AMERICAN GLADIATORS BROTHER

Much like the rest of the 18 to 30 demographic, I was tuned into American Gladiators. I was not overly excited for the return because I don't really expect much from NBC shows. NBC is the ho hum of the network tv world. ABC and CBS have the big name shows that get the viewers. FOX has came up with enough reality tv shows to be re run until global warming ruins the Earth(over 60 degrees on Jan. 7th) and have only had one succeed(American Idol). NBC just tries to fit in with their tv shows. They are like the 6 hitter in baseball lineups. They are the in between guy, sometimes they hit like an 8 hitter, sometimes like a 3 hitter. NBC can give some production, but can't be counted on to be the power 3 hitter or the stud cleanup hitter that ABC and CBS are. NBC did a good job of promo-ing American Gladiators. They did plenty of commercials during the 2 playoff football games Saturday. I'm going to break the show down into parts and throw out some ratings on the A through F-(only the Floss pulls that off) scale since it is back to school time.

HOSTS BROTHER

Hulkamania is back. He was miserable. I don't care what anyone says. He makes the show have a cheesy FOX feel. Maybe I pay to much attention to show value, but I get really frustrated with shows that give off that cheesy feel. I still love Tila, but I expect more from the networks. He said "dude" over 10 times last night. "Dude" would have been more relevant for the first American Gladiators in 1988 or BOF(Birth of the Floss). I might take heat for this, but Hulk was lame. He should focus on his divorce and his son.

Laila Ali was Hulk's sidekick for the show. NBC was smart to have a backup plan for when Hulk got old. She didn't appear it seemed until 20 minutes into the show, but she stole the show in my eyes. She should get more tv time and Hulk less. She was good not great, but next to Hulk anyone could do good.

Lets root that the season finale of American Gladiators will involve Laila and Hulk competing against the gladiators. This won't happen on NBC(ho hum), but FOX would put Simon Cowell out there for ratings.

FLOSS RATING: C-

CONTESTANTS BROTHER

I don't want to get too much into each contestant because they weren't that interesting. A NYC fireman won the first event. NYC firemen is always the good guy. Since 9/11, NYC firemen and policemen are everyone's favorite people(deservedly so). He dominated the whole competition. I can't imagine NBC was too happy about his 16.5 second lead going into the Gauntlet. Sidenote: The half second for every point you are up is a bullshit way to do the whole show. Anthony completely dominated 3 events and should have all but been handed the Gauntlet. He was almost screwed by the dumb rules. The women in the first competition was interesting because the first girl apparently tore her ACL in the first competition, so they brought in the Venus Flytrap(Floss Nickname). She made a valiant effort to eventually defeat Koya the Destroya(Fans Nickname) in the Gauntlet. These chicks sucked and neither could win the whole thing. The next show had two "dudes" that were less than stellar brother. Molivann was a 5'8 155 pound little guy who ended up beating a washed up guy who was stuck in traffic 14 years earlier on his way to an audition. I know Pittsburgh traffic isn't exactly LA traffic, but really with such a big opportunity, how could you let traffic interfere. The only thing I took from the girls competition was the legitimate shot that the winner of the girls challenge has at being a real live American Gladiator. Bonnie, a retired Marine, looked and played the part of an American Gladiator. Look for her to win this thing.

My problem with their selection of the contestants is that none of them were physically imposing like the Gladiators. Apparently the Gladiators are allowed the juice, but the contestants aren't. It just isn't as competitive this way. Another problem I had is how they picked everyone with cheesy background stories. This show isn't for the single mothers of the World. The real audience of the show doesn't give a flying F about their kids or life profession(unless they played pro football or another sport).

FLOSS RATING: C

GLADIATORS BROTHER

The gladiators overall performed poorly. When I imagine American Gladiators, I expect sheer domination. They lacked that "holy shit, they're GOOD" factor(see '07 New England Patriots). They didn't have that, not anywhere near total domination. They should have beat the crap out of their smaller counterparts. Plus, they all looked like they were on 'roids. Act like your on 'roids. I also blame NBC for not giving Justice(6'8 290) more publicity on the show. His only competition, he shot a gun from a pedestal. In that competition, they should have used Jimmy, a deer hunter from PA who had about 12 PBR's(Pabst Blue Ribbons) in his system. He woulda picked off both those fools. I will give out some MVP's for the Gladiators. For the men, it was Wolf. He was cool and actually gave a shit. He has good show value. I will also give props to Toa because he has a cool look and gimmick about him. For the women it was an easy choice, Crush. She has looks and skill. She is legitimately good looking and not that intimidating on the outside. Then on the show, she was a fiery competitor who did better than the other girls. Good job to her. She will most definitely get a Playboy offer, take that to the bank.

FLOSS RATING: B-

EVENTS BROTHER

This is where NBC really messed up. Not nearly enough new competitions, no creativity, no real excitement, just nothing really. They kept a lot of the old school stuff and put in minor twists. 20 years has passed, they could have done better. The Pyramid competition is nearly impossible for the contestant, way too tough. If the gladiator is the superior athlete, how hard is it for them to just throw them back down the pyramid. The rock climbing wall competition is dumb as well as the rings competition. Assault, the gun challenge is really flippin' dumb. The Hit and Run challenge was the talk of the town yesterday for how easy it was. The gladiators are basically isolated in this competition as they throw balloons at the competitors. If you army crawl the whole way, you won't lose. There were some good events, Joust is an old favorite. Earthquake actually puts strength into question and is pretty cool. Gauntlet is pretty cool because it is another physically demanding challenge. My favorite competition is Power Ball because it encompasses speed, quickness, strength, agility, athleticism, basically everything good. Overall they just lacked creativity, which was painfully disappointing.

FLOSS RATING: C-

OVERALL BROTHER

Well brother, American Gladiators is here, but it will not be staying long. This show's ratings will drop soon and plummet far down eventually. NBC ultimately choked on this show because of how much buildup it had. The show failed in giving the show a real makeover. It had most of the same events and didn't have enough changes. I like the gimmicks that some of the gladiators have, that can be built on and help the show. Hiring Hulkamania was a huge mistake for this show. They need to get some former football players on this show to get some interest and America talking. Do you know how I know it didn't succeed? Because if it was a hit, ESPN would have at least given a 30 second clip to the show. That was my litmus test for American Gladiators. NBC would be well advised to sell its idea to SPIKETV or VERSUS. Those networks wouldn't have the budget, so bye bye Hulk and maybe Laila, but it would be much less bullshit. Those networks would bring the Gladiators back into it. While SPIKE is at it, they should bring back SlamBall.

FLOSS RATING: C

The story of mostly everything NBC does, it was just average. Have fun in the 6 hole NBC.