FOLLOW UP: I WANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD (PART 2)

First, for the new fans of the Floss, stop reading right now and go back and read Thursday January 24th's blog entitled "I WANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD".







Well, today was another blood drive at the University of Pittsburgh. The Floss has been debating whether or not to try to donate at this blood drive, just for blog value. Forget the saving lives, the Floss wanted a blog. I mustered up my courage enough to go to the blood drive today. Immediately when I arrived, I saw 3 of the BSV's smoking cigs on the patio outside the Union. Great, more cigarette smoke. I really did almost walk away. They were actually what was described about BSV's, 25 to 45, definitely single, trashy, ugly, lung cancer, etc. Not a good sign. The Floss did not stop at the door, he made it all the way inside. First things first, sign in, say I haven't had sex with an African Male in the last 27 years, that I never had mad cow disease, never went outside of the US and Canada(what is so clean about Canada that it is on our level), and most importantly have not been pregnant in the past 6 months. After the preliminary screening, the Floss made the one on one interview. The BSV who interviewed me was one of the cigarette smoking BSV's. Not a good start for the Floss. Well the one on one interview could be compared to the NFL Combine. You had to pass their series of tests to make the cut for the blood sucking table. I passed the "Eyyyyerrroon" Test, gotta love the yinzer in this BSV. Next was the pulse test, rocked that one somehow in my nervous state. The last test was the one I was certainly going to fail, blood pressure test. First, the Floss has family history of high blood pressure, plus I eat everything greasy, cheesy, meaty, syrupy and haven't exercised since the Backyard Brawl. Compare the Floss in a blood pressure test to Casey Hampton in his first sprint test of the season. BUT, shockingly I passed again. Now it was no looking back, we were goin' to one of the tables, getting the blood sucked out...

To set it up for you, there are 4 tables and 6 BSV's. All tables empty, all BSV's un-occupied. The Floss had a BIG decision to make. Here's a break down of what the BSV's were lookin' like. We had 2 young, trashy, beautiful(in BSV standards), 20-somethings. Then there were 2 very trashy, goth looking, nose-ring wearing, black eye liner streaks, just nothing good about these 2 BSV's. Then we had a motherly looking woman, probably 40's, definitely the most experienced BSV. Lastly, there was a guy. If I'm getting my blood sucked, definitely going to be a girl BSV. The Floss had it narrowed down to 2 final choices, the mother woman and the cuter less-trashy 20-something BSV. Well we all know who I chose...

So, the woman about to suck my blood's name was Christina. She asked me if I had any problems giving blood before. Naturally I told her about how uneasy I was with the whole blood sucking thing. Naturally in her cute BSV tone, she said she would take good care of me. Christina reassured the Floss, the trust was unbelievable in our relationship. First she tried to find the vein in my left arm. All of her poking and prodding(hands not needle) at my fatty arm was to no avail as she could not find the vein, so she asked for my right arm. I was very nervous in the short run about her sucking blood from my right arm because I thought it would make my writing arm very sore for the day. But for Christina, I was down. After some more of her rubbing my arm(great foreplay), she found the vein and got rough with me. Christina started up my arm's iodine bath in preparation for the needle being driven in my arm. The time had come, needle time...

So the Floss closed his eyes as always with needles, and I felt the normal sting of a needle. This didn't hurt any more or less than any other needle incident. That was it, basically. It didn't hurt, the blood flowed out like a river, everything according to plan. She ended our relationship earlier than I would have liked, but Christina still has to be the MVP of BSV's. Now if there is one good BSV, does that mean there are more? No probably not, I'm just glad that I saved 3 lives.