For the first time in blog history, Floss did a live blog of something, well sort of. Last night, DDPL(Dirty Daigo Pussy Licker), PnR(author of thepicknroll.blogspot.com, and roomate of Floss), Jesus Stanecsworth(first appearance on the Floss, imagine gangsta Jesus, seriously Inglewood Paul Pierce Fitted withe a Jesus Beard and long Jesus hair, can't make that up), and myself(Floss) did our first live blog ever. After a weekend of firsts, mainly passing out on elevators and live blogs, the Floss is giving what I believe is my firsts Sunday update of the year. Sidenote: Also some not so firsts, a date party resulting in coming home alone and eating Szechuan on a Sunday(finally made my food decision).
Some follow up thoughts from last night:
1. As indicated, I really do HATE DWade.
2. Cheryl Miller really passes none of the tests for a female sideline reporter.
3. Becky Hammon is really hot, like I'm gonna give the fans a pic.
4. Dunks are cool and cake is even better, put them together and you have Gerald Green, what?
5. Dwight Howard is a monster. Or Superman.
6. Rudy Gay is a Gay, DWade level Gay.
7. Did I mention Becky Hammon is really hott?
Note: The live blog was typed by PnR. Enjoy.
NBA All Star Weekend Live Blog:The Lineup: Nate, Lamanna, The Floss, Terry, G-Mo, Barry, leftover Vlad, Ten High, Calico Jack (sadly, not nearly enough), a 6 pack of Natural Ice (bottles, we are classy), and the end of some mixer. Me, Lamanna, and The Floss are in for the long haul. Terry, G-Mo, and Barry are out to the bars soon.
Predictions: 3 Point Contest
Lamanna-Kapono
Me-Kapono
Floss-Kapono3 predictions for a repeat means that Kapono will probably come in last.
Skills Competition
Lamanna-CP3
Me-Deron Williams
Floss-Jason Kidd (aged like a fine wine or bottle of crow)
Floss really hates DWade…. Like as a human being, Floss hates Wade.
Dunk Contest
Lamanna-Dwight Howard
Me-Jamario Moon
Floss-Jamario Moon
I feel that Jamario is gonna Moon Walk to victory. The kid was a Globetrotter after all. Lamanna has a huge Dwight Howard boner.
Shooting Stars….. who cares??… not us.G-Mo wants to make it known that Dwight Howard is his pick. Terry wants to make it known that he is getting drunk. I’m the only one of the three mainstays who is drinking tonight. Lastly from G-M0, he votes Cheryl Miller for biggest dyke. We want boobs.
8:00- Show is starting with a montage of cleaning up New Orleans. I’m making another drink. That girl that just gave DWade a t-shirt wasn’t fine, but Terry thought she was. DWade might railroad her this weekend.
On a completely unrelated note, Barry (clearly under the influence) asked us if he looks like a frog. The general consensus is no.
Would you do the Heineken robot girl?
This is going to be a three hour DWade infomercial. G-Mo hates Wade as well.
8:08- Recap of the Rookie Challenge from last night….. we were all drunk.
Lamanna just informed me that Jamario Moon is nicknamed Apollo 33…. If that don’t rule nothing does.
8:10- Terry came out of the closet.
8:11- Terry stripped naked.
8:12- G-Mo makes 300th comment about dude beards, closet exiting pending.
8:16- The last few items are being disputed by Terry and G-Mo. Opening band is shockingly white and bad. Lil Wayne couldn’t open??….. this is the NBA, not the CYO. Floss says that the background dancers have far too many clothes. This doesn’t appeal to old white men or young black men. Apparently this is just a gig for David Stern’s nephew. G-Mo notes that there is tons of plumber’s crack in the apartment. Room erupts for BJ Armstrong. With a solid performance the Celtics may sign Armstrong. Floss wants to give Becky Hammon a Floss sandwich. Swin Cash (PA’s own) is also hurting for a squirting.
8:25- Gerald Green proves that the T’Wolves are still in the NBA. G-Mo, T, and Barry head out for the night. Whole room creams their pants over Gerald Green’s shoes from last year. This guy plays a mean saxophone. We all forget his name.
8:30- Floss longs for being a young athletic black man. Floss is indeed young, but he is closer to being black than athletic. Maybe you didn’t understand, that was just a knock on Floss’ athletic ability. In the “Shooting Stars”, me and the Floss are rooting for Chicago. Lamanna loves him some Suns. By the way, there has been over 3 hours of pregame for this shit.
8:42- This is the most people these WNBA girls have ever played in front of. Also, this is the last time we will watch any WNBA activity. Floss made it known that these 4 girls are the only 4 women in the world who are strong enough to get the ball from half court to the rim. Becky Hammon just happened, we are all in love. Bill Laimbeer is drunk, that was the worst half court attempt ever. His jersey could fit Big Black. We are taking a little break until something legit happens.
8:47- San Antonio wins the Shooting Stars competition. Becky Hammon is my valentine. More importantly (actually less importantly) I just took my first piss of the night. Stanec(aka Jesus Stanecisworth, due to his facial hair that resembles Jesus and his hat that reminds us of Paul Pierce, who reminds us of Ray Allen) is on his way over as a guest analyst. We would like to know what flavor gum Becky Hammon is chewing. Playstation Skills Challenge is up next. Stanec likes Paul in the Skills Competition and Moon in the Dunk Contest.
9:03- J Kidd’s son has a big head, and in typical J Kidd fashion he filled up the stat sheet by grabbing a rebound. Floss is so happy that DWade shit the bed. However, everyone was sad that he didn’t do a sick dunk after his time ran out. Jesus Stanecisworth wanted Earl Boykins in the competition.
9:13- Props to Deron Williams for winning the Playstation Skills Competition. If you recall he was my choice when this all started. Some random section won a Playstation 3, guess what….. I already have one.
9:22- Time for the white man to shine. Kapono, it is time to go to work!!!! The three point contest is about to start. I guess the contestants are Kapono, Dirk, Boobie Gibson, Nash, Peja, and Rip Hamilton. Nobody here expects Rip to do well, Floss actually expects him to shoot a few runners and mid range jumpers tonight. That arm sleeve is so gay. Rip’s foot was on the line. Floss was right!!!! Stanec just talked about Pistol Pete for awhile. We love us some Pistol Pete.
9:31- I guess we forget to ask Stanecisworth for his prediction. After a terrible job by Steve Nash he said, “I don’t want Nash”. Stanecisworth is going with Dirk.
9:37- Lamanna yells, “Mark Cuban, you bitch”. No reason given.
9:42- Kapono goes for 20. Lamanna lets it be known that Kapono’s hot spots in NBA Live are the corners. We think that Peja, Nash, and Dirk got mad drunk last night. FWIW, I have finished 6 beers and 2 mixed drinks.
9:49- Gibson goes for 17….. That is the only Boobie we will see all night. Now Dirk is up and he is probably still drunk. 14 ain’t gonna cut it Dirk.
9:52- Floss has a KaBoner…. We didn’t think Kapono would miss again, but he has. 25 from Kapono ties some record from 1986. Luckily for Kapono, he got to hug Chris Bosh. That is probably the first time they have talked all year. Jason Kopono is the 3 Point Shootout Champion. Mother of Floss is currently wasted. EDIT: Whole family of Floss is currently wasted.
10:00- Steve Nash introduces a lame guy named “Dr. John”. The biggest question we have is if Steve is wearing pants? Dr. John actually isn’t that bad, but I think Lamanna, Stanecisworth and Floss hate him.
10:03- Just realized that the only people who will read this are currently in the room. This is more typing than I did all of last year in college. Foot Locker sponsored the 3 Point Shootout, but we have always supported Finish Line.
10:10- I said that Moon has an advantage because he has all of Canada voting for him. Stanec disagreed and said that Canada is watching hockey.
10:13- Jamario is up first and he goes with a reverse self alley-oop. “You get two minutes?..... I’d use my whole two minutes, just go out there dancing and shit.”-Stanec10:14- Rudy did a weak job on his dunk and only got a 37. By the way, the dunk contest is so important that we are going to be updating as much as possible. Dwight Howard misses his first one but then gets all 10’s on his copy of Iggy’s behind the backboard dunk. Lamanna just fell in love. Hearing Charles Barkley say, “Birfday Cake,” makes us laugh. Floss can’t believe that 12 foot hoops are illegal, but Gerald Green’s fire on the court is ok. We were all confused at first, but upon seeing him actually blow out the candle we fell in love. Floss said, “I love cake and I love that dunk”.
10:23- Rudy Gay got a 48….. Me and Floss thought it was a 45, but Stanecisworth wanted a 50. Jamario Moon is going to dunk from Illinois. He just put a tape marker way behind the foul line. Kenny Smith said, “he is dunking from the Moon”. Floss said, “I can’t even make a jumper from there”. Kapono can’t throw alley-oops at all. Moon was well inside of the foul line, but I hope he makes it into the next round. He basically just caught a bounce alley-oop from Kapono and dunked from barely inside of the foul line.
10:31- Gerald Green has advanced after….. well shit… I’m too drunk to describe it, but he scored a 91 out of 100 on two dunks. Dwight Howard has just become Superman and the crowd went crazy. Kenny Smith honestly shit himself on live TV. The camera angle just shit the bed, but the crowd went crazy. Dwight Howard has to advance. He took off with two feet from, according to Stanec, “the imaginary 3/4ths line”. THIS IS WHERE AMAZING HAPPENS!!! Dwight Howard finished round one with a 100 out of 100. The final round will be him against Gerald Green.
10:37- This is college hoops….. CDR went for 32 and Memphis barely beat UAB tonight. I just celebrated with Lamanna because we love CDR and Memphis.
10:39- Everyone in the room is talking about voting. TNT just showed NBA players “getting ready to vote”. I think they were just messaging some whores. Stanec loves making fun of the TNT announce crew. Gerald Green caught a bounce alley-oop and went between the legs for a very good but not spectacular dunk. Lamanna said Dwight Howard is going to kill someone or everyone. He also loves the fact that Gerald Green has a Houston tattoo.
10:42- “That is not humanly impossible”, says Kenny Smith. He actually met that as a compliment. Howard does a dunk where he throws it off of the backboard and then hits it with his left hand off of the backboard and then dunks. Floss screams, “Why does Kenny Smith love him, he isn’t Tino F’n Sunseri”. Gerald Green’s last dunk is shoeless and between the legs… aka weak city.
10:45- Dwight Howard comes out with a mini-hoop. Who knows what is going to happen. He puts the real ball onto the mini hoop and tries to grab it and then do a windmill. He misses, but then tries again. The second one goes in. Kenny Smith has a huge boner. He is asking America to vote for Howard. Also interesting to note, Howard loves him some white redheaded girls. He used them in every dunk somehow. 10:48- The votes haven’t come in yet, but Howard has to win. This just in, Cheryl Miller is still a dyke and Dwight Howard loves Soulja Boy. Did Darryl Dawkins just speak English? We think not. Stanec claims that Dr. J looks a lot like Wolf Blitzer. All of the judges went with Dwight Howard, but Dr. J did give Green some props. Lamanna voted for Dwight Howard.
Predictions: 3 Point Contest
Lamanna-Kapono
Me-Kapono
Floss-Kapono3 predictions for a repeat means that Kapono will probably come in last.
Skills Competition
Lamanna-CP3
Me-Deron Williams
Floss-Jason Kidd (aged like a fine wine or bottle of crow)
Floss really hates DWade…. Like as a human being, Floss hates Wade.
Dunk Contest
Lamanna-Dwight Howard
Me-Jamario Moon
Floss-Jamario Moon
I feel that Jamario is gonna Moon Walk to victory. The kid was a Globetrotter after all. Lamanna has a huge Dwight Howard boner.
Shooting Stars….. who cares??… not us.G-Mo wants to make it known that Dwight Howard is his pick. Terry wants to make it known that he is getting drunk. I’m the only one of the three mainstays who is drinking tonight. Lastly from G-M0, he votes Cheryl Miller for biggest dyke. We want boobs.
8:00- Show is starting with a montage of cleaning up New Orleans. I’m making another drink. That girl that just gave DWade a t-shirt wasn’t fine, but Terry thought she was. DWade might railroad her this weekend.
On a completely unrelated note, Barry (clearly under the influence) asked us if he looks like a frog. The general consensus is no.
Would you do the Heineken robot girl?
This is going to be a three hour DWade infomercial. G-Mo hates Wade as well.
8:08- Recap of the Rookie Challenge from last night….. we were all drunk.
Lamanna just informed me that Jamario Moon is nicknamed Apollo 33…. If that don’t rule nothing does.
8:10- Terry came out of the closet.
8:11- Terry stripped naked.
8:12- G-Mo makes 300th comment about dude beards, closet exiting pending.
8:16- The last few items are being disputed by Terry and G-Mo. Opening band is shockingly white and bad. Lil Wayne couldn’t open??….. this is the NBA, not the CYO. Floss says that the background dancers have far too many clothes. This doesn’t appeal to old white men or young black men. Apparently this is just a gig for David Stern’s nephew. G-Mo notes that there is tons of plumber’s crack in the apartment. Room erupts for BJ Armstrong. With a solid performance the Celtics may sign Armstrong. Floss wants to give Becky Hammon a Floss sandwich. Swin Cash (PA’s own) is also hurting for a squirting.
8:25- Gerald Green proves that the T’Wolves are still in the NBA. G-Mo, T, and Barry head out for the night. Whole room creams their pants over Gerald Green’s shoes from last year. This guy plays a mean saxophone. We all forget his name.
8:30- Floss longs for being a young athletic black man. Floss is indeed young, but he is closer to being black than athletic. Maybe you didn’t understand, that was just a knock on Floss’ athletic ability. In the “Shooting Stars”, me and the Floss are rooting for Chicago. Lamanna loves him some Suns. By the way, there has been over 3 hours of pregame for this shit.
8:42- This is the most people these WNBA girls have ever played in front of. Also, this is the last time we will watch any WNBA activity. Floss made it known that these 4 girls are the only 4 women in the world who are strong enough to get the ball from half court to the rim. Becky Hammon just happened, we are all in love. Bill Laimbeer is drunk, that was the worst half court attempt ever. His jersey could fit Big Black. We are taking a little break until something legit happens.
8:47- San Antonio wins the Shooting Stars competition. Becky Hammon is my valentine. More importantly (actually less importantly) I just took my first piss of the night. Stanec(aka Jesus Stanecisworth, due to his facial hair that resembles Jesus and his hat that reminds us of Paul Pierce, who reminds us of Ray Allen) is on his way over as a guest analyst. We would like to know what flavor gum Becky Hammon is chewing. Playstation Skills Challenge is up next. Stanec likes Paul in the Skills Competition and Moon in the Dunk Contest.
9:03- J Kidd’s son has a big head, and in typical J Kidd fashion he filled up the stat sheet by grabbing a rebound. Floss is so happy that DWade shit the bed. However, everyone was sad that he didn’t do a sick dunk after his time ran out. Jesus Stanecisworth wanted Earl Boykins in the competition.
9:13- Props to Deron Williams for winning the Playstation Skills Competition. If you recall he was my choice when this all started. Some random section won a Playstation 3, guess what….. I already have one.
9:22- Time for the white man to shine. Kapono, it is time to go to work!!!! The three point contest is about to start. I guess the contestants are Kapono, Dirk, Boobie Gibson, Nash, Peja, and Rip Hamilton. Nobody here expects Rip to do well, Floss actually expects him to shoot a few runners and mid range jumpers tonight. That arm sleeve is so gay. Rip’s foot was on the line. Floss was right!!!! Stanec just talked about Pistol Pete for awhile. We love us some Pistol Pete.
9:31- I guess we forget to ask Stanecisworth for his prediction. After a terrible job by Steve Nash he said, “I don’t want Nash”. Stanecisworth is going with Dirk.
9:37- Lamanna yells, “Mark Cuban, you bitch”. No reason given.
9:42- Kapono goes for 20. Lamanna lets it be known that Kapono’s hot spots in NBA Live are the corners. We think that Peja, Nash, and Dirk got mad drunk last night. FWIW, I have finished 6 beers and 2 mixed drinks.
9:49- Gibson goes for 17….. That is the only Boobie we will see all night. Now Dirk is up and he is probably still drunk. 14 ain’t gonna cut it Dirk.
9:52- Floss has a KaBoner…. We didn’t think Kapono would miss again, but he has. 25 from Kapono ties some record from 1986. Luckily for Kapono, he got to hug Chris Bosh. That is probably the first time they have talked all year. Jason Kopono is the 3 Point Shootout Champion. Mother of Floss is currently wasted. EDIT: Whole family of Floss is currently wasted.
10:00- Steve Nash introduces a lame guy named “Dr. John”. The biggest question we have is if Steve is wearing pants? Dr. John actually isn’t that bad, but I think Lamanna, Stanecisworth and Floss hate him.
10:03- Just realized that the only people who will read this are currently in the room. This is more typing than I did all of last year in college. Foot Locker sponsored the 3 Point Shootout, but we have always supported Finish Line.
10:10- I said that Moon has an advantage because he has all of Canada voting for him. Stanec disagreed and said that Canada is watching hockey.
10:13- Jamario is up first and he goes with a reverse self alley-oop. “You get two minutes?..... I’d use my whole two minutes, just go out there dancing and shit.”-Stanec10:14- Rudy did a weak job on his dunk and only got a 37. By the way, the dunk contest is so important that we are going to be updating as much as possible. Dwight Howard misses his first one but then gets all 10’s on his copy of Iggy’s behind the backboard dunk. Lamanna just fell in love. Hearing Charles Barkley say, “Birfday Cake,” makes us laugh. Floss can’t believe that 12 foot hoops are illegal, but Gerald Green’s fire on the court is ok. We were all confused at first, but upon seeing him actually blow out the candle we fell in love. Floss said, “I love cake and I love that dunk”.
10:23- Rudy Gay got a 48….. Me and Floss thought it was a 45, but Stanecisworth wanted a 50. Jamario Moon is going to dunk from Illinois. He just put a tape marker way behind the foul line. Kenny Smith said, “he is dunking from the Moon”. Floss said, “I can’t even make a jumper from there”. Kapono can’t throw alley-oops at all. Moon was well inside of the foul line, but I hope he makes it into the next round. He basically just caught a bounce alley-oop from Kapono and dunked from barely inside of the foul line.
10:31- Gerald Green has advanced after….. well shit… I’m too drunk to describe it, but he scored a 91 out of 100 on two dunks. Dwight Howard has just become Superman and the crowd went crazy. Kenny Smith honestly shit himself on live TV. The camera angle just shit the bed, but the crowd went crazy. Dwight Howard has to advance. He took off with two feet from, according to Stanec, “the imaginary 3/4ths line”. THIS IS WHERE AMAZING HAPPENS!!! Dwight Howard finished round one with a 100 out of 100. The final round will be him against Gerald Green.
10:37- This is college hoops….. CDR went for 32 and Memphis barely beat UAB tonight. I just celebrated with Lamanna because we love CDR and Memphis.
10:39- Everyone in the room is talking about voting. TNT just showed NBA players “getting ready to vote”. I think they were just messaging some whores. Stanec loves making fun of the TNT announce crew. Gerald Green caught a bounce alley-oop and went between the legs for a very good but not spectacular dunk. Lamanna said Dwight Howard is going to kill someone or everyone. He also loves the fact that Gerald Green has a Houston tattoo.
10:42- “That is not humanly impossible”, says Kenny Smith. He actually met that as a compliment. Howard does a dunk where he throws it off of the backboard and then hits it with his left hand off of the backboard and then dunks. Floss screams, “Why does Kenny Smith love him, he isn’t Tino F’n Sunseri”. Gerald Green’s last dunk is shoeless and between the legs… aka weak city.
10:45- Dwight Howard comes out with a mini-hoop. Who knows what is going to happen. He puts the real ball onto the mini hoop and tries to grab it and then do a windmill. He misses, but then tries again. The second one goes in. Kenny Smith has a huge boner. He is asking America to vote for Howard. Also interesting to note, Howard loves him some white redheaded girls. He used them in every dunk somehow. 10:48- The votes haven’t come in yet, but Howard has to win. This just in, Cheryl Miller is still a dyke and Dwight Howard loves Soulja Boy. Did Darryl Dawkins just speak English? We think not. Stanec claims that Dr. J looks a lot like Wolf Blitzer. All of the judges went with Dwight Howard, but Dr. J did give Green some props. Lamanna voted for Dwight Howard.
10:53- We are sitting here watching some beat commercials and the Floss is talking about how the All Star game should always be in Vegas. PnR loves the Vegas.
10:57- Dwight Howard got 78 percent of the vote. Stanecisworth thought that Cheryl Miller was playing games with his heart when she giggled before announcing the winner.10:59- This is PnR logging off…. I am drunk and we are all hungy. One of the best Dunk Contests ever!!!
This is Becky Hammon. The caption of the photo is, "Becky Hammon caught reading". I feel she could have a porn career if the caption was "Becky Hammon caught...".
ROL TONIGHT AT 9
4 comments:
A better/more complete version of this live blog can be found at www.thepicknroll.blogspot.com Where the original was posted.
Good looking out on the Becky Hammon pic.
-PnR
Hmmm....... this is disappointing
I wanna know what the Floss thinks about Jermaine Dixon...
BOF
I would like to say that i completely agree with your anti-Wade sediment
p.s. those 5 pts in IM was hard earned and Forbes 3 needs efforts like this to get it done
TDK
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