The Floss caught one of those mid day hangovers where you can't decide where the hangover will take you. So I figured I will rank the hangovers in order from worst to least:
ALL DAY NO BOOZE FOR ME
This is naturally the worst. For this kind of hangover, you need to have puked the night before. Because if you wake up drunk it doesn't classify in this category. You can't move all day. Food doesn't stand a chance. You dry heave throughout the day, and no sort of meds can cure your headache. You attempt to sleep, but all you can get are 15 to 30 minute nap sessions with vomiting in between. Trying to do things is impossible. These are by far the worst. SideStory: This summer the Floss stayed in Oakland on a Wednesday, drank with the B Man, PnR, and FOF. Next morning woke up for work an hour late. Then the Floss went into work, still a little drunk. I backed my car into a pole in the parking lot, no damage to the whip. Then went into work and proceeded to puke some gross orange or pink or whatever the hell color, not once, not twice, but 8 great times. The Floss just decided to leave at lunch, call it a day, pack it in. Even to this day MOF still has no clue. SOF(sister of Floss) said it would be a much better idea to not tell her. Mad props to SOF after this great day.
DRUNKEN CRASH
Not the worst because you get to wake up drunk in the morning, but eventually you crash harder than Kashav Bansal running into the bleachers in 4th grade schoolyard football(to this day one of the best scenes of my life). Your day pretty much is ruined. The pipes are hot which makes drinking the next night really hard. You kind of have to drink past this kind of hangover, but it's tough because at least for the Floss, the next day turns into the vomiting no sleep days. These hangovers can be fully beaten, but barely. Your chances of beating this kind of hangover are about 15%.
MID DAY MYSTERY
The current state of the Floss. You wake up with nothing, no drunk, no headache, just ready to go. Today for example the Floss was up and at the FedEx station sending his check for tickets to Pitt-Cinci next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then the Floss went to Ace Athletic and got a white t for the rave tonight. Then I went and printed out my basketball ticket for the Final 4 Panthers first game of the season versus FDU. So all in all, the Floss was rockin and rollin. Now as I sit here and type this, my head aches and my tummy does equally. I think with the big night ahead that I can cure this by getting back at the dog that bit me. I think a RockStar and Vodka can cure this guy, especially with the excitement of Ashton Gibbs and Jermaine Dixon. However, sometimes these kind of hangovers can kill all motivation to continue drinking. These are mind games, you can easily go .500 in these types of hangovers if you're dedicated to the sauce.
2 HOUR NAP AND GOOD TO GO
Easily the favorite hangover of the Floss. You can put in a 2 hour nap, and all your troubles go away. I enjoy the nap and it cures my problems. Really not much more to say, but awesome.
NO HANGOVER
The gods of booze look out for you on these days. Probably only 5% of all drinking nights end in no hangover. These hangovers are scary because you never can trust not getting a hangover. You just worry about the next drinking night.
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6 comments:
i'm glad you finally got a blog up... great call on the kashav bansal running into the bleachers, i think he goes to pitt now actually.. i am proud to report that i think i got one of those 5% no hangover days, and that included feeling good driving to monroeville to get a flu shot with my mom... time to prove the hangover gods wrong again and enjoy some sticky icky and pour a bourbon
drof
The middle of the day, sneak-up-on-you hangovers are the worst in my opinion. Its just really a kick in the balls if you ask me, you are all happy about being in the 5% no hangover day then wham! hangover central. it really kills the morale. Oh and the random wednesday night you drank with us before work, if i wouldnt have woken you up i think you would still be sleeping to this day.
-fof
I'm happy you found it amusing when I almost died.
Ka to the Shav
When I think about the Floss reading these comments on his blog, the mental picture that arrives is similar to StrongBad e-mail section from homestarrunner.com
-biff
p to the s'- drof is just mad at Ka-Shavy because they made the same basketball team in 7th grade. Thus beginning the downward slope from drof's peak in 6th grade.
I think its time for a Floss mailbag.....
2 questions
1. What steps has Floss made in his everyday life to become more mature to his eventual (yet still too far away) transformation into Bar Floss?
2. The Floss has to choose one Pittsburgh team to watch for the rest of his life (Pens, Pitt football, Steelers, or Pitt basketball), or he can give up chew and choose to watch 2 Pittsburgh sports teams for the rest of his life. What choice does he make and why?
-Pnr
The worst hangout is the by far when you wake up drunk for work around 9am, start to sober up around 2/3pm and don't remember anything that happened in the previous 5 hours. This usually follows a day when the drinking starts prior to sunset. This is also usually followed by the Drunken Crash.
B MAN
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