BRO HUNT

Well, the Floss has had many reality TV show ideas in his day, this one is his new favorite. The Floss has done some serious serious bro-ing out with Dr. Of lately. Like more bro-ing out than when he slept approximately 12 feet from me for 9 months (no homo). Now that Floss has made a serious switch to Bar Floss, life has become more interesting and much much more expensive in this new World. "Bro Hunt" is sort of a spin-off on the popular MTV show "Bromance" however less Hollywood, way way more yinzer. The idea came to me while watching Dr. Of attempt to make friends with anyone and everyone at any bar. Let me break it down for you:

--The show would be set around Pittsburgh, hence the yinzer aspect.

--The main character would be Dr. Of. He would be the focus of the show, however, he would have wing-men/sidekicks/narrarators.

--Bar Floss' recent posse has been that of Dr. Of, Dub Nick, and Blues Traveler. I don't recall Blues Traveler having a nickname, but it plays on his Worldly exploits. He will now be BT from now on.

--The show would be unlike other shows because the cast wouldn't be completely random. The cast would be formed by Dr.Of on nights out around town. He would go into the bar and need to make a choice within an hour. Dr. Of wouldn't be able to interact with them much. Just maybe an informal greeting and a high five. He could make the choice with or without advice from his trusty entourage(Floss, 55, and BT).

--We would pick different styles of bars. Dr. Of's Favorite: "yous know, 'dem local bars witout all da hip and trendy people". We would force him to go hip and trendy, local, yinzer, really yinzer, etc.

--Dr. Of would go to 5 different bars and pick one bro from each location. This would all be done while filming with a hidden camera. Once Dr. Of picks his 5 bro's, the real fun would begin from there.

--Each week would be filmed from a "normal" night of Dr. Of. The new bro would start at the very onset of Dr. Of's drinking day. Lately it has been 3:30ish on a Saturday. They'd start with the first part of any drinking afternoon, the liquor store. This is when Dr. Of begins his judging process. If Bro 1-5 picks out a bottle of gin, he will be dropped like a pass to Limas Sweed. Next would be the buying of the "schma glibs". If Bro 1-5 picks out plain chips, he might be a little to Floss for Dr. Of. Next trip would be the gas station. If Bro 1-5 picks out Marlboro Menthol Lights, Dr.Of would give said bro ZERO respect. Camel Lights, the most bro of all cigarettes would gain instant respect. A side order of some Skoal Mint Pouches would be big tymin' for said bro.

--Next would see Dr. Of at a bar with the bro candidate. The bro candidate would need to adapt quickly to the sitch(situation). An empty bar is prime judging ground for Mr. Of. He can figure out if the bro can figure out if he can make friends in a light environment. Floss has learned one too many times that it is tough to make friends with people in a low social environment. (Just leaked chew spit on myself...GROSS)

--Can this new "bro" slap skin? An absolute necessity for any friend of Dr. Of. Dr. Of needs some sound with his high fives. Dr. Of is the only one able to judge this.

--Can the new "bro" hang with the crew? Dr. Of can drink more than anyone I know(including you COF). The Floss has been bourbon drinkin' and CLite smokin' tough just to be in the presence of Dr. Of.

--Can the new "bro" chill wit da boyz? As gay as that last sentence was, it makes sense. Dr. Of has picked this mantourage of Floss, 55, and BT selectively. If you aren't down with his posse than FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU.

--Can the new "bro" pick up sluts? Floss can't do this. 55 has pretty decent game and can serve up some layups to Dr. Of, BT has little to no game(No offense BT). If the new "bro" has the lady pickin up skill it might be really really valuable in the mantourage. Only he can judge.

Basically, Dr. Of is callin the shots. Can any new "bro" be brought to the mantourage, no one knows(except Dr. Of), but we will find out.

Bro Hunt is coming to a town near you.

I'M NOT SORE.....I KEEPS STRETCHIN

Never has the Floss called someone out like he's about to. However, I want to call someone out. It's YOU Mike Tomlin. Now the Floss ain't no ordinary Yinzer. The Floss idolizes Coach T. He was my favorite coach in Pittsburgh. Sorry T, but Disco Dan beat you. He watched the Pens struggle and bounced them back quick with 5 of 6. He knows how to manage crisis. You don't. Is the Floss done with you? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Are you the right coach for the Steelers? ABSOLUTELY. The Floss LOVES what you bring this team normally. However, you let them get complacent. It happens. If I'm in your position, I let the vets manage themselves too. You took a baseball approach. Plus you have Bruce Arians. I know he's the favorite scapegoat even when the defense loses games, but honestly can you blame us? The man has never called an efficient gameplan. Literally NEVER. The Floss has no Skoal right now. Everything is more emotional than normal. TCP(The Climax Pool), aka Pitt traitor, brought up to me that Tomlin should bring in HIS Tampa 2 next year. I completely agree. Let Tomlin coach. The Rooney's have LOOSELY, I emphasize LOOSELY, micro managed my man Coach T so far. Coach T had our squad ready to WIN a title last year. You know why? It was cause he knew the expectations. They are HIGH. He should take us places. Coach Tomlin is Ma Dude. Bench Ben the rest of this year. The Steelers are an organization with ZERO moral victories. We want a draft pick. We want to trade up for NKadkadoajomamajamajma Suh. Look for that. Why Tomlin can't get complacent? How many ELITE level QB's happen every decade? About 3, this decade...5 for some unGodly reason....Eli, Brady, Manning, Ben, Brees(no win yet). Rivers, get to a conference title game, you can join. This decade is different. But back to the issue at hand...Tomlin CAN'T LOSE...He CAN'T. The Steelers have a peak Ben for 5 more years IMO. 27 to 32. 5 YEARS. If Tomlin can't win next year, unload the bank. We need a Coach that can get Ben another title. If you don't believe this, you are naive. I hope it is Coach T, dat's ma dude, but if he leads us to a first round exit next year, unload the bank. Honestly, unload the bank. Bring back Dungy or Cowher for a year. It's so ridiculous, make it work. We aren't building something here...IT IS FUCKING HERE. With Ben it is WIN FUCKING NOW.

Editor's Note: I just re-read this. The Floss' first re-read of a post EVER. It made more sense than anything ever.

Please, Please, Please leave comments. I would love to hear any comments on this entry or the Curtain.

THE STRETCH

Well Saturday was 100% the worst loss I've ever experienced. I don't want to say you could feel it coming, but deep down the Floss didn't see the Panthers making moves when Cinci made the 2 and tied it at 38. However, Pitt drove the field and scored a TD. The failed PAT hurt big time, but in reality the defense needs to make a stop there. I really thought we would get a sack and kill the drive. The Floss knew special teams was an issue going in and boy was it ever. But "The Stretch" which will now be how I refer to the past 5 days, with potential to continue.

THE STRETCH

Friday: The Floss paid 5 dollars to attend Pitt hoops versus New Hampshire. Pitt set a record for fewest points in a half in the shot clock era. We also only scored 47 points vs. New Hampshire. Geeze.

Saturday: Cinci. Plus watched the Pens tie the game in Peter's Pub only to rip my heart out in OT.

Sunday: The Steelers lose to the Raiders by giving up 21 points to Bruce Fucking Gradkowski (Seton LaSalle QB's ruined my life 2 days in a row, think about the odds of that) in 8 and a HALF MINUTES. The final drive had a dropped INT that put the white from Joe Burnett's numbers on the football, a jump ball pass caught by Lew Murphy around 11 Steeler defenders, an unexplicably bad penalty by Ryan Mundy for hitting a defenseless receiver, and another touchdown throw up pass to Mr. Lew Murphy. Lew Murphy, a guy who probably can't crack many teams top 4.

Monday: The Pens throw away a game to a terrible Carolina team at Mellon Arena. Just piling on at this point.

Tuesday: When the Floss really needed the Panthers to step up, they burrowed back underneath the ground. Their offense is absolutely pathetic right now. No point guard, only 2 guys who can create their own shot. We also lost to a team that won 1 game in the B10 last year and that lost to Boston U at home this year.

I swear if the Steelers lose to the Browns Thursday, "The Stretch" might continue. If they lose to the Browns this Thursday, the Floss may never recover.

Meineke Car Care Bowl

Fortunately for the Floss, the Car Care Bowl, while a shitty game, is one that they Floss can and is attending. Very happy to make the drive to Charlotte the night of Christmas. I think this bowl game will be a really fun matchup. I love playing UNC there because they will bring fans and make the stadium very full. We are staying in downtown Charlotte which is a city the Floss has never been to. While it is no Bourbon Street, the Floss is taking a glass half full approach to Charlotte. Any LFOF who have been to Charlotte, suggestions for fun are welcomed. The Floss will be there Saturday and Sunday night.

STEEL COMEBACK

While the Steelers certainly haven't began to unleash hell in December like Coach T wanted, they still have a punchers chance. Their final 4 are certainly all winnable(at Cleveland, Ravens, Packers, at Miami) with their two toughest being at home. Miami should be out of the race in week 17, so I will not expect their best team to show up. The Steelers need either Denver or Jacksonville to lose 2 of their final 4. Denver looks most probable IMHO. They play at Indy this week, where Indy is still looking for the top spot in the AFC, so no backups yet, plus they are still unbeaten. Week 16 they play at Philly, who always comes on strong at the end of the year and will be playing for a playoff spot. Jacksonville is still not that good of a team IMHO. They have a -48 point differential and are 7-5. They actually could lose out and it wouldn't surprise the Floss. They have Miami at home this week, who will be fighting for their playoff lives. Next week Indy comes to town, they hopefully will still be playing for 16-0. Week 16 at NE, definitely a loseable game. Week 17 at Cleveland. Never trust Jack Del Rio or David Garrard in a big spot, unless Ben is tossing 4 picks. The only wild card is the Jets winning out and out tiebreaking us. Their schedule is winnable, @Tampa(minus Sanchise), Atlanta, @Indy(might be over for them), Cincinnati(playing for nothing I'm sure). If the Steelers can win out, they will carry momentum into the post season similar to the '06 season. Even if we don't head back to the Super Bowl, the Floss would love a first round matchup at Cinci. Could you imagine ruining their season again? Well that's what I'm living for now.

BIG EAST CHAMPIONSHIP

The Big East Champion will be decided around 3:30 PM EST this Saturday Dec. 5th. The last time Pitt won the Big East it was in 2004 with a backdoor tiebreaker. Then Pitt got rolled in the Fiesta Bowl, and axed Walt Harr(ithhhs). This time around it is completely different. We have built a team destined for success in the short term and long term. Pitt can turn their biggest corner with a Championship Saturday. They will be facing a very very good opponent. A beatable opponent, but a legit top 5 team nonetheless. Some questions you may be wondering:

Floss, what happened to your beloved Panthers in the Brawl?

Well, it was a rivalry game. Rivalry games are close a lot of the time especially when they are played at the "team with nothing really relevant to play for's" house. WVU is a very good team, don't let their few close losses fool you. Pitt is better and wins that game at WVU 7 out of the next 10, bank it, but not that day. Fucking Tyler Bittancourt going 4 for 4 and booting them in from every hash was a sight to see. No sour grapes, cause our season still has Championship potential. Adam Gunn said it best when he said, not direct quote, "Coach gives us 24 hours to mourn a loss or 24 hours to celebrate a win".

What about 2nd place?

If we finish in 2nd or 3rd, really I don't care. We are too good of a team to care about a moral victory 2nd or 3rd.

What area are you most concerned about going into the Cinci game?

Special teams. The Floss has 100% confidence in his man Danny "Clutch"ins booting field goals. I am nervous about our lack of punt returning, since Wanny just loves watching Aaron Smith catch the ball rather than take a risk with Killa Cam, but Wanny loves the safe play. I'm more concerned about Mardy Gilyard returning kicks and punts. Our kickoff coverage has been good all year. Wanny loves his directional kicks, but I hate that style. Honestly, doesn't every fan? Who hates watching your team either squib or short kick just to watch the other team start at the 40? I see directional kicking being a part of this game. I don't want Mardy to beat us with a long return, but I also don't want Pike to have a 60 yard field every time our offense scores. Our punt coverage has been suspect, but directional punts are fine. I hope Hutch, who has punted pretty solid all year, can do a few nice 45 yard net out of bounds guys.

What about the scary Cinci passing offense?

I'm not scared if we tackle. We cannot let guys run all over the field on us. We let up a shit ton of yards to ND's WR's, but only 14 points. That is the key. Points. Hold to field goals. It's more about getting to Pike in timely downs. Forcing long 3rd downs and getting off the field on them.

What about Bill Stull's struggles in the Backyard Brawl?

I will not comment on Bill Stull struggling much since he is a big a reason as anyone why the Panthers are 9-2. I will say that the lack of creative playcalling was shocking. Coach Cignetti didn't run screens or draws even with WVU bringing the heat. It will be interesting to see how he adapts to going against a 3-4 alignment.

How many points will the Panthers need?

30+. I truly don't see Cinci scoring less than 28. Their offense is really that good. I know their defense is allowing a measly 19 points a game, but the Panthers offense is averaging over 30. We aren't slouchy Panthers on offense.

Flossin' Prediction?

Well the Panthers will win the TO battle 2-1 with a pick by Aaron Berry and a strip sack by Mick Williams. Dion will have a big 20 carry 140 yard performance. Billy will lead the offense to 37 minutes of possession. Cinci will attempt a late rally capped by a failed onside kick attempt. The Panther crowd will then start the "BCS" chant as Floss drinks Andre under the Victory Lights all night long.

PITT 34
CINCI 29

Look forward to another blog this week hopefully, but never trust promises from a blogger.

GET MONNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY

For the LFOF that aren't huge Pitt fans like the Floss is, that would be Ced Money. Ced Money was created for Pitt WR Cedric McGee. He is a 5th year senior, a program guy, who scored his first EVER touchdown this past week on a 29 yard WR reverse. He also had a HUGE 2 Point Conversion catch against Uconn to tie the game at 21 in the 4th quarter. Ced Money has been showing up all year and FOF and PnR decided to honor him by creating Ced Money. He is a nephew of Michael Irvin. Career Numbers: 49 catches, 428 yards. 3 carries for 51 yards rushing. 1 TD. Now he has a Floss post in his NAME!!

HIPPIES TERRIBLE MOVES OF THE WEEK

Hippies are constantly being bashed on the Floss and for good reason. Lately they have been protesting to free Islam. They also love to stand outside the front door of classrooms and other establishments smoking cigarettes right as you walk past them. It's so damn annoying. It makes me want to spit chew in their eyes. They also play ultimate frisbee and hack-e-sack. They might as well tongue eachothers balls instead. I hate hippies.

DRINKING GAMES

The Floss loves lists. So here comes a list of his favorite drinking games. Most will be of the outdoor variety because it's still tailgate season plus outside drinking is way better than inside drinking (cave men knew this). So here goes it:

5. Frisbee--For the non hippies out there, frisbee is a fun game with beer drinking involved. It should be played without running or much movement. I don't know if many of you have seen the game Kan Jam. I saw it in Buffalo when tailgating there. It involves trying to hit a small garbage can like thing. It also has a slot to get extra points. I hope that this game takes off. Frisbee or any drinking game for that matter should never be played while running. Kan Jam

4. Flip Cup--While girly, it can be a fun game if girls are involved. It can be played outside. It can also sneakily get you pretty messed up. Don't hate on flip cup like I know many of you will.

3. Beer Pong--Anyone who calls it Beirut isn't American. Possibly the lamest name for a game ever you hippie. Beer Pong would be higher, but outside it's nearly impossible with the wind factored in. Pong also brings out the competition amongst all men. Being good at beer pong earns so much street cred.

2. Ladder Golf/Horse Balls--I'm sure all of you have seen this game. The only problem with this game is that not everyone has it. It's actually rare to see. The rules can vary from player to player, but it's still a very exciting game. Playing this game is really a treat for the Floss. This may be a little too high, but well it sits at #2 for a reason.

1. Corn Hole--The ultimate tailgating/grilling game. It is only played outdoors mainly which makes it pretty boss. The whole set up rules. It involves some awesome creativity with the decorating of the bags and the boards. Pitt or Steeler boards are fantastic looking. It also involves a ton of standing which is great for beer drinking.

NOTRE LAME AT PITT

As Paul Zeise pointed out in the PG today, the biggest game for Pitt this weekend is Friday's showdown at Nippert Stadium between WVU and Cinci. The one game BE championship on Dec. 5th is all that really matters in the grand scheme of things. If Pitt beats ND and fails to land in a BCS game, it really won't make the sting of not playing a BCS game any better. A win over ND would however provide a strong case for the BE as a conference (although with half of your conference in the top 25) you don't need much else. Where Uncle Dave has the Pitt program right now versus where Fat Charlie has his program is much different. Uncle Dave built his program from the beginning for the long term. He rebuilt the lines, changed Pitt's identity, and learned how to compete in the conference. He is 18-5 since the '07 Backyard Brawl. Fat Charlie went to two BCS games early in his tenure, but he has lost all grasps of coaching. He has lost to Navy twice in 3 years and the worst Syracuse team in their entire history ALL at Notre Dame Stadium. Weis said when he got to ND that he would no longer lose to the Pitt's and Purdue's of the College Football World. I hope his players quit on him and Pitt drops a half a hundred on them Saturday. The Flossin' prediction for this game is:

PITT 45
ND 27

PITT/PSU SERIES

I hate to comment much on this series cause it's probably not happening for a long long time. This season could be a small wake up call for the Nitters. A 10-2 season with their best win currently over #58(Sagarin Ranking) Minnesota. Although they do play #51 Michigan St. in their rivalry game to end the year! The scary thing is that they still may get a BCS game. If they finish in the top 14 of the BCS they have a great chance to go. It is because they have a VERY large and passionate fan base and will draw revenue for the game, bowl city, tv, etc. So really, if Penn St. wants a BCS bowl game every year (they do) then WHY would they schedule Pitt? This just gets into the problem with college football seeing as they can still get a BCS game when they clearly aren't deserving. I'm pretty sure any team in the country could lose to their top 2 opponents at HOME if they wanted to. They won't beat anyone this year, but they still will be rewarded. It's not Penn State's fault the schools don't play as much as it's college footballs. There are other great rivalries that aren't made by the conference (Georgia-GT, ND-USC, Florida-Florida St., Clemson-South Carolina, etc.). It would be a dogfight every year, one that would dominate the local and national market. Everyone considers PA a top 5 state as far as high school football, so ESPN would eat up the "these kids played each other in high school now in college" angle. It would help keep top WPIAL and state talent in state. Maybe not in the interim, but if the game played for a long series, kids would be forced to pick sides. They would then have more of an affiliation with whichever school they picked (PSU or Pitt). Another issue is PSU needing 7 home games. They can easily fill 7 home games every year even with playing at Pitt every other year. If this was such a huge issue then maybe arrange a series where it is 4-4 over 10 or 11 years with off years to fill the extra home games. The reason the series must be more than a 1-1 is due strictly to what would happen after a 1-1. Hypothetically, if PSU goes 2-0 against Pitt in those 2 games, they would never play us again because they got what they wanted. All they want from it is some bragging rights. If it goes 1-1, the fans will clamor for more leading to the need for a series extension. If Pitt went 2-0 in the series, Penn St. would never play us again because they wouldn't be able to handle the smack talk coming from Pitt fans. They would want it to be forgotten and stick to playing the cupcakes they currently are playing. But in a year when Penn St. will have no solid win to latch onto, wouldn't they love to have a win over Pitt to at least take something from the 2009 season?

WINNERS AND HOPEFULLY FEW LOSERS

After the 3-7 miserable week last week, the Floss is preparing for a near perfect weekend. This week I'll give explanations for my picks since I want to keep the readers happy and I'm having writer's block.

College

USF (+3) OVER WVU

This could be my favorite pick of the week. USF is not nearly as bad as they played versus Pitt. They were hanging with Cinci through halftime. One big play killed the game for them. West Virginia really hasn't been tested outside of last week's weird (considering the circumstances) win over a less prepared UConn. South Florida isn't losing 3 in a row.

Rutgers (+7) OVER UConn

RU is actually a pretty good football team. They have a defense that is pretty stout plus a legit playmaker in Mohamed Sanu. Both teams attempt to control the ball. I never like betting on a team I don't think will win with a low spread like 7, but I just feel a 17-14 game here. Take the points.

Indiana (+17.5) OVER Iowa

Iowa hasn't blown a team out all year except Iowa St. They just lost Adam Robinson for the year. While Brandon Wegher is a beast, I don't know if he can carry the offense for Iowa. Iowa's last two road B10 games were 3 and 1 point losses. Research.

USC (-3) OVER Oregon

Probably my least confident game. Or at least 2nd to the next game. Pete Carroll has turned around the Trojan Horse. Plus all I keep hearing is about Autzen stadium being the hardest in the country to play in. Everyone and their mother loves the Ducks this weekend. The Floss isn't everyone or your mother.

Georgia (+14.5) OVER Florida

Just too many points in a rivalry game. Georgia is pretty bad though. This was just a pick to get to 5 college games. Clearly a winner if I'm not this confident.

Pro

Packers (-3) OVER The Favres

If you believe in a higher being or at least the sports gods, you know what I'm saying here. The people of Green Bay treated Favre like a God for years, now this. The sports gods will win out.

Panthers (+10) OVER Cardinals

The Cards are riding high after last week. Jake Delhomme can do it baby. Never back Jake Delhomme should be a slogan. Hopefully last years playoff thrashing will keep the Panthers focused.

Falcons (+10.5) OVER Saints

The Saints won't beat the Falcons by this many. The Saints are due for a let down game. This is a winner. A winner.

Bills (+3.5) OVER Texans

The Floss still doesn't buy into the Texans. The Bills actually are putting together a decent season. Call it a gut feeling. I like home dogs when they aren't one of the 8 worst teams in the league (Titans, Browns, Lions, Raiders, Skins, Tampa, Chiefs, Rams).

Dolphins (+3.5) OVER Jets

The Floss absolutely loves the Wildcat. I also love Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams. I don't buy into Franchez or whatever his new name is. Mark Sanchez screams Tony Romo to me. He will be an average QB for his entire career, get way too much hype, and never win a big game.

THEY'RE COMING, THE ALIENS...THEY'RE COMING

In case you haven't heard, they are coming. Do you know where the aliens are coming from? Not Dr. Of's backyard. They are coming from the NBA. The NBA? Yep. The new power couple in America: KhLodom. Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom will produce a child at some point. The only question is, will it be an alien? The Floss doesn't believe in paranormal life at all, but really if it exists it will come from these two. The alien spawn will be conceived and birthed at Staples Center, which ironically looks like a UFO. The best part about this baby is that Ron Artest and Kim Kardashian could be the god parents. Like this script was written by a Hollywood director right?

Apology on the 3-7

The Floss picks didn't hit this weekend. However, the Floss did end up switching the Cardinals and Eagles and won some money. Sorry to anyone who legitimately backed the Floss picks. They will be back on Friday of this week. There are some ones that I like a good bit.

Baseball

Phillies in 7. Call it a hunch. I'm strongly backing the Yankees, but I just see a choke job for some reason.

Underrated Lunch of the Day

2 Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches, pack of cheese crackers, and a glass of ginger ale. If I had oreo's this day would rule.

Halloween

Since this weekend is Halloween, the Floss needs a costume. I would love suggestions from any of the LFOF. Little list to close it out. Top 5 Candies to collect door to door (obviously sizes can't be taken into question, cause full size anything was the bomb):

5. Tootsie Rolls--Probably the only time I would eat them all year.
4. Ring Pops--They were awesome. Everyone loves ring pops.
3. Kit Kat Bars--Just Cause.
2. Caramello--Such an underrated candy bar. A Floss fav.
1. Reese's Cups--The best chocolate bar in the entire world.

HOMECOMING

First off, thanks for the patience. The Floss just finished a 6 page paper on Japanese economy in the late 19th century. Adjusting my writing style for school work was difficult, but when you've ate 2 Little Joe's, anything is POSSSSSSSSIBBBBLLLLLEEEEE(KG reference). Now onto some chatter....

HOMECOMING THOUGHTS

The Floss is 1-2 in Homecoming games in his student career here. SIDENOTE: This is also the ugliest crop of Queen candidates ever. Seriously, there are colleges with less than 1000 students who could string 8 prettier girls together. 2006 and 2008 were crap the bed vs. Rutgers games. 2007 was the upset against Cincinnati. This years game is bigger than the Floss can even make it. It's finally getting to the point in the Wanny era where every game is a HUGE game. We aren't playing for moral victories any more. Pitt is about to join the big boys. Some of the B11 readers out there might laugh at the fact that Pitt considered road wins at Louisville and Rutgers quality wins. However, the road is always tough in college football. See Seattle and West Lafayette. Not too mention, Pitt lost to an embarassingly bad NC St. team in Raleigh this year. It is hard to win on the road. Pitt is back in the top 20, ranked 19th and 20th. If they can win against USF(a quality, but very beatable opponent), the Floss calculates Pitt has a Greg Romeus (91%) chance at remaining in the top 20 until Nov. 14th when the Irish come to town. Pitt could even be in the top 15 by then. ND should win out until that date, which could lead to GAMEDAY in Pittsburgh. Being in the top 25 keeps your team on the bottom line all week, sways recruits, yada yada. This WIN is a MUST. This WIN WILL HAPPEN.

STEEL CITY DRINKING TEAM

Jeff Reed's latest incident is an embarassment, blah blah blah. Only in Pittsburgh is this really a big deal. So what, he got in a cops face. He deserves to be bigger than the law in Pittsburgh, it's rules. I'm more worried about the loss he brought us in Chicago. Matt Spaeth, peeing in public in the North Shore, I'm on board. If Heath wasn't having a career year, you'd be my favorite Steeler. You are at least ahead of David Johnson. On the real though, expect a big statement this week by the Steel Curtain. Minnesota is begging to lose football games at this point. Bret Favre is making way way too many plays. AD is banged up. Parker and Mendenhall are both running well. Ben looks real nice right now. Steelers in a rout this week: 34-14.

GAMBLING

After the Floss hit his CFB GOY last week with Cincinnati, he missed a big play on the Bolts Monday. So play what you want, fade what you want. I'll throw 5 CFB games (mostly top 25 and TV games) and 5 NFL games (always SNF and MNF) per week. Never the Steelers or Panthers. Confidence Levels next to them, scale of 1 to 10.

COLLEGE

Fla St. (+2.5) OVER at North Carolina 5
Wash (+10) OVER Oregon 8
Iowa (Pick) OVER at Mich St. 7
Notre Dame (-7.5) OVER BC 8
Kansas (+7.5) OVER Oklahoma 6

NFL

Giants (-7) OVER Cardinals 7
Redskins (+7) OVER Eagles 3
Colts (-13.5) OVER at Rams 5
Raiders (+6.5) OVER Jets 5
Dolphins (+6.5) OVER Saints 9

THE AFTERMATH

The Floss learned a lot about hangovers in the aftermath of the battle vs. the Big Joe burgers...FOOD HANGOVERS. I have had some drinking ones in my day and a few of the Food Hangovers, so here are some of the levels of food hangovers, now promptly referred to as FANGOVERS.

CHINESE BUFFET

The Floss loves himself some chinese buffets. The fact that I'm never ballsy enough to get out of the control of the powerful General Tso or his favorite side dish beef lo mein makes buffets great. You can learn all about pepper steak, sweet and sour chicken, and spring rolls. The problem is that you just eat soooooo much. Normally topped off with some varying ridiculous chinese dessert(see Chinese doughnuts). The aftermath of the Chinese Fangover is not fun because your stomach doesn't really hurt too too bad. Probably because all of the food is a fake fill. A fake fill describes how you can eat so much, but still be hungry in t minus 2 hours. However, the porcelain god feels the aftermath of this Fangover. <4>4 you're at the Golden Palace in Oakland.

COLLEGE BUFFET

Everyone has been to a college buffet. The rumor is that they put laxative in all of the food so you get rid of it the natural way before you vomit it up like a shot of warm Black Velvet on a kitchen counter. The Floss doesn't believe in the laxative myth, but last night I had a different reaction to the college buffet. I ate a pretty decent amount of food, but nothing out of the ordinary. When I got home it was literally straight to bed. I just passed out for 2.5 hours from 8:45 to 11:15 PM. It was so weird. The symptoms of the college buffet Fangover are pretty hit or miss. Who knows what your getting (kind of like the Steelers in the 4th quarter)?

STEAKHOUSE

The steakhouse fangover is a stomach sickness that no one should feel. If you're doin it the right way, you are going to Texas Roadhouse. The Floss loves himself some TRH. You start by waiting with about 1 LB of peanuts, then move onto about 4 to 17 rolls with Ben Godlisberger's duck butter on it (yeah I said it). Then usually a bowl of chili followed by a 12 to 16 oz steak with the bacon and cheese topping plus a sweet potato. Literally, I have been incapacitated and unable to drive home from the Roadhouse. The stomach takes a while to come back to Earth after a steakhouse trip.

BIG JOE FANGOVER

This was an unprecedented hangover for the Floss. Literally, moving became way more difficult than after any amount of alcohol. After couching it for about 4 hours, I finally had to make some bathroom trips. It was a lot of bathroom trips for one day. Describing the amount of weight in my stomach is literally impossible. It was unlike any feeling I've ever felt.

Live Update: 12:43, OA(Oakland Arsonist) is watching Aladdin and asked the Floss what he would wish for?

11-1 and the Sugar Bowl.

Hail

DAVID VS. GOLIATH

Thanks to FOF for transcribing today's events...

Well, this is the event we have all been waiting for…

David vs. Goliath, Floss vs. 2 lb. burgers and an order of fries

The burgers are enormous, much bigger than I had anticpated. The competition will start at 2:03 PM and Floss will have until 2:43 to finish.

2:00 Floss is pacing back and forth across his living room

2:01 Floss takes a pre-meal pee

2:03 and we are off, Floss goes right into it, almost like he’s done this before in his dreams. He decided to attack the first burger head on, ignoring the fries. I like this strategy for Floss, he’s getting the mountains of meat out of the way right off the bat.

2:05 I’m not sure if Floss realizes he has 40 minutes, he is taking it to the burger right now. At this point in the contest, It doesn’t look like the burgers stand a chance. This man is focused, he’s on a mission to do the unthinkable.

2:06 Floss goes after his first French fry. ONE BURGER DOWN. Wow, this could get ugly for the 2^nd burger.

2:07 The preparation of the 2^nd burger begins (with addition of BBQ sauce) while he takes on a few more fries.

2:08 2^nd burger is underway. This looks like it could be and Ohio State BCS game performance for the burgers.

2:09 The great preparation and game planning by Floss seems to be paying dividends here in the first quarter (first 10 minutes) of this contest.

2:10 Floss is slowing down a bit, almost as if he knows he has this game won. He is now complaining about the cooking of Big Joe on the 2^nd burger; it is too well-done for Floss.

2:11 Floss goes after more fries, the 2^nd burger is 1/3 complete. Half of the fries have been downed by the big man.

2:12 Floss takes apart the 2^nd burger and is eating it in sections. He seems to be taking a page of the Joey Chestnut playbook here folks, we’ll see how this strategy pays off for him.

2:13 An admission from Floss that he is beginning to feel the effects of mountain of meat.

2:14 Another complaint that the burger is burned, more on this later but it looks as if Floss is preparing a potential excuse if he doesn’t pull through and finish.

2:15 Heavy breathing from Floss and a few coughs.

2:16 A solid break from the action here, Floss is drinking some water and taking in some TV

2:17 He claims he isn’t that full, but he believes his major stumbling block moving forward is that he feels fatigued; there has been a lot of action for this man’s jaw today folks.

2:18 “I’m just thinking about the can of Skoal at the end of the tunnel.” – Ryan Floss. I’m pretty sure he just won over the entire American population with that quote, or at least he won me over.

2:19 A few more fries are gone. This contest has approached a slow crawl at this point. There is a quarter of the final burger remaining and about 20 fries.

2:20 More fries for Floss, that seems to be his strategy here in the 2^nd quarter.

2:21 A little burger action, every bite counts at this stage of the game.

2:22 There isn’t much left for Floss to take in at this point, but he seems content taking his time.

2:23 It is halftime folks. There is only a few bites left and Floss is upbeat.

2:25 Floss is back at it after what seemed to be his halftime break of a minute.

2:27 Not a lot of focus in this room, Floss is engaging in conversation and doesn’t seem to be too interested in the limited amount of food left in front of him.

2:28 A couple more bites from Floss

2:29 “This is so frustrating” – Ryan Floss. Maybe the food is getting to him. He is beginning to psych himself out. I can’t say that I am surprised by this, this is classic Floss.

2:30 Some slow bites from Floss, there is only 5 bites total (burger and fries) left.

2:31 Another break for Floss.

2:32 A solid burp, and he is back at it. A couple more fries down. 3 bites left.

2:33 3^rd quarter is over, 3 bites still remain. 10 minutes left.

2:34 The 2^nd burger is finished! 2 fries remain.

2:35 Floss takes down the last 2 fries at once to finish off this epic battle between Floss and the Mountain of Meat.

It took 32 minutes, and Floss came out victorious. Stay tuned for post-game comments from the Champ himself.

15.50 out of COF's bank account. FUCK YES.

IT'S ON

The Floss is ready. The eating challenge will occur. If any of you are questioning what the Floss has been eating this week in preparation, it is none other than burgers. Since I had 4 1/3LB burgers at my disposal, the Floss ate 4 over the past three days. No way the Floss will get burger-ed out. Tonight's dinner is going to be a chicken breast and some leftover Mac N' Cheese. Not exactly fasting. Focus is really the only thing that could get in the Floss' way tomorrow.

The Details

2 PM approx start time, TV could get into the way, so maybe like 2:08
2 1LB Little Joe Burgers w/tomatoes, onions, and BBQ sauce
1 Order of French Fries
Unlimited Beverages
Unlimited Condiments (Ketchup, BBQ, Hot Sauce)
40 Min Time Limit

The time limit was comprised of some easy math:
Steelers Points(38) + Dorin Dickerson(2)
John Malecki(74) - Ray Graham(34)
13 Tyler Palko's(3*13) + Larry Fitzgerald (1)
1/2 Nate Byham(1/2 * 80)
Dan Mason(40)

Really it is just a great number.

TRIVIA QUESTION

This is a new segment. I will try to make a question that is pretty difficult and related to the week's Floss. I know all of you are smart readers, and I trust your Googling skills, so please just guesstimate. The winner each week can ask a question to the Floss that he will answer provided that it is a question that can be answered in less than 5 or 6 sentences.

How many more calories are in a McDonald's Big Mac than in one serving of a piece of KFC Grilled Chicken?

WHAT UP PITTSBURGH!

Before I embark on my comeback Floss, I would just like to say I am happy with all of the fan support wanting the return. That being said, please do not comment negatively about how long its been. Don't live in the past people. Here we go...please read all of the post cause the Floss knows everyone will enjoy the last part.

WHAT I'M FEELIN'
Biwwie(Billy) da kid Stull. 5th in the nation in passer efficiency. There isn't a person around who saw this coming. Not even Biwwie himself probably expected 11 TD's to 1 INT, plus a rushing TD. Coming in at 52 and 53 on the list Terrelle Pryor and Daryll Clark respectively. Who's the real Heisman contender?

WHAT I'M NOT FEELIN'
This disgusting cold the Floss has. Really it sucks because I'm not sick enough to justify skipping class and going to Student Health. I mainly avoid Student Health at all costs cause it's no fun to be overweight, chew 3 cans a week, and drink 4 nights a week most weeks. No one likes that let down. Just let the Floss get the fuckin' swine baby.

WHAT I'M FEELIN'
Big Joe's Pizzeria and Deli. None of yinz or y'all know much about this gem of an establishment that has been in Oakland since only July. A brief rundown, they sell 1 pound burgers, 24 inch hoagies, and the Panther Pie(Pepperoni, Sausage, Ham, Capicolla, Bacon, Salami, Mozzerella, Provolone). Talk about schmeaty and cheesy. Not too mention I met Big Joe, he truly is a Big Joe. Anybody with a menu as stacked as his should be a fat guy. ALWAYS trust a fat guy serving your food.

WHAT I'M NOT FEELIN'
Hippies. The G-20 really brought some terrible people into da Burgh da Burgh da Burgh and also to Oakland. Really, hippies are the worst people no doubt. Forget race, ethnicity, gender, religion, etc. I don't care, hippies are the worst. They wear old, tattered clothes. They smell like grundle mix with porta potty. They have long, grimy, sometimes braided hair. They act like they are poor and the economy is screwing them, yet they have 96 piercings and are covered in tattoos. All things that cost money. Worst people.

WHAT I'M FEELIN'
Ben Roethlisberger. He looks good this year, like really good. He won't win the MVP or probably go to the Pro Bowl, but expecting another ring is not out of the question. Plus last night, he became a member of Degeneration X. No quarterback holds that record.

WHAT I'M NOT FEELIN'
My North Carolina suit. A distant cousin of the yinzer suit, the Carolina suit the
Floss wore while visiting COF in Greensboro consisted of jeans, a tucked in white t, and a Jim Beam baseball hat. Little did I know, we went to legitimate bars where most people were in the college aged crowd and were not hicks at all. Epic Fail.

WHAT I'M FEELIN'--QUICK HITTERS
-Southern Hospitality
-Rashard Mendenhall and Mike Wallace
-Strippers
-Everything about football season
-The 2 A's I got back yesterday
-The breast cancer awareness hats in the NFL
-A return Floss

WHAT I'M NOT FEELIN'--QUICK HITTERS
-Bret Favre's success, disgusting
-Limas Sweed
-The SEC bias
-Jon Gruden as a MNF analyst minus the Pitt plug

*********EATING CHALLENGE

The Floss has scheduled an eating challenge for himself this Friday at approx. 1PM. Back to Big Joe's and his Little Joe burger. I ate one this past Friday with an order of fries. It is a legit 1 LB burger, literally no fat runs off. It was unbelievably great tasting. This Friday the Floss will be embarking on a mission to eat 2 of them. The burgers will contain cheese, onions, tomatoes, and BBQ sauce. Before anyone asks for a change of time or date, let me just say that this time was specifically chosen to keep the Floss from drinking on Thursday(money's tight) and keeping Friday open as a drinking evening, since the burgers should digest by about 7 or 8. I would love any LFOF(Loyal Followers of the Floss) who reside in Oakland to attempt to attend the event. Some potential rule items, how many minutes? Right now I'm between 32(number of oz of meat) and 60 minutes(even hour) for time. Should the Floss be forced to eat an order of fries as well? Unlimited drinks during or restricted amount of water? Look for a Friday afternoon post to summarize the event. Leave comments. Thank You.

ENDING IT RIGHT NOW

When the Floss started this blog it was a mere effort to rival the TruthBrush blog run by two of the Floss' favorite people, JahBanni(Truth Brush) or whatever he is known to you and Aimin' for Failure. It was set up to poke fun at them as well as the Floss. The FalseFloss was created for an orginal core group of LFOF(Loyal Followers of the Floss). As the Floss has grown, as has the number of LFOF. Many of the new LFOF(Mr. Shenanigans and Jesus Stanecsworth in particular, also Dub Nick) are great people who provide great commentary and insightful comments about whatever topics were addressed in the Floss.

This is the 99th post in the history of the FalseFloss. The comments section on the FalseFloss started out with about an average of maybe 2 to 3 comments per blog. Nowadays, we hit 10+ with most posts. I used to be happy about reaching 10+ comments, but it has gotten out of control. Every post has turned into a pissing match between the MC(Mad Commenter) and his weekly target(s). Truthfully, you have had about 4 funny jokes EVER. Calling you out probably will only add fuel to your fire, but I don't care because this is just getting out of hand.

Honestly, the FalseFloss is done with your bullshit. It's fucking over you piece of shit Internet tough guy. I used to be worried that the MC was a LFOF in disguise, but after the last comment in "Beard Season" I realized that you couldn't possibly be a LFOF. No one that the Floss converses with will EVER challenge the meaning of sports in today's society.

Am I a sad person because in the morning instead of watching any local or national news in the morning, I tune into Mike and Mike and listen about sports? No I'm not. Is it sad that the 3rd and 4th websites I visit each day are Pantherlair.com and Pantherdigest.com? Actually that might be sad, but it's because that DOES matter to me more than all of the other bullshit in this country. Seriously, am I supposed to wake up and care about the current political issues? Try and make a compelling argument that any of that matters more than sports. So what if I care about what 30 college players the Steelers bring to their SouthSide facilities more than who wins a local state representative election. Do I take sports to seriously? ABSOLUTELY. I will be the first to admit that sports for me turn emotional way too much when they are meant to be entertainment. However, they do mean a HELL of a lot to me. When the Steelers won the SuperBowl did it change my life in any significant way? Probably not, but I will always remember the day we took home number 6. The same way Mr. Shenanigans will remember seeing his first title in Philly's history. Not too mention these are happy moments that we will remember throughout our lives. Sports are the good memories people remember, sadly they can be cloudied by some of the sadder things that will be remembered like the shooting of the 3 Pittsburgh Police Officers. I want to tell my kids some day about Larry Fitzgerald almost ruining the Super Bowl for me, but Ben Roethlisberger leading one of the best drives EVER to win the game. Just like Mr. S will tell his kids about seeing Brad Lidge strikeout the last batter for the DRays(sure he knows the name) and the legendary call from Harry Kalas. These are the things that last on forever and ever. The way it should be.

After saying all of this, I don't even care what comments you can make. The Floss has just discovered that since the blog is essentially mine that I have all rights to delete comments made by anyone for any reason. So I would just like to let you know that your comments will not be had on the Floss any more. As the FalseFloss carries itself into and beyond the Century Mark post, we will be doing it without the MC to provide his miserable and awful commentary.

Thank You LFOF for all of your commentary over the 99 posts. Please make comments about what you would like to see in the 100th post.

WV: DoucheBag

I am glad the False Floss will continue without the comments of the MC, boy was he a DOUCHEBAG.

P.S. Not actually my Word V

BEARD SEASON

Quietly the Floss has been following the Pens this year. No love in the blog since many fans prefer the non sports posts, and the Pitt Panthers basketball run deserved all of the sports talk. Now after the best postseason(NCAA tourney), we get the second best post season, the hockey playoffs. Reasons I like the hockey playoffs more than any other playoffs:
--Number of games. With 7 game series, you are guaranteed to get to see your favorite team in at least 4 games.
--Playoff Beards. I love playoff beards in any sport.
--Short Layoffs. In the NBA, they have 3 day layoffs a lot which makes you forget about the games. It also loses the emotional connection. A day between games leads to that emotional hatred you get for the opponents.
--Hockey. It's nearly impossible to follow the hockey season due to lack of national coverage. During the playoffs, you can actually get into the playoffs. For the Floss watching other hockey teams play only once a year is pretty special.

ON TO THE FLYERS...

The hatred for the Flyers hasn't left anyone on this team or anyone in the city of Pittsburgh. This series is different than last years series in many ways. The Flyers are coming in struggling this year versus last year when they were on fire. The Pens come in this year with experience, but maybe a less talented team. The Floss was pissed when Malone left town this offseason, but has Chris Kunitz replaced him? I actually think he might be better than Malone. He is faster on skates than Malone, and he also attacks the net as much as Malone did. Kunitz has replaced him. Bill Guerin is no Marian Hossa, but he has been playing well. Plus since he wasn't really trying hard playing for the worst team in hockey, his legs should be fresh for the playoffs. I can't tell you if this year or last year's Crosby is better, but he is still Sidney Crosby. Malkin IS better than last year and he has 2 years of playoff experience under his belt which will help. Plus his line this year is probably better with Fedotenko over either Malone or Talbot last year. The Pens are also deeper this year lines 1-4. Jordan Staal had his best season and also will be in his 3rd year of playoff hockey. The same can be said for Tyler Kennedy playing his best year. The 4th line has Talbot and Dupuis on it, who were both top 2 line guys for playoff games last year. Everything looks stronger this year. On defense, we have a fresh Gonchar who hasn't played the full grind due to his injury. Kris Letang will also be playing this year, and he has also had a great year.

I think just like last year that the Pens are the only team that can beat themselves in the Eastern Conference. The only thing that scares the Floss is the lack of home ice. As for a prediction...PENS IN 5

HOOTERS

CINC had the idea for this blog today and it literally caught me as a fun topic. Does the Floss like Hooters, you may ask? Heck Yes. However, you truly can overdue Hooters. Some rules for Hooters:

1. Always and I stress always tip >20%. The Hooters tip scale starts at 20% and can only go up.

2. Don't go more than once a month. If you become a regular at a Hooters, it isn't a good thing.

3. Don't go during an important sporting event or one that could potentially become stressful. I watched the end of the 2OT loss for the Pitt hoops team to Oklahoma St. about 4 years ago in a Hooters. Straight miserable cause everyone else there is having a good time, hooting and hollering just enjoying life while your trying not to kill someone.

One of the great things about Hooters is that it literally changed a clothing outfit. No girl will ever wear short orange shorts and a white tank top together because of the perception. It's just a cool thing, kinda like the McDonalds arches. The outfit also makes a great Halloween costume for women. It also puts all of the waitresses on a completely level playing field. Sometimes girls can look hotter by using slutty gear to decieve men. However, with the standard outfits you can pick out which girl is the hottest. It's also a complete necessity that every time you go to Hooters that you pick your favorite waitress and least favorite.

What about the food at Hooters? Really it's not that good. The wings are breaded way too much. However, I know for a fact that CINC likes to order them naked which still produces a pretty good chuckle from a still very immature Floss. The sandwiches don't come with fries so you need to pay extra although they do have Waffle fries. Rule of thumb, things shaped like waffles are always good. The food at Hooters is about a 5 out of 10, but obviously the atmosphere makes up for it.

Eating at Hooters also makes for a lot of great chuckles due to the awkwardness of having the Hooters girl flirt with you the whole time. The Floss' favorite instance was when a dining companion of his pointed out to the Hooters waitress that sometimes "it's hard to get the white stuff out" when trying to open his cup of ranch dressing.

Celebrities? Please one time in Altoona, my Hooters waitress was Sean Burnett's girlfriend. Yeah that Sean Burnett, a lefty specialist in the Majors. Yeah that's right.

Kids? Yes kids are definitely allowed in Hooters. I actually think a responsible father takes their son to Hooters in or around their 13th birthday with no Mom in sight. Actually scratch that, maybe this is a job for a cool uncle. UD will definitely be my choice of uncle to take my son to Hooters. I am fully convinced that this is the reason that DDP(L) is the man he is today.

Would I let my daughter work there? Yes. One of every man's worst nightmares is having a daughter. The crazy thing is that I would let mine work at Hooters. I bet they make 40,000+ a year with no education. That would be the stipulation, my daughter would have to not made it into college or dropped out.

I think this about covers every angle that you could take at Hooters. As always I appreciate your comments.

-Floss

SEASONS OF SLUT

Can't believe the reviews the last blog got. Honestly one of my favorite blogs of all time. One reader who didn't comment did send a TM(text message for our older readers) saying it was his favorite as well. Someone asking whats going on in the watermelon dome of mine, well that's where the "Seasons of Slut" comes in. I pryed through the all the annoying knowledge I have in my brain, all the bullshit statistics swirling around, and all of the dreams of Denny's Beer Barrel Pub and the Tour de Court(saw that Lance might be out for the real Tour de France, reminded me about how the real tour should happen around the same time, plus the summer opens up free time) to come up with the "Seasons of Slut".

I came up with the "Seasons of Slut" because of the Floss' icon Bill Simmons bringing up halter top day, which occurs in April around the start of spring. Since no one in the Floss' age bracket actually uses the word halter top I thought I would put into plain English or Floss-isms the "Seasons of Slut". There are 4 seasons in a year, but 6 "Seasons of Slut".

PRIME SEASON: Prime season is the summer months June through August. June through August rule. Anywhere in the continental US you can catch girls in bikinis and outfits that barely cover themselves. In prime season, there is really nothing to complain about.

NORTHFACE SEASON: Once the NorthFace Jackets start coming out, it gets scary. You know that Prime Season is over. The Floss still likes NorthFace season. It has been said before that sweatpants and Uggz boots are a great look for girls which is why NorthFace season is still okay. It's scary that during this season, all you can really look at are girls butts in jeans. Since the Floss is a big fan of the "booty", this isn't all that bad, but still it eventually gets old looking at girls in jeans and hoodies/jackets. Falling perfectly in the middle of NorthFace Season is Halloween which could have been a season all in itself.

HIBERNATION SEASON: Living in a college town for almost 3 years now, I learned that, Yes good looking girls do indeed go away for the winter. In winter, you just pray for the semi warm(30-35 degrees) days when girls look mildly attractive. Literally, if Christmas wasn't in the middle of Hibernation Season men all over would have nothing to look forward too.

STEELER SEASON: Steeler Season obviously overlaps all of the seasons, but it generally falls in January and February when the Steeler playoff runs are occuring. The Floss wants proclaimed that girls in Steeler jerseys are an automatic add of 3 points on the 1-10 hotness scale (which for the Floss runs to about 14). The Floss will be amending this rule very very soon. We are going to start factoring in the players that the girl is wearing for the point addiction. Any girl can wear a Ben, Troy, Jerome, or Hines jersey, they are one pointers. A Santonio Holmes, James Harrison, Farrior, Willie Parker, or Heath Miller, they are two pointers. Ike Taylor is 2.4 points cause you know da bitch got swag. Rashard Mendenhall, Woodley, Timmons, and any other current Steeler are 3 pointers. Tommy Maddox is (Negative 1,000,000). The Steeler jerseys help fill in some awful time towards the end of Hibernation Season.

MYSTERY SEASON: Let's face it late February to the near end of March is a mystery. You seriously have no clue what you could possibly get. Literally you can get some really nice days where girls can go all out, but you can get days where girls might get scared and will go back into hibernation. Truthfully you can't link Mystery Season with any other season due to the crazy weather patterns. However, mid March is tourney time so you don't leave your house. March Madness. Think about it.

WELCOME BACK SEASON: Welcome Back Season is just that. It's time to welcome back those who left us in the winter. Welcome Back Season is from about April to May. Depending on the weather Welcome Back Season can start later or end early. Welcome Back Season is all about the Sluts finding their look so they can be in tip top shape for prime season. Kind of like spring training and the early months in baseball. Just getting ready for the summer months when the real season begins. The bad weather days do bring out the awful look of rain boots and umbrellas. Umbrellas make girls ten times uglier, it's just a fact.

So, LFOF(Loyal Followers of Floss), prepare yourself to Welcome Back the Sluts.

BAD TASTE IN MY MOUTH

After waking up on Monday morning and watching Scottie Reynolds dribble drive layup against the Pitt Panthers literally 4 times in less than an hour. This doesn't seem that amazing except none of these views were on YouTube. This weekend left me with a bad taste in my mouth much like some of the great sports losses the Floss has suffered through the years. When reading this remember that the Floss' sports life hasn't been all that bad. I have seen two Super Bowl victories which is the ultimate championship, not too mention the Pens and some other cool wins throughout including but not limited to the Franklin Regional Football State Championship season in 2005 or the MOS Eagles GCYO Championship in 2006. Some assumptions you must consider while reading:

-Sports fanhood started in '95-96 with that first Super Bowl loss when the Floss was 7, anything prior to 7 years old is not remembered.
-Pecking order of teams ages 7 through 16: 1. Steelers, 2. Steelers, 3. Steelers, 4. Pitt Hoops, 5. Pitt Football, 6. Pirates, 7. Penguins
-The point of this is to show that a lot more emotion rode with the Steelers back in the day. The Pens were really never high on the Floss' radar.
-Pecking order of teams age 16--Present: 1. Pitt Football, 2. Steelers, 3. Pitt Basketball, 4. Penguins, 5. Pirates
-Hard to keep Pitt hoops at 3 after this awesome season, but it is the truth. Pitt football rides very high nowadays.
-The Pirates will not appear on this list once due to the fact that in my fan lifetime they haven't had a meaningful loss.

Onto the Losses:

Honorable Mention: Yancey Thigpen Gives Packers Gift: This game is kind of interesting and maybe none of you remember it, but the Floss has distinct memories of it. With 11 seconds left on Christmas Eve in 1995, Yancey Thigpen blatantly drops a touchdown pass on 4th and goal. The Floss watched this game at his grandparents house. The waterworks started shortly after the game and continued for 45 minutes on the trek to church on Christmas Eve all the while being berated by the UFO(Uncle of Floss, sounds cooler than UOF). While researching the game, I found out that the Steelers had clinched a bye and the AFC Central Division title already and that the game meant jack shit.

Honorable Mention 2: 2006 Big East Championship Loss to Syracuse: Gerry McNamara is one of the Floss' least favorite Big East players ever. He single handedly took Cuse to the Big East Championship game that year. Then he laid an egg against Pitt in the title game, but Pitt couldn't muscle through. Black Magic and Aaron Gray couldn't bring this one home. This game led the Floss to punch a hole in the wall along the stairs leading down to his basement. A bloody hand and a screaming Mother of Floss (more on MOF later) put the exclamation point on this loss. Funny that the Floss covered the hole up with an autographed picture of Carl Krauser he bought off eBay. O the irony.

10. Miami--Pitt 2003: I don't know why the Floss went into this game with such high hopes, but he did. This was to go to the Orange Bowl. Why the Floss trusted in that years Pitt team is beyond me? They had a loss to Toledo on the resume plus a 52-31 shellacking to West Virginia in the teams previous game. It was Larry Fitz's last game at Heinz Field. It just had a magical atmosphere. I remember walking up the rotunda with the loudest "Let's Go Pitt" chants the Floss has ever heard to this day. That game was probably the game that should have taught me that Pitt football will always let you down.

9. Game 6, Pens--Wings 2008: This game would probably be a lot higher if hockey had meant more to me growing up. Last year it did take over from about April through that last playoff game. Game 6 hurt so much because of the unbelievable comeback in Game 5 with Petr Syk's called goal in the third OT. If the Pens pull off the Game 6 upset, everyone knows that anything can happen in Game 7. Some losses make you a better fan. Game 6 qualifies under that category for the Floss.

8. 04 AFC Title Game: The only AFC title game the Floss has attended in his lifetime. The Steelers were the 1 seed, but the Pats were real hot and 3 point favorites. The game was never really close. Big Ben was a rookie and completely gagged in this game. However, what Ben has done since then has clearly made up for his performance this game. This game just stung because it seemed like a magical year and the loss killed the chance at an all Pennsylvania Super Bowl.

7. Super Bowl XXX--O'Donnel: This game would have been much higher had the Floss really understood sports at this time. The Steelers definitely should go down in history as 2 best plays going into halftime and coming out of halftime. James Harrison's INT for 6 this year, NORM! Johnson's surprise onside to start the 2nd half of Super Bowl XXX. This game also sent the Floss up to his room crying when the Steelers couldn't pull the 2nd half comeback. This game also coupled with the fact that there were a bunch of bandwagon Cowboys fans littering the halls of Heritage Elementary School. What awful parenting. Larry Fucking Brown. You fucking suck.

6. Sun Bowl: Most people consider this game meaningless, not I said the Floss. As a diehard Pitt football fan, this game meant 10 wins and an exclamation point on a solid season. It was also the final time as a fan to watch Shady McCoy with the PITT across his chest. He didn't even have a good game due to the quarterbacking or lackthere of by Billy Stull. This game epitomized the Dave Wannstedt era: no offensive adjustments, attempting a 57 yard field goal with 2 min left in the game and a 4th and 7(not 27, which would have still been unacceptable), Wanny calling a run play on the play before to set up a 57 yarder btw, Wanny putting in the backup quarterback when it is too late only to watch Bostick and Dorin Dickerson(another player Wanny ruined) connect over the middle like a vintage Trent Green and Tony Gonzalez. To boot, the play by play announcer for the game: Verne Lundqvist. The same man who called everyone of Pitt's NCAA tourney games this year. Kiss of FUCKING death. He should join Billy Packer in the World of Old Men Who Fucking Suck head manned by Joe Paterno.

5. Khalid El Amin: The worst collapse in Pitt history. A chance to beat the number 1 team in the nation for the first time in school history(ironically happened with the Floss in attendance again this year against UConn, uncanny) ruined. MOF(Mother of Floss) took the Floss and CINC to this game for some reason. I still don't know what possessed MOF to take the Floss to this game. She pretty much deserves credit for all of my sports blowups for subjecting me to shit like this(For Christmas one year she bought me tickets to go see Pitt vs. Bucknell at the Pete, still the only non conference loss at the Pete, one of only 10 there total). Isaac Hawkins makes the worst inbounds pass in the history of basketball and then Khalid El Amin goes down and hits a floater in the lane to beat Pitt(the god damn irony). However, not all bad as this was one of a handful of times that the Floss got to see the Pitt men in action at the Fitzgerald Field House.

4. 2002 AFC Divisional Playoffs v. Tennessee: For those of you who don't remember this one, it was the Dewayne Washington running into the kicker game. This game was set up by, still the most unbelievable sporting event the Floss had ever been at, the Wild Card game at home against the Browns. That game made you believe. That game made you think that this team could be a team of destiny. Tommy Gun Auto Maddox could pass all over the field this year. He would have been the best quarterback in the league if Rich Gannon wasn't being "the original Tom Brady" for a two year period. What sucked was that if Joe Nedney doesn't flop on Dewayne Washington's still boneheaded play and the Steelers got the ball, they were scoring. No doubt we score and head to the AFC Championship Game. Sidenote: This was probably the most dejected the Floss can remember Dr. Of being after a game.

3. 2003 Notre Dame at Pitt: Julius Jones sets a school record in this game, 262 yards rushing against the Pitt Panthers. ND wins the game 20-14, and Pitt couldn't even unleash Larry Fitzgerald against them because the defense was so bad. This year took a toll on the Floss' belief in Pitt football. We lost to Toledo, Notre Dame, West Virginia, Miami, and Virginia. This game prompted one of the most ridiculous outbursts in the Floss' history. Only 3 of the Floss' friends were on hand to witness, but the Floss himself remembers the breakdown. It started with a simple shouting of "My team, my school, my life" after this horrible game was over. A phrase that if you ask some friends of the Floss, especially Mother Earth(not a reader) he will re hash this meltdown so well. After the shouting of "My team, my school, my life", the Floss started a walk around the neighboorhood in socks. Halfway through, I Hulk Hoganed the shirt off, still an amazing move to this day. Then I started punching stop signs. Needless to say the Floss arrived home in black socks, a shirt ripped straight down the middle, and with a grossly bloody knuckle. MOF was not pleased, but again still her fault.

2. Scottie Reynolds: This game is still hurting my feelings especially after watching Penn State still play basketball while I know Levance Fields is somewhere crying in Mercedes Walker's arms with a few double cheeseburgers. Pitt had the game, then they didn't have it, then they might get overtime, then BOOM, it's over. All of it is over. This loss hurts because this was the year for the Final 4. A complete blue ball feeling to get bounced in the Elite 8. Not too mention Pitt is losing 4 of 5 starters presuming Blair leaves, which no doubt he's out. Cupboard bare and 2 points from a Final 4. This one still stings, plus the fact that we will get to see this shot for years to come doesn't feel good.

1. 2001 AFC Title Game: 11 Point Favorites and playing at Heinz Field. This game was a lock right. We got the gift the week before when the Raiders lost against the Pats right? No, we were subject to the teams special teams problems all year leading to a punt return touchdown by Troy Brown. Then we injure Tommy Terrific, we are set right, no Drew Bledsoe "Armed and Dangerous" throws for a touchdown as soon as he enters. The Steelers fight back diligently to get within 7 and have the ball. Then Kordell Stewart throws his 3rd pick of the day. This game hurt the most because this was when Steeler Fandom was at an all time high. We deserved the Super Bowl that year. It was ours. It hurt the Floss especially since I was always a quiet supporter of Kordell Stewart. I thought he could do it. I thought that was our year. That game made me feel that we would never get to the Super Bowl, but look where we sit 8 years later, 2 Rings Deep. The loss to Nova made me feel that we would never get to the Final Four. Let's see where we sit in 8 years? Hail to Pitt.

WHO'S GOING TO THE SWEET 16?

After a pretty pedestrian 24 of 32 in the first round, the Floss is semi embarrassed to see Wake Forest go down in the first round. Wake was the only loss the Floss had going anywhere, sadly they were going to the Elite 8. Talking about the Pitt game will just dampen my already dampened mood. Remember all of these picks are made with the CURRENT teams.

MIDWEST

Louisville OVER Siena: The Floss gives Siena mad mad respect for beatin tOSU in Dayton. Louisville will be too tough for Siena though. Confidence: 80%

Arizona OVER Cleveland St.: Air Bud looked like a P.I.M.P last night in the win over Utah. The big gripe here is still Utah was a 5 seed? 3 12's beat 5's. Cleveland St. crushed the Floss' bracket for now, so eff them and the Browns. Confidence: 60%

Kansas OVER Dayton: Kansas did a good job holding off Ben Woodside of North Dakota St. Dayton beat WVU on the back of a career day from super soph Chris Wright. Kansas could easily have a let down, but the Floss doesn't think so. Confidence: 70%

USC OVER Michigan St.: Michigan St. has been overrated for a while now. USC looked great yesterday. Daniel Hackett, Taj Gibson, and Demarr DeRozan are a fine big 3 for me. Upset Alert. Confidence: 55%

WEST

Connecticut OVER Texas A&M: The Floss thinks UConn can easily get the win today, but hearing the analysts give them so much credit for having a huge day and tearing up Chattanooga. Honestly, against 16 seeds you either look normal or bad. Sadly Pitt looked bad, but UConn's win taught me nothing either. If Pitt plays ETSU 9 more times, we win all 9 and probably one by 40. Point made. Confidence: 75%

Purdue OVER Washington: Purdue will be the farthest B10 team in the tourney in the Floss' opinion. Chris Kramer is one of the many man crushes the Floss has. Sadly no one outside of Washington and Mississippi got to see the Huskies first round game. I don't buy into Washington's guard play. Confidence: 75%

Mizzoura OVER Marquette: The Floss would love for Marquette to pull off this upset for Dominic James and Buzz Williams, but it probably doesn't happen. Missouri still confuses me, but I think they get it done. Confidence: 70%

Memphis OVER Maryland: Nice start for the ACC, ha ha ha. Coach K really thinks that Clemson and Wake can play with the top 4 in the BE: Louisville, UConn, Pitt, and Nov? Memphis is way too solid inside to lose to this over achieving Terp squad. Confidence: 80%

EAST

PITT OVER Oklahoma St.: After the debacle that was yesterday, expect a very very pissed off Pitt team to come out on Sunday. Would Fields win an eating contest against Byron Eaton? Bounceback win for Pitt Sunday. The letdown won't happen til the Sweet 16 if it happens(Hint: It won't). Confidence: 100%

Wisconsin OVER Xavier: Wisky has been the Floss' upset team for a while. Great win last night. Love Bo Ryan and his Soulja boi dance antics. Confidence: 75%

UCLA OVER Villanova: I'm taking Ben Howland's boys now. Nova has the pressure of Philly in their minds. Shipp and Collison have a ton of experience. Just a hunch here. Confidence: 55%

Duke OVER Texas: Bash Coach K one sec, now I'll praise him. Texas is really good, but I'll take Coach K over Rick Barnes every day. This game could be close. Duke wins it tough. Confidence: 60%

SOUTH

LSU OVER North Carolina: Upset, Upset, Upset. LSU is long and athletic and has players to stop Cryler Hansbrough. Lawson might not play and if he does, won't be 100%. That's the ACC player of the year not playing. The Floss doesn't see having the horses to beat LSU. Confidence: 65%

Gonzaga OVER Western Kentucky: Gonzaga is a Floss favorite. Western Kentucky's ride is over. Confidence: 90%

Arizona St. OVER Syracuse: James Hardin rules. Glasser, Kuksis, and Pendergraft, O my. The Floss loves Arizona St. as a team as previously stated. Cuse is overrated again and will bow out early. Confidence: 75%

Oklahoma OVER Michigan: Blake Griffin is going to the Final 4. Michigan maxed out their season. Before the year, if you told their fans that they would win a tournament game, they would be ecstatic. Anything else now would be gravy. Very little shot here for the Wolverines. Confidence: 85%

UD...It's coming.

PICKIN' WINNA'S

For today, just the first round picks, then look for the 2nd round picks on Saturday morning. Here are the Floss' first round picks with confidence numbers as well. As always, you should bet against these.

MIDWEST

Louisville OVER Morehead St.: No analysis needed. Confidence: 100%

OSU OVER Sienna: The Big 11 sucks in the regular season, but come tourney time they do well. Plus OSU gets a home game in Dayton. Confidence: 75%

Arizona OVER Utah: Arizona is supremely talented. Scared about Russ Pennel's first NCAA tourney appearance. However, on the heels of Air Bud, AZ wins. Confidence: 55%

Wake OVER Cleveland St.: A former number 1 team in the country, the Floss loves the Deacs. In the Floss' Elite 8. Cleveland St. is a really good team and they could beat a lot of teams, just not Wake. Confidence: 85%

WVU OVER Dayton: WVU is really really good. The Floss has said this all year not after they outplayed the Panthers on Thursday at MSG. Dayton's PG is hurt. Gimme game for the Eeers. Confidence: 80%

Kansas OVER North Dakota St.: Kansas is in the Floss' Final 4. Sadly Ben Woodside won't get a win for NDSU. NDSU is the Floss' favorite story of the tourney outside of Sam Young's 200 point tourney that he is about to embark on. Confidence: 90%

BC OVER USC: USC got hot in the Pac 10 tourney although the Pac wasn't strong this year, SC did look impressive. Tyreese Rice should have a big game in him, maybe 2? Confidence: 55%

MSU OVER Robert Morris: God would the Floss love this upset for the Colonials. The Floss is still pissed Bobby Mo didn't get the 14 I was hoping for. At least they got a B10 team with no real over powering star. Confidence: 90%

WEST

Connecticut OVER Chattanooga: The Mocs have one of the coolest nicknames in the field, but have no chance. Confidence: 100%

Texas AM OVER BYU: Actually a coin flipper here. Literally no insight. Bad luck usually follows the Floss. Confidence: 45%

Purdue OVER Northern Iowa: Watched a lot of the MVC championship game, this is easily the worst MVC team to make the tourney in at least 5 years. Purdue is HOTT right now. Confidence: 90%

Washington OVER Mississippi St.: Remember Georgia last year, Miss. St. is the same, maybe a tad better. Washington is pretty underrated and Romar is a good coach who won't let Wash lose to a team that is mismatched this much. Confidence: 85%

Utah St. OVER Marquette: Utah St. has 30 wins and a 26 year old center. Plus Marquette is as cold as Brighton Yourdayup was. Confidence: 60%

Missouri OVER Cornell: This game could be close for 30 minutes if Cornell can slow down Missouri and they hit their shots. Cornell was probably good enough for a 13 seed. Mizzoura still takes this one. Confidence: 80%

Cal OVER Maryland: Maryland won some nice games and deserved a berth in the tournament, but they aren't that impressive. Jerome Randle is one of the PAC 10's coolest players. Really strong pick here. Confidence: 75%

Memphis OVER CS Northridge: Memphis LOVES playing bad teams. This is the same as playing Houston for them. Confidence: 100%

EAST

PITT OVER ETSU: No explanation necessary. Confidence: 110%

Oklahoma St. OVER Tennessee: This pick was based solely on conference strength. Tennessee probably hasn't played a team as good as Oklahoma St. in conference play. Confidence: 60%

Wisconsin OVER Florida St.: FSU is way to overhyped. They really aren't that good. Wisconsin plays solid defense and the B10 always wins in the tourney for some stupid reason. Confidence: 55%

Xavier OVER Portland St.: No analysis. Probably watched Xavier once and never seen Portland St. Going with the higher seed. Confidence: 75%

VCU OVER UCLA: Eric Maynor and Larry Sanders are both NBA players. Maynor might even be lottery. VCU beat Duke two years ago and took Pitt to OT. They won't be afraid of Howland's gang, who is traveling 2500 miles across the country for this game. Confidence: 60%

Villanova OVER American: The Floss doesn't think Nova is very solid, however they get HOME games for two rounds. This is as bullshit as when Pitt got to play at Mellon Arena a while back. A huge disadvantage to Pitt is in a bracket with two teams who have home games in the first two rounds. Confidence: 95%

Texas OVER Minnesota: Texas is a really strong team that really underachieved. If Rick Barnes can get them to play up to their potential, they might be able to pull off the upset over Duke. Tubby is already looking for his next job. Confidence: 75%

Duke OVER Binghamton: Tony Kornheiser would prefer otherwise, but the Binghamton Bears have ZERO chance at the upset. Confidence: 100%

SOUTH

UNC OVER Radford: Amir Johnson gets his 2nd mention in one week on the Floss. Hopefully they can pull off the first 16 OVER 1 considering Ty Lawson won't be playing. Confidence: 97%

Butler OVER LSU: Butler is one of the Floss' favorite teams. Plus it would also be awesome if the SEC didn't have one team win a game in the tournament. Matt Howard is the coolest white big on the planet. Confidence: 60%

Western Kentucky OVER Illinois: The injury to Chester Frazier will hurt the Illini. Western Kentucky is a pretty damn good team. Take the Hilltoppers. Confidence: 65%

Gonzaga OVER Akron: Steve McNees is another WPIAL stud who probably has no chance. Gonzaga is in the Floss' Elite 8. If you watched the Gonzaga UConn game earlier this season, you would know what this team is capable of. Big fan of the Zags. Confidence: 90%

Arizona St. OVER Temple: James Hardin rules. He is one of my favorite players in the tourney. His 2nd favorite school was Pitt therefore he gets Floss lovin. Fuck Temple for knocking out Duquesne in the A10 tourney. Confidence: 75%

Syracuse OVER Stephen F. Austin: The Floss HATES Syracuse. Probably more than West Virginia. How can you possibly root for that piece of trash Eric Devendorf? They are one and done. Confidence: 85%

Michigan OVER Clemson: In case you haven't noticed, the Floss is believing in the B10 in the tourney. Clemson sucks. Bad coaching, undisciplined, just nothing that bodes well for a tourney game. Confidence: 65%

Oklahoma OVER Morgan St.: Oklahoma is in the Floss' final 4. The Floss believes in Blake Griffin. Truthfully, Oklahoma is flying way way under the radar. They went from possible overall number 1, to the 2nd ranked 2 seed. They still have talent and Blake is only getting healthier. Confidence: 100%