NOW INTO THE BAR-AGE
I will give it to the erotic car wash for having a nice set up inside their car wash. There was a VIP room(shed), massage chairs(eww), and a legitimate bar. Naturally the Floss wasn't served because the mulletted man doesn't serve to underagers. If we were at Chili's or Friday's, the Floss would expect to not get served, but an erotic car wash seemed like a home run. The set-up was much like any other car wash, just an open room with hoses, buckets, and water, o my. The tables were completely separated from where the girls were washing up SFCOF's whip. We couldn't really see the girls while they washed the car, but why would we want too....
POWER RANKINGS OF CAR WASWHORES...
1. 90 LB Pound Black Girl--Naturally they don't wear name tags because where would they pin that on their bare bodies? She looked like she was either fresh out of high school or possibly still in high school. I don't know what her redeeming qualities were, but having all of her teeth definitely helped her rating. She conversed mainly with a black man who brought in his Mercedes. He definitely knew something about her that we didn't. She definitely provided extra services...
2. Red Corsette with a Gut--You might be wondering how a stripper with a gut would make the list at number 2, but that is just a testament to the quality of carwaswhores. She definitely had popped out a few kids, but had decent boobs and ass that jumped her to number 2.
3. Mommy Long Nips--One of the waswhores actually tending to our car. Her nipples looked like little pencil erasers that extended for 6 feet. Unbelievable is really the only way to describe them.
4. Short Haired Black Chick--She had nothing going for her, but she just wasn't the worst.
5. Long Haired Black Chick--She was the definition of "more cushion for the pushin'". At a solid playing weight of 245. She could have played rush end for the Carolina Panthers. She kept walking too close to me and I thought if she tripped, it might have ended for the Floss. SBT kept making fart noises when her ungodly large ass would squeeze past all of us. Comedy was really high.
6. Crack Whore--Probably the only way I could accurately describe this beauty. She was an experienced vet at probably 40, but from all the crack looked 50 to 60. Unlike a fine wine, age did not help her out. She asked us why we didn't want to get dances, probably because we didn't want: A) Crack, B) Cocaine, C) Aids, D) Herpes, or E) All of the above plus every other STD.
CAR WASH SKILLS
The area where I figured the carwaswhores would struggle was actually their strong suit. Honestly, before going into the car wash, I figured we would actually need to go to a real car wash after just so it would look respectable to SFCOF. These girls actually did an excellent job washing the car. They actually did break out Armor All for the tires. Highlight of the day was when Mommy Long Nips called over CINC about something with the car. CINC had his goofy smile on while the rest of us sat up in our seats waiting to see what was going to happen next. Mommy Long Nips apparently is a Nascar fan because she noticed while watching the tires that the brakes in the car were very worn and would probably need replacing. This turned out to be the case for SFCOF two weeks later. I'm just glad we didn't have to stay there and watch Mrs. Long Nips install the new brakes. So next time you see an erotic car wash, pass. Just wait for your local high school cheerleader's car wash. The girls are way more illegal, but way hotter.
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