Wednesday, February 18, 2009

TOUR DE COURT


The Floss gathered this past weekend with Dr. Of, CINC, TAFKATB(The Artist Formerly Known As TruthBrush), and CED(Coach Ed) at a local establishment. The meeting wasn't meant to discuss the Floss' new eating challenge, but when I brought it up, the table got pretty excited. The challenge wasn't nicknamed at the time but "Tour De Court" is now the official name. Hopefully the Floss can work out a sponsor for this event, but as of now we aren't selling out to GEICO. The challenge is such: The Floss will attempt to eat a "meal or appropriate serving" of an item from all restaurants in the Monroeville Mall Food Court within a specified time limit(2 hours seems right). As Dr. Of told me, you never know if you are being scouted by Travel Channel or Food Network. Some other ideas thrown around were wearing a T-Shirt with all of the restaurants on it with empty open boxes on it. Compare this to a LOI day T-Shirt or sign made. Some things the Floss would need are financial backers, which everyone at the table Saturday already basically volunteered to cover one of the restaurants. The Floss would need runners to go get the food as to not get distracted or call up some dinosaurs. Obviously as the Loyal Followers of Floss, I can't wait to hear your opinions. The Monroeville Mall has 11 eateries from which to eat, so it will be a tough challenge. Scouting the competition(ranked on a scale of 1 to 10, and not in a sequential order):

DAIRY QUEEN- The Floss argues that this shouldn't be a part of the challenge, but everyone else agreed that it should. The item would be a small Blizzard. The Floss would probably get Reese cups with chocolate ice cream. This could be a big problem. I would probably attempt to eat this later in the process due to having a fear of what milk might do to the insides.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 7 OUT OF 10

MRS. FIELDS- The only thing to eat here would be a delicious Mrs. Fields cookie. The cookie is dense, but it is also the smallest of all the items. Basically Mrs. Fields is the stat builder of the bunch. The cherry picking layup if you will.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 1 OUT OF 10

THE POTATO SHACK-
This place might not even be called the Potato Shack anymore. The name may have actually changed, but the item here would be a regular order of cheese fries. This could be considered a stat builder at all, but cheese fries can be very very filling. Also, fries are apart of 2 other places. One of the places, the Floss is least excited to tackle.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 8 OUT OF 10

THE CHINESE PLACE-
It used to be called Manchu Wok, but the name has since changed. Nonetheless, it is a plate of General Tso's and some rice. One of the best eats on the menu in the Floss' eyes. Plus Far East food tends to take up no room in the stomach. Is this a reason that all non Asian basketball players are short? Maybe.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 4 OUT OF 10

UNCLE CHARLEY'S GRILLED SUBS-
Never ate here. Basically a crapshoot here. We all guess that they will have some sort of a 6 inch Cheesesteak to go at. So that's what the Floss expects, but really it might taste like poo. A serious threat on the tour.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 11 OUT OF 10 (Uncle Charley's is as hard to read as Gil Brown)

THE CAJUN CAFE- A very underrated meal in the food court. They also have the most aggressive sample ladies around. The meal here is the one meat one side combo. It is the number 1 there I believe. They have a mean bourbon chicken that I plan to grub up. The side dish will probably be rice since rice is light and airy.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 3 OUT OF 10

SBARRO-
Pizza is something tough in the grand scheme of things because of the carbs. The one large slice of pizza with pepperoni will be a tough out in the Tour. It isn't the largest meal out there, but the Floss thinks Sbarro is highly overrated. This might get put out of the way first.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 8 OUT OF 10

SAKKIO-
The Floss' favorite place in the mall hands down. The last two times I've been there, the triple meat has been ordered. No veggies here for the Floss cause their veggies suck ass. Yes extra extra sauce on this one.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 1 OUT OF 10

CHICK-FIL-A-
The Floss can eat a chicken sandwich and waffle fries at any point of the day really. Plus they have really solid barbecue sauce for the sandwich.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 2 OUT OF 10

SUBWAY-
Subway just doesn't remind me of a food court style meal. I don't know why, maybe because it is fairly healthy. The meal here is a 6 inch hoagie. No clue which one to go with. Early favorites are probably roast beef and meat ball. Subway has really thick bread which could make this a very costly trip on the tour.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 7 OUT OF 10

FLAMERS-
Another food court establishment the Floss has never tried. They seem to have nice specials all the time. The food looks good and it is the only burger on the menu for the day. The portion size will be a concern, but one cheeseburger never hurt nobody. The fries here better taste good or the third serving of fries could hurt.
LEVEL OF DIFFICULTY: 5 OUT OF 10

OVERALL DIFFICULTY: 9 OUT OF 10

As Big Ben and KG say..."ANYTHING IS POSSIBLLLLLEEEEEEEEEE"

-Floss

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Count me in as a paying witness to this glorious event. The Floss should get a hold of the man vs food guy and have a mall food showdown.

Vegas has the line at: Floss -2 orders of fries.

As for sponsors, The Floss should hold a media day a week prior, create hype around the event maybe call out some of the food places in the court, ruffle some feathers.

Also, have some beautiful helpers of the Floss "Flossettes" to deliver the food and give moral support.


Mr. S


word v: hydraege

The Floss sipes the Wannyaid for the proper hydraege.

Anonymous said...

A similar idea has been tossed around Uniontown. It would involve eating some type of meal at each of the eateries on Route 40 in front of the mall. At least a dozen places in all, with a darkhorse difficulty in the shape of Hardee's.

- Stanecsworth

Word V: Just looking at his face, you knew the Floss had the UNCHIES.

Anonymous said...

CINC was engaged to the owner of Master WOK. Allegedly, she broke it off claiming she witnesses bigger pieces of satisfying meat on her free sample toothpicks.

Anonymous said...

remember the time saxton transferred from pitt to wvu? hahahaha

Anonymous said...

Floss,

Would Houlihans be included in this venture? Or how about SAWA? Technically they are members of the food court too.


WV: Dermin

"Wheres the Floss at?"
"He's Over Dermin"

-dubnik

Anonymous said...

I would love to be included in the financial backing of this gluttonous endeavor. Unfortunately, I think it is a tall task to complete such a feat in 2 hours. I haven't eaten in the Monroeville Mall Food Court in years but I do remember eating a Flamers once or twice and I think it was pretty good. I feel like this would be a great spring break event if you want to get the ball rolling quickly. Good luck.

word verification: extur

The Floss will need some extur tums after he's completed the tour de court.

Anonymous said...

Being a docter and all, i want to prescribe a small dose of oregano approx 90 min before you begin the tour. I think an early spring break would be a good time to do the tour.
dubnik is an idiot for thinking houlihans and sawa are parts of the food court... does anyone think that people would start to notice all of us watching floss eat and start to crowd around and become fans? cause that would be sweet...

Word V:verste
Floss loves to take his shirt off while drinking, only to reveal his natural sweater verste

dr.of

Anonymous said...

I think we should see what Don Vito from Viva la Bam is up to. He would be a great competitor to go up against in this challenge.

"Yo Bam....geflato uggum in myass, get me some veal scallopini from Sbarros!"

Don't you have pledges that could help raise money for this and then donate it to a charity along with fetching your food for you? Start using them for more than Hunter,Bear,Ninja.

CINC

Word V: phyrs

Floss has no phyrs of the Tour de Court!

Anonymous said...

When CINC pledged at Joker College, he once ate albino feeder fish and it made him hairless.

Anonymous said...

CINC asks for seconds during holy communion.

Anonymous said...

Whats the over/under on total amount of calories the floss will absorb?


5500?

Anonymous said...

CINC woke up one Eastter Sunday morning and looked outside and saw it was a beautiful day. He decided to skip church and go play golf. So he called PAPA CINC and his family and told Them he was sick and couldn't go to mass with him. PAPA CINC told him not to worry, he would say a prayer for him.
The CINC drove about 40 miles away from town to avoid being spotted. As he was setting up his first drive on the first hole, Jesus leaned over to God in heaven and asked him, "Are You going to let him get away with this?" God told Jesus not to worry, he would handle it. Right as God said that, CINC hit the drive of his life. The ball traveled all 450 feet to the green, bounced once, and rolled in the hole. The CINC was ecstatic. Jesus asked God,"Why would you let him do that?"
God said, "Because, who the hell is he gonna tell?"

Anonymous said...

Floss-

Here is a copy of all the I.F.O.C.E. records. Start training. there currently is no record for icecream cone cupcakes. But you better damn well believe that its coming.....

http://www.ifoce.com/records.php

-UD

wv- thespie
"no floss that thespie eats bush"

Anonymous said...

Dear Dr.inevergetgirlsOF,


I can understand your belief that Houlihan's is not member of the food court but, SAWA is!

Think about it..it would take less effort to get from Sak to SAWA than Sak to DQ(this due in part to the escalator.)

WV: jusse

" Floss, don't worry about what food is coming up next, 'jusse whats in front of you first "

In hopes that the Floss finds Carmen San Diego on his tour of worldwide cuisine..

-The Doubleness of Nickels

Anonymous said...

CINC impregnated the OCTOMOM.

Anonymous said...

Hey Floss- Best of luck on your venture. Wish I could be there to see it!

-WhildCratch

Anonymous said...

I heard CINC's fiancee placed the franchise tag on him today.

Anonymous said...

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

If only we could get a few of these creations to be included in the Tour de Court, the Floss would truly have a challenge.


- Stanecsworth


Word V: The crowd is waiting for the Floss to start thsessin.

Anonymous said...

I'll shave your back for you Floss :)

{3 Julie