip to the Super Bowl. Let's go...

GOING GREEN

Honestly, going green is the newest most annoying fad ever. Like honestly, everyone tries to push going green on you now a days. This really pissed me off at the Steelers' game last Monday, when the Steelers' had their "Green Tip of the Day". The tip: Use less water by taking short showers, no baths(Floss doesn't like baths), and don't leave the water running while you brush your teeth. Other tips include things like re-using towels to reduce water used while washing clothes. Seriously, Americans used to be able to get by with just not littering. They want us to do the dumbest things in this Going Green campaign. I hate it. Isn't this another instance where common sense can prevail. You don't need to push people to do things that they already know what to do. They should start putting tips like, "you can't afford a 400,000 dollar house if you live on a mailman's salary(Karl Malone excluded)", because the market is a helluva lot more important than the Earth's history 1,000,000,000,000,000 years from now.

MY RESUME

2008-10-07T17:14:00.002-04:00

It's job/internship season for college kids around this nation, so the Floss wanted to show you his updated resume.

FLOSS
FALSEFLOSS.BLOGSPOT.COM

GPA: 3.2 CANS A WEEK

RELEVANT COURSEWORK:

PORN NAVIGATION BY DDP(L): -Learned how to safely navigate the web without it being traced to work computer. Proficient with PornEskimo.com.

DRUNK TEXTING 101 BY DROF: -Learned the valuable skill how to maintain relationships with old "business" partners.

MIXOLOGY: -Can just smell when enough Vlad is in any drink. Currently working with Old Crow to find it's perfect ratio.

SKILLS:

COMPETITIVE EATING: -Once ate 10 cupcake cone muffins in 8 minutes.

SPORTS HANDICAPPING: -Just kidding. I continually hit about 34% of bets, so your office pool is safe.

READING DEFENSES: -Will continually put off work to focus on Madden skills. Ben Roethlisberger is even better in HD.

INTERESTS

BLOGGING: -Run a successful blog read by nearly 10 people.

FOOTBALL RECRUITING: -Can rattle off entire football classes, including star rankings. I'm not interested with your teenage daughters, just your D 1 football sons.

STEELERS AND PITT FOOTBALL: -I will never NEVER ruin office productivity by coming in on a Monday following a loss for either of these teams.

REFERENCES:

KIM KARDASHIAN: -She got Flossed.

STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN: -Unfortunately ran into the Floss in a dark alley.

RON JEREMY: -Learned his tricks from the Floss

NORTH CAROLINA...WHERE THE CARS ARE CLEANER THAN THE WOMEN(PART 2)

2008-10-06T11:35:00.003-04:00

NOW INTO THE BAR-AGE

I will give it to the erotic car wash for having a nice set up inside their car wash. There was a VIP room(shed), massage chairs(eww), and a legitimate bar. Naturally the Floss wasn't served because the mulletted man doesn't serve to underagers. If we were at Chili's or Friday's, the Floss would expect to not get served, but an erotic car wash seemed like a home run. The set-up was much like any other car wash, just an open room with hoses, buckets, and water, o my. The tables were completely separated from where the girls were washing up SFCOF's whip. We couldn't really see the girls while they washed the car, but why would we want too....

POWER RANKINGS OF CAR WASWHORES...

1. 90 LB Pound Black Girl--Naturally they don't wear name tags because where would they pin that on their bare bodies? She looked like she was either fresh out of high school or possibly still in high school. I don't know what her redeeming qualities were, but having all of her teeth definitely helped her rating. She conversed mainly with a black man who brought in his Mercedes. He definitely knew something about her that we didn't. She definitely provided extra services...
2. Red Corsette with a Gut--You might be wondering how a stripper with a gut would make the list at number 2, but that is just a testament to the quality of carwaswhores. She definitely had popped out a few kids, but had decent boobs and ass that jumped her to number 2.
3. Mommy Long Nips--One of the waswhores actually tending to our car. Her nipples looked like little pencil erasers that extended for 6 feet. Unbelievable is really the only way to describe them.
4. Short Haired Black Chick--She had nothing going for her, but she just wasn't the worst.
5. Long Haired Black Chick--She was the definition of "more cushion for the pushin'". At a solid playing weight of 245. She could have played rush end for the Carolina Panthers. She kept walking too close to me and I thought if she tripped, it might have ended for the Floss. SBT kept making fart noises when her ungodly large ass would squeeze past all of us. Comedy was really high.
6. Crack Whore--Probably the only way I could accurately describe this beauty. She was an experienced vet at probably 40, but from all the crack looked 50 to 60. Unlike a fine wine, age did not help her out. She asked us why we didn't want to get dances, probably because we didn't want: A) Crack, B) Cocaine, C) Aids, D) Herpes, or E) All of the above plus every other STD.

CAR WASH SKILLS

The area where I figured the carwaswhores would struggle was actually their strong suit. Honestly, before going into the car wash, I figured we would actually need to go to a real car wash after just so it would look respectable to SFCOF. These girls actually did an excellent job washing the car. They actually did break out Armor All for the tires. Highlight of the day was when Mommy Long Nips called over CINC about something with the car. CINC had his goofy smile on while the rest of us sat up in our seats waiting to see what was going to happen next. Mommy Long Nips apparently is a Nascar fan because she noticed while watching the tires that the brakes in the car were very worn and would probably need replacing. This turned out to be the case for SFCOF two weeks later. I'm just glad we didn't have to stay there and watch Mrs. Long Nips install the new brakes. So next time you see an erotic car wash, pass. Just wait for your local high school cheerleader's car wash. The girls are way more illegal, but way hotter.

NORTH CAROLINA...WHERE THE CARS ARE CLEANER THAN THE WOMEN

2008-10-05T17:56:00.003-04:00

I don't know how many of you have ventured to Greensboro North Carolina, but this summer the Floss made his way there to visit COF. I made the trip to Greensboro with DROF and SFCOF(Shiny Fiance of Cousin Of Floss). Also meeting us in Greensboro was SBT(Stella's Boy Toy), a college friend of CINC(Cousin IN Carolina, formerly COF). The trip was a ton of fun and will be flossed about in the near future, but today we are focusing on one short memory of our stay in Greensboro.

BACKDROP

CINC, DROF, SBT, and the Floss all went and played a 9 hole two man scramble at a golf course around Greensboro in the AM. CINC and DROF took down the 2 man team of the Floss and SBT. There were really no winners as we all probably could have vomited on any hole on the golf course. CINC had been preaching of the "Erotic Car Wash" located down the road. Since the Floss has a ton of respect and love for strippers, he could not wait to visit said car wash. Because of the loss at the golf course the Floss and SBT were to pay for the car washing. The joke leading up to the car wash was that the car would go in cleaner than it would come out....NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND.

HOW MUCH IS AN EROTIC CAR WASH?

We had no idea how much an erotic car wash would cost, seeing as this can't exist in many towns throughout America. Sidenote: Lee Greenwood should re-write a verse of "Proud to Be an American" and include something about strippers and/or erotic car wash's. Well when we pulled up to the car wash(more like a barn), the mulletted man running the joint told us the wash would cost 20 dollars plus a minimum 5 dollar tip to the car waswhores(washers in Polish). I thought this was a fairly decent price when he included that not only would the car get washed, but the tires would get armor-alled and the windows would get Windex-ed. Talk about first class. Sadly not included in the perks of the wash was a blowjob in the backseat. Win some, lose some.

NOW INTO THE BAR-AGE...

Stay tuned for Part 2 of the Erotic Car Wash Monday...

GUINS '08 PREVIEW

2008-10-03T21:49:00.006-04:00

When does hockey end and start? The Floss doesn't know. Hockey might have snuck up more on me than jock itch at these September Pitt games. Can't believe that the Pens will drop the puck tomorrow in Stockholm against the Senators. While the Floss doesn't know too much about hockey, he would love to weigh in his thoughts on the upcoming season.

FORWARDS

The top line for the Pens will look completely different other than the Kid in the middle. This line took a huge HUGE hit in free agency. To think that Fedotenko and Satan can even come close to the production of Malone and the TRAITOR is crazy. This line will take a long time to develop. I don't expect much from this line until about game 15 or 20. The 2nd line will need to produce a LOT for this team to win games early this season. No hiding the fact that the Floss is a BIG BIG fan of Jordan Staal, and this is his year to score a TON of points playing alongside a stud like Geno and a scorer like Peter Syk. I expect nothing short of great things from this line. The third line will be interesting. It will probably be lined up as Cooke-Talbot-Dupuis. If there was ever a more grind it out line anywhere I would like to see it. This line will be a glue line. Mad Max can get this line points and Dupuis has some scoring ability if he can hit the damn net. Cooke? Well he is a mystery to me since the Floss doesn't follow enough hockey. I don't know how much production to expect from a 4th line seeing as it is a 4th line. Kinda sad that Finnish scoring sensation Janne Pesonen is playing on the eastern side of the state to start the year. The 4th line in Stockholm tomorrow will be everyone's favorite junkyard dog TK, Tyler Kennedy with new muscle man, goon Eric Godard and Jeff Taafe. Taafe is a nice player and this line could actually produce if they had another scorer instead of Goony Godard. He better seriously beat some ass because I hate goons in hockey. The bottom line is that our team will score. Maybe not as much as last year, but we will still put our fair shares of goals in the net. We will miss Malone and TRAITOR, but really who doesn't think Malkin and Crosby won't pick it up. A full year of Crosby and Malkin means we can do a lot of special things. The only question is which one for NHL MVP?

DEFENSEMEN

Gonch bein down for 4 to 6 months is a huge blow. He was always one of the Floss' favorite Pens. Someone will need to step up to be the point man on the power play. I don't know who will be the defenseman in the man up. Early guess would be Letang with Malkin definitely playin up top. The defense pairings are anyones guess. I would imagine Orpik-Scud, Gil-Tanger, Eaton-Goli. Those are my top 6, how Thierren matches them up is anyones guess. The D should be solid again. Goli is my new homeboy, so he better dress over Sydor. I hate his old ass legs even though he played well in the playoffs when called upon. The return of Eaton could really boost the team. He is good when healthy. Orpik better prove that his 15 SECONDS of fame were worth all the cash he got this offseason. Hal Gil hopefully will kill someone this year and live up to his full potential. Scud hopefully will prove that '07 wasn't a fluke and he can't revert back to his form when he played with Josef Melichar. Letang is poised to break out. Expect him to help fill Gonch's void.

GOALIE

Flower is a beast. I hate the nickname, but Bob Errey says it way too good. So I will stick with it. He just needs to come to play every day. I hated letting a proven player like Conklin go for such little money in favor of Sabourin. Sabourin sucks. Hopefully our offense comes to play when he is out there.

PROJECTIONS

I hate to say it, but I don't think we go back to the Cup. Not this year. We need another crop of free agency and some development for a few young guys away. Barring major industry or Marc Andre Fleury developing Pat Bostick's mental stability, the Pens are definitely a playoff team. I think the Pens will definitely get over 100 points. I see them as probably the 5ish seed. I don't really have a scouting report on our division, but I don't think we will win it. I could see the Pens struggling "gelling" early on. In the playoffs, I foresee a 2nd round loss to someone. But thats why they play the games...to prove the FLOSS WRONG.

MAN OF MY WORDS

2008-10-03T13:43:00.004-04:00

Thank You Uncle Dave. 2 wins over top 10 teams in your last 6 games as Pitt head coach. Now let's win the Big East.

SHORT, QUICK GAME THOUGHTS

-I know most of you don't want too many of these, so here are a few.
-Jon Baldwin, welcome to college football
-Shady beasted last night. He needs to keep running like he did last night.
-I came around a lot to Bill Stull last night. He ran the team. He made good throws except a few early in the game.
-The way the staff is using Larod is brilliant. He should get a space on the athletes walk outside of the Cathedral. Classy player.
-O-Line did a nice job again. Probably about 3 sacks given up, but factor in the near 2 bills on the ground.
-Scott McKillop is better than HB Blades ever was. See him on Sundays next fall.
-The D-Line was fantastic with 4 sacks last night.
-Dom Decicco, ARMY OF ONE
-Congrats team. 16 Days 'til Navy. No hangover...

TOP 5 HANGOVER FOODS

5. PANCAKES- Just like pancakes sop up syrup, they also do a good job with alcohol. They are light, fluffy, and delicious. Floss loves them at any time, but they do especially well with hangovers. Best kind hungover are probably blueberry. Reason why? Everyone knows putting a good thing like fruit in your body immediately offsets some bad. Duh?

4. CHINESE- It was my first asian. It took me until college to try out the Asian hangover remedy of lo mein, but it's a deadly deadly combination. Usually I go with beef lo mein with rice on the side. The flavors are perfect for hangovers for some reason. I know one of DROF's favorite things is the Won-Ton soup to help ease the cloudy pipes. Only problem with chinese food is that it might come out pretty deadly. No one likes to have the runs with a headache. No one.

3. McDONALDS(lunch)- For some reason I get McDonalds hungover more when I'm in Murrysville for the summer, rather than when I live a hop, skip, and a jump away. Your ultimate grease fiesta. Plus with Powerade flowing from the soda fountain, Mac D's is a completely viable option. What does the Floss eat you may wonder? 2 plain McChickens, 2 plain DBC's(double cheeseburgers), and a large fry. Shabooya.

2. HOAGIES- Little Nippers provides the best with their buffalo chicken hoagie. Buffalo fries can cure any sickness. It has the spice to wake you up, the bread to sop up the booze, and the chicken for your protein. Boom. Winner Winner BUFF CHICK dinner. Souf Oakland Steaks is also very tasty, but you worry too much about mess with them. They taste better drunk because being messy drunk is fun. Hungover, who wants to clean up? However, hung over they still solve a lot of life problems.

1. SHEETZ- I mean really, could their be another choice than Sheetz for the top spot? The Floss really misses Sheetz right now bein in Oaktown. You can always get breakfast here which is huge. The chicken biscuit with cheese and ketchup rules. A very deadly combo that people need to try: Pretzel Melts. A pretzel melt with ham, hot pepper cheese, green peppers, and the clutch as hell salsa. Try it. You won't regret it. Not too mention Sheetz garlic fries. You go from bad breath(boozy) to worse breath(boozy and garlicky). Plus Sheetz covers all your favorite hangover beverages.

26-21

-Floss

As an addendum to the blog, the Floss would also like to add a disclaimer that the chew following any of these meals is a big thing. So really when factoring in these rankings, just think of 1A-SKOAL. I think we all know why.

THE FLOSS IS BACK IN TOWN

2008-09-30T11:26:00.005-04:00

110 Days. That was how long the Floss made you wait. For this I apologize. But as usual the Floss will make "false" promises. If the Pitt Panthers win this week, I will update the blog everyday until their season ends. A loss, the Floss will do his best.

So for your reading pleasure, the Floss' 33.333333% season grades:

QUARTERMAN: Bill Stull was Wanny's guy from day one, don't you think he would have been a little bit better? He has a candy arm, can't throw a deep ball in bounds, and he doesn't have any running ability. All that being said, I don't know if anyone of our quarterbacks could be better right now. The Floss was in the very small Pat Bostick camp all off season, and I wanted him to get a shot again. In college football, future is important. Stull has one more year, and he will be the starter barring injury, which will only hurt this team. He won't have a big offseason, he will just continue his mediocrity. Bill Stull will never have that "it" factor to get your team a win. Tyler Palko had "it", think Notre Dame, it was his "fuckin" team. Will Bill Stull ever grasp the whole team? No.

GRADES: Stull--C, Cross--A

RUNNIN BACK Y'ALL: Shady McCoy was a Heisman candidate before the season started, but he quickly lost all hope after the loss to Bowling Green. Shady has been decent this year, but he didn't really change much for the better in the offseason. He still has his big runs, but I expected more. LaRod is my offensive captain and MVP right now. Dude is ballin' out of control.

GRADES: Shady--B, LaRod--A+

FULLBACK: Pitt really does have weapons here, sorry no one knows about them. Redge has dropped some passes, but I can't warrant a grade.

GRADES: N/A, Thanks Uncle Dave

TIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHT ENDS: Another position where we have the ballers, but we don't know how to use them. I am currently looking up the statistics of the tight ends on this team. The Floss is going to be very pissed at the results. Yep, pretty pissed. Currently Nate Byham is on pace for a startlingly low 24 grabs. So math majors, 2 catches a game, for a kid that is a leader on the field, works hard, doesn't quit, etc. UN-ACCEPTABLE. Dorin Dickerson, the former savior, is on pace for 18 catches. This is all due to Uncle Dave and Cav's hate to throw the ball over the middle of the field.

GRADES: A-minus to both, they do it when they get the chances.

WIDE RECIEVERS: One of the best positions for the Panthers going into the season has been a huge flop. However, the main reason is coaching. Oderick Turner is a CANCER for this team. He is like the ulcer on collective dippers' lips. He sucks. Drops more than he catches and in his 3 years playing, he may have made one great play. Kinder bounced back nicely from injury, but he doesn't look like the same guy who scored that 80 yard TD against Cincinatti 2 years ago. Ced Mcgee has been pretty money, which is why we call him Ced Money. TJ has continued to make plays. His only knack is that he loves getting in the dogghouse, or the Wannhouse. Jonathan Baldwin was the 2nd most heralded recruit of the Wanny era only behind Shady(and it was damn close). Yet he has been on the field very few. Pray that he gets on the field against the Bulls.

O-LINE: Actually the line has been decent. If they were this good last year, Patty B would still be the starter. All I know is that Joe Thomas gets better every week, thank god. Malecki has been solid. Houser has been an upgrade over Vangas. CJ is CJ. Pinky is good. They are formidable. Hard for the Floss to evaluate the line, although they did help us get nearly 250 bills on the ground against D-1AA Syra-lose.

GRADES: C+, could be a lot worse

D-LINE: The strength of the D, preseason was the interior, but they have just been okay sans Mick Williams. However, due to a mysterious(possibly Buddy Morris) factor, they are always fresh at the end of the game. Wanny does a solid job rotating 5 guys there. Just a solid middle. The ends are getting better week by week. All I have to say about the ends is this: Pre-game Thursday night, people will be talking Selvie, post-game it will be Romeus and Sheard. Dudes are beasts and T-Tuck has been better than expected.

GRADES: B+

BACKERS: Tough position to evaluate due to 2 starters being out. Scott McKillop has won BE defensive player of the week twice, we know dat dude. Greg Williams probably will be a 4 year starter. He was awesome against Iowa. Austin Ransom flys to the ball and probably shouldn't be out there on Thursday. He has played solid. Say it a million times, Fields at LB against spread teams.

GRADES: B

SECONDARY: Aaron Berry has been a good player for this team now for two years. He is a solid B grade so far. Much like Tony Tucker, Jovani Chappel has been a very pleasant surprise this year. Safeties have been shaky at best. First it was the Dom Decicco fiasco in the first two games, now he is the man. Elijah Fields looked to be the answer until he goes and gets pissed on against 'Cuse. Basically they both have shown flashes, and will be good. Eric Thatcher is still 5'9 and 175 pounds. He doesn't tackle particularly well and doesn't really make big plays. Thatch is also as intimidating as Clay Aiken .

GRADES: B--Corners, C-minus--Safeties

COACHING: My favorite thing about the coaching staff, is well...nothing. Okay maybe the D-Line rotations. On offense, I hate how vanilla we are. I hate how they refuse to play Jonathan Baldwin, although this is rapidly changing. I hate how they continue to play Oderick Turner, who either doesn't try or just blows. I hate how we are the only team in college football who doesn't get creative. I hate how our most successful offensive formation last year, the Wildcat, has been X-ed out of the offense. Things I like, they run the ball a lot. I actually believe in running the ball. Clock management isn't as important in college as the pros, but with our kind of offense it is. I just wish they would use Redge, Hyno, Collier, and Shariff Harris. None of them can redshirt, so give them a few chances to shine. On defense, I hate how we stay in the base defense unless it is a clear cut nickel or dime situation. Mix up the fronts, play some more corners, I don't know, just changing it up will help. Pitt has just lucked out three weeks in a row on defense because they played pro style offenses instead of playing spread teams that can spread out a 4-3. Obviously the 4-3 hurt us against Bowling Green, where their spread attack dinked and dunked all the way down the field. Remaining on the schedule, Pitt plays 2 true spread teams(WVU, USF), 3 Pro Styles(Rutgers, ND, and Cinci), 1 good tweener offense(Uconn), 1 average tweener offense(The L), and whatever Navy runs. So basically unless we adjust to teams, our defense really only matches up fine with 3 of the 8 remaining teams. This coaching staff has actually earned some credibility the past three weeks, but in true Wanny fashion, I expect a heavy dose of Fuck Up.

GRADES: C-MINUS--WANNY, C-MINUS--CAV, C--BENNETT

UN-BEAT-A-BULLS

South Florida is undefeated and the clear cut favorite to win the Big East(watch out for Uconn though), but this Pitt team is ready. They laid a BIG BIG egg in week one against Bowling Green, but since have bounced back. The wins weren't all that pretty, but when Wannstedt only had 13 wins vs. D1 opponents in 3 years, a win is a win. Plus we have hit some milestones this year. Wanny won his first off a bye week. We beat a Big 11 team for the first time in Wanny's tenure. We came back from 8 points down in the fourth quarter at Syracuse and won by 10. The Floss actually likes our chances this week. I wish I knew how healthy George Selvie was because if he is less than 70%(still probably better than Joey T and probably Pinky), Pitt should run at him the whole first half. Our offense will not be able to keep up(understatement of the year). What we do have is a good running game. Do you remember West Virginia, when we just kept the ball out of their hands most of the game? Exactly what we need to do again. This could be a Wanny type game to win because his pro mentality is the right idea. Come out, run the ball, win the field position game, and score when the opportunities are there. In a perfect World, Pitt will control the ball something like 18-12(minutes) in the first half and be tied or within 7. A lead would actually be bad for the Panthers to have in this game. Seriously. A lead just leads(pun not intended) to extra conservative on both sides of the ball. Like I said, more runs on offense aren't a bad thing as long as we get a few yards a pop. 3rd and longs murder any team, but I don't want Billy getting blitzed too much. But the D can't just sit back and let them take what they want from 20 to 20. That is the main problem with our D, we don't come out aggressive til we are pinned back by our goal line. Like I said, Pitt cannot jump out to a big lead. I would rather deal with their overrated crowd than watch our D sit back. So 3 keys to the game:

1. Score when the opportunities are there (7's not 3's)
2. Be aggressive on D
3. Run the football

RANT OF THE DAY

I was at the Steeler game the other night and the fans booed Ben Roethlisberger. You don't boo Ben. You don't boo Ben. You don't boo Ben. He won the Steelers' their only Super Bowl in the last nearly 30 years. He had 35 touchdowns last year, won the division, and should have won the playoff game. Steeler fans love the backup, but really Lord Byron. We aren't in the MAC here. Remember Kent Graham, Jim Miller, Mike Tomczak, Queerdell, Tommy Gun. Booing Ben Roethlisberger is like booing your mother after one bad dinner. She's brought you this far and your going to get that upset over one turkey casserole gone wrong. Grow the fuck up.

BACK AGAIN

2008-06-13T18:23:00.002-04:00

The NHL Playoffs were severly draining to not only the Pens, but the Floss as well. Looking back, it happened really fast, but what a ride the Pens had. I didn't expect Detroit's experience to kill the Pens as much as it did. The home ice was a huge factor too. If we start in the 'Burgh and take 1 of 2, I think the series might have went differently, but the Wings earned everything they got. Too many great memories from this season to think of. I never associated the start of summer with hockey in my life, but I have a feeling that Crosby and Co. will change that for the next 10 to 15 years of my life.

SHHHH....DON'T TELL ANYONE, BUT THE PIRATES ARE A BASEBALL TEAM

Did anyone even know baseball was going on during the hockey playoffs, probably not, but the Pirates actually are fielding a team...IN JUNE. It might seem stupid to get excited about a 33-34 baseball team on June 13th, but honestly why not? If the Pirates reach .500 tonight, it would be the first time since 1999 they had been .500 this late in a season. It might seem like a very marginal accomplishment, but anything that could happen for the first time in 9 years is worth noting. The Pirates have a chance at 2 All Stars, possibly 3 if the X-Man, N-Dog, and J Bay tear it up for the next month. Scary as it may sound, the Pirates hitting nucleus is quite solid. This team really does have talent. If Doumit can improve his defense, he becomes one of the best all around not just power hitting catchers in baseball. Steady Freddy is going to give you close to .300 and 75 RBI's a year. Jack Wilson is Mr. Dependable at short. A low average, great defensive player. Bay, Nate, and Nady are one of the top outfields in the NL, probably all of baseball. The offense only has 2 holes, both corners of the infield. Adam LaRoche should be benched and possibly burned in hell because he is such a disappointment. Jose Bautista is average, but hasn't been consistent enough. The Pirates have no immediate player to step in at third for the long term. Just stop gaps such as Gomez or Go Home and Doug "not even trying to spell that one". Doug ManCaveItch has added a grit to this team. Any player that will come out and call out dirty, trailer trash Randy Johnson is good in my book. So third base looks like it will be Pedro Alvarez if the Bucco's sign him(if they don't, there should be a boycott). Don't count out Pitt's own Jimmy Negrych, a 5'9, 3 or 2B player who is currently at tops of the Carolina League in high A ball with an average of .358, .15 points higher than Matt Wieters. He has over 20 more bases than anyone on the Lynchburg Hillcats as well. Sorry for the Pitt plug. To go into the pitching situation would be more difficult than conducting triple bypass surgery. It is a very fragile situation that will ultimately bring this team out of legitimate contention for a wild card spot. Steve Blass was saying on air the other day that a few years ago the Pirates popped champagne bottles in the Chicago Cubs visitor lockerroom's because they guaranteed less than 90 losses. So for anyone discounting how big .500 is to this team is just FUCKING lying to themselves. LETS GO BUCS. WE BELIEVE.

KOBE

Kobe Bryant is one of my favorite NBA players. I used to buy into the MJ comparison. Not after last nights performance. You can't just look at the numbers either. Re-watch the last minute or so, Kobe is sleeping. MJ wouldn't have let that happen.

SIDENOTE ON BSV'S

Today the Floss got the ears lowered at a SuperCuts. As the sexy, dirty haircutter was cutting my hair, a thought popped into my head. She would make a great BSV. She talks longer to her clients than a BSV needs too. No offense to her or hairdressers as a whole, but stereotypically they are just as trashy as most BSV's. This could work out well.

-Flosssssssssssin'

DANCING WITH LORD STANLEY

2008-05-22T21:55:00.002-04:00

Although the Floss tries to come up with more creative titles usuall, Mike Lange's call being re-played over the radio waves is in my head and for good reason. Until now Lord Stanley to me was just the most dominant Pap of all time. Lord Stanley's Cup is what we are playing for now. The coolest trophy in all of pro sports. Way cooler than a ring(which you get anyway), cooler than a crystal football(the Floss would drop it), cooler than the World Series trophy(which looks like a bunch of rods sticking out of a tree stump), the Cup is just cooler damnit.

Reading the Post Gazette the other day got me very sad about the future of the Pens. I had realized that it wouldn't be the same every year due to the salary cap and all that, but 12 un-restricted free agents is a ton. Knowing that Hossa was a rent-a-player is almost a sad concept, but it is all business. If you think about all the players who probably won't be back, it really hurts because we have grown to love them during the past season(further with some). Ruutu, Orpik, Laraque, Malone(hopefully not), Talbot, GOD Roberts, Dupuis, it just sucks. Some may be back, strongly pulling for Malone, Talbot, and Dupuis, but you never know. This Penguins team has been more lovable than the Steelers team that just won the Super Bowl in Detroit(wink wink) only 2 and a half years ago. In football, the second stringers don't do much. In hockey, everyone plays. This season so many players contributed at some point, it just seems fitting that they all deserve to kiss Lord Stanley's Cup. Even Kris Beech up there chewing in the players suite(I see ya kid). I just love this team. I think this team deserves a Cup. A story book season. This team lost the best hockey player on the planet for a large part of the season and never lost a beat, because they have the second best hockey player on the planet. They lost an elite goaltender for a long period of time, only to see a journeyman come fill in and play like a Hall of Famer. An aging veteran making one last go round. A star player trying to earn his first Cup while silencing the critics who say he doesn't play in big games. A team playing under new owners who put their necks out their to save hockey in Pittsburgh. A team that wants to win for Mario Lemieux who saved hockey in this town. I just don't see why our rag-tag band of stars and scrappers shouldn't beat the FUCK out of the old ass Red Wings. Why should the Pens win this series? Just because.

FLOSSY PREDICTION: PENS IN 5, IN DETROIT

RANDOM RAMBLINGS

-Yeah I did it this way because Simmons did it this way, it's my blog I will do what I want.

-To win in the NBA, you need guys who can run the pick 'n roll and guys who will play defense.

-You could also have Kobe or LeBron in the NBA. I know Bron Bron is gone, but really, could the rest of the Cavs beat the Heat at the end of the year, NO.

-Gregg Popovich might be the best NBA coach I see in my lifetime. And I've seen the zen master Phil Jackson.

-Doc Rivers is a moron. I never thought I would root for the Pistons. One of my top favorite players on the Pistons is Flip Saunders. Yeah, and this is the team I'm rooting for.

-Murrysville used to have cheap chew. O the good 'ol days.

-The parquet floor at the Garden is one reason to root for the C's, maybe the only reason.

-Did I mention that the Pens are in for a DECADE OF DYNASTY?(trademark)

-The Buccos are officially the Succos again. Back to normalcy.

-Brad Lincoln is off his 2 years of rehab and is pitching again, nice.

-Pitt still doesn't have a football commit. What the hell?

-Pitt football will win 9+ next year, more on this later.

-Nas Robinson still hasn't qualified for college, and Devin Ebanks to WVU, damnit.

-The Paper might be the most entertaining MTV show yet. The gay kid on that show is hilarious.

-Best season of the Real World in a while.

-I gave up on Tila.

-Your 2008 Conn Smythe Winner: Marc Andre Fleury

-If you had a choice would you work for Decicco Construction or paint houses with Luke Nix? These are important things to think about.

-floss

THANK YOU PHILLY

2008-05-15T22:32:00.002-04:00

The first response to the title of this blog was probably, WTF?! A wise man (Mr. Shenanigans, all 3 readers know exactly who I'm talking about) once told me: "Philly fans are such douchebags, but I love them". I never really grasped this concept until the Pens-Flyers series started. Sure, Philly fans love getting drunk and starting E-A-G-Zero Super Bowls(thats how it goes right?) chants. They just never really got under my skin. Until now. My new stereotype of Philly is a New York macho attitude combined with a Jersey ego. Basically a douchebag. Sure they are a bunch of genuises with those "Crosby Sucks" chants. Real original guys. Philly can remember this game as, well, at least Pittsburgh didn't sweep us in '08. I don't know what TV set yins watched the game on tonight, but unfortunately mine was carried by a local Philly television station, o wait that was just Versus. Honestly, if the announcers want to wear Flyers jerseys and chant "Let's Go Flyers", I might be all for that. It was honestly an embarassment to the half-assed network that Versus is. Honestly, MTV could produce a better telecast than Versus. What really set me off tonight was a text message I received from one of the douchebags, "Crosby is such a bitch. I wouldn't want him on my team regardless of talent". Really? All I could really say to this was, "I will call you when he is kissing the Cup". So to the Flyers and all of Philly, Thank You for renewing the hate that I should have had for you all this time. P.S. The Cup goes through Pittsburgh. Bring It FUCKERS.

POOP PANTS

Joe Paterno was hospitalized today for dehydration. Honestly, I hope the man gets better, but give up coaching for real. He is such an arrogant prick that he wants to beat Bobby Bowden by ruining the program he built. Go for it, ruin the program. Force JayPa into power for all I care, just stop making a mockery out of real college football coaches.

BUCCOS

I hate to give them the kiss of death, but has the Floss ever been on the Bucco train recently. All it took was a little bit of winning. Nate McClouth is playing like a bonafide All-Star. He is on pace for 40!!!!!!!!! Home Runs. Crazy I know, but you gotta believe in the N-Dog. Sucks that Doumit is on the shelf for a minimum of 4 weeks, but Paulino should be able to hold his own. All the other position players are quietly tearing the cover off the ball. Shhh, they might get wind of people caring and get nervous. As for the pitching, it has been quite frankly, BAD. They are actually winning close games and games in the late innings. I should clear up, that the starting pitching has been bad. We had to forfeit all of Matt Morris' starts which hurt. Dumatrait is pitching solid, but someone find me a righty. The bullpen has pitched fantastic. You have 2 set-up guys in Yates and Marte(really filthy right now). Glad we got Yates for nothing by the way. A lefty specialist in Grabow. And Matt Capps is closing the door faster than he can eat a dozen of donuts. If the Pirates win this weekend series against the Cubs the Floss will...(suggestions welcomed, however not too crazy since it is a 3 game series in May). If they go over .500, I'm writing in Russell/Huntington on my ballot in November(one of the Floss' favorite cliche's). WE BELIEVE.

EXCUSE MY MENDEN-BONER

2008-05-01T10:08:00.009-04:00

The NFL Draft could be the most overhyped sports day of the year...that is flippin awesome. Roger Goodell's first great idea as Commish was to move the draft back to 3 o'clock. I don't know the actual reason behind this, but it definitely works if you have a massive hangover and need 3 extra hours to recover. It also works if you are a real person and have to do something with your kids or wife on Saturday's. Plenty of morning time before 3 o'clock. Not too mention Goodell shortened the clock to 10 min in the first round. Did anyone else notice that teams pulled the trigger faster this year because of it? Before I guess NFL teams felt like they were supposed to sit on the clock for the whole 15 minutes acting like they hadn't been scouting who they were going to pick for the past 4 months. The first round was over in a whooping 3.5 hours. If that didn't make you want to hang around for the 2nd round I don't know what would. The only beef I might have with the draft is that it should be a nationwide catch up on rain day. Think about it, women can go shopping and not feel bad, men can watch the draft and not feel bad. Since only Ms. Mother Nature can control if it rains(bring 'em on babe), we could play rain day rules, like shopping and laziness being okay. Okay, now onto the analysis of the Steelers draft picks plus their number choices:

ROUND 1: RASHARD MENDENHALL, RB, ILLINOIS, NUMBER 34

The Floss loved all 3 "REAL" first round running backs, and I wanted them to take a RB pretty bad, because I thought the OT's were overrated, based solely on the fact that Jeff Otah was highly regarded. He is a bum in my book, which is saying a lot since he doned the blue and gold, albeit for 2 years. Back to the real deal Rashard Mendenhall. He is a perfect compliment to FWP(Fast Willie Parker). FWP wasn't going to be able to continue at his production level getting 300 carries a year. The 2 RB system is very common in the NFL, and if you think about it, FWP is a perfect fit for a 2 RB system. This was also a great pick because there were no other options on the WDB(Walde Draft Board). Once Jonathan Stewart went to Carolina, I was hoping for a corner, particularly Aqib Talib, but he went at 20. I didn't think Mendenhall would last, but I knew Jerry Jones would stick to Arkansas and Felix the Cat. When he was at pick 23, I had made a previous bet of 3 back to back to back shots of Old Crow if the Steelers got him. That will always be my memory of Rashard Mendenhall, 3 shots of Old Crow. Yes. As for his number, I hate it. Best comment I heard was from the DDPL yesterday(referring to his number), "what is he another Verron Haynes?". My response, "uh, he is from Illinois, it might be for Walter Payton". With all that being said, couldn't he have picked something in the 20's?

ROUND 2: LIMAS SWEED, WR, TEXAS, NUMBER 14

Everyone and their Mother knows I LOVE BIG BEN, so a tall WR is just what the doctor ordered here. While their may have been a lineman on board, he probably wasn't worth it. All linemen especially OT's were drafted a half round high anyways. Limas Sweed's biggest knock is a wrist injury. Wrist injuries aren't even real. If it was a knee, I would be worried. Remember the last player who dropped to the Steeler's because of injury concerns. Yeah, Heath Miller. DROF also pointed out that with a name like Sweed, he couldn't wait to hear fans cheer Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed. These are things that I wouldn't see until it actually happens. That's why DROF gets the big bucks. Also as far as numbers go, 14 is pretty dope. WR's that pick numbers outside of the 80's are cool.

ROUND 3: BRUCE DAVIS, OLB, UCLA, NUMBER 53

I wish I could tell you that he was on my radar in this draft, but I have never heard of him. His dad played in the NFL, good bloodlines. Rush Ends are cool. Good size, good number choice.

ROUND 4: TONY HILLS, OT, TEXAS, NUMBER 66

Yay. A lineman. A tackle even. He should be able to beat out Trai Essex for a backup spot. Nice pickup. Him and Limas can go apartment shopping together. Way to pick Faneca's number. Pap is going to be shocked when he sees black Faneca next year.

ROUND 5: DENNIS DIXON, QB, OREGON, NUMBER 2

The sexiest pick since Limas Sweeeeeeeeeeed in the second round. The original D-Dix(sorry Dorin, you come in second) was a pimp in college at the quarterback position. I just didn't see him playing that in the NFL. I was thinking the Steelers were going to use him like Randle El or at least in some crazy Bruce Arians packages. He is not the future at backup QB. Charlie Pittsburgh is definitely safe this year. D-Dix won't make the squad, unless he is moved.

ROUND 6(a): MIKE HUMPAL, MLB, IOWA, NUMBER 55

Only one good year at Iowa, where he had 120+ tackles, so he might have a solid upside(Mel comment). From everything I read he can probably be a good special teamer, so a good pickup in the 6th round. On his number, now I get to explain to Pap who the white Joey Porter is. Thanks. Couldn't he have picked 57, because no one would know the difference between him and Clint Kriedwalt.

ROUND 6(b): RYAN MUNDY, S, MICHIGAN, NUMBER 29

The Floss refuses to acknowledge the one year of college football Mundy played in Morganhole for the queers, so he is just going to be a Michigan guy, deal? However, factoring in that he is local(Woody High vs. McKeesport), played for a min. year at WVU, and is number 29, Mundy should have a role on this team. His new name: Ridi Mogan(Ryan+Chidi, Mundy+Logan).

Overall I LOVED the draft for the Steelers. I don't think they would have contended next year with an upgrade on the O-Line. Any upgrade wouldn't have been big enough really. Defensively, no drop off should happen from Clark Haggans to Woodley/Timmons. The cornerbacks are getting better by the minute. Troy should be healthy. Davis/Timmons/Woodley hopefully will help get some sacks. Offensively, we might score 80 points a game. Kidding aside, just think of our skill players, and try and find a team as loaded. Top 5 QB, A top 10 RB and a top 20 RB(Mendenhall is that good NOW), Top 5 TE in AFC, then a WR corps that boasts a solid veteran, an up-and-coming STUD, a new big rook, and a decent 4(Nate Wash). It could be the most offensively talented team in a LONG LONG time for the Steelers.

FISHIN' FOR PENGUINS (PART TRES)

2008-04-16T11:46:00.004-04:00

The Floss has been speaking about a "secret" plan to reveal why he hasn't posted in forever(still faster than those real people over at the truthbrush), but I lied. The sad excuse is that I had a lot of finals studying to do. Then I had a lot of moving out to do, combined with drinking my face off and going to Happy Valley, not too mention being completely consumed within Pitt Spring Football, the Pens, and the NBA. So here it goes(look for my other write-ups on the Pens and the NHL, the NBA, and the state of Pitt football):

Plans went according to schedule other than RTHB deciding that we should take a long cut to Deer Creek through Penn Hills and Oakmont rather than take the TurnPike like every other American. When RTHB, COF, DROF, and the Floss arrived, we could see the tents. My first reaction was WOW, really testing nature being 20 yards away from our car. The camp/fishing site was only about 100 yards from Pittsburgh Indoor Soccer Arena. The only obstacle in the way was Deer Creek. The creek was about 10 yards wide and about 2 feet deep. From what I had heard before, this creek was a combination of Niagara Falls and Mount Everest in difficulty level. However, all you need is hip waders. Possibly the greatest invention since the wheel or the television. The amazing thing about hip waders is how comfortable they are. I could walk around in hip waders all day. If puddles ever become a problem in Oakland, I'm bringing out the hip waders. What shocked the Floss the most was, that the next morning, after multiple creek crossings and living in muddy, slushy(and meaty, cheesy, syrupy) water for 17 hours, my socks were still dry. Unbelievable. Still dry. Honestly for 20 dollars, hip waders might be the most efficient purchase on the planet. I might paint on some Steeler logos and rock them all tailgate season(if it wasn't dead). The night started out with Tim the HHR making some steak sandwiches on the fire. He even cooked peppers and onions for the steak sandwiches. It would have been nice if he cooked the steak(honestly, the bloodiest steak ever, still great). Then we brought out the radio to listen to Game 2 of the Pens-Sens series. It was a blast to listen to the game, even if we couldn't watch. In case your memory is bad, the Pens win(like every game) on a Ryan Malone wrap around, then he caps it with an empty netter. Then we caught the tail end of a rain delayed Pirates game which ended in a shocking 1-0 win with a Jason Bay homerun. If the Pens and Buccos winning weren't a great sign I don't know what was. After these games ended is when the night started to get blurry. The Floss remembers a blistering rain storm that lasted for under 40 minutes, which was not bad since it was supposed to pour all night. I remember Tim the HHR dropping the line of the night after COF put on his rain gear(yellow jump-suit): "You look like the fag teletubby". Great name drop, but thats why they call him the HHR. The Steelers draft was a big topic of discussion down 'er in Deer Creek. None of us said Mendenhall, but what a great pick that was. The Floss made it through the night after about 6 dips, 12 shots of Old Crow, 12 beers, and a 45 min nap(shits wizzzzzeak). When the morning arrived, we were all drowsy and ready to fish. By the morning, I had noticed many a fishermen had lined up to catch some fish. The morning brought me my first dilemma, go with the old faithful Zebco push button, or with the new fandangled Blue Rod that I do not know how to cast. We went with the old faithful. Since DROF was most certainly drunk and ready to fish, we posted up with about a half hour to go talking about how we both needed to catch a fish. Across the creek were some yinzers who were posted up on a cliff that was probably a 20 foot drop, but enough to be funny if they fell. DROF and the Floss basically made up their conversations for the remaining 30 minutes. Most went like this:
DROF as yinzer: "Dang ol, dang ol, yous know Ima catch da biggest trout today"
Floss as yinzer: "Shoot, I a been out fisherin you for yeeeeaaaaaaaaaarrrsss"
DROF: "Do you want a Busch?(Then he would try to push the actual Floss in the water while distracting him with one of these anecdotes)

So when 8 o clock came, I remember it as not being as New Years Eve as I had hoped. DROF and I casted out into the water. Then the most amazing thing happened, I actually reeled in a trout. The excitement was great, but the Pitt Blue-Gold Game was next weekend, so we didn't get too far ahead of ourselves. But the flood gates were open on this morning, everyone caught 5+ fish, none of them much bigger than the others. I don't even know what else to say about opening day of trout. It was just awesome. Nothing too crazy happened. It was just a great day. Maybe next year someone will fall into the water or off a cliff. I don't know. For now the Floss is just ready for a great fishin' season.

FISHIN' FOR PENGUINS(PART DUECE)

2008-04-11T15:31:00.003-04:00

The weather sucks out tonight, good thing the Pens play indoors. Sadly being unable to watch the game, the Floss will be listening on his crank radio and relying on text messages which will be sent to his cell phone in a ziploc bag. DROF and the Floss managed to keep it pretty low key last night. We both broke the no liquor rule, but no hangover for me today. DROF a mild hangover, so all in all we are quite ready. The only problem in the forseeable future is that we dined at Golden Corral for lunch today. For those of you who don't know, it is a buffet where the food goes out as fast as it comes in. A long night in the woods with irritable bowels could lead to worse fishing and a mean Floss. DROF and I were supposed to buy "bait rags" for the gang tonight, but upon going to the local bait n tackle shop, we were laughed at and told to use old rags from home. I did purchase a 15 dollar full rain gear suit. The package looked really legit, but it was another example of getting what you pay for. I should have stuck with garbage bags. The trip was not a complete waste. Behind the backs of COF and others, DROF and I decided to pick up a handle of THE Old Crow whiskey for the trip(Why sail with the captain when you can fly with the crow?). Honestly, 3 30 packs for what looks now like 17 hours(7-12) of drinking in the rain. We thought you were better than that COF. For the fans who are Pitt students or wannabe Pitt students(B Man), when you wake up tomorrow look for the Victory Lights to be on at the Cathedral signaling the shark that the Floss has reeled in. GOOOOOOO FISHHHHH

GAME DOS

What a game one for the Pens? Could you have asked for a better start. 2 goals from the 4th line. Malkin got off to a hot start. Sid didn't need to do anything, and we still got a W. Physically we sent a message. Fleury got his confidence sky high. The penalty kill was awesome, killing 2 partial 5 on 3 situations. Game dos will be a different game though. Ottawa is probably going to come out very fired up after the game one ass-whooping. I see a tough one tonight for the Pens. I'm saying the Pens win on an OT goal by Jordan Staal. He has been coming so close. It's almost like why not him tonight? 2-1 in OT. LETS GO PENS

FISHIN' FOR PENGUINS

2008-04-09T13:46:00.002-04:00

With warm weather starting to rear it's beautiful head, that can mean only one thing, it is spobby(sport+hobby) season. This Saturday kicks off trout season. Fishin', which ranks as the Floss' number 2 spobby(1. Golf, 2. Fishin, 3. Softball) will begin at 8 AM sharp on Saturday morning. For all of you who know the Floss', his family, and friends, starting at 8 AM clearly wouldn't make sense. Now, for the fishing afficianado's out there, our lines will not be in the water until 8 AM, but the fishin' adventure will start much earlier. How much earlier? 15 LONG hours. At approximately 5 PM on Friday, COF will pick up DROF and myself. Who else will accompany us? Jah Banni(http://jahbanni.blogspot.com/2007_04_08_archive.html, blog of last years adventure), RTHB(Red Titted Hoss Bear), Mick(50 years young, much respect), Rick(COF and Jah Banni's co-worker, only met once), and Tim the HHR(read the other blog for details, Rick's step-father). Since the Floss basically only picked up fishin' last year out of pressure from COF, this will be his inagural trip.

Last night, thanks to the B Man, the Floss was able to get the main necessities for Saturday. They included a brand new fishin' pole, some line for the pole, hip waders, and a fishin' license. The funniest part of the trip was trying to find the right hip waders. Little did DROF or the Floss know, there was a difference between the waders with the foam on the bottom and the ones without. Since we both picked the waders with foam on them, it led to an interesting convo.
DROF: "We just rip this foam off once we take them out of the bag?"
Floss: "Yeah, It probably just keeps them packed better"
DROF: "Okay, thats what I thought"
When DROF checked out, I noticed that the waders were 29.99 instead of the advertised 19.99. Quickly I pointed this out to DROF after he paid. So we got a customer service representative(who was eye raping the hell out of the sexy cashier at the time) to find out where that ten dollars was located. Turns out that the ten dollars was actually the foam pieces on the bottom of the waders. They actually are called felt-bottom waders which makes it more pleasant when you step on rocks. Of course, we took the extra ten spot in our pockets over the rock-friendly waders. Currently I'm taking bets on what kind of injury DROF and I will suffer from having the normal rubber bottom waders.

The Floss also is preparing to make a list of things that he will definitely need to bring for the trip Friday/Saturday. The list looks something like this:
New Rod(currently nameless, suggestions welcomed)
Natalie Bass(backup rod, great name)
Fishin' Vest(Xmas present from MOF)
Hat(gonna rain, notice, not a fitted)
Backup Clothes(honestly, right now the odds are at least 2:1 that I fall in the water)
Tackle Box
Fishin' Chair(on the shoulders of COF)
Fishin' License(probably going to forget and have to pretend to be <16 years old, not hard so long as I'm not in the sweater vest)
Skoal x 2(Loooooooonnnng Night)

Really I have no idea why I'm so excited for opening day this year. Last year, the number of legitimate fish the Floss reeled in is definitely countable on two hands. I guess I'm just looking at it from a baseball perspective. Since I didn't get in a full season last year, the Floss is still a rookie of the year candidate. Since the Floss is most definitely a negative Nancy, I have thought about things that could mess this trip up. They start and end with alcohol. First it starts Thursday night, while the Floss is currently vowing to not drink Thursday, this probably won't happen. More realistically is DROF who is pledging no Vlad Thursday(probably would need legal representation to make this dream a reality). Then we turn to Friday and when to start boozing. The belief here is that we are going to leave for the creek(crick) at 6PM(Deer Creek is in Indianola, PA, 35 min away). With a drive like that, no doubt DROF is going to want a "roadie". Shit, we could be goin' down the street and DROF would want a roadie. Even if I don't start drinking 'til a more reasonable time like 8, that is still 12 hours of drinking. Last Friday I completed 17 hours of drinking, so saying it can't be done is a lie. However, the stupid old heads will probably dare me to do something like 42 shotguns in a row, and like Tom Petty, I won't back down. With all of this said, if we run out of beer, the blame goes squarely on COF's shoulders. Sorry, but facts are facts. If we need a keg, I will build a raft for the stupid creek, just don't let us run out of booze.

Basically, to all the loyal fans of the Floss I want your support. When you wake up Saturday morning, your first thought/txt message of the day is too see how many fish I caught. Again more realistically was I alive for the fishing. See now I'm excited.

BREAKING THE CURSE

I'm breaking the Floss' Curse on the Pens by writing about them right now. While I'm excited for opening day of fishin', I'm pissed that I will be missing game 2 of the Ottawa-Pens series. However, COF assures me that his 44 dollar crank radio will come through. First things first, we have game one. Bryan Murray is a d-bag for thinking that we tanked it on Sunday against the Flyers to get his team. He knows they are weak and is making a public plea to get his team fired up. Sorry Murray, your team is going to shit the bed tonight. 5-1 Pens, 2 for Sid, 1 for Geno, 1 for Malone, and 1 for Ryan Whitney. Here is who the Floss would be playing for Game 1:
Talbot--Sid--Hossa
Sykora--Malkin--Malone
Dupuis--Staal--Ruutu
Whitney(for 7th defense)--Beech--Laraque

Gonchar--Scuderi
Gill--Letang
Orpik--Sydor

COME ONE COME ALL

2008-04-04T12:46:00.003-04:00

I've flipped sides on things before, this is one of those times. I have been bashing baseball since the blog was in existence, but reserve a seat for me on the Bucco Bandwagon. The Floss doesn't really know much about John Russell other than I love his attitude. Jim Tracy seemed like a bitter individual, so everyone knew he would never win. Russy Russ seems like a players manager. It just might be what the Pirates needed. I also like to envision the speech he got before he accepted the job to go like this..."Well John, we don't have the players right now to win. The team isn't in place for you to win baseball games. Just promote development, get a guy to have a career year, keep the guys happy, and next year you will be rewarded with your team". Then Russy Russ just walked out, thinking that the Pirates ownership is bullshit, and he was gonna win now. So he just motivate himself to play each game like it was the World Series. While this team won't stick around for probably half the year, right now they have a nice little team out there(minus Gomez and Rivas, Bixler please). If Nate McClouth can keep up his torrid pace through three games, he could be the homeless man's Grady Sizemore. Who doesn't love that hunk Sizemore? What? X gon' give it to ya might be the best Pirate. He is going to be tough to give up at the All Star break. Hopefully this won't happen because the Bucs don't lose more than 22 games til then. One of the reason's for this optimism is DROF, his drunken love of the Pirates makes me want them to win for him. He has no concept of the 162 game season. When the Buccos won the opener, you would have thought they clinched the division or even won the World Series. And now he goes on to play Hannah Montana? Lord. Just jump on the bandwagon. The Floss is wasting valuable Goldfish eating time.

FINAL THOUGHTS

2008-03-31T15:43:00.005-04:00

The weekend has came and went. I finally came to grips with what I will remember from the Pitt basketball season. I will remember the Big East Tournament, not what could have been. You could dwell on the fact that Pitt was outplayed in their 2nd round game against Michigan St, but the Floss will not be. Even if Pitt wins that game, they would have lost to Memphis, who is playing the best basketball in the country right now, even better than Rock Chalk, UCLA, and UNC(but barely). Memphis is playing like a well oiled machine right now and is the Floss' pick to win it all at this point. So in retrospect, maybe WVU and 'Nova got one more win in the tourney this year, and Louisville 2, I'm taking our title and being happy with it. Next year, if Sam I AM comes back, we should make a legit final 4 run.

PIRATES SEASON OPENER

If you hear crickets, thats because no one is talking about the Pirates season opener. For the first time in the Floss' life, he didn't give a rat's ass about the Pirates season starting. I fully expect this team to lose 95 plus games this year, but I did think about a positive thing about the Pirates. This might be their best starting pitching rotation in a while. Snell and Gorzo are legit NL starters, Maholm and Duke have shown that they can be major league starters, and Matt Morris might have something left in the tank. If all the pitchers play well this season and the position players all have career years, theres no reason to think we can't win 84 games. My excitement for the season is currently at a 2 out of 10, hopefully that changes. Floss' prediction for tonight...I will be watching Pens-Rangers on Versus.

AND THEN THERE WERE 3

WOW. Last night was the best ROL all season. The drama really unfolded last night. Daisy proved her craziness again with her abortion, 2 year abstinence, dancing job, and her previous affairs with a guitarist from Poison. The most shocking part about last night's episode was that she didn't get the boot. Let me go one by one on the Daisy issues...

ABORTION- I felt legitimately bad that she had to reveal this on television. This may have been the first revelation of an abortion on a reality show.
2 YEAR ABSTINENCE AND DANCING JOB- These two are linked perfectly. Honestly, as a huge strip club afficianado, the Floss cannot believe this. Who would have ever believed that any stripper was abstinent? She's a liar. In the perfect world, strippers have sex every night with a customer. The Floss just doesn't have the funds. This is my theory, strippers have sex for money, dancing is just a cover. God damnit. Even if you don't believe my theory, just look at Daisy. In 2 years, a girl as trashy as that hasn't let a man get lucky. She also has plastic surgery and a boob job. I just don't understand how she could possibly keep her legs closed for 2 years. Why continually lie to Bret? It's like lying to God.
CC-Yeah, she never hung out with him. Good lie there. Bret could probably ask CC right now and he could out her lying ass. However, CC probably wouldn't remember one groupie from all the years of drugs and rock n' roll.

How about Bret also called her one of the hottest groupies he has seen? Bullshit Bret. She probably couldn't place top 5 backstage on any given night.

Onto the rest of the episode...Destiney is annoying and a big fat C word. She can't continually be that big of a bitch and stay high in the power rankings. I still like her as the winner though, sadly. She sucks. The Heather of season 2. Ambre is starting to show her tough side, and the Floss loves it. Her attitude is becoming sexier by the minute. The only problem with Ambre is that she originally lied to Bret and it is outed that she is actually 37. I couldn't get over that she was 32. Ouch, 37, that's old. The new fav.

Jessica...ah Jessica. It was really for the best that she didn't make it to the finals, but of all the weeks for Bret to do it, this wasn't the week. Jessica puts in her best episode yet. Who knew she was the next Anika Sorrenstam? It was also funny when she said she played four years of varsity golf in high school. The Floss was thinking that she graduated like 3 years ago and wouldn't be too rusty. On an episode where she showed her sanity, skill set, and sexiness, Bret gives her the boot. Honestly, the Floss was super disappointed in Bret for this, leading me to my next theory...

Bret doesn't want a non-violated girl, he doesn't want to be guy number 4 or 5, he wants to be guy number 2,246 or 2,247. The conclusion from this theory is that Bret doesn't want commitment from these girls. Another conclusion the Floss draws from this theory is that Bret reads the Floss and that we are on the same page. He saw my hopeful prediction that he will become the next Hef. He also saw that everyone wants more ROL's. Bret buddy, I got you.

POWER RANKINGS GOIN' INTO THE FINALS

24-Daisy
17-Destiney
1-Ambre

FOLLOW UP: I WANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD (PART 2)

2008-03-24T18:12:00.003-04:00

First, for the new fans of the Floss, stop reading right now and go back and read Thursday January 24th's blog entitled "I WANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD".

Well, today was another blood drive at the University of Pittsburgh. The Floss has been debating whether or not to try to donate at this blood drive, just for blog value. Forget the saving lives, the Floss wanted a blog. I mustered up my courage enough to go to the blood drive today. Immediately when I arrived, I saw 3 of the BSV's smoking cigs on the patio outside the Union. Great, more cigarette smoke. I really did almost walk away. They were actually what was described about BSV's, 25 to 45, definitely single, trashy, ugly, lung cancer, etc. Not a good sign. The Floss did not stop at the door, he made it all the way inside. First things first, sign in, say I haven't had sex with an African Male in the last 27 years, that I never had mad cow disease, never went outside of the US and Canada(what is so clean about Canada that it is on our level), and most importantly have not been pregnant in the past 6 months. After the preliminary screening, the Floss made the one on one interview. The BSV who interviewed me was one of the cigarette smoking BSV's. Not a good start for the Floss. Well the one on one interview could be compared to the NFL Combine. You had to pass their series of tests to make the cut for the blood sucking table. I passed the "Eyyyyerrroon" Test, gotta love the yinzer in this BSV. Next was the pulse test, rocked that one somehow in my nervous state. The last test was the one I was certainly going to fail, blood pressure test. First, the Floss has family history of high blood pressure, plus I eat everything greasy, cheesy, meaty, syrupy and haven't exercised since the Backyard Brawl. Compare the Floss in a blood pressure test to Casey Hampton in his first sprint test of the season. BUT, shockingly I passed again. Now it was no looking back, we were goin' to one of the tables, getting the blood sucked out...

To set it up for you, there are 4 tables and 6 BSV's. All tables empty, all BSV's un-occupied. The Floss had a BIG decision to make. Here's a break down of what the BSV's were lookin' like. We had 2 young, trashy, beautiful(in BSV standards), 20-somethings. Then there were 2 very trashy, goth looking, nose-ring wearing, black eye liner streaks, just nothing good about these 2 BSV's. Then we had a motherly looking woman, probably 40's, definitely the most experienced BSV. Lastly, there was a guy. If I'm getting my blood sucked, definitely going to be a girl BSV. The Floss had it narrowed down to 2 final choices, the mother woman and the cuter less-trashy 20-something BSV. Well we all know who I chose...

So, the woman about to suck my blood's name was Christina. She asked me if I had any problems giving blood before. Naturally I told her about how uneasy I was with the whole blood sucking thing. Naturally in her cute BSV tone, she said she would take good care of me. Christina reassured the Floss, the trust was unbelievable in our relationship. First she tried to find the vein in my left arm. All of her poking and prodding(hands not needle) at my fatty arm was to no avail as she could not find the vein, so she asked for my right arm. I was very nervous in the short run about her sucking blood from my right arm because I thought it would make my writing arm very sore for the day. But for Christina, I was down. After some more of her rubbing my arm(great foreplay), she found the vein and got rough with me. Christina started up my arm's iodine bath in preparation for the needle being driven in my arm. The time had come, needle time...

So the Floss closed his eyes as always with needles, and I felt the normal sting of a needle. This didn't hurt any more or less than any other needle incident. That was it, basically. It didn't hurt, the blood flowed out like a river, everything according to plan. She ended our relationship earlier than I would have liked, but Christina still has to be the MVP of BSV's. Now if there is one good BSV, does that mean there are more? No probably not, I'm just glad that I saved 3 lives.

ROL UPDATE

2008-03-24T15:25:00.003-04:00

Since I have not fully grasped the magnitude or importance of the Pitt loss I will wait a little to write about it. I also can't talk about the team atop the Atlantic because we know how that goes. Since I haven't blogged in a while, I figure I can give a ROL update.

First off, a Happy Belated Easter to all. Since the Floss will be eating leftover ham sandwiches for at least a week, I'm still celebrating the bunny's arrival. Now for the episode. Personally, I wasn't impressed. The Floss was and still is a HUGE HEATHER HATER. She sucks. Period. I don't care if she combines the 2 fine arts of alcoholism and stripping, I just don't like her. I was sick of hearing, "I just wanna get the dirt on these girls". The only reason Bret brought her back is because he was sick of not having sex with the girls this season(Heather is definitely one of his go-to bangs when he can't score random play). Bret has refrained himself much more this season because of the heat he took last time. I think he may have only went past kissing with just Daisy(probably went all the way there). Maybe a little bj/hj action with Krazy Joe while she was still around. If he banged her, she would still be there. Back to the episode, the ex boyfriends were a terrible addition. They gave away nothing. The best was easily Ambre's weirdo friend. Honestly, if that is Ambre's best friend, how in the living hell could Bret date her? Seriously, unless Bret gives up rock and roll for Scrabble tourney's Ambre is dunzo. The other ex's just plained sucked. No big secrets came out other than Daisy's mild secret. Her secret wasn't nearly as shocking as Krazy Joe still being married. By Jessica getting blackout drunk, she ruined her chance too. Bret knows she couldn't handle partying on the road. I think last night's episode actually eliminated 2 contestants(Megan too) and left us with a 2 horse race. The 2 horses would be Destiney and Daisy. The Floss was on the Destiney bandwagon day one. I also predicted a long run for Daisy. Ambre and Jessica are going to provide a nice argument for cute vs. evil. I'm gonna say right now the finals are going to be Destiney and Ambre. Bret went with the sweet girl in season one, going with the crazy rocker in season two. Enough with the Floss' predictions. Here are the Power Rankings for the Final 4:
4. Daisy--don't like her, just don't really like her.
3. Jessica--I don't want her making the finals, would be a crushing loss. Trying to get off the drug that is Jessica.
2. Ambre--Too Old. Too lame. Still floats the Floss' boat.
1. Destiney--Many people hate her, I love her, and her cans.

FLOSS' FIRST ROUND SELECTIONS

2008-03-20T01:48:00.002-04:00

EAST

North Carolina OVER The Mount
Arkansas OVER Eric Gordon and DJ White
Notre Lame OVER George Mason
Washington St. OVER Winthrop
St. Joes OVER Oklahoma
Louisville OVER Jared Zabransky
South Alabama OVER The Butler
Tennessee OVER America

MIDWEST

Kansas OVER Portland St. Pilots(great name)
Mike Mckee and Kent St. OVER UNLV(no more LJ)
Clemson OVER Villanova
***Siena OVER Vandy
Mayo OVER Beasley
Wisconsin OVER Cal St. Fullerton
Gonzaga OVER Andrew Davidson
Georgetown OVER UMBC Retrievers(great name)

DIRTY SOUTH(DIRTY B/C OF THE PANTHERS)

Memphis OVER UTArl
Oregon OVER Miss. St.
Michigan St. OVER Temple
PITT OVER ORU
Marquettte OVER Kentucky
Lopez Twins OVER Cornell Big Red(great name)
St. Paddy Mills OVER Da U
Texas OVER Stone Cold Steve "Austin Peay"

WEST

UCLA OVER Jerry Rice
BYU OVER TAMU
***Western Kentucky OVER Drake
UConn OVER San Diego
Purdue OVER Baylor
X OVER Georgia(still pullin for Dennis Felton)
Arizona OVER WVU(eff Thuggy Bear)
Duke OVER Belmont

OSU OVER MICHIGAN, PENN ST., AND OREGON

We all know that today, the nation's most hated high school athlete ever picked The Ohio St. Buckeyes over Michigan, Penn St., and Oregon. In other words, Ohio St. doled out the most money. I heard OSU offered the merchandising rights to the Columbus Clippers(AAA Baseball Team) and the Columbus Blue Jackets and a cool 500 G's. Seriously someone needs to point out that Maurice Clarett outted tOSU boosters a long time ago. You think Jimmy Sweater Vest doesn't know about this? Wouldn't it be great if Pryor landed in a huge scandal over this? That would be awesome.

Enough about Pryor. Test at 1 tomorrow. Back at the apartment at approx. 1:53. First Shot of Old Crow 1:54. Eighth shot of Crow, 2:03. PITT OVER ORU, approx 5PM.

Seriously everyone please enjoy the next two days. These are quite possibly the two best sports days of the year. Seriously, even women LOVE the NCAA tourney. Bracket Pools are seriously MOF(Mother of Floss' favorite thing in the World). She has Georgia in the Sweet 16. I didn't say she was good at it.

In being "giddy" over the NCAA tourney.

TUESDAY TITTIES

2008-03-18T18:22:00.004-04:00

WOW. That is really the only way to start up this blog. I never thought the Panthers were in real danger of missing the NCAA Tourney, but I didn't reallistically see this coming. I predicted 3 out of the Final 4 of the BE tourney correct and accurately predicted the championship, but the Floss was just having a good day. Did I think the best might be yet to come for the Panthers? Yes, I thought this was possible, maybe a 10% possibility. Watching this BE tourney was like having Christmas 4 days in a row and getting your favorite present ever each day. FYI, Floss' favorite Christmas presents, SHAQ Mini-Hoop, Bike(what the hell was I thinking), and a WWF ring with the courtside press table(however, wrestling died a LONG time ago, sorry DDP(L) and PnR). This BE tourney has created some bandwagon jumpers for the Panthers, now if this only leads to some recruits(Dante Taylor, Kevin Parrom, Duran Scott come on down). Some Pitt thoughts.

APOLOGY

First off, the Floss would like to issue a formal blog apology to Ronald Ramon. However, if you go back and read the last post, I said he could completely reconcile with a good performance in the BE tourney and the NCAA tourney. I was not always a Ramon hater. I pushed for him to start at the beginning of the year when PnR was hatin' on Razor, but he just let me down. I have bought into the fact that Ramon needs to play off the ball, and when Fields sets him up, he can be that 45% 3 point threat that we all know and love. He also completely validated his career, no matter what happens in the NCAA tourney(Ron don't quit now though buddy). I will always remember this class of seniors for this BE title run(hopefully a deep NCAA run). Keith Benjamin didn't do much statistically in the tourney, but he was all over the glass in the title game and he had a few great assists. I will have to remember Mike Cook for being a glue guy, but it was great to see him hoist the trophy with the team and cheer after mostly every basket. So to you Mr. Ramon, I say sorry. To the rest of you seniors(Mo Polen, National Anthem and your 3 points against DePaul) I just say thank you for this memorable run to the BE title.

SAM I AM

I hate this nickname, but it fits and I love it. The Silent Assassin was a nickname of a few players before, but this nickname could also fit for Sam Young. He is always quiet when he puts in his 20 point games. He also doesn't get too fired up on the court. In the Floss' playing days, he was a fiery guy, but on this team of loud mouths(DeJuan and Levance), it is nice to have your best player be a quiet guy. I would also like to remove Chris Taft from my All-Time(er sort of) team and replace him with Sam Young. I never thought he was clutch or consistent, but I was wrong(common theme here). Sam I Am is ready for the L, but I want him to stay. Really, it isn't in his best interest to stay at Pitt for his senior season, but why not? Maybe, he is unlike selfish, greedy athletes and wants other things with his career. Maybe Sam wants another BE Title and MOP in the BE tourney, maybe he wants National POY or at least consideration, maybe he wants a National Championship(he wins it this year, he can bolt), maybe he wants the BE MVP next year? Hell, maybe he just likes playing with these guys.

B SQUARED

The B Squred refers to 6 and 7 on the Panthers, Brown and Biggs. Talk about bringing your A-Game, which all the Panthers did, but especially these two. Two of the more inconsistent Panthers much of the season stepped up HUGE in MSG in those 4 days. Brown provided scoring when needed, twice going into double figures. He also had the steal that locked up the Louisville game, when he ripped the ball away from Earl Clark under the Louisville hoop. If he plays like this in the tourney, I'm going to fall in love with him more. But maybe an even bigger hero in the Panthers tourney title run was Tyrell Biggs. He went from not being trusted, to being the end of game defender. He stays grounded and switches on ball screens much better than DeJuan. He finally realized that he is a wide body and should be a good rebounder. He was simply AWESOME in the title game versus Georgetown. He was a force on the glass. Biggs might finally have mastered his jump shot. Or at least figured that it is much easier to hit a 12 to 15 foot jumper than stepping back past 18 for a 3. I will never again call him Tyrell Littles.

BOBBY KNIGHT

While Knight's Insights is possibly the worst SportsCenter segment ever, him as an analyst is great. I predict his career as an analyst will last at max another year because he will either blow up on TV or take another coaching job(more likely). He knows more about the game than any other analyst ESPN wants to put out there(maybe outside of Bilas, Emmy Nominee, you know this if you watched any early game last week). He also puts Digger in his place enough that it gives him value. He literally frightens Digger Phelps. Digger waits for his turn to speak when Knight is on the set with him. It is awesome. What is Knight's best redeeming quality? Duh, He picked Pitt to win the National Title. If you could have seen the celebration in the room when he picked that. It was a 13-9 esque celebration between SpiderWeb(first ever shoutout for the biggest fan of Pitt hoops), FOF, B Man, PnR, and yours truly.

BASEBALL

Sadly, baseball is going to come and steal the spotlight from hockey in somewhere around 10 days. It's the least wonderful time of the year. Wake me up in October.

LOS PENGUINOS

Way down on the Floss' list this week because they don't like the spotlight on here. Is there a hotter team in hockey right now than the Pens? Maybe the Rangers, who are going to get a wake up call in 15 minutes from the coolest team in the NHL. By the way eff Jagr, Geno and Gonch are my 2 favorite Russians. 14 goals in there last 2 games. Congrats to Hal Gill for being the man. Also congrats to Hossa for his first goal in black and gold. Think of the possibilities when Sid is fully healthy. Scary is the only word to describe this team.

ROL UPDATE

Hey your a krazy bitch, but you **** so good I'm on top of it. Just some song lyrics, since Krazy Joe has finally left the best show on TV. Thank God. Megan, your next, you awful awful person. I want to know if Bret put an act on to piss off the other girls and America with his known affection for Krazy Joe. I think yes, just because he loves none of them. Other thoughts from this week:
-Jessica in schoolgirl outfit, yummy
-Daisy, really you couldn't buy a better face?
-Destiney needs to drop the bitch card, remember when she was sweet and sexy for like the first 4 episodes. Still a Floss Fav.
-Bret knows Megan isn't in to him, great for everyone involved.
-Ambre, 32, really, a little too old for the Floss, and probably Bret. She looked bad this week too. :(

Power Ranking the Final 5:
1. Jessica--the hype is real
2. Destiney--still pulling for you, just leave the darkside
3. Ambre--32? Can't really get over that one. I just thought a mature 27.
4. Daisy--Too dumb, really can't get over that.
5. Megan--Somehow she is gonna cunt her way into the final 3, and it pisses me off.

ST. PATRICK'S DAY

After almost backing out of St. Patrick's day celebration for the 3rd year in a row, the Floss partook this year. However, I would like to say I was not at full game level. The Pitt basketball win Friday night kept me awake way too long, which led to not enough sleep. The impending title game kept me thinking ahead. The crowd was a little old for me outside of B Man and COF(Really I heard about wedding plans, come on, not a drinking environment). The Irish Carbomb nearly made me vomit. All factors that led to a relatively average St. Patricks Day. Really the whole problem I have with the day is the fear of a UDA(Underage Drinking Arrest). Being a mature 19 sucks because I can function in a bar scene(laugh), but my age holds me back. Sadly again, the Floss will be a mature 20 next year, and again might not completely enjoy himself. :(. A big props to Aimin' for Failure and Jah Banni for a great party though. People do really like them.

LETS GO PENS

MAILBAG: IT'S FOR THE KIDS

2008-03-11T23:53:00.002-04:00

A first for the Floss. His first mailbag. The way this works is, I take e-mails from actual readers and I answer their questions as only the Floss can. Remember these are actual e-mails from actual readers.

(crying) Why do you hate me so much? Is it because of my ugly haircut?
--Ronald Ramon, SG, Pitt Panthers

Well Ronny, if you remember back to your sophomore year, you were my favorite player. The real reason was that my Jaron Brown jersey now could be played off as yours. I thought this was cool up til this season when you have completely insulted the number 4(church-league number of Floss). If you would just make one effing big game shot(WVU=blind squirrel finding a nut) or just play like you did as a freshman and sophomore, I wouldn't be so hostile towards you. The good news is, the Floss forgives, make some shots in the upcoming tourneys. We can re-evaluate where you stand after that. Your hair is embarassing however.

Where should I go to college?
--Terrelle Pryor

Since Tino the Dreamboat is on-board at Pitt for the next 4-5 years, you can take your talents elsewhere. I have said since day one that you were going to be a Nitter. I hope I'm wrong and you shouldn't let JayPa coach you. You also need to make a decision by April 1st. My best guess for what you should do, is enter the baseball draft. You need all the hype you can get.

Are you ever going to come and eat the 3LB burger? Clearfield, PA is waiting. All we have to wait for is the Floss and Penn St. football.
--Denny from Denny's Beer Barrel Pub

Honestly, friends/family of the Floss, if we can get you on board, I'm gonna take down this burger. I have never been so ready for something in my life. I'm in playing shape right now, we just need you, the fans to help me out here.

You drinking with me Saturday? Parade?
--St. Patrick

New Year's Resolution blog. The Floss will effin be there. All he wants to know is if the throwdown with Aimin for Failure and Jah Banni is happening. I wanna go up to Mt. Waershingtun and booze at 7AM, who doesn't?

Yo Floss, you wanna make a guest appearance on ROL 12? Hit me up. Ayo.
--Bret Michaels

(Crying) A dream come true. We both know there is no end to your groupie ass in the future. I would love to be there for ROL 12. Bret, we both know that you can slay any of the remaining girls. The key is to find the one who will not commit. You did it the first time, do it again.

My boobs are not real, but I love them just the same.
--Natalie(Girlicious)

Not a surprise here. The Floss loves them as well. Thanks for clearing that up.

Did you see the bottom line today on ESPN sweetie? San Antonio has signed me through 2011. Our love will have to wait 3 more years.
--Becky Hammon

For the first time ever, something in women's athletics was relevant enough for the bottom ticker. However Becky, by 2010 we can only hope the WNBA contracts and you can come be the trophy wife God intended you to be. Love, The Floss.

Remember to e-mail your questions for the next Floss.

SOME HARDWOOD TO GIVE OUT AND THE BE TOURNEY

2008-03-11T17:29:00.007-04:00

The Floss is in a good mood today, so an update is in order. The Floss had an interview this morning(Business Floss was in full gear), which basically ends all the important things he needs to do on Spring Break Murrysville. Now it's on to drinking, watching copious amounts of basketball, and eating so much food that the 3LB burger will be mine in the summer months. I couldn't think of a better update for today than to give my end of the year college basketball awards. These are actually national awards, I will focus on a team other than Pitt, shocker.

MVP: The Floss comes from the school of winning. This is a 2 horse race between Psycho T and Michael Beasley. Tyler Hansbrough averages 23.1 pts. and 10.5 reb. a game, while Michael Beasley averages 26.5 pts. and 12.5 reb. a game. Truly the numbers are quite similar with the difference being that Psycho T led his team to a number one overall ranking, while Ty Lawson was injured. Again going with the winner, even if he plays for Roy Williams(2nd least favorite coach to Calhoun for the Floss)

MVP: TYLER HANSBROUGH

COACH OF THE YEAR: Note: I did very minimal research and actually have no idea who will win these awards in the eyes of the media. To the Floss, this was a wide open race. I will give you a list of finalists and then break down who the winner and runner up is. The List(Top 5, no order)

Coach K--This Duke team lacks size and is definitely not as talented as their record.

Ron Everheart--I'm giving him some local love. This team had 3 wins 2 years ago. They also went through the tragedy of 6 players getting shot. He has 17 wins in a above average conference.

Keno Davis--Drake was predicted 7th in the MVC at the start of the year. They went 15-3 in league, won the conference tourney(champ game by 30) and finished a sizzling 28-4. (google "Drake Basketball Coach", it asks you if you meant "Duke's Basketball Coach", lol)

Bruce Pearl--The Orange suit went 28-3 this year and won the game at Memphis. One of the Floss' favorite teams. Final 4. Lock it up.

John Calipari--Some Pitt lovin', even though he did poorly at Pitt, Floss still respects the man, and his 30-1 record.

COACH: KENO DAVIS(His star player is Adam Emmenecker, and he wins 28 games)

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR: I'm not going to waste your time with this one. It's Beasley enough said. Does any stud player need a nickname more than Michael Beasley? I'm thinking something thug, because of him getting kicked out of Oak Hill and respecting Bob THuggins. If I was creative I would give him one.

ROOKIE: MICHAEL BEASLEY

1ST TEAM ALL AMERICANS: Unlike the Big East who announced 11 on their first team, the Floss will go with the traditional 5. As always, very biased picks.
C: TYLER HANSBROUGH
PF: BROOK LOPEZ
SF: MICHAEL BEASLEY
SG: CHRIS DOUGLAS-ROBERTS
PG: D.J. AUGUSTIN

Now on to some fun awards for the season.

BEST DRESSED COACH: SIDNEY LOWE. Bruce Pearl in a close 2nd for that orange blazer that he likes to don. Pitino should get votes, but since the Diet Pepsi ruined the suit for the 2nd half, he loses. When he puts on that big red sports coat, he looks like Clifford the Big Red Dog. I just love the jacket. I really do. I feel like if there was a Polish Day instead of St. Patrick's Day I would want to own that coat.

OLSEN AWARD: LOPEZ TWINS. I just really like the Lopez twins. I've even developed a mini-man-crush on them. Stanford is a team to root for in the tourney. They do not have much talent other than Brook Lopez. Twins are also the gayest story line in the NCAA tourney, barely ahead of cousins and brothers. Since it was so gay, and the Floss has a mini-man-crush, why not an award?

WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO AWARD?: TIE--RICK MAJERUS AND TOMMY AMAKER. Majerus was a good coach, so he figured he could take a team in a weaker conference and compete. Wrong. After watching them get run out of the gym by Duquesne, not too mention scoring 20 pts in a whole basketball game, Rick must wonder why he gave up on ESPN. Honestly, the buffets must have switched to the Atkins diet or something for him to have left. Tommy Amaker was a worthless coach at Michigan, who decided to try and make a name for himself at Harvard. Harvard? Really, come on. Then he locks up a top 25 recruiting class. Did he really not expect investigations? He is effed three ways til tomorrow when all his violations come out.

THE ALL WHITE MAN TEAM: This team could take me to a title easy. I love this team with all my heart.

C: TYLER HANSBROUGH
PF: KEVIN LOVE
SF: CHASE BUDDINGER
SG: A.J. GRAVES
PG: GREG PAULUS

The best part about this team is off the bench we have Luke Harangody, Jon Brockman, A.J. Ogilivy, Kyle Singler, and Jon Scheyer. This was all off the top of my head. Props to the white man.

Enough with awards. Now it is time to show off the BE Tourney bracket that the Floss is taking.

FIRST ROUND WINNERS: CUSE, PROVIDENCE, MARQUETTE, PITT
SECOND ROUND WINNERS: GTOWN, UCONN, MARQUETTE, PITT
SEMI-WINNERS: GTOWN, PITT
CHAMPIONS: PITT

You would have to be high to think that with me in a good mood that I wasn't picking Pitt all the way in this one. Also notice WVU goin down tomorrow against Providence. I truly think that could happen.

THE SQUAD

2008-03-07T16:36:00.004-05:00

The Pens 5-2 loss was an awful one to watch last night. A day after being praised by the Floss, Marc Andre Fleury played like a flower. He gave up 3 goals in the first period, 2 of which were his fault. He played the puck too much and poorly when he did. He still can't control a rebound, and Bob Errey let us know 344,000 times last night. All in all a bad game, coupled with a 3 goal 3 period win for Montreal, it was a bad night for the Pens. Safe to say they won't get a top blog position or a title for a while. Hey, at least Sid has a 2 game point streak since his return.

ALL TIME(ER SORT OF) PITT TEAM

I was pondering this question all week, even discussing it with friends, I wanted to make the all-time Pitt team(er sort of). Really my Pitt basketball fandom started when Brandin Knight took us to the tourney in the '01-'02 season. So here we sit in 2008, about to embark on our 7th consecutive NCAA tournament berth. These last 7 years have been fun and frustrating for all Pitt basketball fans. Historically a football school, Ben Howland put the Pitt Panthers basketball squad back on the map. In 4 out of the 6 years that have been completed, the Panthers have lost in the Sweet 16, which sucks, but it is also a nice accomplishment. We have been spoiled recently and the Floss wanted to look back on what will be considered one of the strongest time periods of Pitt hoops. For nostalgic value, I am going to give my all-time starting 5+1 for the last 7 years.

PG: The strongest position in the Floss' opinion over these last seven years was the point guard position. It made the choice at the point guard position very tough for the Floss. The three candidates in contention are Brandin Knight, Carl Krauser, and Levance Fields. Knight led us to the first two Sweet 16's, but he was not a clutch player. Fields has only had one solid season under his belt, but he had the clutch factor. Compare Knight's 50% free throw shooting to Field's near 80%. Not too mention Le Le can hit the 3 ball with more regularity. Carl Krauser was the best scorer of the bunch, but he never seemed to have the whole team playing at his speed. So really it comes down to Fields and Knight. Fields still has a year left of playing the college level plus a chance to take Pitt on a tourney run this year. The Floss has to go with Brandin Knight here. He led us to 2 Sweet 16's plus he led us to our only BE tourney title in those years.

WINNER: BRANDIN KNIGHT

SG: The weakest position over the last seven years is the shooting guard position. If Keith Benjamin had played two years like he has for the majority of this season, he would have this spot locked up. Antonio Graves never averaged over 10 points a game in his career, a fact the Floss did not know about until about 3 minutes ago. Julius Page still averaged 11 points a game in his miserable senior campaign when he was supposed to be the star. However, when he played with Brandin Knight he was much better. Since he is playing with Knight on this team, I guess he is an even more obvious choice. Note: Ronald Ramon was never even given consideration.

WINNER: JULIUS PAGE

SF: Many ways to go with this position. Since Pitt currently starts 3 guards all under 6'2, you could make a case for many traditional 2 guards. You could also put Sam Young into his NBA position here. If Mike Cook played this whole year, he might have been a perfect player to play alongside Knight and JP1. However, the Floss boiled this decision down to two players, Jaron Brown and Sam Young. Jaron Brown will be the Floss' favorite Pitt player for many many years to come. He was the glue guy. He would go out and lead the team in rebounds and assists. He put in 10 points a game plus those intangible stats like 5 reb, 5 assts, 2 steals, and a block. Sam Young however has developed into a scorer, which is something Pitt has lacked in these 7 years. The only scorer in crunch minutes over these years has been "Black Magic" Carl Krauser(and to an extent Fields). Sam Young has been called out by Fields and Dixon recently for whining and such. The Floss has cut him a break all year because he has been the straw that stirs the drink(under-used sports analogy) all year for the Panthers. I do see that lack of intensity when it comes to Sam Young. Maybe he can prove me wrong in the tourney. Just don't take your shoes off like that smelly Lithuianian jerkoff Donatas Zavackas. Needless to say, the Floss is taking the winner.

WINNER: JARON BROWN

PF: Sam Young could technically be picked again here at the 4-spot, but there are 2 way more qualified players for this spot. Those two would be Chris Taft and Chevon Troutman. Taft only played two years before jumping ship to the NBA(nice one Chris) and Chevy was a beast for all four years at Pitt. Chevy was a PA kid, who more old men loved than any Pitt player in recent memory. The reason old men loved him; shoots over 60% from the floor, gets rebounds, always happy, not cocky, just an all around class act. However, Chris Taft was a special talent. Taft averaged near double-doubles in both his freshman and sophomore years. He was close to Troutman in production. It is scary to think what he might have been had he stayed even an extra year. Since this All-Star team gets an extra year, Taft is the Floss' eventual pick here. Taft was a player that could lead you to a title, Troutman was in the glue guy mold. We already have a glue guy, Jaron Brown. Sorry Chevy, more on you later. Interesting that Taft is the first player to not play with Brandin Knight, another reason I would love to see this team.

WINNER: CHRIS TAFT

C: Since I didn't pick Troutman at the 4 and Taft at the 5, the readers should realize that the Floss is going with someone bigger than 6'10 Chris Taft. Before all of you cringe out there, I'm going to justify the pick of Aaron Gray. First off, he is a matchup problem for any team, especially with Taft on the other block. Second, he is a solid rebounder. Before people start making the Blair argument, I'm going to give you the reasons why he really never got consideration: he can't score in double figures consistently, his rebounding numbers are high because he is the only one who can rebound, defensively he is too small, and he gets way too many fouls. Aaron Gray put in his ten points pretty much night in and night out. He also could go for 16+ as frequently as Blair. He was a solid rebounder. The reason his numbers weren't that great(as good as Blair's) were the player rebounding around him. Levon Kendall, Troutman, Jaron Brown, Mike Cook, Levance Fields, all of these guys are great rebounders. On defense, Gray was sort of a stiff, but his size still would scare people away from the post, forcing outside shots. Gray also didn't get 2 fouls in 2 minutes in every road game. Sidenote: About rebounding, in the last X amount of games this season, I bet Levance Fields is 2nd in rebounding in at least one or two of them. Since Young doesn't board, Keith doesn't board, and Gil and Tyrell "back to Littles on the Floss" Biggs won't get minutes.

WINNER: AARON GRAY

6TH MAN: Another position where you could go any which way. For leadership, Knight is playing all 40 at the point. Page is playing all 40 for defense. Brown is playing all 40 because he is a pimp. So basically the 6th man needs to be a versatile 4 or 5. I think Tyrell Biggs would fit perfectly in this role...hahahahahahahaha. I just hate him that much. Or we could go with a shooter like Ronald Ramon...hahahahaha. Ditto. The 6th man spot came down to two players, Sam "I AM" Young and Chevy Troutman. I could give you all of their positives again, but I am going to sum this argument up quickly. Do you remember Sam Young bitching about coming off the bench last year? Do you remember Chevy Troutman winning the 6th man of the year award? Chevy would be honored to be the 6th man, Sam would be insulted.

WINNER: CHEVON TROUTMAN

The Squad looks like this:
PG: BRANDIN KNIGHT
SG: JULIUS PAGE
SF: JARON BROWN
PF: CHRIS TAFT
C: AARON GRAY
6TH: CHEVON TROUTMAN

This is the Floss' squad. I think we could go far into the tourney with this team. Feel free to post your all-time(er sort of) Pitt team.

IN FEELING A RUN TO THE BIG EAST TITLE(SHHHHH)