CAN BAR FLOSS GO 2 FOR 2?

FUCK YEAH HE CAN. That's right, 2 nights in a row, Uncle Pete's let in the Floss. Don't have much time to write, going to drop off toys with Toys for Tots. Some highlights:

**Starting RG John Malecki telling me "I fuckin hate football". He said that it was the biggest snub ever that he didn't make first or second team all Big East. My response, "At least Scott(roomate McKskillet) won defensive player of the year". That didn't make the situation any better.

**Greg Romeus blackout drunk introducing me to hot white girls. I think this one explains itself.

**Mr. Shenanigans being there, talking to him and getting a text from him, "Why didn't you go to Peter's last night?"

**Only spending 14 dollars in 2+ hours. So now the average for 2 nights is like 32.50. Bar Floss will take that any fuckin day of the week.

**ULTIMATE HIGHLIGHT:

The Floss meets a female at a pregame party, who he gets Malecki to sneak in for her. Her name you ask, Brighton. It sounds like (bright-EN). She's says guess what my last name is? It makes sense. The Floss' Vlad induced coma response "Yourdayup", except very slowly. It sounded like she had the longest last name. This girl and her friend were appalled at this response. She was like, no it's "early". So Ms. Brighton Early, fuck you from the Floss, have a merry Christmas.

THE RETURN OF BAR FLOSS

Bar Floss made an appearance last night. Yes, the Floss went to Peters. And since he's done with finals, he didn't hold back. The Floss needs to talk to DROF about his behavior, but pretty sure I was a gem last night at the bar. Some highlights last night:

* Spent in the upper 50's as far as scrilla goes, but shit finals are over.
* Called B Man with the manager. Little did he know that the Floss is 20. Ha.
* Bought DROF a shot of bourbon. Hail bourbon.
* Got a drink bought for me by a Pitt football player(Justin Hargrove)
* Won my bet on the Zags last night

The real highlight came early, pre super drunk Floss. It was country night at Pete's as you most know, so naturally there was a lot of singing along coming from the Floss' mouth. Taylor Swift's beautiful song Love Story came on. The Floss belted some notes, and then a girl noticed. She was an asian girl, but loved the enthusiasm of the Floss' singing style. She joined along. Since the Floss is a man, he naturally loves asians. She was no different, until she started whoring herself out for a drink. She kept trying to *whisper to her friend about not having a drink. You could see the desperation behind those slant eyes. She sucked. The Floss watched her keep attempting to get men to buy her a drink. She eventually won, but not against this guy.

DESHEA TOWNSEND

Since the Floss has been busy with finals and not blogging, he hasn't got to weigh in on the 10-3 Steelers. They rule. No matter if they win ugly, they still win baby. The Floss has been adament about the AFC title going through Pittsburgh in a proverbial sense, but now it might be literal. If the Steelers can win out(projected by all at Floss industries) and Tennesee OVERRATEDS lose at Indy, the conference goes through da Burgh. In light of the best Pitt football season since Larry FitzHeisman played, the Floss still can't stop thinking about winning a Super Bowl.

TEBOW

As you know, the Floss LOVES Timmy T. Today I just want to show you his girlfriend. Dear Lord. The Floss hates swimming, but would go with Lucy Pinder.

QUICK PICKS

This post is allotted around 9 minutes, so enjoy whatever you read. The Floss is pickin' championship Saturday games, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO:

PITT AT UCONN 12 PM

The Floss all week was nervous, but today I've come to grips with it...The Panthers are for real. The Floss doesn't expect a close game, thinking around 34-17 for the Panthers. Bill Stull needs to do something to make me not give him a C in his end of the year report card.

FLORIDA VS. ALABAMA 4:05

TEBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW. Is there a better man crush in all the land than Tim Tebow? Seriously, next week, after finals, the Floss will create a man crush blog. Tebow wins. Lay the points with Florida. He doesn't even need Percy. The Floss seriously LOVES Timmy T. People might not remember, but on the Hoover High TV show on MTV, both of the QB's in the SEC championship game made an appearance. Tebow actually dazzled for Nease High against Hoover in a losing effort. JPW or John Parker Wilson as his mommy calls him was the older brother of the starting QB on Hoover. Interesting.

MIZZOURA VS. OKLAHOMA

Sam Bradford is the most Mexican looking non Mexican ever. Not too mention the Griffin twins have a ridiculous set of parents. It's uncanny. The Floss is rootin on Mizzoura because of Colt McCoy and Jordan Shipley at Texas, but OK rolls. OK will fail miserably in the NC game because Stoops and bowl games get along like DickRod and Michigan.

MONEY IN THE BANK LOCK OF THE DAY...

CINCI -7.5 AT HAWAII

2 HELPINGS OF RANT--THANKSGIVING EDITION

Holiday issues coupled with the lackluster computer in the home of the Floss, there will probably be no updates until around next Monday. The Floss says sorry for that. Here are 2 rants courtesy of the Floss, both relating to Turkey Day:

"HAPPY T-GIVING TO U AND UR FAMILY"

What's this you ask? O, u all no, it's a tm wishing u a happy holiday. I hate the mass texts that swirl around on holidays. If you are going to waste time to send a text, personalize the damn thing. The mass text on holidays is like the "hey, we haven't talked in between 6 and 12 months, but just so you know I care enough about you to check the box next to your contact info, take care". Seriously, the mass texts on holidays are sooooooooooo wizzzzeeak. The Floss bets if you all think about it, you can think already about the people who will send you one. However, there are always those people that you definitely didn't expect probably because they are the ones with a send all button. Not too mention, it is almost guaranteed that on one of the MMTH(Major Mass Text Holidays), you will receive a MTM(Mass Text Message) from a number you don't even have. The Floss sees 2 possible solutions to this MTM problem:

1. Prank Mass Texts. Get a list of all the people that you were going to send a TM to on an MMTH and change what you were going to say to something funny like, "balls on your chin". Not only will this confuse people, but they will just know to not MTM you ever again.

2. Change the MMTH around. Stop on the important holidays. The Floss thinks if you really want to wish someone a happy holiday, you might as well personalize the text. Let's just change the MMTH around to some more fun times. Some examples, Cinco de Mayo, MLK Day, any anniversary of a Steelers' Super Bowl, etc. Can you imagine a MTM for MLK Day, "Hey all, just wanted to say Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Sip some juice. Love ya, Floss". Yes We Can.

LIONS AND COWBOYS

Fuck the Lions and Cowboys. There is no reason that they should both be playing every year on Turkey Day. The Lions haven't had a meaningful week 13 game in probably 10 years. Although you could argue the Lions haven't had a meaningful game in 10 years, sans ones where they are playing for draft picks. The Cowboys are America's team, so what? Give everyone else a shot damnit. Another thing, the NFL should not allow the NFL Network to show the primetime game. Seriously, your the most successful sport in terms of popularity and revenue, stop selling your soul every fuckin' year. At least if your going to take the only decent game of the day away from the fans, pay the refs a competitive salary. This year ESPN bit them though by putting no. 2 Texas on TV at the same time. To hell with the NFL Network.

101st EDITION OF THE BACKYARD BRAWL

-No real preview of the game, last game still pisses me off.
-At least we can stop the run.
-This is the last time Pat White will play Pitt, thank god, he was one of my favorite qu'eers to watch.
-Probably Shady's last home game. It's awesome that Pitt's 2 best players in my lifetime were both prep school products. Thanks.
-The game will be a sell out, might actually have an atmosphere.
-FLOSSY PREDICTION:
PITT 24
QUEERS 14

To go back to something from yesterday, Pitt can still win 10 games this year. Do you know the last time Pitt won 10 games, 1981. The Floss wasn't even thought about in 1981. The computer wasn't even real in 1981. Do you know how many times Pitt has won 9 games since 1981, 2 FUCKING TIMES. And one of those times was 1982. In the Floss' tenure on this Earth, 1988 going forward, Pitt has won 9 games once. It was the glorious 2001-2002 season where Larry Fitz torched the Oregon St. Beavs in the Insight Bowl. Get a grip people, this is going to be the most successful year in almost 30 FUCKING years. Stop your bitching.

CINCI HANGOVER

"I'll remember this trip forever, but not because of the football game"--PnR

The trip to Cinci this weekend was very interesting to say the least. As Vinnie Vaughn says in Wedding Crashers, "I don't want to talk about it because it will just make me mad". So let's just focus on the football related thoughts:

-Seriously, I hate the negativity that Pitt fans have as a whole. Seriously, Pitt hasn't won 7 games in 3 years, now we finally do and people bitch. We lost to Bowling Green and Rutgers, both at home, going into the Cincinnati game. The fans acted like Pitt was god-damn-invincible. Fans already writing this season off are god damn insane. Pitt can still win 10 GAMES. Honestly, before the year I would have been elated with 10 wins. Not too mention a 2-1 finish gets us 9 wins, another above average season. I don't know why Pitt fans feel that we are USC and anything less than 10 wins is absurd. The only way the Floss will take this blog straight to negative town is a 0-3 finish. The Floss has had it up to here with these stupid fans. This has been the best year to be a Pitt fan since the Fiesta Bowl season. Be happy for once.

-Cincinnati has about 3,000 real fans. Everyone we met in Cicinnati cared way way more about tOSU than they did about Cinci. They all assumed that we would be rooting for PSU against MSU because they thought we were PSU fans because we were from PA. It was a weird thing. Way less school pride than Pitt which means nothing when they go to the Orange Bowl. Overall, the Floss is still proud to be PITT AND IT. By this I mean, Pitt and that's fucking it. IT. The Floss still likes other teams, but there is no questioning where my fanhood rests.

-The campus of Cincinnati is weird. It has some nicer parts than Pitt, primarily some grass and a football stadium(even though it is a concrete mess with bleachers) that serves beer. Their ghetto is worse than the Hill. It was an interesting town though and had more of a college feel I guess.

-One brightspot this weekend was learning that you can get TRIPLE meat on a Subway hoagie. The Floss watched Mr. Shenanigans order a TRIPLE MEAT TRIPLE CHEESE Chicken Bacon Ranch at a Subway on the way home from Cinci. It had 12 Subway boats of chicken strips, 12 pieces of bacon, 12 triangles of cheese. It was an amazing feat although still a ripoff for 14 dollars.

-New basketball rankings are out and the Panthers somehow jumped UCLA AND Duke. A little shocked the Panthers jumped Duke, but obviously the Floss agrees with the move. Any question which conference will dominate college basketball this year. The Big East has the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 8th, 15th, 16th, and 22nd ranked teams. By votes they also have the 31st and 33rd ranked teams. Also watch out for the 'Cuse, no. 33, to take out Florida tonight in the CBE classic. The Floss usually thinks 'Cuse is overrated, but not this year. Johnny Flynn, Devendorf, Onuaku, Paul Harris, Andy Rautins, Scoop Jardine, Rick Jackson, and Kristof Ongenaet. These are all players who have played legitimate minutes for the Orange before in their career. They also lost a cancer with Donte Green. I don't know why the Floss felt the need to slurp on the Orange, but just watch out for them.

-The Floss also wants to comment on "Joshua". He is someone who just randomly commented on the Floss' Pitt--Cinci preview. We're moving in the right direction. The Floss knows 0 Joshua's. The fan count has easily topped double digits.

PITT PREVIEW

Well the Floss nearly hit his Steeler's projected score from tonight, he doesn't claim to be a genius, but damn close. Before we get to the Pitt preview, the Floss wants to give credit to Duke staying tough and blowing out SIU. It was truly a nice win. Also, great win for John Beilein over Ben Howland's UCLA team. I hadn't seen UCLA yet, but for that team to be ranked over Pitt is crazy. Darren Collison is not as good as Levance Fields, no bullshit. Fields can score better, lead better, and dish just as well. Defensively might be where DC is better. The rest of their starting lineup is STUD freshman Jrue Holiday. He is good, but not near the freshmen that we have seen the past two years used. Then Josh Shipp, a role player who will be solid all year. James Keefe, really? Alfred Aboya, he is a good rebounder and a decent defender. UCLA was confused by a marginal Michigan team's 1-3-1 D. They were very confused. I will give a ton of credit to Michigan and Beilein, but UCLA was vastly overrated. At best they are the 15th best team in the nation. Sorry. Now onto the biggest game in OHIO this weekend, sorry CINC...

PITT OFFENSE VS. CINCI DEFENSE

The Cinci D has one hell of a secondary, but really does a secondary come into play that much against a team that doesn't throw downfield? That is the biggest question. Cinci also has a pretty solid front 4. However, the Pitt O-Line has gotten much better as the weeks have passed. If they can get down and block solidly, which the Floss thinks they will, I like their matchup against the Cinci LB's. The Cinci LB corp is solid, but nothing I'm writing home to MOF about. If Robby Armstrong, Franklin Regional's 2nd best RB of my lifetime(Soup Campbell), is starting at SAM LB, the Floss will be grinning ear to ear. LeSean "Shady" McCoy will be grinning the same as he is going one on one versus LB's all night. If this happens, Shady could go real tough on them. Against the Pitt passing game, I expect Brian Kelly, the best coach in the BE, to jam cover the WR's all day. I think this could actually backfire in his eye if Coach Cav(Skoal Wintergreen) decides to go up top early to JB. If we can get JB to make a big play early, their corners won't be able to be as aggressive. Many people clamor for the pass over the middle to TE's, but I think keeping the ball away from the middle will keep us from turnovers. We should also focus on hitting all of these screens that we have been hitting. A simple offensive gameplan is all the Panthers need. Shady should rush for 150 on about 30 carries.

PITT DEFENSE VS. CINCI OFFENSE

The Cinci offense doesn't scare the Floss one bit. They don't have a solid running back. They have 2 that have barely got over 1000 yards, and that is in one more game than Pitt's LeSean Mccoy has played. Tony Pike and Dustin Grutza are both marginal at best. Cinci runs a spread offense with less fire power than the USF offense that Pitt faced(I know USF has crapped the bed since). The point is, Pitt can stop a spread offense. Phil Bennett has been scheming defense's up for 2 weeks for this game. Pitt can probably get away with just playing their base 4-3, but you know Pitt can mix in some of the bandit defense that has been so successful. The Floss is worried that Pitt won't be able to get a turnover. I think the Panther's defense needs to force just one singular turnover for us to get a win this weekend. I think G-Rom or Ball can get a sack forced fumble off the edges. The Floss doesn't see any problems with the Pitt D this week, unless Mike Teel comes out for Cinci.

PITT SPECIAL TEAMS

-7 Blocked Kicks
-Conor Lee
-Aundre Wright, LaRod
-TJ's African Army

Pitt's special teams are better than 90% of team's in the country. I like their matchup any day. The wind in Cinci could hurt both teams though.

FLOSSY PREDICTION

PITT 31
CINCI 20

FIGHT ON FOR DEAR OLD PITTSBURGH, AND FOR THE GLORY OF THE GAME, SHOW OUR WORTHY FOE, THE PANTHERS ON THE GO, PITT MUST WIN TODAY, RAH, RAH, RAH, CHEER LOYAL SONS OF PITTSBURGH, CHEER ON TO VICTORY AND FAME, FOR THE BLUE AND GOLD WILL CONQUER AS OF OLD SO FIGHT, PITT, FIGHT!!!!!!!!

STEELERS AND BASKETBALL

The squad better come out ready today. The Bungholes are playing better right now, probably playing for Marvin the Martian's job. Sidenote: Hopefully Marvin Lewis is their coach for 2 more years, then takes over for a retiring Dick LeBeau and our 2/3 black coaching staff would dominate. The Bengals did play 5 quarters for a tie against the slumping Eagles, but they are a fiesty bunch. The Floss is honestly worried about the game. Without a quick start the Steelers could be playing from behind which with our O-Line, the Bengals could get lots of pressure on Ben if he needs to throw. That being said, if we get an early lead, always write off a 1-8-1 team. The Bengholes love playing tough against us mainly cause they HATE Hines Ward cause he torches them like Santonio Holmes torches blunts. I saw something today that said James Harrison is the 2nd best defensive player in the NFL. Well the Floss is here to say that he is number 1. The way he takes over a game is unbelievable. He reeks havoc on all O-Linemen. He forces fumbles, now he makes INT's. Shit, that n*gga can play. Plus a healthy Troy Polamalu helps that defense a bit, huh? I don't care what anyone says, the Steelers are still the Floss' pick to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl. Keep Ben healthy, get Willie healthy, and don't get as fucked as we've been with injuries. The Steelers are for real.

FLOSSY PREDICTION
STEELERS 27
BUNGHOLES 14

EARLY HOOPS THOUGHTS

-Duke is overrated again. I can't believe that team is ranked 5th. I know it was one early season game, but the Floss is here to say that Duke will be a 7 seed in the tourney. Seriously, does Jon Scheyer scare anyone? Singler? Hendo? This isn't JWill, Booz, and Dunleavy. Sorry Dukies. Remember CINC, I'm a Duke fan second.

-The Floss also says don't take too much from the whole transitive property of winning thing. Pitt killing Miami OH was impressive especially with Big Ben in attendance, but because Howland's boys only beat them by 4 doesn't make us unstoppable. The real problem with this Pitt team will finding a solid rotation. Once Gil gets back who's minutes will get taken. Pitt also lacks another solid ball handler. Tre Woodall and Ash are decent, but if Fields goes down or gets in foul trouble, this could hurt real bad. Brad Wannamaker probably won't work out here.

-For Christmas, CINC can take the 2 hour trek to Davidson and pick me up a Steph Curry jersey. 2XL

-Tubby Smith definitely deserved to get fired, huh? Good job Gillespie, you fraud.

-If any of you saw the Arizona--UAB highlights, you must ponder how the Arizona players were that unaware of the score. Seriously, one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. Way worst than C-Webb's timeout.

HAIL TO PITT!

MAILBAGGERY(ADD)

Since the Floss only checked questions from the one post, he missed this gem of a question.

I think its time for a Floss mailbag.....

2 questions

1. What steps has Floss made in his everyday life to become more mature to his eventual (yet still too far away) transformation into Bar Floss?

2. The Floss has to choose one Pittsburgh team to watch for the rest of his life (Pens, Pitt football, Steelers, or Pitt basketball), or he can give up chew and choose to watch 2 Pittsburgh sports teams for the rest of his life. What choice does he make and why?

-Pnr

Truthfully, Bar Floss is still a long way away. However, the one trip to Peter's this year when Bar Floss had to come out was a success. The reason was probably that the Floss was scared to make bad moves. Bar Floss got shot down by a girl, but comparing that to sleeping in an elevator is nothing. The Floss needs to avoid such liquor heavy pregames. If he does that before the bar, Bar Floss won't be allowed into bars. Maybe if the Floss had better bar role models in his life, this wouldn't be such an issue. I see the way y'all come back from Peters. Maybe last year's Bar Floss was just trying to follow suit.

This question is tough and it sucks. The part of the question that I don't get is, do I get to watch the rest of the league too? I'm going to assume no, but I'm going to allot myself an hour of SportsCenter each day. The Floss would definitely give up on chew in order to watch 2 of these teams. First, the Pens are crossed off. Since hockey could die in America before the end of my lifetime, they wouldn't be a safe bet. Plus they have only been a part of my life for a short time. This question is hard cause college football is getting hot, while basketball is just warm. While this decision definitely limits the amount of games(total) the Floss could watch, the Floss chooses both football teams. The Steelers are probably my least FAVORITE of the teams to watch(excluding Pens), but they are consistent. The chances of down years with the Steelers are the least. Pitt football takes up way too much of my life to give it up. The Floss loves Pitt football. Honestly though, passing on Pitt basketball was tough. No chance this ever happens, why I hate hypotheticals.


MAKE SURE TO READ THE BLOG UNDER THIS ONE FOR THE FULL MAILBAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MAILBAGGERY

The Floss' second ever mailbag. First I would like to thank everyone that asked questions. Let's get the ball rollin'...

Are you excited to eat my meat?
--One of Five Guys Now Living in Murrysville

Quite frankly, NO. What kind of lame name is that? For a dumb question and name like that, the Floss is sentencing you to 5 minutes in a cage with James Harrison and Lamar Woodley.

Hey it's D. Dix, just wondering who the Floss views as the 'Best Dixon In Pittsburgh' these days?
--Assuming this is Dorin

Sorry Dorin and Dennis, but the realest Dixon in this town is the least black and athletic. Jamie Dixon is getting mad props from pundits around the country. Can this be the year Pitt gets past the Sweet Sixteen?

Floss, we getting past the Sweet Sixteen nigga! Sorry for almost running you over every morning in my yellow Hummer.
--Dejuan Blair

One of the Floss' biggest fans seems to think so.

If the Floss was the last person on earth what 5 things would he make sure he had at his disposal? -fof

This was an interesting question. I'm going to leave this to non-humans because if humans got involved this question would be harder than you can even think. The 5 Things:

1. Case of Dos Equis(assuming I'm on an island)
2. Handle of Jim Beam(great shot liquor)
3. Log of Skoal Mint
4. A Denny's Beer Barrel Pub 15 pound hamburger
5. Loaded Gun

I figure if the other 4 things don't kill me, I will still have a gun. The Floss ain't living as the last person on Earth, sorry. So the Floss would enjoy the beer, beam, chew, and burger, then put the gun to his head and say sianara. The Floss would also attempt to blog the whole event in the sand, however, the booze and laziness would set in as usual.

Although after discussing this question with fof he thought this question could bring a full floss in itself i will ask anyways. What are your top 3 drunk stories? B MAN

This could definitely be a full blog. Most of the Floss' drunk stories are too hazy to really write down. The best one is the Elevator story that was already blogged about. I will just give one more that the Floss has heard enough about that he can fully tell the tale with success...

The first Steeler game of the 2006-2007 season was against the Miami Dolphins. It was a Thursday night game where the Steelers were getting annointed as the defending Super Bowl Champs. Naturally the tailgating gang(RIP) got together and CINC threw down a seafood tailgate in honor of the Dolphins. The Floss pregamed the tailgate with DROF, then went down to the game. The shot of the day was Jose Cuervo, which the Floss has drank approximately 4 times in his life, and is currently batting .000 with good old Jose, which is ironic because of the popularity of baseball in Latin America, but I digress. There was also a bottle of Captain Morgan, which the Floss also remembers fooling around with on that day. The last thing I remember from the tailgate was eating shrimp that may or may not have fallen on the ground(hazy part of story). Then the Floss went into the game. Sidenote: The next parts of this story were told to Floss by others. DROF and CINC had sold their tickets so the Floss had no baby sitter while in the stadium. Apparently Jerome Bettis drove a school bus onto the field something I don't remember. The best part was actually the next week at the game when I returned to my seats, taking a ton of shit from everyone around me. The guy next to me wants to show me a picturefrom the week before...UH OH. It is a picture of his 2 HOT TWIN DAUGHTERS posed on both sides of the Floss with french fries that they stuck in my nose and ears. I wish this wasn't true.

What does The Floss, realllllly want to be when he grows up? And if you say a fucking accountant ill beat the shit out of you. -CINC

Not a logistics coordinator in a small southern city. The Floss has always wanted to be a sports agent, however, law school scares the shit out of the Floss. I figure crunch some numbers til I'm 30 and have money. Go to law school, work at a sports agency, then become an independent agent by the time I'm 40. Then I make loot cause naturally I'm illegally giving funds to all of the Pitt football players fresh off Wanny's 12th National Title. They go as top 40 picks. Then we marry a hot 27 year old, make some babies. I work til I'm 60, retire, and have the rest of my life to gamble in Vegas, sit on the beaches in Cali, and go to all Pitt and Steeler athletic events that I can. 2nd Choice would probably be a mime because I could never see myself have a job where I have to stay quiet all day.

What are the chances the Floss experiences one of his hangovers on the way to cincy? What are the expectations of the floss this weekend? What are the odds for each person in the car on who will be arrested? I'm giving Shenanigans (3 to 2) Foss (12 to 1) The Floss (6 to 1) Nasty Nate (2 to 1) -Shenanigans

The hangover actually has a near zero percent chance as the Floss plans on watching your Shenanigans and being prepared and ready to drive if necessary. The Floss will not be staying up all night Friday, he might not even have a drink. The Floss really cares about 3 things all weekend, everything else is a bonus:
1. We get to Cinci without a hitch and get the tickets as well
2. Pitt beats Cinci
3. No arrests

I don't care if we sleep in the car. I don't care if nothing is going on Saturday night cause PussyCat fans are masturbating in their own tears. The Floss just wants to get there, watch Pitt, and not get arrested. This does not mean the Floss will not be drinking. The Floss will be drinking a lot. A lot a lot.

As for your arrest percentages, they are all way too high. They look something like this to me:
Shenanigans (10 to 1)
Foss (15 to 1)
PnR (25 to 1)
Floss (50 to 1)
Foss is a dark horse due to his love of the blackout and he has no sense of responsibility. PnR can drink so much that he should be fine. Myself, I'm just worried about not fighting. You, Shenanigans, ball's in your court.

What does the Floss think needs to be done to correct the refs in the NFL? Way to many blow calls this year. Are the NFL refs taking pointers from the NBA? FFOF

First of all, the NFL really needs to somehow figure out how to clean the Steeler game mess up. Honestly, 66 more million dollars on the Steelers, and thats just legal money. They call 2 penalties on SD and 13 on Pittsburgh. They got away with the Troy TD because not that many fans really understood the gambling aspect. The NBA is probably easier to fix. I think with the penalty calls, they might have been taking some pointers from the NBA. The real problem with referees is their lack of pay. They work very hard and are considered part time employees. They all carry other jobs. Honestly, they put too much time and effort into a very underpaid job. Think of all the money made on football. You can't tell me we can't hire NFL refs for between 250,000 and 500,000 dollars. Give them a strong union like the players get. BTW, who are you FFOF?
If the Floss could reproduce with any celebrity, who would it be and why?
--Anonymous

Naturally the Floss would want a good mother as well. Britney Spears is not in the running. Sadly, neither is the Floss' favorite celebrity Kim Kardasian because of the Ray Jay video. Neither is Vanessa Hudgens(yummy) because of her boobs being on the Internet. Megan Fox's tattoos set her back. Sophia Bush(Brooke, One Tree Hill) is up there. The winner here though is Taylor Swift. She really has no flaws. The only negative is if we had a boy, he could grow up to be a singer and maybe a gay. However, the Floss is still the big winner since he gets to nail Taylor Swift.

Now my mailbags are the 2nd best on the Internet. :(
--Bill Simmons

Word.

MAIL TIME

PnR had a great idea for another Floss Mailbag. You should go back and read the other mailbag. The twist with this mailbag is that not only will celebrities make an appearance, but you the actual readers, will pose questions. So if you could please pose some questions in the comments section, I will answer any and all questions to the Flossiest of my ability.

HURTIN AND HUNGOVER

The Floss caught one of those mid day hangovers where you can't decide where the hangover will take you. So I figured I will rank the hangovers in order from worst to least:

ALL DAY NO BOOZE FOR ME

This is naturally the worst. For this kind of hangover, you need to have puked the night before. Because if you wake up drunk it doesn't classify in this category. You can't move all day. Food doesn't stand a chance. You dry heave throughout the day, and no sort of meds can cure your headache. You attempt to sleep, but all you can get are 15 to 30 minute nap sessions with vomiting in between. Trying to do things is impossible. These are by far the worst. SideStory: This summer the Floss stayed in Oakland on a Wednesday, drank with the B Man, PnR, and FOF. Next morning woke up for work an hour late. Then the Floss went into work, still a little drunk. I backed my car into a pole in the parking lot, no damage to the whip. Then went into work and proceeded to puke some gross orange or pink or whatever the hell color, not once, not twice, but 8 great times. The Floss just decided to leave at lunch, call it a day, pack it in. Even to this day MOF still has no clue. SOF(sister of Floss) said it would be a much better idea to not tell her. Mad props to SOF after this great day.

DRUNKEN CRASH

Not the worst because you get to wake up drunk in the morning, but eventually you crash harder than Kashav Bansal running into the bleachers in 4th grade schoolyard football(to this day one of the best scenes of my life). Your day pretty much is ruined. The pipes are hot which makes drinking the next night really hard. You kind of have to drink past this kind of hangover, but it's tough because at least for the Floss, the next day turns into the vomiting no sleep days. These hangovers can be fully beaten, but barely. Your chances of beating this kind of hangover are about 15%.

MID DAY MYSTERY

The current state of the Floss. You wake up with nothing, no drunk, no headache, just ready to go. Today for example the Floss was up and at the FedEx station sending his check for tickets to Pitt-Cinci next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then the Floss went to Ace Athletic and got a white t for the rave tonight. Then I went and printed out my basketball ticket for the Final 4 Panthers first game of the season versus FDU. So all in all, the Floss was rockin and rollin. Now as I sit here and type this, my head aches and my tummy does equally. I think with the big night ahead that I can cure this by getting back at the dog that bit me. I think a RockStar and Vodka can cure this guy, especially with the excitement of Ashton Gibbs and Jermaine Dixon. However, sometimes these kind of hangovers can kill all motivation to continue drinking. These are mind games, you can easily go .500 in these types of hangovers if you're dedicated to the sauce.

2 HOUR NAP AND GOOD TO GO

Easily the favorite hangover of the Floss. You can put in a 2 hour nap, and all your troubles go away. I enjoy the nap and it cures my problems. Really not much more to say, but awesome.

NO HANGOVER

The gods of booze look out for you on these days. Probably only 5% of all drinking nights end in no hangover. These hangovers are scary because you never can trust not getting a hangover. You just worry about the next drinking night.

SATURDAY SATURDAY SSSSATURDAY

I don't know if y'all know the song but it sounds like the title. The Floss is hammered and going fast.

SUPERCUTS

Today I got my hair cut by a local Oakland barber, Joe Bellisari. He has had a barber shop in Oakland for 45 years. That is 45 years longer than I will probably live. He cut my hair today way too short. I told him a buzz cut with a 2. It might be a .5 at best. So now I will rant on SuperCuts. Girls that cut your hair at SuperCuts, exactly like BSV's. Except they are nice.... They are slutty. They have big titties. They can't hold a conversation. My big beef with these hair cutting hoes, they can't hold a convo. If they could have a legit convo, they would get bigger tips. I will tip a waitress thats a 6 that can fake flirt with me over a 10 that won't be girls that talk to me. The SuperCuts girls are the closest to wifes that you have in the servicing sector. They can most definitely be girls you take home to Mommy, but they need to lose the tats first. What???

P-I-T-T

The Floss wasn't going to go to the Pitt game vs. Louisville until he realized that only 6 times year he can watch them in person. FOF pointed this out to me. It is way to smart of a comment. The Floss puts in an hour a day or more on Pitt football. To not go to a BE conference game would be cheating on the Panthers. The Floss can't do that to the team he loves. Next question: Will the Panthers let us down at Heinz again? FUCK NO. This team has heard it enough now. No let down tomorrow. I think this Louisville team is 5000% better than the team that lost to Cuse last week. They actually have a pretty sweet stable of running backs plus a prototypical NFL QB. However, they might have the worst coach in college football. No matter if it is Pat Bostick(silent favorite of the Floss) or Billy the kid, Pitt will be more than okay tomorrow. The Floss is actually seeing a big winner for the Panthers tomorrow. The Floss sees the 8 thousand students having a great singing voice for Sweet Caroline. So sweet that Dr. Neil Diamond himself would be proud. Shady will go off again, no surprise. The Panthers dominate.

Flossy Prediction

PITT 34
CARDS 14

STRAIGHT SPORTS

Rollercoaster. That is the best term for the Pitt Panthers season. They win tough games and lose easy ones. How does a team go on the road and win three straight, then come back home on Homecoming no less and lose to a team with one team over an FBS opponent? I don't even know. I was nervous all week for a Pitt let down game last week. They delivered.

I wrote that last Friday when I thought I would get back to a pre-ND blog. Oops. I stopped writing it, but honestly, rollercoaster. This team loves to do stuff like this. Quit Playing Games With My Heart is the Pitt theme song during this Wanny era. I just can't even describe the emotion I felt after the 4 OT thrilling win at Fat Charlie's house. I know ND isn't exactly a top 25 team, but a great road win none the less. Some thoughts:

-Pat Bostick won't be confused for Danny Ma any time soon, but he also didn't look like last year Pat Bostick. I went to the Notre Dame website and re-watched the 3rd and 4th quarters. He made some very solid throws. Most came on 3rd down with our backs against the wall. He looked more mobile in the pocket and his footwork was much improved. I think Pat may still have a bright future with this team. Great job by the backup quarterback.

-Shady. Wow. Please come back. Honestly back to the Backstreet Boys hit, how can Pitt's two best players in the last 25 years only be forced to play here for 2 years. Just unbelievable. I think he still has a more than 60% chance to come back to this fine institution.

-Jon Baldwin. I like him a lot. He struggled a bit, but made the big catch. I can't even begin to dream of where his ceiling is at.

-The O-Line. I love them. Only one sack that I remember given up by Joey T, but he still is much improved this year. I love John Malecki. Kid is a warrior. How about CJ Davis stepping into his role at center? Dom Williams came to play in his first start in 3 years.

-Scott McKillop. He better be at worst a 3rd round pick. He probably won't run a 4.4, but he makes so many tackles.

-Andrew Taglianetti. His dad probably hates that he doesn't play hockey, but he is one hell of a football player. It's crazy that he wasn't supposed to be here until January. Then Shane Brooks got booted and Tags stepped in. I hate to be cliche and say he is just a football player, but that's what he is. He is a menace on special teams. 2 blocked punts this year. He is in on a ton of special teams tackles, plus his one tackle on the screen pass this week was awesome. I love him.

-Looking ahead to the L. Pitt is only a 6.5 favorite against a team that just lost to Syracuse and is battling injuries. This is another typical Pitt letdown game. They can throw the rock so naturally the Floss is nervous. Please, just once can Pitt get a blowout. Honestly, the Floss is frightened by a shitty shitty team. Just like RU.

STEEL CURTAIN

For some reason I really see a rebound game for the men in black and gold tonight. Maybe it's because we get back 2 huge playmakers in Santonio and Willie. Maybe it's because the Steelers love playing on Monday night. The Skins only have 10 sacks through 8 games, so the Steelers should be able to protect Big Ben. When he has time we don't lose. Plus the strength of the Skins is Clinton Portis. When has a running back actually beat the Steelers, minus like Fred Taylor in 2001? The most one running back has had against the players this season was LeRon McClain with 63. Plus James Harrison and Woodley were shutout last week. They will not go quietly tonight. Expect a big game from the Steelers tonight.

Flossy Prediction:

STEELERS 24
SKINS 13

STEPPING BACK FROM THE LEDGE

The Floss cannot speak about what happened at Heinz Field this weekend. The Bay of Pigs went more smoothly than what happened on the North Shore this weekend. Not too mention, today in class I listened to Phillies fans talk about popping champagne and rioting in Oakland when the Phils win. Personally, I hope cops arrest everyone of them, well actually I hope Hamels breaks his leg then Ryan Howard cracks his head open running for a fly ball. Then the Rays win in 7 and all of those awful Phillies fans suffer minus that 10%. Notice that J-Rol and Utley didn't get hurt, that's cause they are cool. Now onto a fun blog...

FIT OR QUIT?

Well this blog was thought of by former DROF while he was not low. It was also based on a comment made about the Floss being able to fit into a fridge. Normal fridge, not one of those skinny tall guys. We talkin' bout a fat, short fridge. The Floss can clearly fit into something that size.

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL DESK

I think the Floss could sit, but couldn't get out without injury. Like a hip pointer would probably be a common injury here. Maybe scraped knee after hitting the floor. I hate those desks that clearly make the fat kids feel fat. America is getting bigger people, effin deal with it.

UNDER A BED

You have to use your imagination here for the size of a bed, but imagine a normal size one that you could easily fit under at age 11. Since the Floss has gotten larger since age 11, I don't know about this one either. I'm sayin I could still do it. The Floss could probably still get out unscathed too. It would take some time and wouldn't be fun, but you gotta believe.

ROCKET SHIP

Most of you probably thought the Floss was referring to a ride at Kennywood or something, but no, I mean a real space ship. The Floss doesn't feel like he could do well in space. The inside of a rocket ship would be too close. Then the Floss would hit his head off all the little panels and things. I know, I know that you wear space helmets, but I would probably break mine. Then a bunch of space chemicals would get into my head and I would die. No question about it, the Floss wouldn't go to space. So I can't slice a 6 iron off the face of the moon. Plus you gotta worry about Lance Bass gettin all homo up there. I heard that space juice is what made him gay. I'm serious. Don't go to space.

Remember to give your thoughts on how the Floss would fare in all of these places. Give your thoughts on space and what not. Tomorrow will be the aftermath blog. Not the Steelers because they rebound. We don't know what will happen with the Pitt Panthers, well everyone except the Floss.

ALL OVER THE PLACE

TOM BRADY HAS A SETBACK

Just heard on ESPN that bad things are happening with Tom Brady's knee. The Floss man crushes hard on Tommy B, so he feels for the man. With Peyton fading, Brady down, is Ben now the IT QB in the AFC? O yeah ladies and gents, Ben Flosslisberger is the best QB in the AFC now.

PRESIDENTIAL THOUGHTS AGAIN

I thought about what could honestly bring more people out to the polls...including some major sports topics. Seriously...I would love to vote for a candidate who promises Pete Rose, Mark McGwire, and Barry Bonds get to go to the baseball hall of Fame. One candidate could talk about putting a playoff in college football or at least a plus one system. They could stop sports for one night and have a presidential sports debate. This could work. I'm 100% convinced.

THAT'S A BAD RUM AND COKE

I hope everyone saw Larry Johnson spit a drink in a woman's face 3 times in a row. Good person he is. This is about 4 months after he hit a woman in the face. I hate public apologies from guys like this. You can't eff up like 6 times, hold a presser and be clean. We are...convicts. People need to remember Santonio Holmes when he got a public drunkenness right before his rookie season. He talked to Rooney and has been a great teammate and person since. He is also the best WR on the Steelers. Believe dat.

WV-AUB

I don't know who to root for in this game tonight. It will eventually be who the Floss bets on, but really no money involved, I would have to go WVU. The Big East has looked bad all year. USF over Kansas and Pitt over Iowa are decent wins for the conference, but no one else has won a thing. Auburn has Pitt's former D-Coordinator Paul Rhoades. He was a solid DC and I hope he becomes a head coach soon.

ARIZONA

Lute Olsen is stepping down at Arizona due to health reasons. Anyone else worried? I am very worried about Coach Dixon going to Arizona. I hope they stick with retired porn star Kevin O'Neill, but I doubt it since I could have coached that team to the Sweet 16 last year. Arizona will most certainly come calling to Coach Dixon. They will be throwin money his way. I pray he doesn't take the bait. They were just in a mini recruiting scandal plus their team is just getting worse. Jamie could be taking over a tainted program. On the flip side, he can stay here and get the court at the Pete named after him. What should he choose?

GUINOS

The Pens got a huge shootout win Monday with Sid the Kid battling flu symptoms plus they had Dany Sabourin in net. Although Sabu played unreal. He was really standin on his head out there. Tonight is a nice matchup with a pretty average team in Carolina. Pens must win since they have a tough road game with the red hot Rangers Saturday, then move to a 3 game Western Conference road trip. The biggest plus so far this season has been the play of Miroslav Satan. He is much better around the net than I ever thought he would be. Tonight will be a 4-2 win Pens. Satan nets another. Go Pens.

PEOPLE I HATE IN COLLEGE

This blog is prompted by the Floss being a college student. Everyday the Floss sees groups of people that he accurately stereotypes. In this blog the Floss will give the reasons he hates these groups of people.

FAKE HIPPIES, HIPPIES, ANYONE ASSOCIATED WITH THEM

You all know these people, the ones who wear tie-dyed shirts for no reason. Some have dreadlocks, girls too. You look like a piece of shit. Honestly, if I was their parents I would be on suicide watch. They wear their Bob Marley t-shirts and listen to old 70's music and use words like "vintage". The girls don't care if they look ugly. Just a bad bad group of people.

HAND RAISERS

These are the slack jawwed faggots who raise their hand in classes to ask questions they know the answer to. The professor starts explaining the answer, and the hand raiser says, "O that's what I thought". These hand raisers are also really really eager to tell personal tales in class. I don't care what you learned in your high school English class. The hand raiser group is comprised mostly of dudes. They probably don't even watch sports.

4-SQUARE OR ANY OTHER CLUB THAT WAS LAST COOL IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

This group was prompted by the Floss having to walk through a common area of sorts where this group was blasting loud music and playing a game that was created in 4th grade. One of the kickballs actually rolled in the Floss' path. I picked it up and threw it back, but don't think I didn't want to Daniel Sepulveda that thing over the Cathedral. Other clubs that fall in this category: Magic Cards, Anime, etc.

GIRLS IN SWEATPANTS WITH UGG BOOTS

Just kidding. The best cold weather look for girls in the World. Even a not so hot chick with a decent butt can pull this look off. It's really a trend that should stick around for generations. You have to pray they wear a Northface coat with this look or you can't get a full view of the bum, and that's just not going to cut it.

THE PARANOID

These are the POS's that think they did bad on every test when they get an A every time. They call you up to check answers on homework worth .000005% of your grade. However, these kind of people aren't actually all that awful.

PHILLY FANS(only 90%)

You know who you are. The kids that come to the University of Pittsburgh and proceed to talk shit on our city. The start their E-A-G-L-E-S chants for no reason. They look like pricks. Not too mention that 75% of the wigger population at Pitt is from Philly(look it up). Go to Temple you angry, awful humans.

There are way way way more types of people to stereotype and hate. The Floss could really only think of this many for now. Greek's on TV and some bloggers have priorities. As always comments about who you love to hate and stereotype is welcomed with open arms.

ELECTION '08

I don't know who made the comment in the last comment section about who the Floss supports in the upcoming presidential election, but it was a very good question. However, this person clearly did not read the New Years Resolutions blog posted to start the new year. The Floss said he was going to try and not discuss the election once throughout the year. The Floss has kept up his promise until now because for the people the Floss will do it. Also, breaking promises is something the Floss loves doing.

WHO?

The Floss supports no one. Honestly, voting is something I might do just because this is the first presidential election of which I'm legal age. The Floss doesn't focus on the issues. When there's Pitt football and politics, there's really only Pitt football.

RANT

Really why should we all care so much about the election. Does the president really have much of a say in your everyday life? Most of us have to say no. Both presidents will believe in taxes. They are virtually the same person. Plus Congress makes all decisions anyways. People that get wrapped up in stuff like the election are MAC people. This was discussed yesterday amongst the readers of the Floss. MAC people are essentially hippies. They "go green". They eat organic foods. They eat Indian food. The MAC people all support Obama(this should give you a clue who the Floss semi-supports).

SARAH PALIN

Well when the Floss heard John McCain picked a woman running mate, he knew there had to be a reason. His reason, she's hot. I'm glad he decided not to focus on picking a qualified candidate, but picking great tits instead. Seriously, coolest election fact, t-minus 9 months til Sarah Palin is a GILF(granny I'd like to Floss). Honestly, the Floss couldn't pick Joe Biden out of a lineup, but he had to be more qualified than Palin. Palin was the governor of Alaska. Alaska and Hawaii are the fakest things ever. The US president(don't even know him) who added those 2 as States just decided that the flag looked dumb at 48 stars. I'm with him. Alaska is not real. It is just a piece of Canada. Hawaii hasn't given the US anything except Samoan football players. It also gave Colt Brennan a lot of weed.

THE CAROLINER

The Floss is unleashing his creative side in this blog. Today I sat at a 2 hour presentation on the new International Financial Reporting Standards. Yawn I know. I came up with 5 sandwiches while sitting there bored out of my mind. Here goes it:

START ME UP

The "Start Me Up" is a sandwich designed for the non egg liking folk like the Floss, but it could also be prepared with egg as well. First we start with 2 McDonald's McGriddle cakes because they are the best. However, for this sandwich we need to double the size of the cake. Working from the bottom up, we start out with a nice piece of canadian bacon or ham depending on your preference. Then we add a piece of American Cheese. Next up is a sausage patty. Cheese. Then we add a hash brown. Cheese. Top it off with some bacon. Syrup dipping sauce is optional. This could definitely be prepared at home or by a chain.

BCT

The BCT is actually not a sandwich but a taquito. It would be prepared by putting buffalo chicken dip on a taquito shell. We would also fire it up a bit with some diced jalepenos. Then bake that baby to a crisp. Queso and salsa for dipping. Perfect game time snack.

THE SOLUTION

Maybe this was just a problem for the Floss, but it doesn't change this dominant sandwich. The problem for the Floss was when tailgating I couldn't choose between kielbasa and grilled italian sausage. For this sandwich, we need a nice hoagie bun. You place the italian sausage right in the middle of the bun. Then you cut the kielbasa down the center. Then you take the kielbasa and form a little "kielbasa tent" over top of the sausage. Every bite will have both tastes. Other fixins for this would be optional. For me it would be raw onion and a shitload of ketchup. This is a great tailgating option. We could name this sandwich, "The Return of Pitt Football". Just a thought.

EASTER MONDAY

This sandwich was thought of because the Floss' love for ham. Everyone loves the leftover turkey sandwiches on the Friday after Thanksgiving. This year you can enjoy them while watching the Pitt Panthers take their second consecutive shit on the state of West Virginia. But back to the Easter Monday. We need a soft Kaiser bun for this. You top with some ham. Then you need a key ingredient, which is some sweet potatoes, preferably some mashed ones for sandwiching purposes. Then you add some grilled pineapple slices. No veggies needed on this bad boy. You could also add some BBQ sauce to increase the sweetness of this sandwich. Mmmmmm...

THE CAROLINER

The title of the blog. This was my favorite creation. Named in memory of CINC. It is a sandwich that he truly would love. First off you need a fork to eat this bad boy, which normally turns the Floss and others off, but not once you hear about this one. We need a biscuit to start this. Not a small biscuit. We need one 2.5 to 3 times the size of normal biscuits. We need some roided biscuits for this guy. Then we add a country fried steak to the bottom. Then a heaping scoop of mashed potatoes. Then another country fried steak on top of it. Sprinkle a half pound of shredded cheeses(cheddar and colby jack), then top it all off with some chicken gravy. This one is the Floss' favorite. Comments please. I'd like the readers to rank these in their favorite order.

HOW DRUNK WAS THE FLOSS LAST NIGHT?

Well he was drunk enough to borrow DROF's ID and get into Peter's Pub last night thanks to Pitt's own Dom Williams playing "guard" for Peter's Pub as well. Good to know he has a future as a guard at some level. Unlike previous Peter's experiences the Floss was virtually all alone. I entered with a friend, but not someone who the Floss really trusts. As we all know, the Floss' bar etiquette isn't exactly polished, but last night he was okay. Bought 2 pitchers for our table as a nice gesture. The Floss had a stacked wallet with 80 bones, but I didn't buy one shot. When I was sitting at my table, the Floss saw a girl that he was friends with. A very very hott girl. Once the Floss tried to serenade her with the great American classic, "The Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani. So the Floss went to talk to her. After the hello's and how you doin's, she goes, "your not 21 at all are you?". What a cunt. Not exactly something to say to the Floss. But then I came back with, "you aren't either". We agreed. So the Floss with his little bar etiquette offered to buy said female a shot. Her reply, "I have an exam at 8 AM tomorrow" and she peaced the convo. What a cunt. After that experience, and the fact that the bar was wall to wall, the Floss decided to go home and drink his patented Vlad and lemonade. Morale of the story: Not every night I go to the bar has to end in an elevator, only the good ones.

APOLOGEEZY

I debated an apology, but my thought was it would not go over well since the Floss just did apologize. Honestly every day that went by without an update hurt the Floss more than it did the fans. Many people would argue that the Floss is a blogger first and a student second, however that's not how MOF(mother of Floss) views it. The worst thing we can do is dwell on the past here(ask Dave Wannstedt). We need to focus on the future. Suggestions for blogs are always welcomed and encouraged. A couple late Thursday tidbits:

TODD THOMAS

Todd Thomas has joined the Pittsburgh Panthers family. He is the 13th player to commit in the '09 class. He is listed as a WR, but the Floss sees big things for him at safety. He will be a RS FR when Elijah Fields and the Dominator are SR's. Most people will say he has an offensive mentality, and it will be hard for him to move to defense. I disagree. Elijah Fields and Dom Decicco were both offensive studs in high school that have found their niche on defense.

GOLI GOLI GOLI

Alex Goligoski just scored his 2nd NHL goal right in front of my eyes. It was a Power Play goal just like his only other NHL goal. It wasn't pretty, but it is always nice to see players put the puck on net. As the saying goes, "you put the puck on net, good things happen".


FUCK RYAN FITZPATRICK

IN THE NAVY

Honestly, on Oct. 2nd at 11PM, I said I was angry we had a 16 day break. Honestly, it felt like the whole offseason all over again. Scary thing about that is...well we all know what happened our first game back. So with no further adoo...

WHY PITT WILL BEAT NAVY BY 14+...

-Shady McCoy. He torched them last year and he will do it again. Shady just needs to hold onto the rock against Navy. He's sooooo hot right now too. Feelin' 2 Bills outta Shady Saturday.

-Billy the Kid. Pat Bostick threw all over this team last year. There is no doubt Bill can pass on Navy when we need him too Saturday. It will also help Billy that Shady will set up play action and short distance passing downs. All QB's are better in short yardage downs.

-Jonathan Baldwin. I have compared him to Larry Legend ever since he chose the Panthers. Larry had a big game in week 2 against A&M, but then didn't really break out until around game 5. JB had his coming out party last week, and he will now turn into a ridiculous talent. Navy's starting corners are 5'7 and 6'0 tall. JB is 6'6. (giggling)

-Scott McKillop. People are giving him the respect he deserves finally. All he ever does is step up in big games. People are saying 15+ tackles. I see it too.

-Corners. Jovani Chappel and AB are both very very solid tacklers. This is huge when playing a team like Navy. They should be able to contain the outside sweeps of Navy.

-Revenge. Don't think this team forgot about last years embarassing nationally televised loss to Navy. This might actually be the biggest factor.

WHY NAVY MIGHT HANG CLOSE FOR A WHILE...

-Homecoming. Homecoming fires up everyone. Navy has a very passionate fan base. The game will be a sell out of 34,000 fans. However, people are projecting near 8,000 Pitt fans. 8,000 Pitt fans would be unreal. Can't wait to hear Let's Go Pitt chants.

-Defensive Ends. The DE's are excellent pass rushers, but they do have trouble keeping contain on the ends. They need to play at home. Hopefully the 2 weeks has also given our players a chance to get used to cut blocking.

-Kaipo. Kaipo owned us last year. He is a scary player to think about. He can run that offense to perfection.

-Wanny. If Wanny doesn't know how to stop their offense in year 2, he better take a long hard look in the mirror. He brought up stopping the Oklahoma teams back in the day. How couldn't he stop this Navy O? The spread is way harder to defend than the triple option, but Wanny seems to have a decent grasp of the spread. Example No. 133351324245 of why Dave Wannstedt doesn't make sense.

FLOSSIN' PREDICTION

P-I-T-T 35

NAVY 17

HAIL TO PITT

SORRY

The Floss is in a good mood and wants to start drinking, so sorry for the lack of update. Here's a YouTube gem by someone with way too much time on his hand. The man who put this together is a great American, and he should be commended. Probably not work safe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LjF3MfXRFo&feature=related

RANT RANT RANT

Hello? Where are the fans? Weak participation by the fans since the Floss' illustrious return to the free World. The fans are what get me to this computer in the morning to come help make your day a little more enjoyable. Daily Flossin' is good for everyone, but some much needed love this way is in order. Come on people. The Floss did receive a text today from a new reader(Mr. Shenanigans) stating "I'm reading the floss and it is the greatest thing I have ever seen. Already bookmarked it on my favorites". The fans were going to get a ton of heat today, until that text came in this morning.

CARPE DIEM

Seize the Day(or season). If you haven't looked at the current make-up of the AFC, look again. The Steelers aren't showing the sense of urgency that they need to considering the circumstances. The AFC is as ripe as Hannah Montana for the Steelers' taking. Honestly, the Titans are 5-0. Their QB is Kerry Collins. Kerry Collins, we can beat him. Collins isn't exactly Tom Terrific or Peyton. Next in the list of AFC contenders are the Buffalo Thrills. While they are a nice story, Coach T and the boys can't be shaking in their boots about playin' Trent Edwards or J.P. Losman. The Denver Broncos have absolutely 0 defense. Peyton isn't healthy. Jacksonville is struggling, San Diego sucks. Matt Cassel ain't beatin us, neither is Joey Flacco(maybe in a few year). The AFC is yours Ben. Just fuckin' take it. Grab the AFC by the balls and win this thing. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't mind a trip to the Super Bowl. Let's go...

GOING GREEN

Honestly, going green is the newest most annoying fad ever. Like honestly, everyone tries to push going green on you now a days. This really pissed me off at the Steelers' game last Monday, when the Steelers' had their "Green Tip of the Day". The tip: Use less water by taking short showers, no baths(Floss doesn't like baths), and don't leave the water running while you brush your teeth. Other tips include things like re-using towels to reduce water used while washing clothes. Seriously, Americans used to be able to get by with just not littering. They want us to do the dumbest things in this Going Green campaign. I hate it. Isn't this another instance where common sense can prevail. You don't need to push people to do things that they already know what to do. They should start putting tips like, "you can't afford a 400,000 dollar house if you live on a mailman's salary(Karl Malone excluded)", because the market is a helluva lot more important than the Earth's history 1,000,000,000,000,000 years from now.

MY RESUME

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NORTH CAROLINA...WHERE THE CARS ARE CLEANER THAN THE WOMEN(PART 2)

NOW INTO THE BAR-AGE

I will give it to the erotic car wash for having a nice set up inside their car wash. There was a VIP room(shed), massage chairs(eww), and a legitimate bar. Naturally the Floss wasn't served because the mulletted man doesn't serve to underagers. If we were at Chili's or Friday's, the Floss would expect to not get served, but an erotic car wash seemed like a home run. The set-up was much like any other car wash, just an open room with hoses, buckets, and water, o my. The tables were completely separated from where the girls were washing up SFCOF's whip. We couldn't really see the girls while they washed the car, but why would we want too....

POWER RANKINGS OF CAR WASWHORES...

1. 90 LB Pound Black Girl--Naturally they don't wear name tags because where would they pin that on their bare bodies? She looked like she was either fresh out of high school or possibly still in high school. I don't know what her redeeming qualities were, but having all of her teeth definitely helped her rating. She conversed mainly with a black man who brought in his Mercedes. He definitely knew something about her that we didn't. She definitely provided extra services...
2. Red Corsette with a Gut--You might be wondering how a stripper with a gut would make the list at number 2, but that is just a testament to the quality of carwaswhores. She definitely had popped out a few kids, but had decent boobs and ass that jumped her to number 2.
3. Mommy Long Nips--One of the waswhores actually tending to our car. Her nipples looked like little pencil erasers that extended for 6 feet. Unbelievable is really the only way to describe them.
4. Short Haired Black Chick--She had nothing going for her, but she just wasn't the worst.
5. Long Haired Black Chick--She was the definition of "more cushion for the pushin'". At a solid playing weight of 245. She could have played rush end for the Carolina Panthers. She kept walking too close to me and I thought if she tripped, it might have ended for the Floss. SBT kept making fart noises when her ungodly large ass would squeeze past all of us. Comedy was really high.
6. Crack Whore--Probably the only way I could accurately describe this beauty. She was an experienced vet at probably 40, but from all the crack looked 50 to 60. Unlike a fine wine, age did not help her out. She asked us why we didn't want to get dances, probably because we didn't want: A) Crack, B) Cocaine, C) Aids, D) Herpes, or E) All of the above plus every other STD.

CAR WASH SKILLS

The area where I figured the carwaswhores would struggle was actually their strong suit. Honestly, before going into the car wash, I figured we would actually need to go to a real car wash after just so it would look respectable to SFCOF. These girls actually did an excellent job washing the car. They actually did break out Armor All for the tires. Highlight of the day was when Mommy Long Nips called over CINC about something with the car. CINC had his goofy smile on while the rest of us sat up in our seats waiting to see what was going to happen next. Mommy Long Nips apparently is a Nascar fan because she noticed while watching the tires that the brakes in the car were very worn and would probably need replacing. This turned out to be the case for SFCOF two weeks later. I'm just glad we didn't have to stay there and watch Mrs. Long Nips install the new brakes. So next time you see an erotic car wash, pass. Just wait for your local high school cheerleader's car wash. The girls are way more illegal, but way hotter.

NORTH CAROLINA...WHERE THE CARS ARE CLEANER THAN THE WOMEN

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GUINS '08 PREVIEW

When does hockey end and start? The Floss doesn't know. Hockey might have snuck up more on me than jock itch at these September Pitt games. Can't believe that the Pens will drop the puck tomorrow in Stockholm against the Senators. While the Floss doesn't know too much about hockey, he would love to weigh in his thoughts on the upcoming season.

FORWARDS

The top line for the Pens will look completely different other than the Kid in the middle. This line took a huge HUGE hit in free agency. To think that Fedotenko and Satan can even come close to the production of Malone and the TRAITOR is crazy. This line will take a long time to develop. I don't expect much from this line until about game 15 or 20. The 2nd line will need to produce a LOT for this team to win games early this season. No hiding the fact that the Floss is a BIG BIG fan of Jordan Staal, and this is his year to score a TON of points playing alongside a stud like Geno and a scorer like Peter Syk. I expect nothing short of great things from this line. The third line will be interesting. It will probably be lined up as Cooke-Talbot-Dupuis. If there was ever a more grind it out line anywhere I would like to see it. This line will be a glue line. Mad Max can get this line points and Dupuis has some scoring ability if he can hit the damn net. Cooke? Well he is a mystery to me since the Floss doesn't follow enough hockey. I don't know how much production to expect from a 4th line seeing as it is a 4th line. Kinda sad that Finnish scoring sensation Janne Pesonen is playing on the eastern side of the state to start the year. The 4th line in Stockholm tomorrow will be everyone's favorite junkyard dog TK, Tyler Kennedy with new muscle man, goon Eric Godard and Jeff Taafe. Taafe is a nice player and this line could actually produce if they had another scorer instead of Goony Godard. He better seriously beat some ass because I hate goons in hockey. The bottom line is that our team will score. Maybe not as much as last year, but we will still put our fair shares of goals in the net. We will miss Malone and TRAITOR, but really who doesn't think Malkin and Crosby won't pick it up. A full year of Crosby and Malkin means we can do a lot of special things. The only question is which one for NHL MVP?

DEFENSEMEN

Gonch bein down for 4 to 6 months is a huge blow. He was always one of the Floss' favorite Pens. Someone will need to step up to be the point man on the power play. I don't know who will be the defenseman in the man up. Early guess would be Letang with Malkin definitely playin up top. The defense pairings are anyones guess. I would imagine Orpik-Scud, Gil-Tanger, Eaton-Goli. Those are my top 6, how Thierren matches them up is anyones guess. The D should be solid again. Goli is my new homeboy, so he better dress over Sydor. I hate his old ass legs even though he played well in the playoffs when called upon. The return of Eaton could really boost the team. He is good when healthy. Orpik better prove that his 15 SECONDS of fame were worth all the cash he got this offseason. Hal Gil hopefully will kill someone this year and live up to his full potential. Scud hopefully will prove that '07 wasn't a fluke and he can't revert back to his form when he played with Josef Melichar. Letang is poised to break out. Expect him to help fill Gonch's void.

GOALIE

Flower is a beast. I hate the nickname, but Bob Errey says it way too good. So I will stick with it. He just needs to come to play every day. I hated letting a proven player like Conklin go for such little money in favor of Sabourin. Sabourin sucks. Hopefully our offense comes to play when he is out there.

PROJECTIONS

I hate to say it, but I don't think we go back to the Cup. Not this year. We need another crop of free agency and some development for a few young guys away. Barring major industry or Marc Andre Fleury developing Pat Bostick's mental stability, the Pens are definitely a playoff team. I think the Pens will definitely get over 100 points. I see them as probably the 5ish seed. I don't really have a scouting report on our division, but I don't think we will win it. I could see the Pens struggling "gelling" early on. In the playoffs, I foresee a 2nd round loss to someone. But thats why they play the games...to prove the FLOSS WRONG.

MAN OF MY WORDS

Thank You Uncle Dave. 2 wins over top 10 teams in your last 6 games as Pitt head coach. Now let's win the Big East.

SHORT, QUICK GAME THOUGHTS

-I know most of you don't want too many of these, so here are a few.
-Jon Baldwin, welcome to college football
-Shady beasted last night. He needs to keep running like he did last night.
-I came around a lot to Bill Stull last night. He ran the team. He made good throws except a few early in the game.
-The way the staff is using Larod is brilliant. He should get a space on the athletes walk outside of the Cathedral. Classy player.
-O-Line did a nice job again. Probably about 3 sacks given up, but factor in the near 2 bills on the ground.
-Scott McKillop is better than HB Blades ever was. See him on Sundays next fall.
-The D-Line was fantastic with 4 sacks last night.
-Dom Decicco, ARMY OF ONE
-Congrats team. 16 Days 'til Navy. No hangover...

TOP 5 HANGOVER FOODS

5. PANCAKES- Just like pancakes sop up syrup, they also do a good job with alcohol. They are light, fluffy, and delicious. Floss loves them at any time, but they do especially well with hangovers. Best kind hungover are probably blueberry. Reason why? Everyone knows putting a good thing like fruit in your body immediately offsets some bad. Duh?

4. CHINESE- It was my first asian. It took me until college to try out the Asian hangover remedy of lo mein, but it's a deadly deadly combination. Usually I go with beef lo mein with rice on the side. The flavors are perfect for hangovers for some reason. I know one of DROF's favorite things is the Won-Ton soup to help ease the cloudy pipes. Only problem with chinese food is that it might come out pretty deadly. No one likes to have the runs with a headache. No one.

3. McDONALDS(lunch)- For some reason I get McDonalds hungover more when I'm in Murrysville for the summer, rather than when I live a hop, skip, and a jump away. Your ultimate grease fiesta. Plus with Powerade flowing from the soda fountain, Mac D's is a completely viable option. What does the Floss eat you may wonder? 2 plain McChickens, 2 plain DBC's(double cheeseburgers), and a large fry. Shabooya.

2. HOAGIES- Little Nippers provides the best with their buffalo chicken hoagie. Buffalo fries can cure any sickness. It has the spice to wake you up, the bread to sop up the booze, and the chicken for your protein. Boom. Winner Winner BUFF CHICK dinner. Souf Oakland Steaks is also very tasty, but you worry too much about mess with them. They taste better drunk because being messy drunk is fun. Hungover, who wants to clean up? However, hung over they still solve a lot of life problems.

1. SHEETZ- I mean really, could their be another choice than Sheetz for the top spot? The Floss really misses Sheetz right now bein in Oaktown. You can always get breakfast here which is huge. The chicken biscuit with cheese and ketchup rules. A very deadly combo that people need to try: Pretzel Melts. A pretzel melt with ham, hot pepper cheese, green peppers, and the clutch as hell salsa. Try it. You won't regret it. Not too mention Sheetz garlic fries. You go from bad breath(boozy) to worse breath(boozy and garlicky). Plus Sheetz covers all your favorite hangover beverages.

26-21

-Floss

As an addendum to the blog, the Floss would also like to add a disclaimer that the chew following any of these meals is a big thing. So really when factoring in these rankings, just think of 1A-SKOAL. I think we all know why.

THE FLOSS IS BACK IN TOWN

110 Days. That was how long the Floss made you wait. For this I apologize. But as usual the Floss will make "false" promises. If the Pitt Panthers win this week, I will update the blog everyday until their season ends. A loss, the Floss will do his best.

So for your reading pleasure, the Floss' 33.333333% season grades:

QUARTERMAN: Bill Stull was Wanny's guy from day one, don't you think he would have been a little bit better? He has a candy arm, can't throw a deep ball in bounds, and he doesn't have any running ability. All that being said, I don't know if anyone of our quarterbacks could be better right now. The Floss was in the very small Pat Bostick camp all off season, and I wanted him to get a shot again. In college football, future is important. Stull has one more year, and he will be the starter barring injury, which will only hurt this team. He won't have a big offseason, he will just continue his mediocrity. Bill Stull will never have that "it" factor to get your team a win. Tyler Palko had "it", think Notre Dame, it was his "fuckin" team. Will Bill Stull ever grasp the whole team? No.

GRADES: Stull--C, Cross--A

RUNNIN BACK Y'ALL: Shady McCoy was a Heisman candidate before the season started, but he quickly lost all hope after the loss to Bowling Green. Shady has been decent this year, but he didn't really change much for the better in the offseason. He still has his big runs, but I expected more. LaRod is my offensive captain and MVP right now. Dude is ballin' out of control.

GRADES: Shady--B, LaRod--A+

FULLBACK: Pitt really does have weapons here, sorry no one knows about them. Redge has dropped some passes, but I can't warrant a grade.

GRADES: N/A, Thanks Uncle Dave

TIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHT ENDS: Another position where we have the ballers, but we don't know how to use them. I am currently looking up the statistics of the tight ends on this team. The Floss is going to be very pissed at the results. Yep, pretty pissed. Currently Nate Byham is on pace for a startlingly low 24 grabs. So math majors, 2 catches a game, for a kid that is a leader on the field, works hard, doesn't quit, etc. UN-ACCEPTABLE. Dorin Dickerson, the former savior, is on pace for 18 catches. This is all due to Uncle Dave and Cav's hate to throw the ball over the middle of the field.

GRADES: A-minus to both, they do it when they get the chances.

WIDE RECIEVERS: One of the best positions for the Panthers going into the season has been a huge flop. However, the main reason is coaching. Oderick Turner is a CANCER for this team. He is like the ulcer on collective dippers' lips. He sucks. Drops more than he catches and in his 3 years playing, he may have made one great play. Kinder bounced back nicely from injury, but he doesn't look like the same guy who scored that 80 yard TD against Cincinatti 2 years ago. Ced Mcgee has been pretty money, which is why we call him Ced Money. TJ has continued to make plays. His only knack is that he loves getting in the dogghouse, or the Wannhouse. Jonathan Baldwin was the 2nd most heralded recruit of the Wanny era only behind Shady(and it was damn close). Yet he has been on the field very few. Pray that he gets on the field against the Bulls.

O-LINE: Actually the line has been decent. If they were this good last year, Patty B would still be the starter. All I know is that Joe Thomas gets better every week, thank god. Malecki has been solid. Houser has been an upgrade over Vangas. CJ is CJ. Pinky is good. They are formidable. Hard for the Floss to evaluate the line, although they did help us get nearly 250 bills on the ground against D-1AA Syra-lose.

GRADES: C+, could be a lot worse

D-LINE: The strength of the D, preseason was the interior, but they have just been okay sans Mick Williams. However, due to a mysterious(possibly Buddy Morris) factor, they are always fresh at the end of the game. Wanny does a solid job rotating 5 guys there. Just a solid middle. The ends are getting better week by week. All I have to say about the ends is this: Pre-game Thursday night, people will be talking Selvie, post-game it will be Romeus and Sheard. Dudes are beasts and T-Tuck has been better than expected.

GRADES: B+

BACKERS: Tough position to evaluate due to 2 starters being out. Scott McKillop has won BE defensive player of the week twice, we know dat dude. Greg Williams probably will be a 4 year starter. He was awesome against Iowa. Austin Ransom flys to the ball and probably shouldn't be out there on Thursday. He has played solid. Say it a million times, Fields at LB against spread teams.

GRADES: B

SECONDARY: Aaron Berry has been a good player for this team now for two years. He is a solid B grade so far. Much like Tony Tucker, Jovani Chappel has been a very pleasant surprise this year. Safeties have been shaky at best. First it was the Dom Decicco fiasco in the first two games, now he is the man. Elijah Fields looked to be the answer until he goes and gets pissed on against 'Cuse. Basically they both have shown flashes, and will be good. Eric Thatcher is still 5'9 and 175 pounds. He doesn't tackle particularly well and doesn't really make big plays. Thatch is also as intimidating as Clay Aiken .

GRADES: B--Corners, C-minus--Safeties

COACHING: My favorite thing about the coaching staff, is well...nothing. Okay maybe the D-Line rotations. On offense, I hate how vanilla we are. I hate how they refuse to play Jonathan Baldwin, although this is rapidly changing. I hate how they continue to play Oderick Turner, who either doesn't try or just blows. I hate how we are the only team in college football who doesn't get creative. I hate how our most successful offensive formation last year, the Wildcat, has been X-ed out of the offense. Things I like, they run the ball a lot. I actually believe in running the ball. Clock management isn't as important in college as the pros, but with our kind of offense it is. I just wish they would use Redge, Hyno, Collier, and Shariff Harris. None of them can redshirt, so give them a few chances to shine. On defense, I hate how we stay in the base defense unless it is a clear cut nickel or dime situation. Mix up the fronts, play some more corners, I don't know, just changing it up will help. Pitt has just lucked out three weeks in a row on defense because they played pro style offenses instead of playing spread teams that can spread out a 4-3. Obviously the 4-3 hurt us against Bowling Green, where their spread attack dinked and dunked all the way down the field. Remaining on the schedule, Pitt plays 2 true spread teams(WVU, USF), 3 Pro Styles(Rutgers, ND, and Cinci), 1 good tweener offense(Uconn), 1 average tweener offense(The L), and whatever Navy runs. So basically unless we adjust to teams, our defense really only matches up fine with 3 of the 8 remaining teams. This coaching staff has actually earned some credibility the past three weeks, but in true Wanny fashion, I expect a heavy dose of Fuck Up.

GRADES: C-MINUS--WANNY, C-MINUS--CAV, C--BENNETT

UN-BEAT-A-BULLS

South Florida is undefeated and the clear cut favorite to win the Big East(watch out for Uconn though), but this Pitt team is ready. They laid a BIG BIG egg in week one against Bowling Green, but since have bounced back. The wins weren't all that pretty, but when Wannstedt only had 13 wins vs. D1 opponents in 3 years, a win is a win. Plus we have hit some milestones this year. Wanny won his first off a bye week. We beat a Big 11 team for the first time in Wanny's tenure. We came back from 8 points down in the fourth quarter at Syracuse and won by 10. The Floss actually likes our chances this week. I wish I knew how healthy George Selvie was because if he is less than 70%(still probably better than Joey T and probably Pinky), Pitt should run at him the whole first half. Our offense will not be able to keep up(understatement of the year). What we do have is a good running game. Do you remember West Virginia, when we just kept the ball out of their hands most of the game? Exactly what we need to do again. This could be a Wanny type game to win because his pro mentality is the right idea. Come out, run the ball, win the field position game, and score when the opportunities are there. In a perfect World, Pitt will control the ball something like 18-12(minutes) in the first half and be tied or within 7. A lead would actually be bad for the Panthers to have in this game. Seriously. A lead just leads(pun not intended) to extra conservative on both sides of the ball. Like I said, more runs on offense aren't a bad thing as long as we get a few yards a pop. 3rd and longs murder any team, but I don't want Billy getting blitzed too much. But the D can't just sit back and let them take what they want from 20 to 20. That is the main problem with our D, we don't come out aggressive til we are pinned back by our goal line. Like I said, Pitt cannot jump out to a big lead. I would rather deal with their overrated crowd than watch our D sit back. So 3 keys to the game:

1. Score when the opportunities are there (7's not 3's)
2. Be aggressive on D
3. Run the football

RANT OF THE DAY

I was at the Steeler game the other night and the fans booed Ben Roethlisberger. You don't boo Ben. You don't boo Ben. You don't boo Ben. He won the Steelers' their only Super Bowl in the last nearly 30 years. He had 35 touchdowns last year, won the division, and should have won the playoff game. Steeler fans love the backup, but really Lord Byron. We aren't in the MAC here. Remember Kent Graham, Jim Miller, Mike Tomczak, Queerdell, Tommy Gun. Booing Ben Roethlisberger is like booing your mother after one bad dinner. She's brought you this far and your going to get that upset over one turkey casserole gone wrong. Grow the fuck up.