WINNERS AND HOPEFULLY FEW LOSERS

After the 3-7 miserable week last week, the Floss is preparing for a near perfect weekend. This week I'll give explanations for my picks since I want to keep the readers happy and I'm having writer's block.

College

USF (+3) OVER WVU

This could be my favorite pick of the week. USF is not nearly as bad as they played versus Pitt. They were hanging with Cinci through halftime. One big play killed the game for them. West Virginia really hasn't been tested outside of last week's weird (considering the circumstances) win over a less prepared UConn. South Florida isn't losing 3 in a row.

Rutgers (+7) OVER UConn

RU is actually a pretty good football team. They have a defense that is pretty stout plus a legit playmaker in Mohamed Sanu. Both teams attempt to control the ball. I never like betting on a team I don't think will win with a low spread like 7, but I just feel a 17-14 game here. Take the points.

Indiana (+17.5) OVER Iowa

Iowa hasn't blown a team out all year except Iowa St. They just lost Adam Robinson for the year. While Brandon Wegher is a beast, I don't know if he can carry the offense for Iowa. Iowa's last two road B10 games were 3 and 1 point losses. Research.

USC (-3) OVER Oregon

Probably my least confident game. Or at least 2nd to the next game. Pete Carroll has turned around the Trojan Horse. Plus all I keep hearing is about Autzen stadium being the hardest in the country to play in. Everyone and their mother loves the Ducks this weekend. The Floss isn't everyone or your mother.

Georgia (+14.5) OVER Florida

Just too many points in a rivalry game. Georgia is pretty bad though. This was just a pick to get to 5 college games. Clearly a winner if I'm not this confident.

Pro

Packers (-3) OVER The Favres

If you believe in a higher being or at least the sports gods, you know what I'm saying here. The people of Green Bay treated Favre like a God for years, now this. The sports gods will win out.

Panthers (+10) OVER Cardinals

The Cards are riding high after last week. Jake Delhomme can do it baby. Never back Jake Delhomme should be a slogan. Hopefully last years playoff thrashing will keep the Panthers focused.

Falcons (+10.5) OVER Saints

The Saints won't beat the Falcons by this many. The Saints are due for a let down game. This is a winner. A winner.

Bills (+3.5) OVER Texans

The Floss still doesn't buy into the Texans. The Bills actually are putting together a decent season. Call it a gut feeling. I like home dogs when they aren't one of the 8 worst teams in the league (Titans, Browns, Lions, Raiders, Skins, Tampa, Chiefs, Rams).

Dolphins (+3.5) OVER Jets

The Floss absolutely loves the Wildcat. I also love Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams. I don't buy into Franchez or whatever his new name is. Mark Sanchez screams Tony Romo to me. He will be an average QB for his entire career, get way too much hype, and never win a big game.

THEY'RE COMING, THE ALIENS...THEY'RE COMING

In case you haven't heard, they are coming. Do you know where the aliens are coming from? Not Dr. Of's backyard. They are coming from the NBA. The NBA? Yep. The new power couple in America: KhLodom. Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom will produce a child at some point. The only question is, will it be an alien? The Floss doesn't believe in paranormal life at all, but really if it exists it will come from these two. The alien spawn will be conceived and birthed at Staples Center, which ironically looks like a UFO. The best part about this baby is that Ron Artest and Kim Kardashian could be the god parents. Like this script was written by a Hollywood director right?

Apology on the 3-7

The Floss picks didn't hit this weekend. However, the Floss did end up switching the Cardinals and Eagles and won some money. Sorry to anyone who legitimately backed the Floss picks. They will be back on Friday of this week. There are some ones that I like a good bit.

Baseball

Phillies in 7. Call it a hunch. I'm strongly backing the Yankees, but I just see a choke job for some reason.

Underrated Lunch of the Day

2 Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches, pack of cheese crackers, and a glass of ginger ale. If I had oreo's this day would rule.

Halloween

Since this weekend is Halloween, the Floss needs a costume. I would love suggestions from any of the LFOF. Little list to close it out. Top 5 Candies to collect door to door (obviously sizes can't be taken into question, cause full size anything was the bomb):

5. Tootsie Rolls--Probably the only time I would eat them all year.
4. Ring Pops--They were awesome. Everyone loves ring pops.
3. Kit Kat Bars--Just Cause.
2. Caramello--Such an underrated candy bar. A Floss fav.
1. Reese's Cups--The best chocolate bar in the entire world.

HOMECOMING

First off, thanks for the patience. The Floss just finished a 6 page paper on Japanese economy in the late 19th century. Adjusting my writing style for school work was difficult, but when you've ate 2 Little Joe's, anything is POSSSSSSSSIBBBBLLLLLEEEEE(KG reference). Now onto some chatter....

HOMECOMING THOUGHTS

The Floss is 1-2 in Homecoming games in his student career here. SIDENOTE: This is also the ugliest crop of Queen candidates ever. Seriously, there are colleges with less than 1000 students who could string 8 prettier girls together. 2006 and 2008 were crap the bed vs. Rutgers games. 2007 was the upset against Cincinnati. This years game is bigger than the Floss can even make it. It's finally getting to the point in the Wanny era where every game is a HUGE game. We aren't playing for moral victories any more. Pitt is about to join the big boys. Some of the B11 readers out there might laugh at the fact that Pitt considered road wins at Louisville and Rutgers quality wins. However, the road is always tough in college football. See Seattle and West Lafayette. Not too mention, Pitt lost to an embarassingly bad NC St. team in Raleigh this year. It is hard to win on the road. Pitt is back in the top 20, ranked 19th and 20th. If they can win against USF(a quality, but very beatable opponent), the Floss calculates Pitt has a Greg Romeus (91%) chance at remaining in the top 20 until Nov. 14th when the Irish come to town. Pitt could even be in the top 15 by then. ND should win out until that date, which could lead to GAMEDAY in Pittsburgh. Being in the top 25 keeps your team on the bottom line all week, sways recruits, yada yada. This WIN is a MUST. This WIN WILL HAPPEN.

STEEL CITY DRINKING TEAM

Jeff Reed's latest incident is an embarassment, blah blah blah. Only in Pittsburgh is this really a big deal. So what, he got in a cops face. He deserves to be bigger than the law in Pittsburgh, it's rules. I'm more worried about the loss he brought us in Chicago. Matt Spaeth, peeing in public in the North Shore, I'm on board. If Heath wasn't having a career year, you'd be my favorite Steeler. You are at least ahead of David Johnson. On the real though, expect a big statement this week by the Steel Curtain. Minnesota is begging to lose football games at this point. Bret Favre is making way way too many plays. AD is banged up. Parker and Mendenhall are both running well. Ben looks real nice right now. Steelers in a rout this week: 34-14.

GAMBLING

After the Floss hit his CFB GOY last week with Cincinnati, he missed a big play on the Bolts Monday. So play what you want, fade what you want. I'll throw 5 CFB games (mostly top 25 and TV games) and 5 NFL games (always SNF and MNF) per week. Never the Steelers or Panthers. Confidence Levels next to them, scale of 1 to 10.

COLLEGE

Fla St. (+2.5) OVER at North Carolina 5
Wash (+10) OVER Oregon 8
Iowa (Pick) OVER at Mich St. 7
Notre Dame (-7.5) OVER BC 8
Kansas (+7.5) OVER Oklahoma 6

NFL

Giants (-7) OVER Cardinals 7
Redskins (+7) OVER Eagles 3
Colts (-13.5) OVER at Rams 5
Raiders (+6.5) OVER Jets 5
Dolphins (+6.5) OVER Saints 9

THE AFTERMATH

The Floss learned a lot about hangovers in the aftermath of the battle vs. the Big Joe burgers...FOOD HANGOVERS. I have had some drinking ones in my day and a few of the Food Hangovers, so here are some of the levels of food hangovers, now promptly referred to as FANGOVERS.

CHINESE BUFFET

The Floss loves himself some chinese buffets. The fact that I'm never ballsy enough to get out of the control of the powerful General Tso or his favorite side dish beef lo mein makes buffets great. You can learn all about pepper steak, sweet and sour chicken, and spring rolls. The problem is that you just eat soooooo much. Normally topped off with some varying ridiculous chinese dessert(see Chinese doughnuts). The aftermath of the Chinese Fangover is not fun because your stomach doesn't really hurt too too bad. Probably because all of the food is a fake fill. A fake fill describes how you can eat so much, but still be hungry in t minus 2 hours. However, the porcelain god feels the aftermath of this Fangover. <4>4 you're at the Golden Palace in Oakland.

COLLEGE BUFFET

Everyone has been to a college buffet. The rumor is that they put laxative in all of the food so you get rid of it the natural way before you vomit it up like a shot of warm Black Velvet on a kitchen counter. The Floss doesn't believe in the laxative myth, but last night I had a different reaction to the college buffet. I ate a pretty decent amount of food, but nothing out of the ordinary. When I got home it was literally straight to bed. I just passed out for 2.5 hours from 8:45 to 11:15 PM. It was so weird. The symptoms of the college buffet Fangover are pretty hit or miss. Who knows what your getting (kind of like the Steelers in the 4th quarter)?

STEAKHOUSE

The steakhouse fangover is a stomach sickness that no one should feel. If you're doin it the right way, you are going to Texas Roadhouse. The Floss loves himself some TRH. You start by waiting with about 1 LB of peanuts, then move onto about 4 to 17 rolls with Ben Godlisberger's duck butter on it (yeah I said it). Then usually a bowl of chili followed by a 12 to 16 oz steak with the bacon and cheese topping plus a sweet potato. Literally, I have been incapacitated and unable to drive home from the Roadhouse. The stomach takes a while to come back to Earth after a steakhouse trip.

BIG JOE FANGOVER

This was an unprecedented hangover for the Floss. Literally, moving became way more difficult than after any amount of alcohol. After couching it for about 4 hours, I finally had to make some bathroom trips. It was a lot of bathroom trips for one day. Describing the amount of weight in my stomach is literally impossible. It was unlike any feeling I've ever felt.

Live Update: 12:43, OA(Oakland Arsonist) is watching Aladdin and asked the Floss what he would wish for?

11-1 and the Sugar Bowl.

Hail

DAVID VS. GOLIATH

Thanks to FOF for transcribing today's events...

Well, this is the event we have all been waiting for…

David vs. Goliath, Floss vs. 2 lb. burgers and an order of fries

The burgers are enormous, much bigger than I had anticpated. The competition will start at 2:03 PM and Floss will have until 2:43 to finish.

2:00 Floss is pacing back and forth across his living room

2:01 Floss takes a pre-meal pee

2:03 and we are off, Floss goes right into it, almost like he’s done this before in his dreams. He decided to attack the first burger head on, ignoring the fries. I like this strategy for Floss, he’s getting the mountains of meat out of the way right off the bat.

2:05 I’m not sure if Floss realizes he has 40 minutes, he is taking it to the burger right now. At this point in the contest, It doesn’t look like the burgers stand a chance. This man is focused, he’s on a mission to do the unthinkable.

2:06 Floss goes after his first French fry. ONE BURGER DOWN. Wow, this could get ugly for the 2^nd burger.

2:07 The preparation of the 2^nd burger begins (with addition of BBQ sauce) while he takes on a few more fries.

2:08 2^nd burger is underway. This looks like it could be and Ohio State BCS game performance for the burgers.

2:09 The great preparation and game planning by Floss seems to be paying dividends here in the first quarter (first 10 minutes) of this contest.

2:10 Floss is slowing down a bit, almost as if he knows he has this game won. He is now complaining about the cooking of Big Joe on the 2^nd burger; it is too well-done for Floss.

2:11 Floss goes after more fries, the 2^nd burger is 1/3 complete. Half of the fries have been downed by the big man.

2:12 Floss takes apart the 2^nd burger and is eating it in sections. He seems to be taking a page of the Joey Chestnut playbook here folks, we’ll see how this strategy pays off for him.

2:13 An admission from Floss that he is beginning to feel the effects of mountain of meat.

2:14 Another complaint that the burger is burned, more on this later but it looks as if Floss is preparing a potential excuse if he doesn’t pull through and finish.

2:15 Heavy breathing from Floss and a few coughs.

2:16 A solid break from the action here, Floss is drinking some water and taking in some TV

2:17 He claims he isn’t that full, but he believes his major stumbling block moving forward is that he feels fatigued; there has been a lot of action for this man’s jaw today folks.

2:18 “I’m just thinking about the can of Skoal at the end of the tunnel.” – Ryan Floss. I’m pretty sure he just won over the entire American population with that quote, or at least he won me over.

2:19 A few more fries are gone. This contest has approached a slow crawl at this point. There is a quarter of the final burger remaining and about 20 fries.

2:20 More fries for Floss, that seems to be his strategy here in the 2^nd quarter.

2:21 A little burger action, every bite counts at this stage of the game.

2:22 There isn’t much left for Floss to take in at this point, but he seems content taking his time.

2:23 It is halftime folks. There is only a few bites left and Floss is upbeat.

2:25 Floss is back at it after what seemed to be his halftime break of a minute.

2:27 Not a lot of focus in this room, Floss is engaging in conversation and doesn’t seem to be too interested in the limited amount of food left in front of him.

2:28 A couple more bites from Floss

2:29 “This is so frustrating” – Ryan Floss. Maybe the food is getting to him. He is beginning to psych himself out. I can’t say that I am surprised by this, this is classic Floss.

2:30 Some slow bites from Floss, there is only 5 bites total (burger and fries) left.

2:31 Another break for Floss.

2:32 A solid burp, and he is back at it. A couple more fries down. 3 bites left.

2:33 3^rd quarter is over, 3 bites still remain. 10 minutes left.

2:34 The 2^nd burger is finished! 2 fries remain.

2:35 Floss takes down the last 2 fries at once to finish off this epic battle between Floss and the Mountain of Meat.

It took 32 minutes, and Floss came out victorious. Stay tuned for post-game comments from the Champ himself.

15.50 out of COF's bank account. FUCK YES.

IT'S ON

The Floss is ready. The eating challenge will occur. If any of you are questioning what the Floss has been eating this week in preparation, it is none other than burgers. Since I had 4 1/3LB burgers at my disposal, the Floss ate 4 over the past three days. No way the Floss will get burger-ed out. Tonight's dinner is going to be a chicken breast and some leftover Mac N' Cheese. Not exactly fasting. Focus is really the only thing that could get in the Floss' way tomorrow.

The Details

2 PM approx start time, TV could get into the way, so maybe like 2:08
2 1LB Little Joe Burgers w/tomatoes, onions, and BBQ sauce
1 Order of French Fries
Unlimited Beverages
Unlimited Condiments (Ketchup, BBQ, Hot Sauce)
40 Min Time Limit

The time limit was comprised of some easy math:
Steelers Points(38) + Dorin Dickerson(2)
John Malecki(74) - Ray Graham(34)
13 Tyler Palko's(3*13) + Larry Fitzgerald (1)
1/2 Nate Byham(1/2 * 80)
Dan Mason(40)

Really it is just a great number.

TRIVIA QUESTION

This is a new segment. I will try to make a question that is pretty difficult and related to the week's Floss. I know all of you are smart readers, and I trust your Googling skills, so please just guesstimate. The winner each week can ask a question to the Floss that he will answer provided that it is a question that can be answered in less than 5 or 6 sentences.

How many more calories are in a McDonald's Big Mac than in one serving of a piece of KFC Grilled Chicken?