Thursday Titties (Tidbits is Lame)--11/15

"When my time on Earth has passed, I hope they bury me upside down so my critics can kiss my ass"--Bob Knight

TILA TEQUILA

I don't know if you have been watching, but MTV has introduced its newest D-List celebrity show, Tila Tequila, although this celebrity is a beautiful, busty, bi-sexual(say it 5 times fast, it works). The premise is that a bunch of lesbians and straight dudes live in a house with her and eventually she will choose just ONE for love. They put her up in a house with possibly the worst cast ever on a TV show. The Rock of Love cast looks like an All Star Team of humans. She has made it to the final 6 of contestants. I would give you a summary to this point, but frankly it is on MTV any time you turn on the tube, so just check it out. Here are a summary of the final 6 cast members to get you excited(odds to win).

Terrible People (Lesbians)

Amanda(10 to 1)--Tallest Lesbian ever to not play in the WNBA. She could be a catch for any center in the NBA, but she plays for the wrong team. Huge cans though.

Brandi(20 to 1)--She is the hottest one left, way too trampy for a celebrity. From her cast bio, she was emancipated from her parents at 16. Guess I'm rooting for her if a lesbian must win.

Dani(7 to 2)--She is a firefighter. Her job is most likely rescuing "pussys" from trees. She describes herself as "futch", not feminine, but not butch. Yeah and I describe myself as MANTRO, not quite manly, but metro in the same. Last episode the cast voted her most compatible for Tila.

Broskis

Bobby(4 to 1)--New York film school student. Got beat up by a West Virginia hick earlier in the show. Last episode he said the L word to Tila, she just responded with a kiss. She has been on his D since the beginning.

Domenico(5000 to 1)--Straight from the home country(if your Bazzani). He sucks. Kept on for show value. He always rocks a speedo that grosses out the lesbians. If he wins, the show looks way way too fixed.

Ryan(15 to 1)--From the armpit of America(New Jersey). Has never done anything to win Tila's affection other than having 12 pack abs. Ok I will stop now.

Tila Tequila airs Tuesdays on MTV at 10, and re runs all the time.

THE BOSS

Springsteen came to Pittsburgh last night. It is his final North American tour so he says. He plans to finish his career on a Euro tour. Not the guy who wrote "Born in the USA". Rumors of a ballpark tour in the spring. I'm not a big disciple of Bruce, but "Glory Days" always gives the goosebumps at Heinz.

POLES 1, DAIGOS 0

From Tuesdays edition of The Pitt News, "Pitt professor first American to win Polish Award". Professor Oscar Swan was awarded the Polonicum Award by the University of Warsaw. He received the award for his efforts to spread Polish language and culture. Had to throw this news story in there because it combines 2 of my favorite things, Pollocks and Pitt.

NBA

Contrary to Eamon's wrong belief, the NBA is actually a very enjoyable sport. They are the best players from college basketball every year, which everyone loves. Where does the NBA go wrong? It is officiating and length of the schedule. In order to protect players, the NBA refs call fouls for anything. Last night in the Lakers--Rockets game, a foul was called on the Rockets after Mo Evans jumped into Vladimir Radmonavich(yes they are on the same team) because he fell hard and bitched. The refs are too protective of players which is smart because they are superstars playing in a season that lasts at minimum 82 games. The Ryan Walde solution is a shorter schedule, a 48 game schedule, about 12 games longer than an NCAA schedule. Then in the playoffs, have the first 2 rounds best-of-five and the conference and nba finals are best-0f-seven. Every game would mean a hell of a lot more, teams would be in contention longer. This solution would win fo shizzle.

My team:

The HOTLanta Hawks. They compete in the East, so they are always a contender. They have one of the most underrated players in the NBA in Joe Johnson. They have a really nice young nucleus. Marvin Williams, Josh Smith, Josh Childress, Al Horford, and Acie Law. Sadly the Dukie, the Landlord can't handle their uptempo basketball because he is good. This team puts up points. Another major factor is that they play in the same division, the Southeast, as Podkul's Orlando Magic. I've never heard of their coach, but if he keeps putting up over a hund a game, I'm down.

GOODBYE DEAR FLAT BRIMMED FITTED

http://www.wpxi.com/news/14553910/detail.html

Dear Ol' Franklin High is in the news for the wrong reasons, a fight against an opposing fan. Nevermind that the fan was in our student section and that he was EMO, fighting is unacceptable. If you closely watch the video, the Franklin student who clocks the kid is wearing a fitted. Showing my disgust, you will only see me in bent brim hats.

How Do You Like Me Now?

--Walde