HERE COME DA BUS

My editors decided to give the Floss a week off to fully recover from the "scalp contusion" suffered in the early hours of Monday, January 19th, 2009. However, the Floss is back and ready to roll down the road. Now most people probably think that the "Here Come Da Bus" title refers to James "Potsie" Farrior's claim right before Bettis' legendary fumble in the 2005 AFC Divisional Playoff Game against Indy. A fumble that led to dry heaving into the mulch(completely sober, btw) from CINC, one of the all time best stories relating to devotion to a team. If you puke because of something that happens to your sports team, you've made it my friend. CINC, you've made it. Back to the issue at hand, the Elite 8. No I'm not talking about where Pitt better get this year, the Floss is talking the Elite 8 of Season 3 of ROL. Now that we have hit the final 8, the Floss figured he could do his normal power rankings segment. The Floss hasn't been able to analyze Bret's feelings on the girls that much, so these rankings are based on the Floss' impressions not Mr. Michaels.

8. BEVERLY

The Floss just had so much trouble spelling her stupid name. She is the ugly one that gets to stay on the show. Sure she likes the music and might be the only one who can sing a song, but she is an effin dog. Literally, she might be a lesbo. No girl on Bret Michaels show should force the Floss to say, wow I would probably need drinks in me to touch her. Well congrats, you did it Bev. And Bev is one of the stupidest shortenings of a name. Think of a hot Beverly that you have ever came across. BIG FAT ZERO HERE.

7. NATASHA

The lone African American even selected for the show. She isn't bad looking, too much make up. She is loud and obnoxious(hold the puns). Basically just not going to win. 5,6,7 really don't mean much. None of them have any spot in the Floss' heart. Basically a coin toss decided their order.

6. FARRAH

Farrah has a few LB's placed around her waist that the Floss ain't digging. She is also a legitimate 35 years old. When comparing her to girls that don't touch 28 or so, the 35 year old better be real hot. I like her big knock knocks but that's about it.

5. MINDY

She has decent looks actually. She also is probably closing in on mid 30's, but she is much better looking than Farrah. She would be higher if not her terrible, awful, miserable disposition. Not too mention she has an accent that makes her sound dumber than a bag of fucking rocks.

4. ASHLEY

Ashley might be the hottest one left. The Floss is a real big fan of this sexy sexy slut. She has the big fake boobs that everyone loves to hate. However, she is a bitch and a slut. Hard to win when you are a bitch and a slut. I would have no problem putting her on top(pun intended) of my list.

3. BRITTANYA

She has that Bret Michael's look about her. The sleeve arm tat. The dimple-rings. Truthfully I've never seen dimple piercings. She rocks them with the best of them. Last year the lip ring brought about the debates from the loyal followers of Floss. The dimple-rings do not have a ringing endorsement, but they might have also put her up to number three. She also keeps her mouth shut which makes her hotter than some of the girls. The 3 spot would have been Marcia's if Bret didn't axe her last night. How couldn't he love a girl that was that drunk ALL THE TIME. She was the drunkest person ever, plus great tits and basically couldn't speak English. If I'm a millionaire within the next five years, I might hire her for something around my estate. I don't know what job(s) she could perform. I see her as a jester. She could just get blackout drunk all day and make jokes for me. She would do all of this naked. Dreams people, we all got em. DDP(L) would fight me over her because he fell head over heels in love with her.

2. Taya

It was a crafty move by VH1 to put a Penthouse Pet in with the other girls. She is probably the hottest by most standards, but not in my eyes. She has a lot going for her, but she is kind of a C-Word. No one likes a C-Word.

1. Kelsey

The girl next door. However, she has big tits and is kind of slutty. So she is just..the perfect girl next door. Literally how awesome would it be to grow up next door to a hot, slutty drunk. It would be like winning the housing lottery(kind of like Boquet Gardens). She is by far the Floss' favorite. Her top spot won't be taken unless Bret takes it from her. She is only 23 or 24, so she has no chance of winning because of the 20+ year age difference, but O well.

Stay tuned this week for...

Wednesday: One Week til Signing Day Special

Friday: SB XLIII Preview